by Dale, Lindy
I’m not going anywhere. I have everything I ever wanted. Why would I?
The sonographer comes into the room. She introduces herself as Maura and explains what we’ll see on the scan today. She asks us if we’d like to know the sex of the baby.
“Yes!” Nicholas is emphatic. He’s convinced there’s a mini Sadie growing inside me and he wants to win the bet we made. He likes to be the winner. I’ve never told him that most of the time I let him win his silly bets because I love to see the fun in his eyes.
“No,” I reply simultaneously. “I want it to be a surprise.”
“How the hell do you expect me to decorate the nursery if I don’t know the sex?” he whines playfully. The team of designers he has at the ready have been pressuring us for weeks now about colour choices and cots and mobiles. I want to choose it myself, little by little, piece by piece but Nicholas isn’t having a bar of that, hence our bet on the sex.
“The same way they did it in the ‘olden days’, I suspect. You know, when you were a teenager and I wasn’t born.” I giggle.
“I’m not that damn old.”
“Old enough to remember when mobile phones were invented,” I point out.
He raises his eyebrows.
“We’ll decorate in a neutral palette and add touches of colour once the baby comes along. Besides we both know it’s going to be a boy and I’ll win the bet, so I’m sticking with that blue or maybe the lemon. I haven’t made up my mind.”
“For a woman who’s so anal about organisation the rest of the time, you’re being rather indecisive. Let’s just find out the sex.”
“No. I want a surprise.”
“Jesus, you can be infuriating.”
“Better get used to it, then. I intend to be infuriating, oh, for at least the next four months. Or maybe the rest of my life. And you will not use any of your cheap standover tactics to bring me to heel, Nicholas Clayton Lawson.” I give him a mock glare and watch for the reaction. He hates people knowing his middle name. He reckons it’s daggy. Which it is. We won’t be having that as one of the names for our little boy. Family name or not.
Nicholas releases an overdramatic groan and mumbles something about women.
“Are we ready to get started?” Maura asks.
“You’d better check with the boss,” Nicholas tells her.
I grin at him and pat his hand. “Glad you’ve finally realised.”
And the sonographer commences the exam.
The room is quiet for a while after that. Maura squirts some cold goo onto my stomach and slides the wand over my belly. She checks out portions of the scan and enlarges sections before taking a series of photos. Nicholas is watching intently. At one point I’m sure he’s counting the number of fingers and toes. Maura seems to think so too because she shows him all the relevant body parts and reassures him everything’s in order. She points to the kidneys, lungs and heart and from the corner of my eye I see Nicholas tearing up.
I mean, there are actual glints of tears. Of course, he’d deny it if I tease him so I give his hand a reassuring squeeze. I feel the same way, too. Seeing your baby inside you is the most surreal feeling. It’s excitement and fear and anticipation rolled into one.
That’s our baby in there, Nicholas, I think. The baby you and I made with our love.
I know he hears my silent words because his hand squeezes mine back and he drops a tender kiss on my temple.
“I love you,” he whispers in my ear. “I love you so much.”
At one stage, Maura presses the wand hard against the side of my belly. It’s uncomfortable as she pauses and takes another photo but I don’t say anything. I hold my breath and pray that everything’s all right because there’s an odd sensation in my belly now, a tightness that wasn’t there a second ago. It’s then, as she’s squinting into the screen pointing out the baby’s features, that it turns its head and for the first time we see its entire face— a little nose, two big eyes. I watch as the baby sucks its thumb and rubs its little tummy. I’m in awe that this tiny thing inside me can move and obviously feel. As we continue to watch, the baby removes its left hand from its mouth and raises it in a wave.
Straight at us. Like, literally, at us.
“Holy shit. Did you see that?” Nicholas has this goofy look on his face. He points to the screen. “Little Jolene is waving at us. Our baby’s a genius.”
“He’s stretching,” I say. “It must be awfully crowded in there.”
