Confidentiality

by Jessica Aiken-Hall

  Beth tilted her head and walked over to the window. “Let me think… Sampson?”

  “No… Gabriel. I know how crazy that sounds…”

  “Oh, it’s not crazy, it’s sweet.” She took my hand. “I probably would have done the same thing.”

  “It didn’t feel strange until I learned he shared his name with Gabriel.”

  “I don’t think it’s weird at all, it’s just another testament of your love for our boy.”

  Tim had dinner ready by the time we made it to the backyard with the rest of them. Gabriel looked like he was having a good time. I didn’t want to throw myself at him, but I didn’t want to ignore him. It was a delicate balance I was still trying to master.

  “You’ll never guess what Gabe is doing with his summer.” Tim’s smile couldn’t have gotten any bigger.

  “Hmmm… I don’t even know where to start. Is he going mountain biking cross country?” I squinted my eyes to see if my guess was close.

  “No… I think I’d fall off if I tried riding a bike that long.” Gabe snickered.

  “Oh, I guess you inherited my gracefulness then.” I smiled. “I have no idea.”

  “Tell her… before I do.” Tim closed the cover to the grill.

  “I signed up for the Police Academy this fall, and Tim offered to let me do some ride-alongs with him this summer.”

  My eyes met Tim’s. “Oh, that’s great, Gabe… so that means you’ll be staying with us?”

  Gabe ran his hand through his hair, the same way Tim does. “Yeah, I hope it’s okay.”

  “Are you kidding me? I think it sounds amazing.” I looked back at Beth, who was standing behind me.

  “He’s always been interested in law enforcement, and on the drive over here, we thought it would be a great opportunity for him. And it would give you all some time together.”

  “Did you tell him what you’ve been working on?” With clenched-teeth, I forced a smile at Tim.

  “Yeah. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity… well, at least we hope it is.”

  Beth joined us at the table. “What is this once in a lifetime opportunity you’re speaking of?”

  “Mom, don’t freak out…”

  “Whoa… first lesson is never start the conversation like that… a surefire way to make her freak out.” Tim looked back at Gabe. “Well, my mother, anyway.”

  “Well, Tim was telling me the FBI is involved in a case they are working on…”

  “The FBI? That can’t be good.”

  “Let me finish.” Gabe passed the plate of burgers to Paul, after setting one on his plate. “Tim and the guys are looking for a… ah… how do I put it?”

  “Serial killer.” Tim blurted out. “But don’t you worry. He’ll be in good hands. And there hasn’t been another murder in a few weeks. They have likely moved on.” Tim nonchalantly took a scoop of potato salad.

  “Serial killer?” Beth looked to Paul for backup, but his eyes were on his cheeseburger.

  “Think about it, though, Mom. What if I’m the one to crack the case? Think about how good it would look on my resume. You always said experience is better than books.”

  “I don’t think that’s a direct quote.” She sighed. “But, you’re old enough to make this decision.” She took a drink of water. “And, Tim, I’m sure you know how important Gabe is to me, and Val.” She winked at me as she set her glass down.

  “I sure do. I wouldn’t have offered if I thought he was in danger.”

  Gabe held up his hand for a high-five from Tim. “Alright!”

  Just like that, my son would be living under the same roof as me, for the very first time. Ever. The joy it brought pushed out any of the apprehension I should be feeling knowing the two men I love will be working together to solve the case I came so close to. Not just once, but twice I was almost in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was too exhilarating to be frightening. And what’s the saying? Almost doesn’t count? My days of living an almost life were over. My days were all going to count from now on.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  I took the clean sheets out of the dryer and stuck my nose in the pile. The smell of Snuggle brought me back to my childhood when I spent the night at Gram’s. She always made up the bed with fresh, clean sheets. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out. I hoped Gabe would enjoy it as much as I did. The sheets were still warm when I made the bed in the guest room.

