The Devil Inside (Wolf Guard Book 1)

by Roxanne Lee

  I let my breath out and moved into the room, slowly making my way to Lane and keeping an ever watchful eye on those golden eyes slowly blinking her intent just under the surface.

  "Hello Arya."

  I stopped a foot away from him, giving us both a little space, "Lane."

  "Why don't you have a...seat on the bench and...we'll get started."

  I peered at him,"what exactly are we going to be doing?"

  Lane smirked, "oh you won't..be doing anything. This is all me today."

  He didn't seem especially excited about that regardless of the half smile lopsided on his face."What do you mean?"

  Lane snorted, "to show you how to get...a bit more control...I'll have to tell you how I learned."

  His smile dropped and I caught an insight into this wolf that I'd never imagined possible, a deep swirling place buried beneath anti social behaviour and a rebel front.

  "My story Arya. I'll tell you mine...all laid out.. just for you."

  I sat and stared at the wolf, flashing amber eyes flickering as his face contorted. I had a front row seat to his show, I watched as his facial muscles tensed and relaxed. One by one, every single sinew struggling with the power of the wolf inside, only to become a puppet on its master's strings. A human pulling at the helm until every tendon conformed and bent to his commands. Locked down, tied up in strings of containment. I was in awe of the human that held on to those reigns, they looked almost as dark as mine did.

  He smiled at me when he was back in compete control, his show of pushing the wolf back down took a total of less than one minute.

  I stared at him, "how?"

  He flinched a small amount, something I wouldn’t have caught if I hadn’t been watching so intently.

  "My story?" he smiled without humour and said a word that struck a cord within my memories, one that clicked a light bulb in my brain. "Empaths."

  I sneered at the word and hissed back,"bottom feeders."

  And that's exactly what they were, the lowest level on any spectrum, humans with minor abilities. Low level powers that included some minor spells at best. I'd heard many things about them, some exaggerations some not, but one consensus remained; they were vampires of the soul. Sucking emotions out of human and wolf as though they were starved of such things. They fed on joy and grief alike but the dammed ones, those who were unrepentant, fed on pain. Drained the life out of a person through anger, stole light through sorrow and left nothing but deadened husks through remorse. Through catastrophe so did they thrive.

  Lane smirked at my understanding curse, "I was a child when they... Found me. Orphaned. Lone. I thought at first...they were there to save me. I was wrong."

  His face had shut down, that blank look that people get when remembering things best left forgotten."They tied me to a post...in the middle of their village so that...all would benefit. In the rain. In the sun. In the snow. I spent many seasons on that post. They started small...feeding from my grief, a child's grief for its parents. Then from my pain...when they whipped my legs...with barbed tails. Then from my anger...as I grew older."

  I stared at the man so consumed, a burning chasm of rage that hid in plain sight just below those smirking eyes. Yes, he understood pain.

  "They held me for seven years. I was a prize...humans last half that long. Carver found me...near death, near insanity. I spent one hundred years...holding onto that anger, and one hundred more...killing every empath I could find." He snorted at me and shook his head, "and I am still angry."

  He bent to pick up a water bottle and threw it my way,"you cannot imagine...such helplessness, that every emotion...only feeds them. That all your fury...only makes them stronger. And that their joy...at your rage just prolongs the madness."

  He sat on the bench and I slid a little further towards him, my wolf long since receded, hiding from his impassioned past. I understood him better now, we were two spirits on the same path, intertwining souls on similar roads of destruction. If there was anyone here I could trust I now believed it to be this man, one who would look at me and see the same crawling horrors as inside his own mind. I could sit and talk. I could learn from this wolf. The morning was just beginning and we had a long day ahead.

  But he was wrong on one account; I could imagine helplessness, I had lived rage. I understood more now than ever before. An epiphany had cleared my mind, all that misted fog and blurred window that prevented such crystal thought, had been eradicated. I knew.

  I know now what you are. Take a breath, I'll be coming back for you.

