If I Forget You

by Michelle D. Argyle

  “Oh, wait,” he laughed. “It was the hot dogs, wasn’t it? Our three encounters before this must have made an impression and primed you for this charming lunch today.”

  She paused in the middle of putting a chip in her mouth. Three encounters? For the life of her, she couldn’t remember the other times she’d seen him. There was the first day of classes and then today. That’s all her brain had logged, anyway. Of all things she hated, the worst was this feeling of something missing, like she’d subconsciously chosen to reject certain events and it was somehow her own fault. It was her fault. If she’d taken note of the situation or just tried harder to remember, she wouldn’t be such a mess.

  Forcing herself to smile, she said, “Oh, this whole relationship revolves around the hot dogs. It’s fate.”

  He laughed. “So, do you know her?”

  Her forced smile fell at the mention of Tam. She looked down at her food and picked at a piece of grilled onion. “Yeah, we knew each other in high school.”

  He was silent, and when she looked up he was leaning back on his hands and looking at her with a serious expression. “You really are jealous of me talking to her, aren’t you? But does it really have anything to do with me?”

  She dropped the piece of onion. “Not really. Don’t let your ego get too bruised, though. I do like you.”

  Surprise lit up his face. “You do?”

  “Yeah, of course.”

  “Really?” He looked shocked, and she was suddenly reminded of how she’d felt when Jordan invited her to his party. Was it possible she was not the only one out there who thought it was unthinkable for someone to honestly like them? The sad thing was that, even though she had three guys interested in her at this very moment, she was pretty sure none of it would amount to anything in the end. She would make some epic mistake—if she hadn’t already—and it would all disintegrate around her.

  “I really do,” she answered him, trying to hold the most serious expression possible.

  She was a complete idiot. Why was she encouraging this when she already had her hands full with Jordan and Kent? But looking into Owen’s face as his surprised expression slowly faded into hope, she knew she couldn’t lie to him or to herself. She did like him.

  “You want to meet here for lunch tomorrow?” he asked, twisting the dagger she’d stabbed into herself.

  She couldn’t help but smile. “Wednesdays are crammed for me, but Tuesdays and Thursdays I’ve got the whole afternoon free.”

  The hope on his face swelled into joy. “How long do we get to sit here and talk today, then?”

  She looked at her watch. “I have to work at three here on campus. I usually study between now and then, but …” She looked up at the clear blue sky peeking through a tangle of tree branches and leaves. “I think I’d rather sit here with you right now.”

  He laughed and pulled his backpack into his lap. “Maybe we can study together. Are you a science major?”

  A giddy smile crossed her lips. “Biology—botany, specifically.”

  “Oh, that’s perfect. I’m into marine bio. What do you want to do?” He pulled out a biology book, and her heart practically melted.

  “Don’t laugh, but I’m thinking something along the lines of landscaping or agriculture. I guess I don’t really know at this point. I just barely got here.”

  He looked up from the notebook he was flipping through, his brows furrowed. “You’re a freshman? You seem older than that … in a good way.”

  Laughing, she took the last bite of hot dog. “I’m nineteen. Maybe that’s why?”

  “Maybe.” He looked at her with a softened expression for a few seconds longer than necessary, and then turned back to his notebook. “So? Bio? Got anything you want to go over?”

  “I sure do.”

  As they pulled out more books and notebooks and lay on the grass on their stomachs, Avery’s heart started to pound so hard she could hardly contain it. Maybe this was all a bad idea. She kept telling herself it was okay, but Heaven was right. She was overwhelmed. It wasn’t by schoolwork or moving away from home—it was by her heart that had somehow split into three parts.

  12

  Last Year

  Stacy Edisson’s house was packed. Avery made her way through the crowd, not surprised to see soda pop cans clutched in most people’s hands—probably filled with beer or something stronger. She scrunched her nose, irritated that a headache was starting to form behind her eyes. After an evening filled with reminiscing about her dad, and then all her confusion over Ryan, she wasn’t sure how long she would last tonight. She had to find Tam.