Then the baby kicks. It makes me laugh because not only can I feel it but I see it happening. There’s a bulge in the side of my belly and I realise that’s what the sensation was. It’s the baby moving. I can feel my baby moving.
“Can I let Nicholas feel?” I ask Maura.
She nods and removes the wand. I place Nicholas’ hand on my belly and the baby kicks again.
Nicholas gazes at my belly and then at me. “She’s got some fight in her,” he remarks. “Just like her mum.” His eyes are full of love. It’s overflowing unashamedly down his cheeks.
“Tell us the sex, Maura,” I say. “If Nicholas cries any more we’re all going to drown.”
*****
Later in the afternoon, Nicholas and I decide to go baby window shopping. Having won the bet, I tell Nicholas I intend to dispense with the interior designer and have the nursery how I want it to be. I don’t care if the dresser doesn’t match the crib or the curtains are not the most expensive fabric. I want the room to be homely and filled with love.
“Are you always going to be this bossy?” Nicholas asks, as we wander around Baby World, holding hands. I’ve been pointing out things I really love and pretending to ignore his suggestions because I won the bet.
“I’m not being bossy. I want to do this my way, our way. We don’t need a team of bystanders to make it happen, no matter what they say about it taking a small village to raise a child.”
“It takes a team?” He looks a little worried.
I pull him closer to my side, curling my arms around his bicep and cuddling into him. “I don’t think so. A lot of love and some common sense but not a lot of people. You and I can do it by ourselves.”
Nicholas stops in the middle of the nappy aisle. He turns to me, his hands go to my waist, pulling me close. “You are one incredible girl, Sadie Cooper.”
“How so?”
“I think most girls would have a minor breakdown at an unplanned pregnancy but not you. You’ve taken it in your stride. Nothing phases you. You glide around like this beautiful, serene angel.”
Um, I don’t know what planet he’s been on these last few months but I think there’s been a fair amount of freaking out on my part. Does he not remember that tantrum I threw over the fact he ate the last two Tim Tams the other night?
“I’m sure I’m not that perfect. In fact, I was a complete trollop the other day.”
“You’re perfect to me.” His hands slide down my hips to my bottom and he cups it. He looks deep into my eyes and I feel a little giddy at the fact he’s going to kiss me right in the middle of the baby shop. But he doesn’t. He keeps staring with this weird look on his face.
I eye him suspiciously. “What’s up?”
“Nothing. I just love you, that’s all.”
“Why are you being ultra nice all of a sudden?”
“Hey! I’m always nice.”
I’ll give him that. My Nicholas is the most gorgeous man on the planet. Still, he has that look. “What’re you up to then?”
He nods toward some sort of hammock contraption. “I was just wondering. You know, when we get home— ”
I frown and then the penny drops. “You’re incorrigible, Nicholas.”
“What? It might be fun. We’ve never done it in the hammock.”
“And there’s plenty of good reasons for that.”
I like my brain inside my head, for one. And my baby is staying firmly put for another four months, for two. What on earth is he thinking?
I look up into his eyes and I
know exactly what he’s thinking. He’s dirty and he knows I love it.
Changing the conversation, I walk off down the aisle and turn the corner. It’s the aisle with bottles and sterilisers and … breast pumps.
Nicholas is behind me, peering over my shoulder. “Are they for real? You actually have to use that on your boobs? Do we need all this crap?” He’s talking about the myriad of bottles and buckets, nappy bags and other paraphernalia.
“The breast pump, most likely and definitely a change mat or table and a nappy bag. But the rest I doubt it. As long as we have the essentials, I think we’ll cope. I’m sure the prenatal classes will give us the info we need.”
“We have to go to a class? What the hell for? We’re having a baby not learning to dance.”
“We have to learn what to do in the labour. You don’t want to be unprepared do you? You want to know how to look after me and what things we need for the birth.”
Nicholas sighs again and kisses my lobe. “As long as your boobs stay the size they are now, babe, you can do all the damn classes you want.”
Oh for Pete’s sake.
