The Devil Inside (Wolf Guard Book 1)

by Roxanne Lee

  Charlie was standing in the middle of the mat, hair in its usual disarray and eyes flicking in every direction. His gaze settled on me once, then again and finally a third as it bounced back and forth across the room. His contradiction brought a smile to my face, I'd rarely seen anyone that was such a mix of personalities.

  He gestured for me to remove my shoes and I did so before taking a place in front of him in yoga pants and a t shirt. I'd tied my hair back and it pulled at strands tight to my scalp, I was uncomfortable without my hair obscuring my face, but it was past time to push my comfort level and attempt to gain some semblance of control over my own character.

  Charlie bent to tie my ankles together, taking care not to touch the skin exposed at my feet. I stared at him in confusion and that serene aura washed over me before I could even voice a protest. "Let's just work on upper body today. You have enough slack for balance but we'll take your legs out of the equation for any actual training, see if you can separate your upper body from your lower and control segments of your form."

  He jogged to the edge of the mat and picked up gloves and wraps that seemed long enough to cover my forearms. He laughed softly at my blown out breath, "these should cover your skin, I'm hoping you'll be less inclined to take a bite out of me if I'm not touching your bare arm."

  I grinned back at him and caught each one as he threw them my way. I checked in on my wolf as I put the wraps and then the gloves on, she seemed completely relaxed, frozen in a vegetative state. She'd made no obvious threat toward Charlie previously, not counting the take down he'd had to make, and I had an idea it had something to do with that tranquillity he broadcast. Maybe I'd be able to learn whatever he knew that produced such waves of placid.

  We began trading punches back and forth, a parry of swiftly increasing sequences, a mind numbing focus that blew every thought from my brain but one; the next volley I either had to make or defend. It became such agonising concentration that I had no hope of running traitorous thoughts through my mind any longer, all was lost to punch and repeat.

  An hour went by quickly as I gained knowledge of blocking and dodging. My feet remained in one position, locked and fixed like glue to the floor. Any throw from him that landed was shrugged off, the padded gloves creating a barrier that my skin appreciated. It was well into the second hour, when sweat started to drip into my eyes and my arms held a slight burn from overuse, regardless of my wolf-infused blood, that Charlie signalled a break and grabbed bottled water from a table near the benches.

  I eyed him for a moment as I drank and wiped sweat from my forehead with a towel he'd passed to me. "Charlie, why is Lane the one up for Alpha position?"

  He smirked a little as his eyes danced from me to the doors and back again, "You have a story Arya?" I nodded at him and he continued, "so does Lane. His story to tell, but I'll give you something. He volunteered to be the one in front of you when we knew we were going to push you to change. He knew you would most probably try and kill him, yet he volunteered before we'd even finished discussing the option."

  I frowned, that just made him stupid, not obvious choice for Alpha.

  Charlie grinned again as he watched the door, "He always volunteers, first one in, last one out if he can help it. That wolf needs to be in mortal danger to survive, his appointment will be both beneficial to the pack and his continued good health." He chuckled softly as he dropped his towel on the bench and returned to the mat gesturing my break was over.

  I dabbed once more at my face and swung my arms around to try and loosen the stiffness setting in. I had an insight into Lane's fractured mind and all it brought me were more questions. I was still no closer to why he was given that position, whether it was on his merit alone or part of the bigger picture. There was really only one way I was going to know for sure, and that was by exploring just one member of this seemingly perfect life.

  What was in Carver's mind?

  Chapter 23.

  The leather chair creaked precariously as I moved, one more piece of furniture at the end of its life. Yet another replacement I'd have to order. An added broken chair to the pile accumulated over some two hundred years. Close to five hundred pounds of heavy muscle had its drawbacks, the construction of basic furniture yet to improve enough to hold such weight for long periods. I sighed at Lane sitting in front of me as his mouth twitched in something close to a smile.

  I liked the wolf in my office, but if he laughed at me one more time I'd add a permanent scar to the map hidden beneath his trousers.

