Confidentiality

by Jessica Aiken-Hall

  "She's right. I struggle with that, too." Maggie turned her attention to Lily. "All those years of being told no one loves you, or that you're not worth anything are tough to shake. I hear his voice sometimes, and I have to fight it out of my head." She closed her eyes and shook her head.

  "Yeah. That voice can get pretty loud… sometimes it was all I could hear. I used to think it'd never go away, but you know what the trick is?" I laughed. "I know it sounds crazy… but tell it to shut the fuck up. Like, really yell back at it. The first time I did it, I felt like I was losing my mind, but after a while, when that voice entered my head, I'd tell it to shut the fuck up… and it would stop."

  "Some days are better than others." Lily turned her head to look out the window. "There are some days I actually feel like my old self." She turned to look at us. "I wasn't always like this."

  "Hey, don't feel bad. We've all been there. We might not have gone through the same stuff, but we all know what it's like to be treated like shit by someone. The goal now is to make sure we don't continue where they left off." I nodded as I took inventory of the advice I was giving. "You know, it got to the point where I was probably crueler to myself than they ever were. Sounds bizarre, but I got used to being treated like shit, it was almost like I started to crave it."

  "Hmm… that makes sense. When Earl wasn't calling me names, I more than made up for it. I get so mad at myself for letting him destroy me."

  "Don't beat yourself up over things you can't change now. I spent more than half of my life wishing things had been different, but you know what? Life is now better than I ever imagined."

  "Val's right. Things change so quickly. We have no idea what the future holds. Good things are coming for all of us, I just know it is." Maggie smiled and placed a hand on Lily's knee. "You can't beat yourself up over a lie you had no control over, either. That was something I wished I'd learned sooner."

  "What do you mean?" Lily tilted her head.

  "Well, like when I met Hank, I never could have imagined he would turn out to be the man he was. The man I fell in love with was… well… just perfect. The image he sold me changed over time and the real Hank was all that was eventually left. Guys like him have that way…"

  "Yeah… when I met Earl, I couldn't believe how lucky I was. He had a good job, he was handsome." She paused and laughed. "Well, okay, maybe not handsome, but I was attracted to him. He said all the right things, held the door open for me and paid the bill… it was just what you think about when you imagine the man you'll marry. But, the minute the ink on the wedding certificate dried, it was like a switch flipped." She snapped her fingers. "And just like that, the man I loved turned into a monster. I couldn't even think of what I did to make him change."

  "You didn't do anything. Some guys are just… assholes." Maggie smiled and shrugged her shoulders.

  "You girls really do know what it's like… you're not just saying things to make me feel better… I can tell." Lily nodded her head. "Thank you for not letting me push you away. It's just that…"

  "You don't need to explain… I used to be the queen of pushing people away. Thank you for pushing through the hard stuff and letting us in." I reached over Maggie and took Lily's hand. "We're all like badass superheroes. Maybe we should be shopping for capes, not dresses."

  Maggie put her hand on top of ours. "Sounds like a good idea." She winked.

  When we arrived at the mall, Sonya led our group to the bathroom. "Hey, no girl's trip is complete without a trip… or two to the bathroom."

  A girl's trip… I never thought I'd live to see the day that I'd be spending an afternoon shopping with a group of ladies. Our first stop was to the bridal shop, but upon inspection of the price tags, we found our way to Macy's. The ladies all took matching dresses to the dressing room and modeled them for me. When I saw them, all together, I knew it was the dress I needed them to be immortalized in the wedding photos.

  "Oh, my goodness… you're all so…" I pushed the tears out of my eyes. "Beautiful."

  "Go get a dress and join us… I want a picture of all of us for my profile." Sonya shoed me in the direction of the women's section. "Go on."

  With her encouragement, I found a matching dress in my size and tried it on. When I came out of the changing room, I joined the other ladies. We all stood together in front of the mirrors. It wasn't just the dress that made us match; it was our stories, experiences, and hearts. "It's like our own version of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants."

