by Dale, Lindy
I do as he asks.
“Wider.”
He bends his head, diving into me. He licks and nips at the skin near the top of my thighs. He blows against my skin. He takes me into his mouth and sucks. I hold onto his hair and bite my lip again. It’s good, so good.
“Keep going,” I beg him. “Fuck, don’t stop.”
I feel his tongue flick against me and his fingers slide into me. They thrust slowly in and out, in and out. It’s good but it’s not enough. The heat is building.
“Nicholas.” I breathe his name.
He pauses and looks up.
“Do it now.” I can hardly speak but I feel him move away.
I watch as Nicholas undoes his zipper, and slides his trousers and underwear down in one swift move. He slides my butt closer to the edge of the seat and repositions himself between my legs. His erection is big and hard and I want it in me. The tip is pushing against me but he isn’t moving.
“Hold it,” he says. “Guide me into you.”
I take him in my hands and rub him against me. I feel him grow harder as I do.
If that’s possible.
‘Cause he was damn hard before that.
“Don’t close your eyes,” he whispers.
“Why? I can’t help it. It feels so good.”
“Watch me fuck you, baby. Watch me.”
I guide him and he slides himself into me. He’s hard and as he thrusts slowly in and out, deeper and deeper, his length fills me to a point where I’m sure I’ll explode, yet I know I won’t. All I want is to have him in me forever. “Faster, Nicholas.”
“Only if you keep your eyes open. I want to see you come. I want you to see me making you come.”
Is there anything else in this world?
*****
I leave the office an hour later having exacted a promise from Nicholas that he’ll be home in time for dinner tonight. I go to the deli on the way and buy a couple of steaks and some salad. I get the ingredients to make that potato bake I know he loves. I’ve looked it up on my phone and it looks easy, so I think I can manage it. I mean, it’s potato and cheese. It can’t be that hard. I wander the aisles of the deli buying little treats to eat. I tell myself they’re for Nicholas but I know I’m indulging my sweet tooth and we can share, right? I find myself humming in the line to the checkout and I think it’s nice being domesticated. Sure, Nicholas insists on retaining the cleaning woman he had before I moved in and now wants her to up her hours to include cooking and shopping but, hello, I am not totally incompetent. Though I have to admit I like the fact she does the vacuuming and cleans the bathroom. I never thought I’d be one to enjoy hired help but I am. And she comes once a week so I haven’t given up my domestic independence entirely. Not yet.
On my way home, I stop again at the baby shop. I muse for ages and finally pick out two cute little blue outfits. I toss around a few ideas for baby names in my head while I’m waiting for the girl to put the clothes in a carry bag, then I dawdle down the street to catch the four o’clock bus home, pondering how much my life has changed. Eight months ago, I was sharing a flat with Emily. I was dating Mason and stressing about getting a job. Now, I’m living with the man of my dreams. I’m having his baby. My mind turns briefly to Mum. I hope she’d be proud of me. I know I haven’t had the chance to use the degree I worked to hard to get but I haven’t given up on my dream. One day, when the baby is old enough, I’ll find a job and have the career I always wanted. It’s just, right now, things are different. They’re not going in the order I planned, but I’m learning to deal with that. I can still be the mistress of my own destiny. It’s simply the course that’s changed.
While I sit at the bus stop, watching the cars pass by, I think about Emily too. The last time we saw each other, at graduation, I could tell she wanted to be part of my life again, even if Alex was telling her she shouldn’t. I have so much I want to say, to share with her. I’m having a baby, for pete’s sake. Surely, she wants to be a part of that? Deciding to call her, I flip my phone out of my pocket and dial.
“Hello?”
What? Has she blocked me from her phone?
“Hi Em, it’s me. Sadie.”
There’s silence for a second.
“Oh hi. Sorry, I’m in the sun and I didn’t see the name on the screen.”
“Is now a bad time?”
“Um, no. I was about to peg a load of washing out. Hashtag boring.”
That sounds like my old Emily.
“How’s Alex?”
Hashtag awkward pause.
“He’s okay, I guess. He’s gone away on a business thingy for a few days. Some conference in Melbourne.”