  "When is she...meeting them?"

  I cleared my throat at his stilted voice, years spent without one leaving it's mark, "three days, I'll take her to the usual spot Friday, I'll want you, Duncan and Charlie inside with me, half the guard outside in position."

  Lane nodded in acceptance, no doubt he'd already made arrangements of his own along the same lines."You worried?"

  I took a moment to think, was I worried? I was many things; betrayed. Seething. Guilty. Was I worried? Maybe only for myself. My wolf was the conscience sometimes the man forgot and he pushed and pulled until I was made fully aware of his accusations.

  You're lying to her. We'll lose her.

  I growled at him, he didn't understand, he was the animal part of me, the part that was allowed the privilege of black and white, truth or lies. There was no grey area to the wolves within.

  "No. They won't be a problem, they're just asserting some false sense of power over me by having me cave to their request. We'll still come out on top."

  "Someone knew." Lane's quiet voice was stating the obvious.

  "Yes I think that's pretty clear."

  "Do you know....who?"

  I had suspicions, a few names floating around my head. Yet nothing was absolute, nobody to kill, no wolf to string headless from the highest post and swing in the wind as warning to those who followed.

  "Not yet but I will. What he did to her...Lane I've done many things, many atrocious things in my life but never this." I felt sick at the thought. What she'd been through, what some dead man had done to her. To my Arya. Rage like I'd never felt was constantly bubbling just under the surface, waiting to erupt, boiling over until there was nothing but genocide in its path.

  It took more effort then I thought possible, just to keep the lid on and hold onto it with every ounce of strength, like every breath was an exercise in how not to begin a murder spree.

  Lane shook his head in agreement, "She tell you...what happened?"

  No. No she hasn't told me. I have images in my head of her screaming out for me, even though she hadn't known me, of her begging me to save her. I dream of failing her. Every. Single. Time. My hand clutched the solid oak desk, scared with scratches from years of use. I see my white knuckles clench at the splinters popping through the smooth waxed surface. The cracking of the desk rips through my focus, Lane's calm voice calling my name over and over again.

  "No she hasn't told me, just implied." The growl that my voice had become was harsh and gravelly even to my own ears and I winced at the sound.

  "We'll find out. Run him...through with our swords...till he bleeds out, slowly at her feet." Lane's suggestion was amusing to me. This wolf knew pain. And this wolf knew vengeance.

  "It's her kill, I promised her that much." I hated that promise. I wanted to feel his blood run down my hands as they reached inside his chest and pulled his organs through his skin. Whoever that man was, made the worst mistake of his life.

  But you're lying to her.

  Yes I was lying, but she's still mine. And in the end I'd have to hope that was enough.

  "Pass me the files." Lane held out his hand as I threw the pack members files at him. He flipped through page by page, halting every so often when something written caught his attention.

  He stopped and stared at me for a long moment, "Seriously?"

  I quirked a brow at him, "What?"

  "They called themselves....moonshadow?"

  I shrugged.

  He sho
ok his head in disbelief, "How pansy can...you get? That's the first thing...going."

  He brought a smile to my lips. The first real one it seemed since I'd discovered why Arya was so different. I'd faked smiles for her, a few almost true ones that couldn't be helped just on seeing that red hair and stern face. But everything is just testing, dipping a toe into the water to see if it burns or not. Trying a different approach if it scalds the first time round. I'll find something that works eventually and I'll not give up until she is unequivocally mine, I was sold the first time I saw her.

  One hundred years before I'd gained the rank of Captain, two hundred since then. I'd fought for Kings....killed a few. Survived revolts and assassinations and finally, little by little, I'd gained a loyal following. Men I trusted with more than my life, men I'd trust with hers. I'd learnt how not to do things and how not to get caught. This moment, these resulting weeks however, may be my defining battle.

  Those governors that claimed possession over the entire species would soon learn everything had been an endgame. A series of ploys and misdirection all meticulously planned to give me the result I needed. They would soon be obsolete, as they should have been from the very start.

