West of Nowhere

by KG MacGregor

  “Is Amber going to be my mom like you?”

  Joy wanted to say yes, but knew she’d have to win Amber over on that one. “We’ll have to see about that. But yeah, I think if they let Amber and me get married someday, then we both ought to be your moms.”

  The idea was novel enough to Madison to be exciting, though that wasn’t quite the word Joy would use to describe what she felt. The last two days had made her realize just how ready she was for a step like that.

  Voices in the living room signaled Amber’s arrival, and Joy guided Madison out the door first so she could present her card.

  By her tired face and drooping shoulders, Amber looked as though she’d been gone much longer than two days. Her hair was limp, her eye makeup smudged, and her wet clothes needed a tumble in the dryer. The look on her face however was pure satisfaction, if not triumph. Finding a new job was obviously just what she needed for a sense of self-determination and freedom. It was good for Joy too, since it meant Amber was here because she wanted to be, and not because she had no other place to go.

  She’d never been one for public displays of affection, especially in front of her father, but she couldn’t resist the urge to give a welcoming hug. To her relief, it was returned with just as much enthusiasm, and it took a conscious effort to set her emotions aside long enough to separate and acknowledge the others in the room. “Madison has something for you.”

  “I made you a card,” she said, her small voice clearly contrite. She stepped forward and presented it. “I’m sorry I blamed you for stuff. I was afraid I’d get in trouble.”

  Amber read the card and smiled gently. “This is very nice. I appreciate your apology.” Sincere but guarded, exactly what one would expect until Madison earned her trust again. “I was a whole lot more worried about you playing with Joy’s gun than I was about the lying. I hope that never happens again.”

  “It won’t.”

  Joy nodded in agreement and addressed Madison. “I know it won’t because I got rid of it this afternoon…turned it in to the police station. There’s still the matter of punishment but we’ll talk about that this weekend. Now get your bath and go on to bed.”

  “But tomorrow’s Saturday.”

  “Bath and bed,” she repeated firmly. “I’ll be in later to say goodnight.”

  Madison, looking both ashamed and worried, wrapped her arms around Joy’s waist. “I love you.”

  “I love you too, baby.”

  She followed with a hug to her grandpa, and then surprised everyone by hugging Amber too. “I’m sorry,” she said again.

  “I know. It’s okay.” Amber kissed the top of her head. “Sleep well.”

  Whatever soul-searching Amber had done over the past couple of days had produced a remarkable change. Gone was the immature hothead who lashed out when she felt threatened or challenged. In her place was a calm, thoughtful young woman who seemed at peace with herself and the world around her.

  Or maybe she was just tired.

  “Let’s go talk,” Joy said, holding out her hand. The moment they reached the camper, she made up for her earlier restraint, pulling Amber into a long, deep kiss. “Please don’t ever run off like that again. I’ve been worried half to death.”

  “I was fine.”

  “You should have called me.”

  “My phone died and I didn’t have a way to charge it.”

  Joy could have pushed it—if Amber had wanted to call, she would have found a way—but she was glad just to have her back home and she didn’t want to fight anymore. “You’re here now. That’s what matters.”

  “I love you.” With both hands cupping Joy’s face, Amber kissed her again. “Nobody’s ever believed in me before, and it means the world to me that you do. I just want you to be proud of me.”

  “I already am, and you should be proud of yourself too.” She helped Amber out of her damp coat and led her up to the bed. “Come lie with me. I want to hear everything. Where have you been all this time? Where did you stay last night?”

  Amber chuckled as she kicked off her shoes. “Mostly I rode all over the Bay Area on the express bus just to stay out of the rain. Then I came home and saw the couch made up in the living room. I figured you didn’t want me in the camper so I spent the night in the backseat of your father’s car.”

  Joy was astonished to hear that her friendly gesture of leaving the blanket and pillow out on the couch had been misinterpreted. “You were so mad when you left, I figured you wouldn’t want to sleep with me. I swear to God, if you’d crawled in this bed last night, I would have held you just like this.”

  “Yeah, well…I’m not exactly famous for making rational choices, but all that’s going to change now. This is the new me.”

  “Don’t change too much because I’m pretty crazy about the old you.”

  She looked down into Amber’s eyes and pushed her hair from her face. Any other night, lying together on the bed like this would have led to lovemaking, but tonight was about healing from their sharp words and hurt feelings, and reaffirming the kind of life they wanted together.

  “Amber, I really, really love you.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Amber finished the arduous task of drying her thick hair and gathered her toiletries to take back to the camper. She and Joy had almost gotten carried away earlier, but Joy’s promise to kiss Madison goodnight gave her the opening for a much-needed shower before they turned in for the night.

  “Thanks for looking after Skippy,” she said to Shep, who was watching a college football game from his recliner.

  “Who are we kidding? He’s my dog now.”

  “I can see that.”

  “So what’s this new job of yours? You find some other cranky old coot in a wheelchair?”

  She laughed and reached over to scratch Skippy. “No, I specifically asked if there were any cranky old coots involved before I turned in my application. I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.”