  Gabe would be here next week, and I wanted to make sure he was comfortable. I asked Beth what some of his favorite foods were and stocked the pantry. I even bought him his favorite Pantene shampoo and Axe body wash. He might not be a baby any longer, but I could mother him as much as he would allow. Since he was only fifteen years younger than me, it was a delicate balance between parent and friend. I didn’t want to waiver too much one way and not the other. I just wanted to be sure I was everything he needed.

  Tim was excited to share our home with him, too. The excitement shone through every conversation. “I’d always wanted a son to follow in my footsteps.” I lost count how many times he said that since he found out Gabe would be riding along with him.

  The only thing I had been able to get out of Tim was that the FBI was searching their database to see if there had been any murders matching the ones in Lawrenceville. He still wouldn’t share what linked them all together, but I was hopeful Gabe might let it slip once he started working with Tim.

  After Gabe’s room was complete, I pulled out my iPad and entered “serial killers” into the search bar. I had no idea what I was looking for but wanted to learn as much as possible before the guys started talking about work and leaving me out. I took out a notebook and wrote down everything I knew about the cases. I started with the names of the victims, followed by the timeline of the murders. Bobby Green was the last one, and that had been over a month ago. I wrote down murder weapon: nine-millimeter gun. Motive: all pieces of shit… it made me giggle more than it should have. That was all I knew.

  I knew three of the five were sex offenders. The rest of the Village News readers knew that, too. Seth and Jimmy? I still didn’t know how they were tied to this. I spent hours searching their names, looking for something that would have made their existence known to someone who wanted to rid society of predators. I didn’t find anything. Granted, I don’t have the best technology or even the skill to use what I have efficiently, but there were no hits online connecting Jimmy or Seth to the three known sex offenders. I couldn’t even find a parking ticket in their names.

  And the thing I couldn’t stop thinking about, except, I didn’t know what it was. I tried to recall Seth’s apartment the day I went to kill him. I couldn’t pull anything back to my memory. The image of his dead body slumped over in his recliner was all I could evoke. I closed my eyes tighter as I attempted to retrace my footsteps. My memory wasn’t at its fullest potential. Trauma does that to you. Not only does it steal your inner peace, but it also eats away at the memories that linger. At times I was grateful for this weakness, but times like this, it was frustrating. I’d be the last person you’d want to identify a criminal. It always amazes me when someone can recall enough details to get a perfect sketch drawn of the perpetrator. I can barely remember any details.

  On Wikipedia, I followed links to a page of unidentified serial killers. If Lawrenceville wasn’t their first stop, they were obviously being sought after by another county or state. With the bare minimum information, I wasn’t able to find any that looked like they matched. It’s just as easy to be someone local, someone that knew them… or their victims.

  I wrote Andrew’s name on my notebook with a question mark. I wondered how much Sonya talked to him, and if she could have mentioned Seth to him. We were all pretty distraught that day when we discovered he was the one who stole Lexi’s heart. Jimmy made sense, though. And if Sonya told him about her past, I can see why he’d want to rid the world of child molesters, especially before their baby was born. But they weren’t all child molesters, just all sex
offenders.

  Sonya was ruled out, but should she have been? It could be possible she was just as involved as Andrew. My mind started running away with different scenarios. I needed to know what the missing piece of information was now more than ever. If it was Andrew and Sonya, I didn’t want them getting caught, as long as they weren’t planning on hurting anyone else, at least no one who wasn’t asking for it.

  I know Tim and I disagreed on vigilantes, but I kind of owe this guy a thank you. If it wasn’t for him, I’d already be a serial killer. What kind of mother would that make me? And now Gabe was going to be helping. I’d be devastated for him to think of me that way.

  When I heard Tim’s car pull into the driveway, I clicked out of the Wikipedia page and opened the David’s Bridal page and started to scroll through the dresses. I found the one I wanted, I just hadn’t taken the time to take my measurements. Tim didn’t understand why I didn’t want to go try them on, but the idea someone would see my body still made me uneasy. Baby steps. That was the best I could do.

