West of Nowhere

by KG MacGregor

  “We’re going to land soon, but I have a couple more things to tell you. You listening?”

  Madison squeezed her hand without looking up.

  “I’d like to adopt you. That means Grandpa Shep would be your real grandpa, and I’d be your real mom. You’d never have to wonder about who your family was, or who loved you no matter what. Would you be okay with that?”

  “I thought I already was adopted.”

  “Yeah, so did I. But it turns out that’s harder in Virginia than it is in California.” Another lie she and Syd had concocted to soften the blow of separation. “That’s why it’s better for you to be with me.”

  “Does that mean I’d call you Mom instead of Joy?”

  “I’d like it if you did, but it might be hard to get used to. I’d sure like to tell everyone you were my daughter instead of my goddaughter.”

  “That would be really cool.”

  The wheels touched down on the runway, but Joy’s heart soared to hear that Madison liked the idea. “And there’s something else you might be interested in…Amber has a dog, and he just loves your grandpa.”

  Madison sat up suddenly, clearly excited more by this tidbit than with just about anything that had happened today. “What kind of dog?”

  Chapter Nineteen

  It was another damp morning, the kind that chilled Amber to the bone. How Joy worked outside in weather like this all day was a mystery to her. She could barely stand the half-mile walk to the elementary school and back, and it wasn’t even November yet.

  “Wait up, Madison,” Amber called as she tugged gently on Skippy’s leash.

  The girl looked very cute in the dark pink skinny jeans Joy had bought her as a welcome-to-California present. Though she’d arrived with plenty of clothes, many of them were too short or too tight—not a fashion statement, but a sign that Madison was hitting a growth spurt. Even the purple sneakers Shep had bought for her birthday only three months ago now cramped her toes.

  “I know the way by myself,” she sang without looking back.

  Amber cursed under her breath. Madison had known her all of four days and already had figured out just how to get under her skin.

  It was Thursday, their third day walking to school together, a task Amber had volunteered for as an opportunity to bond with Madison. Too bad the bonding wasn’t going well. Joy had warned that Madison might be distrustful at first because of her experience with Mitch. There was little doubt she was jealous, even though Amber had been extra careful about not showing affection for Joy whenever Madison was around…which happened to be practically all the time, since they both went to bed at eight thirty. At least she had Joy to herself while they slept, along with a few moments of groggy cuddling when Joy woke up at four a.m. The weekend couldn’t come fast enough.

  “I know you can get there all by yourself, but Skippy and I like walking with you.”

  “How do you know what Skippy likes?”

  Why was this child always so antagonistic? She refused to drink anything if Amber had already poured it in a glass, even if she ultimately poured a second glass for herself. Without fail, she went back to her room to change clothes if Amber dared to compliment what she was wearing. Then there was her challenging reply to virtually every question or statement. How the hell was anyone supposed to make conversation?

  “Because he always wags his tail and holds his ears flat when you’re close by. He doesn’t do that unless he likes somebody.”

  “I bet he puts his ears down when he’s scared.”

  “Maybe, but he doesn’t wag his tail.”

  Skippy chose that moment to live up to his name, skipping happily at the end of his leash to a clump of grass that clearly looked to him like the perfect dog toilet. He twirled around a few times before finding just the right spot as Amber fished in her pocket for a plastic bag to clean up after him.

  Madison continued down the sidewalk.

  “Hold up a second!” Amber’s shout was to no avail. If anything, her plea caused the child to walk even faster. “Hurry up, Skip.”

  By the time she’d scooped up the mess, her youthful charge had rounded the corner out of sight. Amber hustled to catch up, only to realize that Madison was now running and almost a full block ahead of her. Skippy’s short legs couldn’t possibly keep up so she tucked him under her arm and began jogging desperately. There was a busy street at the end of the next block—too busy for an obstinate nine-year-old to cross by herself.

  Panting from exertion, Amber stopped when she reached the crosswalk and frantically scanned the area. How had Madison disappeared so quickly?

  Skippy’s sudden barking and squirming alerted her to a presence over her shoulder.

  The giggling child stepped from behind a parked car, filling Amber with both relief and fury. “That was not funny.”

  “You can’t run very fast because you smoke,” the girl taunted.

  Amber wanted to smoke Madison’s behind with a switch but she managed to keep her temper in check, since an angry reaction would only give Madison more encouragement to push her buttons. “That was dangerous. What if a big dog had started chasing you? I wouldn’t have been able to help.” There were lots more serious consequences than that but she couldn’t bear to think of them, and didn’t want to fill the child’s head with such frightening thoughts.

  “I’m not afraid of dogs. If I stopped to pet him, he wouldn’t bite me.”

  “But something even worse could have happened. Joy and your Grandpa Shep asked me to walk you to school, and they aren’t going to be happy to hear you ran away from me.”

  “Aw, don’t be a tattletale. I was just playing. I won’t do it again,” she pleaded. It was the only time she’d shown any inclination to behave herself.

  Except tattletale threats made lousy leverage, Amber grudgingly acknowledged. They might make her more compliant in the short run, but the resulting animosity would cancel out any good effects. This brat was the center of the Shepard universe, and Amber needed to get along with her, even if it meant being the butt of her pranks.

