Just Here for the Pain (gay rocker BDSM romance) (The Underdogs Book 2)

by K. A. Merikan

  Dusk snorted. “I bet you’d make a good episode of Jerry Springer.”

  It was time to change the topic, even though Sid’s brain was about to explode from the tension. “Mage, do we earn enough to get a new bus?” He hadn’t exactly invited Asher for the next tour just yet, especially with the thing between them so tender, but maybe if they got a bigger bus, Asher could come with them. And then there was Abra too, who was a new responsibility in his life even though she’d be turning eighteen soon.

  Mage frowned. “Wait, what? Why would we need a new bus?”

  Lolly shrugged. “Having a restroom on board would be nice. Peeing into bottles got old long ago.”

  Dusk flung his arm around him, frowning. “Hey, but what about the art you painted along the side? You took so much time to make the piece of junk look nice!”

  “I can paint the new bus too.”

  Dawn raised his hand as if he needed permission to speak. “Is this about Abra? Do you want her to come with us, and that would mean she’d need a bit more privacy?”

  Sid nodded. At least that wasn’t a lie. “I don’t want to leave her hanging.” And he also really, really wanted for Asher to spend more time with him. Asher loved luxury, expensive coffees and his Tesla. If he was to give that up, Sid had to offer him something better than the old bus they’d converted into a mobile home themselves.

  Sid’s gaze inevitably drifted to the bar, because Asher was taking far too long getting drinks. Was he grilling the bartender about local craft beers or some shit?

  But Sid hadn’t found him by the bar. With Asher’s tall form and white hair being easy to spot, he found his lover in no time, but the moment his eyes took in the entirety of the scene in front of him, blood curdled in his veins.

  Asher stood in the middle of the freaking room with two bottles in hand and smiled sweetly at a small guy, who stepped closer and put his hand on Asher’s hip the very moment Sid looked their way.

  He didn’t listen to Dusk’s whining about the complications of having Abra join their male-only group on tour, and got up with tunnel vision clouding his brain. Why was Asher not shaking off that intrusive hand? Sid was wearing his fucking cock cage and melted under his touch every day. He wasn’t having this bullshit.

  He tore through the crowd like a bulldozer, and as soon as he got close enough, he pushed on the stranger’s shoulder to get his arm off Asher.

  The guy blinked, but Sid wouldn’t let him get a word in. “Put your sticky paw somewhere else.”

  Asher stood between Sid and the guy. “Sid, what is it?” he asked as if he didn’t think letting someone else touch him was that big of a deal, but after the initial shock, the stranger charged right back at Sid and pushed him.

  “Are you blind? We were talking, so get lost!”

  Sid glared between the two of them with heat scrambling his brain. He’d never felt so territorial in his life, but he wouldn’t be risking losing the one guy who actually got him to some stupid asshole. All of a sudden this whole outing felt like a bad idea. He should have stayed home and hoarded Asher all to himself. Like a cat, he should have sat in Asher’s lap, leaving Asher no choice but to stay put.

  Sid shoved at the guy’s chest again, ready to punch him even if that meant getting kicked out of the bar. “No, you weren’t ‘talking’. You’re trying to stick your dick where it’s not wanted!”

  The guy sucked in a big gulp of air, only to release it with barking laughter. “You can’t claim the pretty boy like a slab of steak. Let someone else have a piece.”

  Asher pressed his lips into a thin line and moved toward the table as if he expected Sid to follow him. Like hell he would.

  Sid bared his teeth and swung his fist but someone grabbed it before he could land a punch and pulled him back.

  “Give it a rest, Sid,” Dusk groaned. Sid struggled against him for a moment when the stranger flipped him off with a sneer, but he didn’t really want to fight Dusk.

  Why was Asher so casual about this? The two of them were far from fucking ‘casual’.

  “Did you see that—?”

  Dusk let him go. “Does Stan know you’re exclusive?”

  “His name is Asher!”

  Dusk rolled his eyes. “You never answer the actual question, do you?” But he patted Sid’s back and urged him back to the table.

  Asher met them halfway and grabbed Sid’s shoulder. “Hey, what was that?”

  Dusk smirked. “He needed to piss-mark you.”

  Sid snarled and tried to punch Dusk, but Asher held him still, and Dusk squirmed away laughing.

  “How about you piss on Lolly, huh? Very fucking funny,” Sid hissed but didn’t flinch away from Asher’s embrace.

  Dusk licked his lips, suddenly looking contemplative. “I did, but we’re not really into it.”

  To that, Sid had no words left and just covered his face with a groan. Un-fucking-believable. He was so glad that Abra decided to stay home tonight, because this evening was turning into a train wreck.

  To make matters worse, Lolly came over and entwined his fingers with Dusk’s, who got him up to speed on the conversation.

  “True, it was weird. Not bad, but not like…exciting either.”

  Asher cleared his throat. “That really was TMI. Let’s have some beers, because I need to forget this ever happened.”