  When she reached the camper, Joy was already in bed, but the bedside lamp was still on. Amber dropped her robe and slid nude between the sheets, drawn instantly to Joy’s smooth, warm skin. “I missed you.”

  “I was always here…and I always will be.”

  Always was another word Amber had missed in her life, and her heart swelled to think she’d grow old with someone as wonderful as Joy.

  “So when are you going tell me about this new job?”

  All evening, Amber had been dying to share her big news, but was waiting for just the right moment. She rolled Joy onto her back, and with equal parts trepidation and pride, gave her the biggest news of her life. “I joined the navy.”

  Joy’s face flickered first with amusement, then confusion. “You’re not serious.”

  “Oh, but I am. I went to a bunch of shopping centers today and put in applications all over the place. The very last one turned out to be a recruiting office and it felt like an invisible hand just pushed me right through the door. I go for testing and career counseling on Monday, and then I have to get a physical.”

  “But you haven’t signed a contract yet, right?” Joy asked anxiously, squirming to sit up. “Amber, you can’t just decide something like this on the spur of the moment. There’s a lot that goes into a commitment like that. We need to talk this over.”

  “I know, that’s what the recruiter told me, and that’s what we’re doing now.” She urged Joy back down to the bed. “It was weird. I was shaking all over when he handed me that letter of intent, but the moment I signed it, it was like…yeah, this is exactly what I want to do with my life.”

  “With your life? What about our life? The navy’s at least a four-year commitment. Is that what you need? To get away from us for that long?”

  “What I need…what I need is to feel as good about myself as you do, and to go to work every day knowing what I do is important. Until now I’ve always looked to somebody else to take care of me, but no more. On Veterans Day…gosh, seeing you all dressed up in your uni
form and walking across that carrier deck like you owned it…I was just so crazy proud of you. I want somebody to feel that way about me. I want you to feel that way about me.”

  Joy’s eyes filled with tears, but then a broad grin crossed her face. “I can’t believe you’re doing this…but yeah, I’m going to be crazy proud of you too.”

  “The timing’s good on this, Joy. Madison’s had a tough time and she needs a lot of attention right now. More important, she needs it from you. It’s better for everyone if I don’t interfere with that.”

  “But what about you and me? I already told her we were family now, and she has to accept that. She will.”

  “And so will I, but I need for her to respect me in my own right, not just because I’m your girlfriend.”

  “God, Amber.” Joy squeezed her so hard that her spine popped in two places. “I don’t know whether to lock you in the closet or re-enlist. How am I supposed to sleep at night when all I can think about is you being surrounded by pretty women in uniform?”

  Amber goosed her in the ribs. “Why would I look at anyone else when I know what’s waiting for me at home? I could worry about you too but I won’t, not if we promise each other this is what we want.”

  “This is so wild,” Joy said. “You left here yesterday afternoon madder than a wet cat, and now you sound like you just climbed down from a Buddhist retreat. How did this happen so fast?”

  “The answer was there all along. I just didn’t know it until it was staring me in the face.” Amber crawled on top and let their warm bodies meld beneath the covers. “You’re my hero, Joy. I look at you and get swallowed up by these waves of love and admiration. I can’t help but want to be like you.”

  “Sweetheart, I love and admire you too.”

  “But I don’t feel that way about myself, and that’s what this is about. I need to respect myself before I’ll ever believe other people do. I’m ready to grow up and take responsibility, and this is how I want to do it. But I need your support for it. I won’t go if you don’t think I’m up to it, and I won’t go if it’s going to put our love at risk.” That was hard for Amber to even think about, let alone say. She wanted Joy’s blessing, but she also needed the assurance this would be her home and family no matter what. “You have the whole weekend to think about it before I sign the contract, and seriously, I won’t go if it means losing you.”

  Joy pulled her into a kiss that left no doubt about her feelings. “I don’t need to think on this all weekend. You joining the navy is crazy. It’s also awesome…and brave, and I’m behind you a hundred and ten percent.”

  “You mean it?”

  She laughed softly. “I can’t believe it. This is so wild. I grew up dreaming about being like Pop and working on an aircraft carrier. Now I get to be like my mom too, a navy wife.”

  “I like the sound of that.”

  “Good, because I’m not letting you out of here without a promise. This country’s going to get its act together one of these days, and I expect you to stand up with me and make it official. I’m old-fashioned that way.”

  Only hours ago, Amber had thought she had nothing—no job, no home and no one to call her family. Now she had a future with the woman she loved and a potential career that would bring her pride and satisfaction. That made it the best day of her life. “I’ll say yes to anything if it gets you back in that uniform.”

  * * *

  “Eight weeks of basic training at Great Lakes,” Amber said as they all worked together to get breakfast on the table. “That sounds cold.”

  “Only if you get a chance to go outside,” Joy said, shuddering at the memory of her first two months of navy life. “Nearly all your training is indoors because most of the time you’re in the navy, you’re below decks on a ship.”

  “Indoors is good because I’m scheduled to go in January.”

  Shep, who was flipping pancakes from a large griddle onto a platter, laughed haughtily. “I did basic in San Diego, but I remember a guy from Great Lakes saying the RDC hauled his ass out of the rack in the middle of the night to shovel snow.”