  Chapter 25.

  It was transcendent.

  I walked a golden bridge. A pathway leading to auroral displays. Light colliding with light. Pitch black and crimson red, dashes of angel white swallowed by swirling sable. He gave me this gift and it was incomparable.

  It started with blood and sweat and tears. Mine and Lanes, mixed and blended together, two separate entities becoming one in a theatre of war. I entered the arena separated, and I came out allied.

  He'd grinned at me, a devilish smile that promised nothing but torment. "I'm glad Carver...won't be here for this...and that your bond is weak."

  I frowned at him curiously,"Why?"

  He chuckled, a little hoarse and scratchy, "because this...is going to hurt."

  I rolled my eyes, of course it would, nothing was ever just easy.

  "Your wolf is...not the problem. She wants to be...connected to you. It's the human...that’s blocking." He turned and took his shirt off, the bite I'd given him a glaring scar of remembrance. He was a big man, not quite on Carvers level, maybe a touch smaller than Charlie, but still a hell of a lot bigger than I was.

  His grey eyes scanned my form, a gaze of scrutiny, pinpointing weakness, bringing hidden faults to the surface. "You're going to submit...to me." His knuckles cracked when his hands fisted, "You'll have to...trust me in this."

  I looked at him in disbelief,"she won't allow that."

  Lane smirked again,"she will, she sees me now. She wants this...needs to be a part of you."

  I took a deep breath, I wasn't worried about the pain, I could deal with it. It was more that he had underestimated the wolf inside me, that she wouldn't behave exactly as he planned, too much pain inside that animal to understand the difference between help and hinder.

  I hadn’t been watching Lane and once again he took advantage of my lack of concentration. A blow to the face knocked me straight to the floor, no wavering, no moment of thought. I was standing and then I wasn't. The pounding in my cheek was all I could comprehend when I found myself staring up at him.

  He shrugged at me, "it'll heal...hopefully before Carver...get here."

  I shook my head trying to clear the drunk haze that had taken over, I stopped that quickly when it only led to nausea."Shit Lane...you think you could just get it over with rather than drawing it out?"

  His scratchy chuckle annoyed me and I felt the animal rise in response. She surged forward, forcing my body to pick itself up and stand facing Lane. My hands fisted and I looked at the blonde, his hair falling over his eyes, hiding the starkness that emanated from within.

  I challenged him, face to face, meeting those grey eyes as much as my height would allow. Watching his bulging arms for twitches of movement and tensing of action. I challenged the wolf in front of me, Alpha to lone, male to female. But I challenged him as a human, my animal sitting and watching but not interfering.

  "You don't want quick...think you enjoy the burn...as much as I do. Makes you feel alive...makes you feel something."

  I wouldn't confirm or deny his theory. I had a clarity of realisation though that told me more about Lane then anything could. He didn't like pain, not the kind I'd endured, this wasn't about pain. He liked the release, the cathartic rush of endorphins. Whether you're the one throwing the punches or taking them, it was a freeing of frustration. Relief from the heavy binds that weighed us down and absolution in the face of adversity.

  "Come on Arya...hit me."


  I smiled, even without my wolf lending me her strength I was more powerful then I used to be. I threw my fist at his face, a remembered form from Charlies earlier teachings, but even if my aim had been nowhere near him it wouldn't have mattered. Lane made no move to avoid the hit, even lent into the force coming his way. I connected well, I felt the flesh of his cheek bend to my will and the solid bone beneath rebound off my knuckles. I wasn't thinking about my skin touching his, his hands on me. The connection my brain made between touch and disgust had been interrupted by appreciation of hitting a human target. That he allowed me this moment brought tears to my eyes, giving the girl that once could not fight back the chance to do so was freeing in a way I'd never imagined. Without a wolf, fighting an opponent I couldn't beat, I hit him over and over again and loved every minute of it.