CHAPTER THREE
The next month is hectic. I enrol for prenatal yoga classes and sign us up to attend birthing classes too. Nicholas dragged his heels on making a decision about what night we should go, but after much discussion and a lot of pouting on my behalf we decide on Tuesday evenings. I’m positive he thought if he ignored the idea for long enough I’d forget. Heavy breathing in public isn’t really his thing, so I’m over the moon he’s agreed. It’s another milestone in our journey as a couple. We’re doing what other people do. There’s no sneaking about or furtive handholding. We’re practically normal— well, if you discount the fact that Joel’s bedroom door remains resolutely open and his stuff where he left it. Nicholas is holding onto the hope that he’s going to stroll through the front door at any minute and sink onto the couch with a beer. He’s not though. He doesn’t text, he doesn’t answer my emails. The one person who’s had word is Jill. Joel contacted her to give directions about certain parts of the Iris project which made Nicholas super pissed off, so pissed off in fact he threw a vase at the wall. I want to tell Joel that. I want to tell him that in his haste to give us space he may actually have ruined the one real thing in our lives. It’s astounding to me that he’d behave this way, that he’d have the will power to stay away from his company and his friends for so long, but I suppose we do what we have to do.
On Wednesday morning, Nicholas calls from the office and invites me to have lunch with him. I jump at the chance because I feel like haven’t seen him in days, he’s been so busy.
“I thought we might have a picnic in my office,” he says. “I don’t have time to go out but I’ve got time to sit for half an hour with my girl and eat a sandwich.”
“Do you want me to supply the sandwich?” I ask. “I can pack us a lunch and bring it with me.”
The phone fills with laughter. My attempts at cooking have improved vastly since we’ve been living together but I’m not up to gourmet picnic standard yet. Not if my boobs are the size of Nigella’s now. “Nope,” he replies. “It’s organised. The cafe on the corner is doing a hamper. Laura’s picking it up at one.”
“Will there be dessert?” My appetite for sweet things is insatiable since I’ve been pregnant.
“Depends on what you class as dessert.”
“Are you trying to be dirty with me, Nicholas Lawson?”
“I’d like nothing better. Maybe we can roll around on the picnic rug for a bit? I haven’t seen you in days. I miss your body.”
“So you thought you’d take me for an office tumble under the guise of a picnic? That’s a bit sneaky.”
He chuckles. “I didn’t think that at all. It came to me then.”
“And you thought you might like to come some more, is that it?”
“Well, yeah.”
“You’re so rude.”
“Thanks. I’ll see you at one.”
I can hardly wait.
*****
The picnic is delicious— tiny sandwiches filled with chicken and homemade mayonnaise, wraps with some sort of roasted vegetables, bottles of sparkling water. And the cake. Oh. My. God. I could have an orgasm over the chocolate layer cake alone. The filling is dark and creamy and if I didn’t have Nicholas I’d marry it, for sure.
Nicholas and I are sitting on the floor of his office, leaning back against the sofa. We’re stuffed to the gills. My hands are on my belly because I think it might be about to burst. The baby has enjoyed his lunch, too. He’s doing a little dance beneath my fingers. Nicholas’ arms are stretched along the length of the couch behind me. His fingers are playing with a lock of my hair, twisting it. His eyes are closed like he’s sated from sex. It’s the food, though. He loves food nearly as much as he loves me.
“That was awesome,” I say. “I don’t think I’ll need to eat for at least two days, I’m so full.”
A smile bends his lips. “Me either.”
“Thank you for inviting me for lunch. I’ve missed you these past few days. Having you collapse into bed beside me and be gone before I’m awake isn’t my idea of a relationship.” I’m not harping, I know it’s because he’s been busy. I need him to understand how I feel. I’m lonely without him.
“I know. I’m sorry, baby. Things have been so damn hectic here. But it should slow down for a while now. I’ve asked Caleb to stand in as site foreman until Joel comes back, so I won’t have to be there every second of the day. It was doing my head in trying to be two people.” There’s a glint of annoyance in Nicholas’ eyes.