  "Umm… I think it was just one pair of pants they all shared… not matching pants…" Sonya laughed. "But, what the hell. They should make a movie about all of us… we're not only beautiful, we're badass superheroes." She winked. "See… I told you I can hear everything. Now, come on, squeeze in together." She snapped a bunch of photos before we all changed back.

  I had to get the dress. It wouldn't be my wedding dress, but I needed it to keep the memory of today alive in my heart. These were my sisters and my best friends.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Since Tim and Gabe weren't sharing any information about the case, I had to rely on my own research for any answers. I was at a dead-end on Google. There are only so many times you can click on the same links before you've read all you never knew you wanted to know about serial killers.

  The good news for Lawrenceville was the death count had stopped at five. Bobby Green was the last one to be found at least. There had been other sex offenders released from jail, with their mugshot on the front page, but no more murders. The Village News loved to keep the community informed, and I can't say I blamed them.

  I pulled out my notebook with all of the notes I had taken, and everything led me back to Sonya and Andrew. I know Sonya was cleared, but no one had even talked to Andrew. Why would they? No one else knew he could be a suspect, and I didn't want to give him away if he were. If he killed all of those men for the reason I think he did, then I would be the last person to stop him. The information I was collecting wasn't to implicate him. It was more to find a sense of safety I had been missing since this all started happening.

  I called Sonya and invited her to lunch. I suggested we meet in town, but she insisted on coming to my place. I guess she was just as nosey as I was. I fixed a few sandwiches and dumped a bag of chips into a bowl and set it all out on the table. My house may have gotten classier, but I hadn't. I took a step back to admire my attempt at being a hostess. I immediately regretted I wasn't able to talk her out of meeting me here.

  I was sitting outside on the front porch when Sonya arrived, Gabriel in my lap, enjoying the hot, July sun with me. When I stood up, I held him in my arms as he squirmed to the ground.

  "Hey, Sonya, come on in." I placed Gabriel on the living room floor and stepped back outside while I waited for her.

  "This heat is a killer." Sonya used her straw summer hat to fan herself.

  "It could be worse… you could be nine months and waddling."

  She started to cry. "Waddling. Ugh… does this get any easier?"

  "I'd be lying if I said it did, but the reward at the end is going to be so worth it."

  "I hope you're right." She sat in the chair closest to the air conditioner. "Can we eat in here?"

  "What, you're not up for the grand tour?" I gathered the food from the kitchen and brought it to the coffee table in front of her. "That's Gabriel, not to be confused with the human version, who is at work with Tim." Gabriel rubbed against her bare legs.

  She bent down to pet him, but he scurried away. "Even your cat hates me."

  "Oh, stop it, the heat has made you go…"

  "Insane?" Her top lip quivered.

  "No… the hormones and heat are enough to drive anyone crazy." I turned the air to high.

  Sonya reached down for a sandwich and started eating before I could give her a plate. So much for worrying about my hostess skills. "This is so good." She took another bite while I slipped a plate in her lap.

  "I'm so glad you could make it. I feel like
we never have a chance to talk… you know, just the two of us."

  "Hmmm, that's true." She took another bite. "Why do you think that is?"

  "I think because you and I both have jobs, so it's harder to find the time."

  "Yeah… good point. It's nice here." She nodded as she looked around the living room.

  "It is. I love it here, it's even better having Gabe staying with us for the summer. He's even going to house and cat sit while we go on our honeymoon."

  "Oh… do you think that's a good idea? Party time… I mean… that's what I would do if I had a whole house to myself when I was his age."

  "You pretty much are his age… besides, I trust him. He's a good kid, he was raised right. And, he works with the cops, I think he'd be too embarrassed to get caught doing anything wrong in this town."

  "I'm just playing with you. I'm sure everything will be fine. It must be so cool having him here."

  "It really is." I picked up a sandwich and sat across from her. "So, how are things with you and Andrew?"