  All too soon sweat poured down my back and flicked off my skin with every punch I threw. His blood mixed with my tears on the matted floor and my grunts of impact blended with his curses. I sat back on my ankles, my knees on the floor, panting in exertion. He rolled onto his front from where I'd left him on his back and pushed up with those huge arms, groaning as aches pulled against bruises.

  "It is most definitely...my turn."

  I laughed at him and nodded my head, pushing myself to standing and facing him once again. I looked into his stare and saw determination and bliss, enjoyment and sadness. I smiled at him and closed my eyes, giving him free reign to continue. I owed this man and I would fight my wolf with everything I had not to break free.

  I think he pulled his punches, withdrew some of that awesome strength that most be bottled up inside all that bulk he carried. Even so I was on the floor much quicker than he had been. I felt my face swell within minutes, blood flow from cuts opening up under every contact from his large fists. I lasted ten minutes before I felt her stirring, a little glint of her eyes, a little swish of her tail against my spine. Claws dropped to my fingers and I held on tight, wrapping her in promises of us, chaining her in whispers of connection. She receded several times, she pushed forward several more. My body was tired and bruised, aching under Lane's powerful punches. By the time he'd moved to pounding into my stomach, my wolf's instincts were overriding reason.

  "Lane," I whispered past swollen lips. "she's coming."

  He punched me in the mouth once more and I spat blood at him,"If you're still talking...I haven’t done it right."

  I made a poor interpretation of a scowl,"can't hold her."

  He punched me once more and it knocked my head to the side, my jaw clicking out of place. "Yes you can...don’t ruin this now...really don't want to start all over."

  I winced at another blow to the stomach and nodded, watching him through swollen eyes."keep going, faster."

  He picked up the pace, blow after blow until I could concentrate on nothing but the pounding of my skull.

  Through the throbbing that encased my brain, the humming that invaded my hearing and the blackness that fell over my vision, I saw light. A mist of swirling colours that reached for me. Darkness blurred in with hazy white, a blurred line within both of us that put me on the wrong side of good and evil. Slightly too much over to the dark side and not enough of that pure white filling the gaps left behind.

  A compulsion filled me to reach out and grab it, no matter that it was too far away.

  I saw gold eyes glinting in the mist and knew that this was my wolf reaching for my soul. My bond. My connection. That broken line that should have combined us and instead blocked a symmetry that wasn't supposed to be possible; a pure bond between wild and civilised. A perfect link between animal and man.

  I ignored Lanes punches, blocked the outside world from my inner ordeal and forced myself to stand inside my mind. My eyes on the swirling mist in front of me I walked a path leading straight to the howling wolf within. I looked down and saw a golden path under my feet, a bridge to my holy grail, stepping stones to my souls desire.

  I made it half way and saw my wolf's soul rushing towards me. I smiled at her power, her strength of character. We met in the middle and easily slipped inside each other, like a magnets draw there was no fight, only that which was meant to be.

  We joined as one, perfect clarity, perfect understanding. United as two parts of the same whole.

  My hearing came back as we joined. I heard no movement from Lane and felt no more hits, I assumed he knew by the smile on my face that we had succeeded. I flicked open my eyes and found them already less swollen, my face not so puffy in healing. He was sat panting by my side, watching me with his lopsided smile.

  "Well...that was fun...only took a few hours."

  I coughed a laugh, I hadn't even noticed it had taken so long. I found I couldn't keep the smile off my face, it refused to budge when for the first time in so long I felt somewhat at peace, like all that was splintered in us both was marginally repaired by just the act of bonding.

  I felt her push through for a moment, a moment long enough to flash her claws through my fingertips. She swiped at Lane and a long gash appeared across his chest. Blood pooling quickly and running down his sweating skin. I looked at him alarmed and gaped at the deep mark she'd given him.

  He grabbed his stomach and deep scratchy bellows of laughter left his throat, "Don’t worry...she's just letting me know...you're still in charge...taking back her position."

  He looked me over and winced,"you're doing okay...let's hope Carvers late...still see bruises at the moment." He started laughing again, "hell...he'll take my head....for sure this time."