“Still no word?”
“Not to me. I don’t know what wonder boy thinks he’s playing at but I’m this close to punching his fucking lights out when he gets back. He seems to have forgotten we’re partners in this firm, that he has responsibilities. He seems to have forgotten about the firm altogether.”
I move my hand to rest on Nicholas’ thigh. The muscles tense beneath my fingers. “Is there anything I can do? I’m more than happy to help if I can. I don’t want to be a kept woman. I need to be productive, at least until the baby’s born.”
Nicholas switches to his side, leaning against his hip. His hand lifts the lock of hair he was playing with and he tickles my neck with it. “Maybe I need to release some tension.”
“Would you like me to massage your neck and shoulders?”
Of course, I know full well this is not what he wants but, hey, it’s fun to string him along a little. I’m not a half wit. I saw him lock the office door when I arrived. I heard him tell Laura that under no circumstances were we to be interrupted for the next hour. He put his phone on silent. I could delude myself into thinking he wants to eat lunch but I know exactly what he wants. I want it, too.
“No, but I’d like to massage the inside of you with my dick.”
“Nicholas!”
“What? It’s been days.” His fingers release my hair and it falls onto my shoulder. He sweeps it behind me and lowers his lips to my skin. The ripple of desire is instant, turning me to quivering jelly.
He looks into my eyes, his own filled with a deep longing I rarely see in him. “I want to fuck you right here on the floor. I need to fuck you. I’ve been thinking about it all morning.”
Hmmm. Sounds like an offer too good to refuse.
“You’re not going to be all loud when you come, are you? I don’t want people thinking we’re in here having sex.” I’m teasing him, prolonging the buildup to what we both know is inevitable.
“I locked the fucking door. I think they all know what we’re doing, Sadie.”
“Eating lunch?”
“Among other things.” His hands stray to my shirt and he begins to undo the buttons. His fingers move swiftly, and before long I am bared to him, my white lacy bra on full show, my ever expanding chest rising and falling in anticipation.
He eyes my breasts lasciviously. “New underwear, Miss Cooper?”
“Not purposely. I’ve gone up another cup size.”
He licks his lips. “So you didn’t wear that with the intention of seducing me?”
“I absolutely wore this with the intention of seducing you.”
Nicholas’ eyebrows tilt ever so slightly and his grin turns to that dirty sort of smirk. “Best we get to it, then.”
He straddles me, not resting on my body but kneeling upright. Intent, his hands glide over the fabric of my bra. They massage my breasts, as he bends his head to suckle me through the sheerness. My nipples harden and I arch myself towards him.
“I love your new tits,” he whispers, as he reaches behind me undoing the clasp and freeing me from the confines of my bra. “They’re fucking awesome.”
“I sort of figured you did.” I giggle and he silences me with a kiss. Then, he slides my shirt and bra from my shoulders. He returns his fingers to their torturous fondling and follows it with his lips. He sucks on each nipple in turn and it’s all I can do to bite on my lip to keep from crying out. I’m more sensitive than I was before. I love this more. My head falls back against the seat of the sofa as he continues to fondle and suck. Then I feel his hands slide down my stomach, stopping at the tender swell of the baby. I open my eyes.
“Tell me if I’m hurting you and I’ll stop,” he says, sliding my leggings down and helping me wriggle out of them. His fingers tickle at the edge of my new knickers before he hooks them under the elastic and slides them away too. I am naked before him.
Nicholas leans over. He kisses me. A long wet kiss that leaves me breathless and ragged. His eyes linger on mine as he pulls away.
“You could never hurt me,” I whisper back. “You are the most perfect man I know.”
“Damn straight.”
“Modest too.”
Ignoring me, he positions his arms on either side of my body. He’s still fully clothed and he holds himself over me, eyeing me for the longest moment. “You’re so beautiful. I can’t believe you’re mine. I can’t believe you chose me, that you’re having my baby.”
Then he slides his hands under my bum and lifts me onto the leather couch. “Spread your legs.”