  "They're good. I told him about the baby before Jimmy was murdered, and he has been by my side ever since."

  "He has? I thought you and Jimmy were getting back together before…"

  "Yeah, no. I was actually going to get the rest of my stuff. I wanted to get it out of there before I started to show. I didn't want him getting any idea that this was his baby." Her hand rested on the tiny baby bump.

  "Really?" I felt my nose scrunch up and couldn't stop the movement before she saw it.

  "What? What's that face about?"

  "Oh, nothing, I just had an itch." I duplicated the movement with exaggeration to try to redeem myself.

  "Huh… well, yeah, really. I had made up my mind that Andrew could give us the best life."

  "Why did you act so… upset?"

  "Really?" She shook her head. "I found the man I used to love with his head blown off… how was I supposed to act?"

  "Sorry. That was stupid of me, of course."

  "Yeah, and I had sent him the text threatening to kill him if he didn't answer me, and I'm the one who finds him dead. I guess you could say my head was a little fucked up." She covered her mouth. "Oops… sorry."

  "Don't be, he's heard worse." We both laughed and lightened the mood. "I'm glad it's working out with you and Andrew. He seems like a great guy."

  "He is. It feels like I don't deserve him… and it's a little boring… knowing I'll be stuck with one guy forever."

  "Ah, don't let yourself sabotage it. If he treats you well, cherish him. There are plenty of ways to spice things up." I winked at her.

  "Gross." She giggled. "He really is a sweetheart. He's always checking up on me, asks me if he can bring me home anything, rubs my feet, and goes to all the baby appointments with me. I know he'll be a great dad, too."

  "Aww, he sounds amazing. Tim and I are talking about having a baby. Maybe they can grow up together and become friends."

  "That'd be cool. Too bad you can't be fat and pregnant with me."

  "Oh, stop it, you're beautiful. You're glowing."

  "I am?"

  "Yeah… pregnancy looks great on you." I smiled to soften the next questions. "So, do you tell Andrew everything? Like, is he your go-to person?"

  "Go-to? Like my best friend? Hmm… I hadn't really thought about it, but I guess he is."

  "That's nice, isn't it? Tim's mine, too. I can tell him everything. Just between us… do you tell him stuff the ladies share in the group?"

  Her face turned red. "Ah… no. Do you?"

  "Yeah… but I don't use your names. Sometimes it's just too much to keep inside my head. I'd never share who said what… just if something happened to someone, and I have to let it out… before it just drives me over the edge."

  "Hmm… I guess I do that, too. I thought it was bad, so I didn't want to tell you."

  "It's okay, we all have to have a release somehow. At least Maggie and Norma have each other, so they can talk about everything. You and I need someone to bounce things off of. No judgment here."

  "Andrew gets pretty angry when he hears the stuff I share. He said he can't believe there are people out there who treat women like that… especially children."

  "Does he know what happened to you… when you were a little girl?"

  "Yeah, I told him. We celebrated when the old pervert died. We were just friends then… we didn't even have any benefits." She laughed. "But, yeah, I guess I tell him everything. He's my Tim. We finally won the lottery."

  "We sure did… don't you think it was about damn time?"

  "Yeah, but some of the best things are worth waiting for."

  "That's so true." I reached for my necklace and felt the warm metal between my fingers. "Have you guys talked about the serial killer at all? I can't stop thinking about it… I mean, since he's who killed Jimmy."

  "Yeah, it's pretty crazy. Andrew and I did talk about how lucky I was that I didn't walk into something, you know? I could have been killed, too."

  "Oh, wow, I didn't even think about it that way. That's scary."

  "Yeah. Andrew was happy Jimmy was finally out of the picture, and he wouldn't be interfering with the baby's life. He knew there was a chance the baby wasn't his. He knew Jimmy had… raped me." She looked up at me, the expression had left her face. "Whoever killed Jimmy sure did us a huge favor."

  "Don't you think it's weird that the same person killed Seth? I just can't figure that part out."