  “Do you know where she is?” Ryan asked, right behind her.

  “Are you assuming I’m looking for Tam?” she asked as she glanced over her shoulder. Ryan was right up against her, pushing himself even closer as a group edged past him. His hand brushed against her hip long enough for her to wonder if he’d done it on purpose.

  “Well, aren’t you?”

  “Well, she’s the one who asked me to come.”

  “Do you do everything Tam asks you to do?”

  Stopping in her tracks, she turned completely around to face him. His lips were slightly parted, and she couldn’t stop looking at them. The kissing deal was driving her nuts. She needed to remember what the hell she had agreed to. “No, I don’t do everything Tam asks me to do. What do you think I am? Her slave?”

  He shrugged and those perfect lips pinched together to form a smirk that revealed his dimples. After a moment, she lifted her eyes to his and blinked.

  “She’s a strong personality,” he said nonchalantly, “and you’re … well, you remember what you told me before, right? You’re the quiet type. Alone.”

  She had told him that? Gritting her teeth, she straightened her shoulders. “What does that have to do with Tam?”

  His smirk fell into a straight line. “Opposites attract, that’s all. She seems like the type who thrives off people needing her, and you’re the opposite.”

  “You think I can’t fend for myself?”

  “That’s not what I said.”

  “Then what are you saying?”

  By this point her headache was pounding like a sledgehammer, and she squeezed her eyes shut against the pain. Why did Ryan set her off so much? She didn’t normally argue with people like this. Something brushed against her cheek. She opened her eyes to see Ryan leaning close to her face.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, studying her as he lowered his hand. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m interested in Tam, so I want to know more about her, that’s all. Since you’re such close friends—”

  “Oh, stop. I’ll find her for you. She’s usually with her group. They’re not my group, but sometimes I’m allowed to hang with them.” She rolled her eyes and turned back around to resume her search. As she cut across the living room and into the kitchen, she wondered if she was so upset because Ryan had a point. Maybe she did do everything Tam asked her to do. Did that mean she was a doormat? A friend of convenience? Her headache pounded even harder.

  Tam wasn’t in the kitchen or the back yard. “Downstairs, maybe,” she muttered, and turned to find wherever that was. Like an excited puppy, Ryan stayed on her heels. By the time they got downstairs she wanted to tell him to keep his distance, but it didn’t matter. There was Tam, sitting at a table with a bunch of people Avery didn’t recognize. They were playing some sort of card game with others standing around, watching. Loud music blared through the room, along with a movie over in the corner.

  Tam grabbed a handful of popcorn from a bowl in the middle of the table and dropped a few pieces in her mouth. “I told you that was a stupid move,” she laughed. When she caught sight of Avery and Ryan she stopped mid-chew. Her eyes widened.

  “I gotta go,” she told the group, and put her cards on the table. “Someone want my hand?”

  Another girl jumped into her spot and Tam hurried over to Ryan. “I knew you’d come,” she said, and then a dark look settled over her
face. “I see you found Avery. Did you two meet upstairs or something?”

  Avery almost laughed out loud at Tam’s obvious jealousy. “I gave Ryan a ride,” she explained slowly. It was one of the only times she had ever felt she had the upper hand. Tam was the popular one, the smart one, the one who had taken Avery under her wing like a little lost duckling.

  Tam’s mouth dropped open. “I don’t understand.” She kept looking back and forth between Ryan and Avery, as if trying to let it sink in that Avery could even talk to a guy without her help.

  “Ryan is my dad’s friend’s stepson,” Avery said quickly before Ryan could jump in or Tam could form a terribly wrong conclusion. Then she realized if she kept explaining, it would become clear to Ryan that she’d forgotten who he was from when she’d met him the first time. She wanted to avoid that, if possible.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you knew each other?” Tam asked Avery, her eyes turning hard. Not once in their entire friendship had Tam ever been offended—at least openly—by Avery’s forgetfulness. But Avery could tell this offense stung. She’d already told Avery how much she liked Ryan, and if Avery used the excuse that she’d forgotten she knew him—even if it was the truth—it would only look like she was trying to cover something up. At least, that was how it seemed it would go over as she looked at the anger in Tam’s expression. But she had forgotten about him. Tam would have to believe her.