  One wolf commanding all is a dictatorship. When the royalty abdicated we were in a different time, an era in need of democracy. That didn't work for me. Even within this group of 'higher' wolves there continued to be infighting, childish school yard antics that only proved one thing; one rule, one power, one wolf.

  We are creatures of hierarchy, and we remain either dominant or subservient to one another. And I was made more than what others are.

  "You want to see them...how they act with her...see if they knew about Arya."

  And this was why Lane was the right choice, not only was he completely loyal to me but he was uniquely qualified by how he saw the world, all twists and turns included.

  "Yes. And if I find they did, do not expect us to return still governed."

  Lane's mouth lifted in horrifying amusement. "Gut them all...crack open their chests...see their scheming hearts."

  I matched Lane's grin with one of my own."You're becoming more violent in your old age friend."

  He gave a quiet chuckle," No.. Just more honest about it."

  I checked the clock on my office wall, black to match the painted panels it rested on. "We have two hours before I pick up Arya, I need Friday's trip planned out minute by minute before then and I want your intentions for that pack, from what I hear they've been under rotten Alphas for some time."

  Lane nodded and set the files down on the desk. He'd spend half that time planning, something we'd done a thousand times over until it became second nature, and then we'd go through it line by line until perfect was within reaching distance. I allowed many things from my guards, humour at my expense, ribbing between ranks. Failure was not one of them.

  I spent time anticipating his thoughts and scribbling counter arguments, speculations on possible unforeseen problems. I finished well before he did and could not keep my mind off the little red head that had tied herself so tightly to me, I couldn't breathe without that cherry scent becoming a part of me. It infused my every molecule, my Wolf rolling around and luxuriating in the smell that rolled so seductively off her skin.

  By now we should have mated. Become two halves of one whole. It was a constant torment for both myself and the animal within to be so close and yet so far. However on this, we were both utterly in tune, neither one prepared to push for something not willingly given. I would spend another three hundred years waiting for that woman, if only I had the promise of 'some day'.

  As far as I was concerned, with or without that Mark on her neck, she was mine. My female, my woman. Mine in this lifetime and the next. The beast inside rumbled in agreement, a deep rolling sound that reverberated in utter surety. No shaded areas, all black and white.

  But you're lying to her.

  Chapter 24.

  I took a break that evening. Took time out from Sam and Carver, that heavy intensity of two large personalities too much to cope with. Too many things rolling around and throwing accusations about inside my head. I removed myself from the situation and hid away from everything that now seemed to hinge entirely on my own guesswork. I went to sleep content in the knowledge that tomorrow would bring me one step closer to understanding, one more piece of the puzzle.

  Tomorrow Lane would be my trainer.

  In dawn's early light, that frosted Autumn brass seeping beneath heavy plum curtains, I woke to hesitant knocks on the bedroom door. It's possible I hadn't been as ambiguous as I'd thought when I declined to sit down to dinner, claiming tiredness from the days training. No doubt Sam wasn't fooled anyway, he always did seem one step ahead of me.

  "Girlie? Breakfast on tha table, any time today be good...."

  I rolled my eyes and hummed in response, you'd think it was mid afternoon the way he talked. I showered and dressed quickly. I still had not put those clothes away, I was honest enough with myself to admit that it was purely because of the finality it represented. As if once those clothes were put away there would be no going back, everything from that moment on would be permanent.

  I joined Sam at the kitchen table, a plate of sausages and eggs with a giant stack of toast already sitting next to a mug of thick, black coffee. I screwed my face up, I was convinced he made that sludge on purpose.

  "Glad ya decided ta join me."

  I patted Remy's head as it nudged it's way into my side and ignored his comment. I found I couldn't quite look Sam in the eye. My suspicious mind was testing and judging every word out of his mouth, but my heart was stuck on this man, one who had shown me so quickly what lay beneath the dark and twisted carcass that was life after Daniel. Given me a reason to be more than my revenge and less than my shame, pureness in an otherwise desecrated individual.