“Sounds exciting.”
“I thought so too. I asked if I could tag along. You know, do some shopping, see a show or two while he was conferencing but he wasn’t keen on that idea. I think I get in his way.”
“Did you end up getting any interviews for those jobs you were after?” It’s a fair question. I haven’t spoken to her properly for eight months.
“Alex wasn’t keen. He wants me to stay home and be a full time housewife. He likes to tell everyone how he can afford to ‘keep’ me in the manner I’m accustomed to, whatever that is. It’s boring as hell sitting around here all day. I don’t know how women do it. I love getting my nails and hair done and going to the gym and out for lunches, don’t get me wrong, but I feel like I need a good slap in the head most days to bring me back to consciousness.”
Whoa. Step back a minute.
“Are you getting married?”
“Yeah. September.” She pauses and I can almost hear her brain ticking over. “I really wanted to ask you to be my bridesmaid but Alex wants me to have his sisters. They’re like these gnarly old spinsters who’ve never seen a penis, let alone had sex. Should make for an interesting hen’s night. I can’t imagine there’ll be any strippers or tequila shots.”
Sounds heinous.
“I didn’t expect you to ask me,” I reply. “Not after everything that happened. I can help you organise the hen party though if you want me to. You know how I love to organise.”
“You’d do that for me?”
“Of course I would. I can’t let my best friend have the hen’s night from hell. I think it’s against girl code or something.”
“But the sisters will chuck a mental.”
“And that’s going to stop you from having fun? It’s your night. You should have everything you ever dreamed of. All that tacky shit we can look back and laugh about, if that’s what you want.”
Emily’s voice is more excited now. “You’re right. It’s my hen’s night and if they don’t like it they can stay at home. You and I can go on a girls night alone. Besides, I’ve got months to talk their boney arses around. I’ll simply tell them you’re doing it. They’ll probably be relieved.”
“Are they really that bad?”
“The worst. If I so much as mention the word sex they get all het up. They tried to tell me my wardrobe’s provocative.”
“Are you kidding me?” I’d hardly call Emily’s all black ensembles provocative. Sultry and a little sexy sometimes but never slutty or provocative.
“I know, right. Those wicked sisters need a serious reality check. It almost makes me want to dress slutty to show them but that would upset Alex and I wouldn’t do that to him.”
I can’t help but smile. It’s so nice to hear Emily sounding sort of like her old self and nicer that she’s talking to me again. I was convinced our friendship was over. It doesn’t sound like Emily’s getting rid of Alex the control freak anytime soon though. Funny how a man that seemed so gorgeous in the beginning could turn the way he has. I don’t know if it will last but clearly Alex means more to her than any other boyfriend if she’s marrying him. Or maybe the promise of finally getting her house and babies is the draw card?
“Speaking of sex,” Emily continues. “Are you still banging the two hotties from heaven?”
I didn’t know we were
speaking of sex.
“No, I’m not actually.”
“I knew you couldn’t sustain that level of intensity. You were so out of your league honey bubble. But I guess it was fun while it lasted, yeah?”
“It was. And if it weren’t for the fact that I’m pregnant it would never have ended.”
“Are you telling me those arseholes knocked you up and dumped you?” I can hear the anger in her voice. It’s good to know she still cares even if she pretends she doesn’t.
“No! No. It’s nothing like that. The three of us were in love, Em. I don’t expect you to understand that because I don’t understand it and I was living it. Anyway, long story, but I got pregnant with Nicholas’ baby and Joel decided that it’d be best if he backed out of the relationship to let us try to work things out. He went away somewhere. I haven’t heard from him in a couple of months. I miss him a lot but I still have Nicholas.”
“Heavy.”
“Majorly.”
“So you’re having a bubba?”
“It’s a boy. We found out earlier this week. I’m so excited. And Nicholas is being all cute and trying to look after me and stuff.”
“Awww. He always was a sweetie.”
“Hey Em?”
“Yup?”
“Do you reckon we could get together for a coffee before Alex comes home? I mean, I know he doesn’t want you hanging with me but you don’t have to tell him. I’ve missed you. I want you back. And we have so much to catch up on and so much to look forward to.”