  “Okay, kiddo. You’ve got a deal. I won’t tell on you and you won’t run off while I’m busy doing Doggie Duty.”

  “Poopy Duty.”

  “Doggie Doody Duty.”

  Whatever it took, Amber would find a way to connect with Madison. Only last week, she had begun to feel like part of the family with Joy and Shep. Now she was the odd one out.

  * * *

  “I’m proud of you for finishing your math homework,” Joy said. “I know it’s hard, but you’re really smart and you’re going to catch on soon.”

  She pulled the blanket up to Madison’s chin and smoothed her unruly hair against the pillow. Left unsaid was her disappointment that Madison had told her the homework was finished only to confess when Joy asked to look it over that she’d done only half. They’d had a brief talk about honesty and the importance of working hard in school, followed by a focused effort on Madison’s part to slog through the math problems until she finally grasped the concept of rounding remainders to the nearest whole number.

  It would take patience to get her past this fibbing stage, and Joy couldn’t help faulting Syd for letting it get this bad. Once Madison settled into her new routine and felt secure that all the grownups in her life cared about her, she’d stop acting out for attention.

  “Maybe you can work with Amber tomorrow. She usually has math homework too.”

  “I like it when you help me. Besides, Amber isn’t as smart as you are.”

  Joy had already picked up on a tinge of jealousy regarding Amber and blamed it on leftover anxiety about Syd and Mitch shutting her out. To allay Madison’s fears, she’d made a special effort to spend lots of time with her each night until they both went to bed.

  Amber was the one who disappeared most evenings. On the nights she wasn’t in class, she joined them only for dinner and spent the rest of her time studying in the camper. Joy hoped that would change when she finished her G
ED, though she’d probably sign up for something else after that.

  “You know, Amber’s smart about lots of things. You should ask her sometime about Gus Holley. She actually knows him.”

  “I don’t care about Gus Holley anymore. His music sucks.”

  Joy shook her head. “That is not a nice word. Can you choose a different way to say that, please?”

  “I don’t like it.”

  “That’s better. I was going to see about getting tickets for the three of us to go to Gus Holley’s concert next month, but it sounds like I only need two.”

  “I want to go! I love Gus Holley. I was just kidding. I know all his songs.”

  Joy laughed and tickled her through the covers. “Sweet dreams. Love you.”

  They signed off with a kiss to the fingertips and a touch and she returned to the living room.

  “I’m going to bed, Pop. You need anything?”

  He tipped his head in a gesture to have her come closer. In a voice too low for Madison to overhear, he asked, “What’s with all this lying stuff? She told Amber this morning you said she could walk to school by herself. That didn’t sound right to me so I pulled rank and said she couldn’t.”

  “I never told her that.” She slumped on the couch and ran her hands through her hair. “I think she’s just testing her limits, seeing what she can get away with. She backs down right away when you call her on it. By the way, Syd also told me she’d caught her rummaging through her drawers too.”

  “No kidding. I found one of my old navy hatpins on her book bag this morning. I didn’t mind her having it but not after she’d swiped it out of my dresser, so I took it back.”

  “I’ll talk to her about that tomorrow. Who knows what all she had to do to get Syd’s attention? It may take a while to break her of those bad habits.”

  For now, she needed to give Amber a heads-up that Madison was prone to bending the truth, and she should use her best judgment if there was any doubt. Getting Madison up in the morning and ready for school was above and beyond the job of taking care of her father, but circumstances were different now that they were trying to be a family.

  Joy asked, “How is she dealing with Amber? Are they getting along?”

  “They aren’t smacking each other,” her father deadpanned.

  “Not exactly a ringing endorsement.”

  “Madison can be contrary over trivial stuff but Amber keeps her cool. It may take them a while to become friends, but that won’t be Amber’s fault.”

  “Sounds like I need to talk to her too.”

  “I wouldn’t worry about it too much. I never thought I’d like Amber all that much when she first got here, but the little scamp grows on you. They’ll work it out.”

  That much Joy understood. Amber was a totally different person from the miserable destitute she’d picked up in Louisville, all because she and her pop had shown faith in her and given her a chance. Madison needed that faith now but she too would come around eventually. Amber would win her over the way she’d won everyone else.

  * * *

  A faint light shone through the camper window as Amber slowly closed the back door so it wouldn’t make a noise. Not only was she worried about waking Joy, there was also the matter of Madison, whose bedroom was just a few feet away. She was later than usual getting home but she had big news. Unfortunately, it was news that would have to wait until morning.

  In the living room Shep snored softly in his recliner. A college football game droned in the background.

  As quietly as she could, she took Skippy out to the front yard for a quick break, and then steered a sleepy Shep to bed. This used to be her private time, the only window of the day that was hers alone. She’d always relished carrying a snack into the bedroom with a supermarket magazine on country music stars, poring over pictures of Gus Holley onstage or out with his gorgeous wife Michelle. The nostalgia for her days in Nashville was a mere remnant now. Her new life was in Oakland and her private time was in Joy’s arms.