  When they got back to the table, adrenaline still simmered under Sid’s skin. Of course he and Asher were fucking exclusive. When would either of them even have time for anyone else, considering how intense their relationship has become? And Asher was in love with him after all. He’d claimed to be in love with him for years, so there was no reason to feel insecure, was there?

  Sid shuddered when Asher’s warm hand dove under his shirt and rubbed his flesh. The touch was discreet, hidden from view in their booth, but it grounded Sid, made him lean back and glance at Asher, even though Lolly and Dusk spoke so fast he needed to focus to follow their conversation.

  The little gestures Asher always had for him gave him goose bumps every time. They seemed so tender and natural that Sid felt like the most awkward, angular lump of flesh pretending to be human in comparison. He bit back a smile, glad that he wasn’t a cat after all, because he’d have been unable to stop himself from purring otherwise.

  Everything was good again.

  “Dusk told me The Fly was a bit of an old school place,” Lolly went on, “but man is it ancient.”

  Sid frowned and leaned against the table over his beer. “You’re what…? Seven years younger than me?”

  Dusk snorted and twirled one of Lolly’s pink braids around his finger. “I just wanted you to know what you’re getting into. So you could choose how much glitter you actually wanna wear.”

  Asher smirked. “I have only good memories of this place. I watched my first adult gigs—you know, without supervision—in this place. It’s where I first saw Sid, at the back of the stage,” he said, pointing toward the ancient set of drums crammed by the wall.

  “And you fell in love,” Dusk said with a stupid grin.

  Sid reached out and smacked him.

  “What?” Dusk wouldn’t stop laughing. “I get it. I fell in love the moment I saw this face.” He pulled on Lolly’s cheek.

  They were ridiculous. Sweet like the kind of bubble gum that one couldn’t stop chewing, but Sid’s attention was focused entirely on Asher, who watched the two lovebirds with a low-key smile.

  “Only when I saw him kiss another guy.”

  Mage choked on his beer. “You used to be out-out? In public?” he asked Sid.

  Sid groaned but leaned back against Asher’s hand on purpose. “Until shit happened. But I didn’t know you saw me with someone. Were you stalking me already?” He nudged Asher with his shoulder. He needed to remind Asher that it was him Asher needed to have his attention on, that it was him Asher had been pursuing for years, not some boy they’d just met.

  The things they’d done in the last weeks meant Sid was constant
ly achy, but the pain only served as a reminder of who he now belonged with. It was as if the chemistry that had only been fizzing was now constantly on the edge of overflowing.

  Asher smirked. “No. Back then I just didn’t know someone like you could be gay. So when you kissed that guy, I thought ‘I want a piece of that too’.”

  Sid glanced back at him. ‘A piece’? So there he’d been, thinking the overdressed teen with a hard-on for losing his virginity had been nervous, maybe a bit shy, and now it turned out Asher had pursued him all along, knowing exactly what he wanted.

  Lolly leaned forward, squashing his face between his fists, effectively making him look like a chipmunk. “Aw, that’s adorable! You never told us any of that, Sid.”

  “How was I supposed to know what Asher was thinking?”

  Dusk shrugged. “I still don’t understand what happened for you to go from—”

  “Maybe it’s private, Dusk,” Dawn butted in. Sid had no idea how Mage and Dusk even talked him into coming out to a venue so crowded, but at least he was trying to exercise his social muscles.

  “That’s right. You never told us you two had history,” Dusk said, leaning over the table. Asshole. Sid had told them just minutes ago. All Dusk wanted was Asher’s reaction to the same question.

  “I can see why he wanted to keep it private,” Asher said.

  Sid glanced into Asher’s eyes. “It did feel private.” Would Asher understand what he was trying to communicate? That even when Sid had brushed him off, he had still never gossiped about what they’d shared that one weekend?

  For a moment, Sid and Asher’s gazes met in the red glow of the lamp above, and it felt as if electricity sparked where they touched. Dawn’s squirming and the argument between the brothers couldn’t distract Sid from the man who’d taken over his life in such a shockingly brief time.

  He licked his lips in hesitation, but then leaned in for a quick kiss, unable to otherwise communicate the depth of his emotion. Some days Sid just sat in the garden or by the pool and worried to the point of nausea over where what they had was going. Spiraling out of control all too quickly, his relationship with Asher didn’t fit into any box.

  He was in love.

  And he’d never been in love before. Not like this. Not so intensely, not at all. Anything he’d felt for the men he’d been with before was only a shadow of the need that made him want to curl around Asher every night and press his nails into Asher’s flesh just to make sure he wasn’t going anywhere.

  For a moment, even Dusk and Mage stopped their bickering, and the void of silence in their little corner of the bar made the comforting touch on his bare flesh even more needed. Sid was losing it. He had no idea how to navigate this new situation, but he desperately wanted to find out, before Asher decided he was too much work after all.