  My wavering thoughts brought that shame thundering back, an insistent knocking on the solid wall that kept the doubts on the outside fiercely searching for a way in.

  "Ya gonna sit there all day? Mute an' borin'? Think ya owe me a damn conversation," he huffed as he poured himself more coffee. "ya left me wit' ya Captain all evenin', nuthin' come outta tha' man's mouth but growls. Least. Stimulatin'. Talk. Eva'."

  I smiled a little at his frowning face, long and weathered and whisky nosed. I trusted that face and it hurt."You could have gone to bed you know."

  Sam huffed at me, "Wha' am I dead? Ain't goin' ta bed when the sun still shinin'. B'sides, had ta make sure tha moody Captain dun break no more of tha house." He sighed at the thought, "just got tha new stove in."

  I started eating, letting him tell me about all the new appliances he'd ordered on the guards account. I couldn't help but smile at how utterly frivolous he was with spending Carver's money. It was at once freeing and saddening, a moment of falling back into the trap that the old man was, and realisation of how much I would lose without him.

  "Heard ya got Lane this mornin', tha' should be fun seein' as you two so friendly like." His grin was a macabre reminder of our last training session.

  I shrugged, "my wolf seemed okay with him afterwards, more confused by his actions then anything."

  Sam grinned wider,"yeah, bu' tha' boy got no sense in his head. He wind ya up jus' ta watch ya go."

  I nodded in agreement and hoped that someone had at least thought of an emergency plan if Lane pushed me too far again. I stood when Sam started clearing the plates, I'd ploughed through most of what he'd put before me, my appetite was bigger now then I'd ever known it to be. I pushed the new chair underneath an exact copy of the old table and turned to wait in the living room for Carver, I could hear his heavy steps moving toward the stairs and assumed he'd want to walk me to the training room. I figured I'd also get a chance to ask who was going to be there to stop me from killing Lane.

  I met black searing eyes as they swept the living room to meet my own. I don't think I'll ever get used to how breathtaking this man was, and how utterly imper
fect I was in contrast. I think maybe, if I had been filled with a little less hate and bile and perhaps the emptiness was not so all consuming, I may have forgiven fate her games, if just for this gift I had been given.

  Carver opened the door and ushered me out as he nodded politely at Sam. I threw a glance over my shoulder as I left and saw a slight frown on Sam’s face as he stared at me. I hated that frown, hated the thought that maybe I had destroyed his smile and replaced it with uncertainty. I couldn't help but smile reassuringly at him as Carver closed the door behind us, my hope that my suspicions were just that; mistrust based on years of lies.

  Carver's husky voice snapped my attention to his stony face, "Good morning Arya. Did you sleep well?"

  I nodded at him and quickened my pace to match his long strides. I could feel his stare burning into the side of my face as we walked in silence, it was a distraction to the point of anxiety.

  "Are you okay to train with Lane today? You're not still tired?"

  I couldn't tell if he was honestly asking the question or trying to figure out if I'd lied last night, but I'd spent years playing dumb and I had no problem returning to that now. "Yes, the rest did me good I think, I feel much better." I turned to look at him as we crunched over the gravel path, "will Charlie be there today? You know in case I decide to take a bite out of Lane again?'

  Carvers husky laugh was thrilling to my ears, a true deep Orchestra of pitch and timber."No. You're not fighting with him today, he's there to help you control your emotions, maybe keep that rage that brings your wolf out under tighter control."

  I quirked my eyebrow at him, "Lane's going to teach me?"

  He smiled again, "you'd be surprised how much of himself Lane has learnt to control."

  He left me with that confusing comment and another quick kiss to the scowl on my face. I once again found myself staring at his back as he moved gracefully away. I shook my head and pushed opened the doors to the training room and found Lane already grinning inside. I took a deep breath and felt around for movement from my wolf. She seemed awake, quietly sitting and watching, waiting to see how it all played out. I had a feeling that she was just playing possum, a calm front hovering over the storm inside just waiting for the chance to pounce.