“A baby and a wedding.”
“Exactly.”
“You know what?” she says.
“What?”
“I’m tired of him telling me what to do and when to do it. I love Alex but he’s not my freakin’ master. This is not some dirty movie where he gets to tie me up and lord it over me with his big long dick.”
Okay. Too much information there.
“So meet me next week. Say Tuesday?”
“The cafe in the park?”
“Fab. And Emily?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m glad we’re friends again.”
“Yeah, well you need me. Who’s gonna babysit for you if you don’t have cool Aunty Em?”
“Exactly.”
*****
I arrive home feeling buoyant from my conversation with Emily. I fling open the front door and head straight for Nicholas’ wireless music system. I’ve hooked my Spotify account up to it, much to his disgust, which means that at anytime of the day or night my phone is able to become the controller of music. I feel soooo in the mood for Beyoncé or Destiny’s Child so I download one of my saved playlists and happily dance and sing along that my body’s too bootylicious as I head toward the room that will become the nursery.
An unusual sight stops me dead in the doorway. It’s so unusual, in fact, it sucks the breath right out of me and I blink, blink, blink unable to believe my eyes. The painting of the room, a lovely shade of periwinkle blue and mint green, has been completed while I was out for the day. I expected that so I’m not surprised. I’m also not surprised by the antique dresser Nicholas and I bought the other weekend. It’s been sprayed white to match other furniture I intend to buy and there’s cute blue china knobs where the manky pine ones used to be. It looks adorable. What does astound me though, is the fact that the room is now filled with every other thing I could possibly imagine a baby would need— a gorgeous white wicker basinet (one we saw at the antique shop), a large armoire also in white, a cot already made with the most exquisite linen a baby would want (not that a baby would know) and a mobile in the shape of a merry-go-round hanging above it. It’s all the things I chose, all the snippets I stuck into my notebook for the baby. The curtains and blind I chose with the blue and green bunting have been hung at the window. And in the corner is the most gorgeous antique rocker. But the most amazing thing is the ceiling, filled with heart-shaped helium balloons in baby blue. It looks like the sky has exploded in our house. When did this happen? How did this happen?
Oh Nicholas.
I begin to cry. Tears slide down my cheeks and I try to blink them away but they’re too big, too fast. My eyes sting with the weight of them.
“Don’t you like it?” Behind me, a hand caresses my bottom. I pull it away and wrap it around me. Nicholas puts his chin on my shoulder. He kisses my tears and tilts my face to kiss my lips. “I was worried you’d go psycho. I know you wanted to do it all yourself.”
“Oh Nicholas.” I hug him tight and tighter.
“So I’m not in the bad books?”
“No! I… I love it but when did you have time to do this? How did you know what I wanted? It’s beyond my wildest dreams.”
“I have my ways.”
I eye him suspiciously. “You found my book, didn’t you?”
“I did and I couldn’t help myself. I love to see you happy, Sadie. And I haven’t done everything you wanted. I’ve left the accessories and wall art for you. And I didn’t bring home a pram or a carry seat for the car because I knew you’d go mental with the superstition stuff. I haven’t bought any clothes either.”
“Let me guess, because you know I have better fashion sense than you?”
He swivels me to face him and drops a kiss on my nose. “Don’t be a minx. Just tell me you like it and that I’m not a bastard for ruining your fun.”
“I love it… and you’re not a bastard but you did sort of ruin my fun. I’m not mad, though. I’m happy you want to do this for our baby.”
“I liked the booty dance by the way. Very sexy.” He gives me a wicked grin and I blush. My Beyoncé moves are not normally for general consumption. “I think you might be right.”
“About what?”
“You’re body is too bootylicious for me. You drive me wild, my little pregnant witch.”
I giggle. I can’t help it. He makes me. “You’re an idiot.”
“I know. But I’m you’re idiot.”
I gesture towards the room. “Thank you for making my dreams come true.”
“All of them?”
“Mostly. The rest are dreams only I can make happen.”