  I raised my eyebrows at him and shook my head," you are the oddest man."

  Chapter 26.

  "You're alright Lane..." we sat waiting for Carver. I was healing quickly and luxuriating in the heavy presence now inside my head, a comforting, protective presence."... A little strange, but alright."

  He grinned beside me, his cuts already knitted together and the blood wiped from his skin with his now ruined shirt."so says...the crazy lady."

  I had to laugh at that, Sam rubbing off on others."Why don't you get a head start, don't think you need to be here when Carver arrives."

  He nodded and stood up, bunching muscle in his thighs rolling rocks of crushing power. He tapped his temple with one finger, "I'll let him know...expect him real soon." Lane grinned as he left, letting cool wind and a gust of terracotta leaves displace his feet at the door.

  I lent back against the bench from my sprawled position on the floor. Carver would smell the blood no doubt but if my face was back to normal, the fallout shouldn't be as terrifying for everyone else. I nudged the wolf inside me and pointed out my enhanced senses since we'd bonded. She preened in answer and I smiled at her vanity. Everything was now in surround sound, I could hear conversations that were taking place in whispered words as guards walked back and fore around the building. I could smell their sweat as body temperatures rose in response to activity. I could smell the tinge of fear clinging to them as their Captain strode down the gravel path linking the training room to the main Hall. I suppose he produced that reaction in most wolves, an unintentional rush of anxiety in the company of such a dominate wolf. I frowned and looked inside myself staring at gold eyes looking through my own.

  Why does his dominance not bother you?

  She understood what I meant, her answer wasn't in words, more like what Carver had said previously; feelings and mutual understanding. She didn't fear him, even if we never accepted him, he could not physically hurt her. She didn't bow down to his dominance simply because, she was his equal. That thought brought warmth flowing through my veins, equal. I was this Captains equal. I could be that fierce, I could be that powerful. It was laying the world at my feet, gifting me with gold gilded chests and a throne of respect and unadulterated worth. It gave me substance, filled me with knowledge that I was now more than that girl, I had a purpose more than my revenge. I saw something, blurred and out of focus but something, beyond the end I had envisioned. There was life after Daniel. There would be a
future for me.

  I was a mass of swirling contradiction, I snorted at my sudden similarity to Charlie. I was at once awkward and distrusting in this bond I was supposed to have with Carver, and yet it was giving me things I hadn't thought would transfer over the connection. He was giving me the confidence he had accumulated over several hundred years, it made my spine straighter, my feelings less feral as if I were magically validated. He was laying these offerings before me and I was lapping them up like a starving dog.

  I had a decision to make. I could keep second guessing him or take the chance that whatever else he did, he would not lie to me. Can a wolf lie to its mate? Manipulate and twist until the result is to his satisfaction? I didn't have the experience to know and so it became a question of a leap of faith. That whoever else he manoeuvred, placed like perfect pawns on his game of chess, I would be safe by his side. Maybe he could have a space, be a tiny part of that future I saw in clouded visions.

  I smelt his cinnamon scent blow through the double doors as he entered, that aroma thick and enticing flowing over my very skin and filling my lungs to capacity.

  I hadn't thought of that, with the connection to my wolf now solid and complete his scent had gone from distracting to overwhelming. A flash passed through my vision and suddenly he was in front of me, all seven and half feet of rumbling harsh faced man. His face buried itself in my neck and I was left rigid, staring up at the ceiling as he took deep breaths against my skin. My wolf huffed and flicked her tail inside, turning her back in annoyance on the giant man clinging to me.

  "Carver?"

  He rumbled against my neck in answer and I rolled my eyes, "Carver.." I tapped his bicep to get his attention. "..what are you doing?"

  He took a few more deep breaths and I felt the puffs of air cause tiny shivers where his mouth released them. He slowly removed his arms from around me and stood back rubbing a hand through his hair. His gravelly voice grated my ears and I winced at the wolf deepening his voice.