  “Day number thirty-seven without a murder.” He hung his keys on the key hook and kicked off his shoes. “I call that a success.” He came over to kiss me, his eyes on my iPad. “You still haven’t got your dress yet? We are in the final stretch countdown.”

  “You know how well I do with stress.” I closed the cover. “I found the one I want… I’ll see if Maggie will help get my measurements the next time I’m over there.”

  “I can do that. It’s not like I haven’t seen it all before.”

  “Gross.” I wrinkled my nose up. “There are some things you don’t need to know.”

  “Everyone is excited to have some young blood in the station again. I know he’s just a kid, but maybe a new set of eyes will be able to crack this case.”

  “The FBI will be okay with this?”

  “They’re pulling out. For now, anyway.” He scratched his head. “A case in Upstate New York called them away. And, they’ve been through all the evidence we have. So, unless we get another murder, they probably won’t be back.”

  “Just like that, Lawrenceville is yesterday’s news?”

  “Pretty much. I think if the victims were women or at least law-abiding citizens, they would have given it more interest, but I guess you’re not the only one who thinks they got what they deserved.”

  “So, does this mean you can share some of the information you’ve been withholding from me?” I wiggled my eyebrows at him.

  “No, I’m afraid not. Nice try, though.”

  “Really? How would anyone know?”

  “It’s a pretty significant piece of information. If leaked it, it could destroy the whole case.”

  “But who would I tell? I can keep a secret.”

  “I know, I do trust you, but accidents happen. If this gets out, there could be copycats, or it could get leaked to the news. Just trust me it’s for the best I don’t share it with you. We won’t even be able to share it with Gabe, and he’ll be working the case with us.”

  A heavy sigh expelled from my lips. The plan of getting Gabe to talk was out the window as quickly as I thought it up. “Fine.” I crossed my arms. “Can you at least give me a hint?”

  “Hmm… you’re relentless.” He laughed. “Let me think.” He held his chin in his left hand. “Umm… it’s interesting… but not gross.”

  “That’s it? Interesting and not gross. Do you have any idea how many things that could be?”

  “Things or situations… we think it’s this killer’s trademark. Like the Boston Strangler’s method was strangulation, the BTK killer killed his victims the same way, and Jeffrey Dahmer, well, he ate his. We feel this killer left a trademark, too. An interesting one that we didn’t figure out right away, but we feel they intended to leave a message.”

  “They? Do you think it could be a female?”

  “No. We’re pretty confident it’s a male.”

  “Hmmm… so a man who owns a nine-millimeter, dislikes predators, and has an interesting trademark… that narrows it down.” I rolled my eyes and laughed. “You know this is driving me crazy, right?”

  “I see that. Why do you think that is? You know I’ll do everything to protect you. I know you’ve been through a lot, but this guy won’t hurt you. I can almost guarantee that.”

  I’d never be able to tell him. Not about this, or the others. These were secrets I would never be able to speak of, not to Tim, or anyone. “To be honest, I feel safer with him out there.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  When I pulled up to Norma’s for our weekly group, I was surprised to be the first one there. I guessed all the time off was helping me break my bad habits. Norma had three different types of cookies on the table, fresh coffee made and a full pot of tea. “You’ve outdone yourself again, Norma. It smells amazing in here.” I closed my eyes as the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies filled my nose.

  “You know I love you girls. It’s the least I can do. You all have brought so much joy into my life these last few months.” She held her hand to her heart.

  “And you to us.” I poured myself a cup of tea and sat at the table as Norma joined me. “You know, this is going to sound strange, but you remind me of the mom I never had and always wanted.” I cradled the hot cup between my hands. “I’ve wanted to tell you for a while now… but I didn’t want to overstep.”

  “That means more to me than you’ll ever know.” The moisture glistened in her eyes as she looked at me.