“It’s all I want to do Sadie… to make your dreams come true.” He disengages himself from my grasp and reaches into his trouser pocket. Suddenly, his face has gone over all serious like. That might be a crinkle of a frown between his perfect eyebrows. He raises his clenched fist toward my face and gazes at me.
Shit. Is Nicholas going to cry? What on earth is going on?
“Go on,” he says.
Slowly, I peel his fingers away. My heart is pounding like I’m about to have a heart attack. I hope this is good. “It can’t be the key to the front door.” I joke, because the tension is threatening to kill me. “You gave me one of those a while back.”
Nicholas’ fingers unravel. In his palm is a platinum ring with the most massive motherfucker of a diamond. I think my jaw is going to fall off my face. He holds it up between two fingers. “It’s the key to my heart.”
I swallow. This cannot be happening. It can’t. I’m dreaming. I know I am.
“Sadie Amelia Cooper. You are the air I breathe. You are my life, my everything. From the moment I saw you I felt a tugging in my chest where you took hold of my heart and ran away with it. I want to be your partner for life. Until death do us part. I want to give you your heart’s desire, if you’ll have me. Will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?”
Holy shitty, shit, shit. I am being proposed to by the most eligible bachelor in the city, possibly the country. This is insane. I’m so happy to be living with Nicholas and having his baby, I never considered he might want to make it official, but I guess he’s that kind of guy.
Lucky, I’m that kind of girl.
I take the ring from him and slide it on my finger. Somehow, amongst everything else he has managed to make it a perfect fit. “I’d like nothing more than to be your wife, Nicholas Clayton Lawson. Just don’t go springing any more of these surprise
s on me. You know I’m pregnant. I could go into early labour and we don’t want that happening.”
“Deal.” He pauses for a beat, his dark blue eyes gazing into mine with more intensity than I believed possible. “So you’ll marry me, spend the rest of our lives together?”
“Yes, yes, yes!” I laugh. I can’t stop laughing. I’m laughing so much I begin to cry again as Nicholas sweeps me into his arms and carries me to the sofa where he sits cuddling me to him.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
“Fine. But you’re not the lightweight you used to be.”
I hit him with a cushion. “Nicholas! Way to spoil a moment.”
“Let me make it up to you.”
So he does.
CHAPTER FOUR
I am so freaking nervous.
I’ve changed my outfit four times, ending up in the one I began with. I’ve done my hair every way I can think of. I’ve drunk a gallon of water and subsequently been to the loo, like, sixteen times already. And we haven’t left the house. I’m that nervous.
Today, I’m meeting Nicholas’ dad for the first time. It’s fitting, seeing Nicholas and I are getting married. I’m not scared about the actual meeting part. The thing that’s been playing on my mind is that I won’t measure up. What if Mr Lawson thinks I’m not sophisticated enough, not pretty enough. I already know I’m way off base in the wealth department, so it’s not worth going there. I remember clearly that conversation I overheard a long while back, the one where Nicholas was telling his dad that he didn’t want to go out with some high society girl his father was trying to set him up with. I mean, I know I have Nicholas’ heart, as he has mine, but I want his father to like me. I want to feel like part of the family, not have his dad look down on me as the poor girl marrying Nicholas for his money. Which I’m not. I never was. I love Nicholas with all my heart. Hopefully, that will be enough to convince his father.
We arrive at Nicholas’ childhood home an hour before dinner. The house impressive, the sort I’d expect an affluent family like Nicholas’ to live in. It’s also the complete antithesis of where I grew up. Our tiny two bed cottage would have been termed quaint at best, and from what I’ve seen so far it would’ve easily fit into the ground floor of Nicholas’ house. Nicholas has grown up with wealth and status and privilege, yet he never seems to be bothered with the expectations that carries. Not with me anyway. Being here, with his father, might show a side I’ve never seen. I know it’s always been about making his father proud but can I be part of that equation? I grew up in a middle class suburb. I went to a public school and on the weekends I mostly hung out with my Mum, at home in our garden. I don’t know the first thing about which fork goes with which course of dinner. Okay, well I know a little bit because I Googled it last night but that’s beside the point. I just pray I don’t make fool of us both.