  On her way to bed she couldn’t resist taking a moment to gaze at the sleeping child, whose innocent expression was as soft as a rose petal—the polar opposite of the thorn she’d be when she showed up in the morning for breakfast. Amber straightened her blanket and tucked her stuffed rabbit underneath.

  Out in the camper, she slithered into her nightshirt and crawled into bed beside Joy, who immediately rolled over and kissed her on the forehead.

  “I thought you’d never get here.”

  “You aren’t even awake.”

  “Mmm…I’m awake enough.”

  Enough for what, Amber wondered. Always ready for a sexual adventure, she reached under Joy’s shirt to tickle her stomach.

  “Not that awake. But I miss you on the nights you go to class.”

  “I’m sure Madison appreciates having you all to herself every now and then. I know I would.” Even in the dark, she could tell her statement had gotten Joy’s attention. “Don’t take that the wrong way. I’m not saying I’m jealous or anything…just that I look forward to being out here alone with you when we’re both awake.”

  “Me too, sweetheart. We didn’t get a lot of time to ourselves before Madison came along. I’m sorry about that.”

  “It couldn’t be helped.” It was quite the benevolent response, and technically true. That didn’t mean she liked having Madison around. In fact, it bugged her that Joy hadn’t even talked to her before dashing off to bring her back to California. Not that she would have put up any real resistance—other than to remind Joy that her experience in caring for children left a lot to be desired—but it would have been nice had her feelings been considered.

  Joy’s arms tightened around her and another kiss landed on her head. “I’m so glad you understand that. I don’t know what I’d do if you didn’t.”

  Amber knew but didn’t want to think about it. No way would Joy turn her back on Madison, certainly not for a romance barely off the ground.

  “I never dreamed I’d wake up someday and be somebody’s mother,” Joy said. “I had eight weeks of boot camp in the navy and that was like growing up overnight. Now I feel like a raw recruit again, but eight weeks of training with Madison won’t be near enough. It’s going to take me months to get the hang of this.”

  “More like years,” Amber said. “Think of all you have to look forward to…driver’s license, tattoos, birth control…”

  “Oh, please. I wonder how many parents actually pray for their daughters to be lesbians.”

  “Don’t know, but I catch myself every now and then thanking God for the fact that you are.”

  “Same here. Which reminds me…I have a plan for tomorrow night. It’s Friday, so I’ll let Madison stay up an extra half hour, but when nine o’clock comes, we’re putting the old man to bed and coming out here to get reacquainted, even if it takes all night.”

  Just her luck, Amber realized grimly. “I’m not so sure about the all night part.”

  “You’re tired of me already?”

  “I was going to tell you tomorrow. I passed the math pretest I took last Tuesday, so Lee thinks I’m ready to take the real GED on Saturday. It’s an all-day test, but I won’t have to go back to class again until I get the results. That should be about two weeks.”

  “Wow, you weren’t even in class a month. I told Madison you were smart. You ought to be the one helping with her homework. I’ve forgotten nearly all the math I ever learned.”

  In the first place, Amber had offered to help, only to be rebuffed by Madison, who she suspected might be sandbagging in order to get more of Joy’s attention. And in the second place, she was sitting for the GED on Saturday. That was her big news, and it bugged her how Joy had changed the subject and made it about Madison.

  This crap was getting old.

  * * *

  Joy groped in the dark for the buzzing alarm clock that occupied the same shelf as her gun safe. After a yawn and a stretch, she settled her arms around Amber, who had rolled into her c
hest to snuggle.

  The last few weeks had brought rapid changes for both of them. They’d barely had time to establish their relationship before Madison moved in, but Amber had taken it all in stride. Joy felt lucky to have found a loving partner who could help with the challenges of parenting.

  “Hey, sweetie. Wake up a minute.”

  Amber wriggled out of her grasp and sat up. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing, relax.” She guided Amber back to the pillow and kissed her. “It’s been a crazy couple of weeks. I’ve been so busy that I forgot to tell you something important. I love you.”

  Several seconds of silence passed before Amber reacted, and not with an expected smile or hug. Instead, her eyes filled with tears and she shook her head with what looked like disbelief. “That’s not something I’ve heard a lot in my life.”

  Of course it wasn’t, not with a cruel family or guys who had used her up and turned her out. There was no telling how much Amber could give someone who returned her loyalty and trust.

  “You’re going to hear it a lot more now,” Joy said. “I’m so proud of you, and I’m grateful for all you’ve done for my pop, and now you’re doing it for Madison too. You’re a good person and I’m lucky I found you.”

  “I love you too. You’re the only one who’s ever believed in me.”

  Of all the things she could have said, nothing else would have made Joy feel as proud. Putting her faith in someone who’d shown so little aptitude and initiative had been a huge risk, but she knew from the navy that giving a slacker responsibility was usually all it took to bring out their best. “That’s because you made a believer out of me. I can’t wait to see what you do next.”

  “If you had an extra fifteen minutes, you wouldn’t have to wait.”

  Joy reached beneath the covers and began stroking the warm skin on the inside of Amber’s thigh. “Breakfast is so overrated.”