  “You know, if you ever want to talk with me about anything, I’m only a phone call away.”

  She nodded. “I know, dear.”

  “Do you ever feel like you want to share with us?” I spun the mug around by the handle before looking at her. “I mean, you’ve heard all of our tales of horrors, and we haven’t been able to help you with yours.”

  “I’ve shared so many times, I guess it just doesn’t affect me like it used to. I just like your company. You ladies understand the same things I do, and that’s really all the help I need.” She smiled at me. “Someday, you’ll get to where I am and you’ll understand.”

  “You think so?”

  “I’m sure of it.” She took a drink of coffee as the front door swung open.

  Sonya’s hands were full of books. She set the stack down on the table, and Norma pushed them away from the food. “I found these on my bookshelf when I was cleaning out the room for the baby.”

  Norma picked up one of the books and lifted her glasses to read the title. “Healing the Trauma of Abuse, well, that sounds like a nice light afternoon read.”

  Sonya raised her eyebrows, and I couldn’t hold back laughter as Norma’s joke was lost on poor Sonya. “I figured they might be helpful.” Sonya picked up another book. “This one helped me a lot, but not as much as knowing that dirtbag Donald Brice is dead, though. That was the best cure.” She choked out a laugh as she tossed the book back on the pile.

  “I’ve been waiting for the day I get news Chad is dead.” I covered my mouth. “I’ve never said that out loud before.”

  Norma was thumbing through the pages. “It’s a natural thought. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you.” She looked up and smiled. “Here, have a cookie.” She held up a plate to me and then Sonya.

  Sonya puffed out her cheeks and put her hand to her stomach. “Oh, god no. I can’t eat anything.”

  “Morning sickness caught up with you?”

  “Yeah, that and this godawful heartburn.” Her hand rubbed her throat. “I don’t know how much longer I can stand this.” She flopped herself onto the couch.

  “Oh, honey, I’m afraid you have a ways to go.” Norma picked up her mug and motioned for me to follow her to the living room.

  Maggie and Lily walked through the front door. Maggie had a solemn look painted on her face. Lily had a stack of papers in her hand, a tissue dabbing her eyes with the other.

  “How did it go?” Norma got up to get the plates of cookies.

  Lily he
ld up the papers in her hand. “They only granted me the protection order for a year. I have to go through this all over again next year.” Her body sank into the plush living room chair.

  “At least they granted it.” Sonya rolled over to look at her. “When I went to get mine, they told me they didn’t think it was necessary… because the dick hadn’t physically hit me yet. I was like, so he can stalk me and threaten to kill me all he wants? And the judge said there was nothing he could do until I had proof he caused me harm. It’s a fucked-up system.” She rolled back over to carry on with her moaning and groaning.

  “He did hurt Lily. You saw her bruises.” I shook my head in Sonya’s direction. “I’m sorry you have to deal with this, Lily. It seems like there are always hoops to jump through.”

  “She did a great job today.” Maggie took a cookie off the plate before sitting down. “She was so brave.”

  “You know the worst part? Filling out that paper.” Lily dabbed at her eyes. “The question that made me want to throw up was the one about the ‘worst incident’ of abuse. I had to relive all of that as I wrote it.”

  “Do you want to talk about what you wrote?” I turned to Lily.

  “Not really. But you can read it if you want. I just don’t think I have it in me to utter those words.” Lily passed the document to me.

  This was the first time I had seen an order of protection. I never had one, I was never able to make Chad pay for anything he did to me, and luckily, I never hooked up with anyone until Tim. I turned the first page. “How much do you want me to read?”

  “The first section should be enough for now.”

  A paragraph had been crossed out. Under the scribble marks was the story she told us at our first time together. I looked up at Lily to see if she was ready. Her eyes were fixated on the flowered mug in her hands.

  I read the first line silently before I began. I wasn’t sure even I had what it took to read these words out loud. Seeing them written in her handwriting was what tugged at my heartstrings.