Deep is the Heart

by A. V. Zeppa

  The moaning and fucking and dirty talk sliced David at every possible angle, leaving him blood drenched in humiliation. He wiped the tears from his face again and started walking away. He stopped when he got to the stairs and stood there for a few seconds before turning around and walking back. Everything went dead silent as soon as he knocked. David waited about fifteen seconds and then knocked again. The silence remained. “Marco, please open the door,” David said, trying to stay calm. Marco didn’t respond, but he could hear them scrambling around, probably trying to fix the bed or trying to get their clothes on. “Marco, please open the door. I know Jordan is in there with you.” Again, David was met by silence as he stood in front of the door trying his hardest not to cry. David finally heard footsteps coming towards him. Marco was on the other side of the locked door, just inches away, crying. “I’m so sorry David. I’m so sorry,” he said through breathless sobs.

  David leaned his head against the door, caught between anger and a broken heart. “If you wanted to fuck around, why didn’t you just break up with me? Why couldn’t you have been honest with me?” Marco was silent. A few seconds later David heard Jordan trying to console Marco, and lost it. “Marco, I take it you get off by using and humiliating people. It must be part of the kinky sex you love so much. You know something, I really loved you, and I thought you loved me too, but I was so wrong. I just hope tha….” Jordan interrupted him.

  “David, this is all my fault, please don’t blame Marco.”

  “Jordan, this isn’t any of your business, so shut the fuck up.”

  “David, please it wa….”

  “Please stop talking Jordan. Just stop, ok? Marco, it’s over.”

  David wiped his eyes and walked away. He could hear Marco crying and pleading to give him another chance, but he didn’t care. He ran down all fifteen flights of stairs so he could get out of there as fast as he could. By the time David got to the first floor, he was crying uncontrollably. The guy at the desk got up and ran to him. “Hey, are you ok? What happened” Through his sobs, David said, “No I’m not ok.”

  “Did somebody hurt you?”

  “Yes, but I don’t want to talk about it. I just need to go.”

  “I’m going to call security. What is your name?”

  “I’m ok. You don’t have to do that.” David hurried out the door and headed toward his building. The cool night air grabbed hold of his entire body, trying to make him realize that he was still alive even though he was badly wounded. With his eyes stinging and everything a blur, he found his way to the garden area and sat down on a bench. He buried his head in his hands and rocked his body back and forth, trying ease the pain.

  Out of nowhere he heard a familiar voice. “David, are you all right? What happened?” Miguel was standing right in front of him. David looked up and wiped his eyes. He could barely get the words out. “I caught Marco having sex with my friend Jordan, the guy I told you about from math class.” Miguel looked towards Marco’s building and then back at David. “I’m so sorry.” He sat down and put his arm around David to console him. “I know it must hurt like hell, but you will get through this. You’ll see.”

  David buried his head in Miguel’s shoulder and sobbed. Miguel held him tight and let him cry. A few minutes later David had finally calmed down. Miguel gently stroked his hair and kissed him on the cheek to let him know that he was loved. “Thank you,” David whispered.

  “I’ll always be here for you,” Miguel whispered back, as his own tears began to fall. “You are the most beautiful person I have ever met. There is so much love inside of you.” They held on each other in that lonely darkness, Miguel doing his best to protect his friend with warmth and love. A few minutes went by before David sat up and kissed Miguel on the cheek. He gave him a faint smile. “Thank you for everything. You are the best friend anyone could ever have. I love you.”

  “I love you too.” Then Miguel made a suggestion. “Why don’t we head up to the lounge and relax?”

  “Ok. I need to rest my eyes because I can feel a bad headache coming on.”

  As soon as they stood up they could hear someone running frantically down the sidewalk towards them. Miguel stood in front of David knowing who it was. Two seconds later Marco appeared at the garden entrance looking like someone who had lost everything that was important to him.

  “Marco, you need to leave right now,” Miguel told him. David stood behind Miguel looking down at the ground.

  “David, I’m so sorry for what I’ve done to you. I love you more than anything in this world. I want you to know that. I’m so fucked up I can’t…..”

  “Just stop Marco. Don’t say another word,” David said, as he moved next to Miguel and stared him down. “I’ve heard this speech before, but this time I’m not falling for it. How long have you been cheating on me? I’ll bet a million dollars you’ve been having sex with Jordan the whole time we’ve been here, right? RIGHT? Tell me the fucking truth for once in your pathetic life,” he yelled.

  “Yes. You’re right. I’ve been cheating on you the whole time.” Marco said through his sobs. David turn away, feeling like he had been stabbed in the heart once again. Miguel put his arm around David and told him, “He won’t hurt you anymore.”

  Marco started to walk towards them, but Miguel put his hand up. “Marco, you need to leave, NOW! You’ve caused enough pain to last a lifetime.”