  “What’s an RDC?” Madison asked.

  “A Recruit Division Commander. He’s the boss at basic training,” Joy explained. Then she glared at her pop. “Could you watch your language, please?”

  “Why? Madison knows better than to say ‘ass’ at school. Don’t you, kid? There’s a reason they call it having a mouth like a sailor. You’re the one that’s messed up.”

  “That’s because I had Mom’s influence, and Madison is going to have mine.”

  “I don’t like bad words,” Madison said primly. “How old do I have to be to join the navy?”

  “Eighteen,” Amber said. “The recruiter said I’d probably be one of the oldest ones in my unit. Is that good or bad?”

  Joy and her father answered simultaneously, each giving a different response.

  Shep set the platter on his lap and wheeled to the dining table, where Amber and Madison had set out plates and utensils. “It’s good because your RDC gets fed up with all those wet-behind-the-ears teenagers. He’ll be glad to have somebody who’s been around the block already.”

  “And it’s bad because they’ll probably expect more of you and yell even louder if you don’t give it to them,” Joy said, following behind with a tray of bacon. “But they’ll find a reason to yell at you anyway, because that’s the whole idea of boot camp.”

  “I wouldn’t like that,” Madison said. “I’d probably start crying.”

  Shep tousled her hair. “That would only make it worse. It’s like a shark smelling blood in the water.”

  “The hardest part for some people”—Joy nudged Amber with her elbow—“is holding their temper when the RDC is ripping them a new one over some microscopic detail, like writing a crooked stencil in their underwear.”

  “Okay, I got the message. It’s going to be a humbling experience and I need to keep my mouth shut. I only have to survive eight weeks of abuse, then it’s off to A-school for training in my field.”

  Joy had to admit, now that the shocking news of Amber’s enlistment had settled in, it was exciting to think about what her future held. “What did you tell the recruiter you were interested in?”

  Amber looked at Shep and grinned. “I told him I wanted to be a physical therapy assistant.”

  “Hah! Pity the poor sailor that gets hurt on your watch,” he said. “You better hope they don’t call me for references.”

  “I told him I had a little experience, and that I hadn’t killed you…yet.”

  “She’s only joking,” Joy whispered to Madison. “The Hospital Corps trains at Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio.”

  “That’s what he said. And after that I’d probably go to one of the medical centers to get experience, like in San Diego or Bethesda. I could stay there permanently or end up at one of the bases, or even on a ship.”

  “There you go,” Shep said, shaking a spatula at her. “Your first mistake is believing one word your recruiter said. The second you walked out of there, he probably laughed and tossed you over in the ship’s company pile. Those are the grunts, but they’re the backbone of the navy. Without those guys, the ships don’t sail.”

  “Please tell me he’s kidding,” Amber said. “He said I was supposed to take some kind of job placement test next week.”

  “He’s kidding…sort of. The navy’s first priority is whatever they need. The best way to get the training you want is to show an aptitude for it. You can study ahead of time for the test next week to make sure you qualify for what you want, but it’s still not a guarantee you’ll get it.”

  Amber pushed back from the table. “I can’t be wasting my valuable time chitchatting with you people. I need to go study, or I’ll end up loading torpedoes on a battleship. That’s not the sort of skill that gets you a job in the real world.”

  “I don’t know about that,” Joy said. “If you can load torpedoes, you can probably load baggage too.”

&nbs
p; “Nah, she’d be too careful.”

  “Can’t argue with you there, Pop.” Joy started collecting the plates. “Madison and I will clean up the kitchen so you can start studying.”

  “Okay, but I have a favor to ask first. You have to come out to the camper.”

  A private favor? It wasn’t like Amber to flaunt their relationship in front of the others, but things were changing so fast she didn’t know what to expect.

  Once inside the camper, Amber went straight for the laptop. “I guess I need to download some articles to study.”

  “Need some help?”

  “No, I wanted to ask if you’d reconsider letting Madison come to the concert tonight.”

  Joy shook her head. “No way. She’s grounded.”

  “I know, but this is really special. Maybe you can give her two more weeks without TV or going to bed at seven thirty. It’s just that she really likes Gus Holley and that’s one of the few things we have in common. It would go a long way toward helping us be friends.”

  “The very first time I have to get tough with her, and now you’re asking me to give in.”

  “You can be Badass Mama after I’m gone. Please?”

  Please was the magic word coming from Amber, especially since she didn’t ask for much. The after I’m gone part, though…that would take some getting used to.

  * * *

  “Hold up Joy’s cell phone,” Amber screamed. Gus had done one encore already but she knew there would be another, since he still hadn’t done his classic hit, “In the Doghouse.”

  Madison waved the lighted phone high in the air, chanting Gus! Gus! Gus! with fifteen thousand other people. Her first concert was one she’d never forget, and Amber was thrilled for helping to give her a special memory.

  “Here he comes again!” Joy yelled. It was painfully clear all through the night that she wasn’t much of a Gus Holley fan, but she gamely clapped and cheered along when everyone else did. She also sprang for three T-shirts and Gus’s new CD.