  "What do you mean? Figure it out? There's a serial killer on the loose… I'm more surprised more people haven't been killed." I couldn't read the tone in her voice.

  "Yeah, it is strange they just stopped. I'd bet whoever did it, killed Bobby Green when all the cops were at Jimmy's place… because they had a cop guarding his place, and he was still murdered."

  "I'm not too scared, though, since everyone getting killed are perverts or assholes. For the first time, men have to be the ones who are afraid, not us girls."

  "Hmm… I guess you're right. If you're a piece of shit, you're probably shaking in your boots.”

  Sonya laughed. "Yeah, what's the saying… Karma's a bitch?"

  The meeting with Sonya did answer some of my questions, but I still don't feel I know any more now than I did before. Andrew had the motive to get rid of Jimmy, hell, so did Sonya. That was a given. The others still remained a mystery. Was it possible Andrew could have killed Jimmy and made it look like the serial killer did it? But the trademark piece… the one that is top secret… how would he know about that? The cops weren't talking… unless Andrew has friends on the force. Friends with a bigger mouth than Tim has.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  "I can't believe this is our last meeting… before the wedding." The excitement pushed up my cheeks as I looked around Norma's living room at my friends.

  "I can't wait to see you in your dress… you're going to be a beautiful bride." Norma held my hand. "We've got a surprise for you."

  "You do? What is it?" I noticed Maggie, Lily, and Sonya had disappeared.

  "Surprise!" The three ladies came back in with a cake, balloons, and gifts. "We couldn't let you get married without throwing you a party." Sonya set the gifts she was holding on the coffee table and sat back down in front of the air conditioner.

  "I don't even know what to say. I never expected this." A wave of emotions flooded my body. I pushed them away so I could fully enjoy the day.

  "From what I could figure, you've never had a party, and we wanted to make sure we celebrated you. You're such a blessing to all of us… without you… we never would have met." Norma stood up to join the other ladies.

  "Oh… don't you worry… I talked them into some of the..." Sonya put her fingers up in air quotes... "Normal bridal shower stuff." She ended with an exaggerated wink.

  "Oh, god… that sounds… embarrassing…"

  The room exploded in laughter. "I tried to tell them." Norma put her hand to her chest and shook her head.

  "Oh, come on…
you only live once… and what's wrong with a little… risqué stuff? We're all adults?" Sonya pulled out her phone to take a picture of me standing by the cake. When I looked down, I realized it was in the shape of a penis.

  "Oh my god. That's…"

  "Amazing? I know!" Sonya came over next to me and snapped a selfie with me. She handed me her phone. "Here, take a picture of me with it." She bent down next to the cake and stuck her tongue out.

  "You wait until your baby shower." I handed Sonya back her phone.

  "What, are you threatening me with a penis cake? Bring it! It would make one hell of a gender reveal story…. unless it's a girl."

  "You're a piece of work." Norma came over and gave me a hug. "Were you surprised?"

  "Yes… you really pulled this one over on me."

  "I made another cake… one you might want your picture taken next to." Lily left the room and returned with an intricately decorated cake, covered with purple flowers.

  "You made this? Wow… this is breathtaking. I had no idea you were so talented."

  "Before things got bad with Earl, I used to make cakes. It started out just for friends and family, but then people started ordering them. I’ve always dreamed of starting my own bakery… I was going to call it… Lily Pads."

  "You should do it, Lily. I've never seen anything so beautiful. It's like a work of art, I'm going to feel guilty eating it."

  "Oh, don't… that's the best part." She smiled. "I forgot how good baking makes me feel. I'm actually good at it."

  "Yes, you are. This is amazing." Maggie examined the cake. "Hey, do you think you could make Sammy her cake? I'd love to hire you."

  "Really? That would be amazing… but I couldn't charge you. I don't charge my friends."

  "Of course you charge your friends… how else are you going to make money?" Sonya stuck her finger into the frosting of the penis cake and snuck a lick.