  David couldn’t bear to look at Marco as he spoke, “Please go. Leave me alone. I don’t ever want to see you again. I mean it.”

  David and Miguel turned and walked away, leaving Marco standing all alone in the garden of dreams.

  David didn’t say a word while the elevator made its way to the tenth floor. He just stared straight ahead in a daze. When they got to the tenth floor, Miguel put his arm around him. “Let’s go to my room first so I can get some pillows and blankets for you.”

  “Thanks. I feel cold, and my head is killing me.”

  While Miguel was getting pillows and blankets from his closest, David stood in the doorway looking at his posters. “The universe is so beautiful. It is the only thing that always tells the truth,” he said, in a barely audible whisper. “Sometimes it feels like I don’t belong here.”

  “The universe is a beautiful place, but so is the earth. And so are you. David, you have to believe me when I say that you belong here.”

  “Thank you. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t found me.” He walked over to Miguel and hugged him. Miguel rubbed David’s back and whispered, “Remember, a lot of people love you, myself included. Everything will turn out just the way you want it to. It might be hard to fathom right now, but believe me, good things happen to good people.”

  Miguel was happy to see that they had the lounge all to themselves. The lights were dimmed perfectly, giving off the same warm glow that he was giving to David.

  “Hey, our favorite couch is empty,” Miguel said, trying to cheer him up. “I’ll get it set up nice and comfy for you.” As Miguel arranged the blankets and pillows, David walked over to the window and looked down at the campus. A moment later Miguel walked over and stood next to him. “It is so beautiful. It all feels like a dream sometimes,” David whispered.

  “It is beautiful. And it is a dream. It is your dream, and it is my dream. No one ever said it would be easy, and that’s what makes this dream so special.”

  “You’re right.” David wiped his eyes.

  “Come lay down for a while.”

  “Ok. I need to close my eyes. This headache is making me dizzy.”

  “Grab hold of me.” Miguel told him, with a worried look. He put his arm around David’s waist and took him to the couch. David gave him a slight smile as he lay down. Miguel covered him with a blanket and then knelt beside him. “Let me rub your temples a little. It will help you relax.”

  “Ok.” Miguel gently massaged David’s temples as he lay quietly with his eyes closed. “That feels so good. Your fingers are really warm,” David whisper
ed.

  A moment later Miguel asked, “How do you feel now?” David opened his eyes. “I don’t feel dizzy anymore. And my headache is gone.”

  “I’m glad.” Miguel kissed David on the forehead. “Get some sleep now. Everything will be much better in the morning. I promise.”

  “Ok. Please don’t leave me.”

  “I won’t. I’ll be right here when you wake up. Remember what I told you before? I’m your guardian angel.”

  “I remember.” A moment later David was fast asleep.

  A few minutes later Miguel quietly got up and made his way through the doorway and down the hall to one of the alcoves. He took out his phone and made a call.

  “Hi. Is this Tyler Reed?”

  “Yeah. Who is this?”

  “My name is Miguel. I’m a friend of David’s. We go to college together.”

  “Oh.” Tyler said. Then he remembered. “Yeah. David said you guys are good friends.” Then a panicky feeling overcame him. “What’s wrong? Is David there? Please let me talk to him.”

  “He’s sleeping right now. Something happened to him tonight.”

  Tyler’s voice was shaking. “What happened? Is David all right?”

  “Do you remember what you told him just before you guys left for college?”

  Tyler didn’t say anything for a couple of seconds, seemingly in shock. “I told David that if anyone ever hurts him I would fly to New York as fast as I could. Please tell me what’s going on. Please,” Tyler pleaded.

  “Marco hurt David pretty bad tonight. He needs you here.”

  Part Three

  Soon

  A note to my readers

  This book is dedicated to all of the gay and straight people who have ever been in love. If you have any questions or comments, please email me at avzeppa@gmail.com

  Other books by A.V. Zeppa

  Miguel’s Secret Journal

  (Outskirts Press 2011)

  Miguel’s Secret Journal – The Four Corners of Earth

  (Outskirts Press 2013)

  Deep is the Heart

  Long ago we looked into the darkness

  eyes steady, looking for love.

  calculating infinite shadows

  into a dream, deep is the heart.

  Once upon a time love was all I ever wanted

  but it was just a cruel extreme,

  broken hearted theories explode into forever,

  forever, an impossible dream.

  I close my eyes and listen to echoes

  innocent dreams drifting down stream.

  Years of fear were gone in an instant

  teardrops knowing, deep is the heart.

  Interstellar motion was bringing us together

  fingertips just inches apart,

  you just need to say it, don’t leave me here forever

  waiting for your beautiful heart.

  Written, performed, and produced by A.V. Zeppa

  Available for viewing on YouTube