  “With everything going on tonight, I just didn’t think about it,” Avery blurted. That sounded so bad. Tam knew, as well as Avery did, how many chances she’d had to tell her.

  “I met Avery last December,” Ryan said at the first lapse in the awkward conversation. Avery couldn’t tell if he suspected something was wrong or not. “Our families had dinner together.” He gave Avery a soft smile, and Tam’s eyes hardened even more.

  “Oh, well, that’s great,” she laughed as she looped her arm through Ryan’s and turned him away from Avery. “You want to go upstairs?”

  Avery didn’t miss the way Ryan slid his eyes up and down Tam’s low-cut shirt and tight pants. She was as hot as they came, and Avery didn’t blame him for falling for her. But seriously, what was he playing at?

  As he and Tam walked up the stairs, Tam looked over her shoulder and motioned for Avery to follow them. Avery’s heart sank about a mile when Tam mouthed I found someone for you and then turned back around.

  Of course she would have someone for Avery. Of course she would want to get Avery out of the picture and away from Ryan. Sulking, Avery tromped up the stairs. Stupid Ryan. He had put it in her head that Tam had ulterior motives in their friendship. Maybe they weren’t so BFF after all.

  * * *

  The guy Tam had found for Avery was Logan Moore. The only reason Avery remembered his name was because he was her lab partner in chemistry and she’d written it down about thirty-five times so she would remember it and not feel like an idiot every time he said hi to her at the beginning of class.

  Logan was cute, and that was a problem.

  He was one of those swoon-worthy guys who wore tight T-shirts to show off his muscles and behaved like a gentleman because “girls liked that sort of thing.” Avery was convinced he didn’t actually want to hold doors open and pick up dropped books and pencils, but it didn’t matter. He was just her lab partner. Nothing more.

  Until the party.

  “He told me he’s had a secret crush on you since last year,” Tam whispered into Avery’s ear once they’d gone upstairs and grabbed some drinks. Avery made sure hers wasn’t spiked, and Tam did the same. Ryan didn’t check at all.

  “I’m not really in the mood to talk to anyone,” Avery whined. She sipped her drink and looked over Tam’s shoulder at Logan across the room. He was leaning against the wall, hands shoved in his pockets as he coolly watched several girls check him out. A shudder ran down Avery’s spine. He brought one emotion to the surface, and the only word she could find to describe it was blech.

  “There’s no way someone like Logan Moore has a crush on me,” she growled. “How did you get him to agree to hang out with me tonight? Confess.”

  Tam rolled her eyes as she sipped her drink with one hand and held on to Ryan’s arm with the other. “Believe what you want, my friend, but he’s waiting for you. Just go see, all right?”

  Avery’s heart thudded in her chest, but her resolve to prove Tam wrong finally overruled her fear of talking to someone like Logan. Not that she didn’t talk to him in class, but those conversations were always filled with terms like “absolute pressure” and “solubility.” Nothing truly social.

  As she crossed the room to talk to him, she had no idea what she was going to say. She was sure it would be over in a matter of seconds and then she could go home.

  “Hey, Ave.” His eyes met hers, and she looked away from the intensity. Okay, so Tam hadn’t been bluffing.

  “Hi, Logan. Tam said you wanted to see me?”

  He nodded and stepped away from the wall. “Thought we could hang out tonight. You want to go out back? Get some fresh air?” Make out in a dark corner?

  “I guess … I mean, I really can’t stay long, and I didn’t bring a jacket or anything, so …”

  He kept his fierce green eyes on hers and held out his arm for her to take, as if such a gallant gesture would win her over. “Not a problem. I’ll keep you warm.” He flashed her a smile. “Unless you want to stay in here. That’s fine too.”

  “Yeah, that might be better.” She forced herself to take hold of his arm, and he led her into the next room where they sat between two couples making out.

  “Let’s just watch the movie for a while,” Logan suggested as she squirmed nervously in her seat. “No worries, Ave. This beats chemistry, right?”

  She faked a laugh and glued her eyes to the television, but when two of the characters started making out in the middle of a chase scene and Logan slid his hand farther and farther up her thigh, she knew she had to get out of there. She’d never kissed anyone. She didn’t even like Logan, and the last thing she wanted was to find herself lip-locked with him.

  “I’ve gotta use the restroom,” she stuttered, and scrambled off the couch. “Sorry.”

  When she’d locked herself in the bathroom, she leaned against the counter and took ten deep breaths. Tam knew Logan would put the moves on her, but Avery supposed that was the whole point. After all, Tam placed a lot of her own happiness in relationships with guys, so she probably figured that was what would make Avery happiest too. But it never worked. She and Tam were two opposite sides of a coin—Tam the shiniest side.

  Avery studied herself in the mirror. She looked at the eyebrows Tam had taught her to shape and pluck into perfect arches. She looked at the curls in her hair that Tam had taught her to do. She looked at the plunging neckline on her shirt that showed off a hint of cleavage, something she wouldn’t have dared expose before she’d met Tam. All of these things had actually boosted her confidence over the past year. More people knew who she was now, and even if she wasn’t as popular as Tam, it didn’t matter. The truth was she’d been happier in the past year than she’d been in a long time, and Tam was a huge part of that.

  But that didn’t mean she had to let Logan put his hands all over her. She didn’t want attention from a guy just because Tam had decided to play matchmaker again. She wanted someone to like her just for her. Without Tam’s influence.

  She took a few more deep breaths and opened the bathroom door, determined to find Tam and say goodbye before she left. She was by the kitchen, her expression glowing. Ryan was nowhere in sight.

  Tam looked at Avery, confusion sweeping across her face. “Where’s Logan?”

  “In the living room. He … I just want to go home, Tam. Sorry.”

  Her confusion melted into disappointment and maybe a little anger. “Oh, I thought he was a good fit for you. He really does like you, Ave. It wasn’t all my doing.”

  Avery looked away. Was she such an open book? “The problem is I don’t
really like him, and I’m tired and I need to get home.”

  “I understand.” Taking Avery’s arm, Tam led her to a quieter corner of the kitchen. “Before you leave, I have to tell you about Ryan. We totally just made out for fifteen minutes. He’s amazing, Ave.” Her eyes were dreamy, her cheeks pink, her breaths coming a little faster. “I’ve never felt like this about anyone. My mom always told me you’ll know when you’ve met someone you can be with for the rest of your life, and I swear … I really swear that’s what this is.”

  Avery’s heart sank and she wasn’t sure why. She forced a smile and leaned against the wall. “I’m happy for you, Tam. He’s not even like most of the guys you’ve dated. He seems more down to earth.” And mysterious. And maybe a total player.

  “Yeah, even with his crooked nose.” She let out a heavy sigh and rolled her eyes up to the ceiling. “Hell, even that looks good on him.”

  Avery looked around, confused. “Did he leave?”

  “What? No, we just needed a little breather. He said he had to call his mom or something. I think he’s outside.”

  Avery nodded. “Well, you’ll have to give me all the kissing details when we have our sleepover. Deal?”

  “Deal.” Tam grinned. “Maybe I’ll have even more details before this party’s over. Call me tomorrow, ’kay?”

  “Sure thing.”

  Avery said goodbye and pushed her way through the crowds and out the front door. The air was warm and smelled of rain-soaked grass.

  Then Ryan was in front of her.

  She stopped in her tracks, her attention immediately snapping to his lips—lips that had just spent the last fifteen minutes attached to Tam.

  “Hey, Avery.” He smiled, as if nothing was wrong, as if she knew exactly what was going on between them. She wanted to remember, but all she could dig up was salmon and his face across the restaurant table.