  Asher smiled and briefly touched Sid’s chin with his thumb. “What’s up?”

  Everyone’s attention was on him now and he had no idea what to say anymore, so he shrugged, trying to play it cool. “It’s the place. Brings back so many memories. I used to love playing, because I could just beat the shit out of my drums. Crash Landing used to be all about that kind of angry music. We spurred each other on to do crazy shit, but then they kicked me out, and it turned out that being fucking gay was a bit ‘too crazy’ for them when a record contract was involved. I couldn’t find my place with music for a while after that. I was pissed off, but I didn’t want to play their songs ‘cause they only made me more angry. When I first heard your songs, Dawn, was when something changed in me. Gave me more direction. Made me think I can resonate with others, not just push against them.”

  Even Lolly was silent, just staring and sucking on his lollipop.

  Dawn put his hand over Sid’s, drawing closer with a smile. “Aw, Sid. You never said…”

  The tender gesture was so unexpected Sid barely kept himself from pulling away. The heat of Dawn’s hand seemed to melt the icy layer of skin that was always cold to the touch.

  “Because I’m not good at talking about this shit.” Would Asher understand that Sid wasn’t good at talking about his relationship either? “You write the songs, Dawn. As if putting feelings into words is your second nature. I…I just provide the rhythm,” he mumbled the last bit, embarrassed he was saying it out loud.

  Dusk’s laughter loomed over Sid’s back like an avalanche of rocks. “Aw, so that cage of bones is all fluffy inside after all. Who would have thought?”

  Mage must have kicked Dusk under the table, because the way Dusk jittered and dove his hand down was anything but conspicuous.

  Asher pulled Sid close and just kept him there, as if he felt the need to reassure Sid with his presence. Was Sid allowing this in public enough of a claim on Asher so that any doubts Asher could have had regarding the nature of their relationship would disappear?

  A voice like a punch to the teeth ripped Sid out of his bliss.

  “Hey, sorry to interrupt you guys, but we’ll be playing soon, and I was wondering if you’re staying for the gig?” Spike asked, and flashed them all a Colgate smile. He must have gotten the dental work done on the cash earned from the record deal, because Sid didn’t remember his teeth being this flashy.

  Asher stiffened next to Sid, and everyone else stared Spike down in silence. Lolly was the first one to speak. Popping out his lollipop, he leaned over the table. “You have a tough crowd at this table.”

  Spike licked his lips but didn’t budge as he glanced at Sid. “Really? Not for old times’ sake, Sid?” He laughed, but it sounded fake.

  Tick came up to them with a beer in hand and smiled as well. Bigger than Spike, with a mess of black hair, he was the bass player for Crash Landing, and Sid’s nemesis. “Heard you guys played at Boomfest. Can’t lie, I was pretty impressed.”

  Sid crossed his arms over his chest. “More like regretting you kicked me out?”

  Spike raised his hands defensively. “Whoa! Come on…it was by mutual agreement. You wanted to do your thing, we were headed in another direction—”

  “A ‘no gays allowed’ direction!” Sid growled and got up.

  Asher grabbed his wrist and pulled, trying to guide Sid down to his seat. His face remained expressionless, but he drank his beer that bit faster.

  “These are the guys who removed you from your own band?” Lolly exclaimed, dropping the lollipop to the dirty tabletop.

  Spike’s face twisted. “Come on, Sid, you know it was a sensitive subject. It’s not like we are homopho—”

  “No, you just didn’t stand by him,” Asher said.

  Tick rolled his eyes. “It’s hard to stand by someone who does everything to make a spectacle of himself. I’m guessing you know he’s gay, but do you know what he did back then? He wore a dog collar with his guy’s name, showed off welts on his back and came bruised to practice. Our agent wouldn’t have that, so he rage quit. Grow up, Sid.”

  “Welts?” Dawn asked in a voice so quiet Sid read the word off his lips.

  Mage cupped both his hands over his mouth, staring Sid’s way with so much outrage it made Sid want to run and never have to look into Mage’s eyes again.

  But he didn’t. He wouldn’t. This was his moment to stand up to the Crash Landing fuckers. He couldn’t believe they were trying to pose as saints now. Forced by circumstances. Yeah right.

  He shook off Asher’s touch so that he could look Tick in the eye. “Oh, I’ve fucking grown up, Tick. Graduated to bigger, better things. Ever heard of erotic electric play? It’s next on my bucket list. You can’t fucking barge in here and try to shame me in front of my band. And this is my boyfriend, by the way.” He pointed to Asher. “Because my band is okay with that. How about you fuck off into homophobic obscurity?” he spat the last words, slamming his hands against the table.

  “Electric what?” Dawn asked, and Mage cleared his throat, pushing Dawn out of the booth.

  “You know what? We should get more drinks.”

  Dawn sent Sid an incredulous st
are but followed the suggestion, disappearing into the crowd. Even Dusk and Lolly waited for him to be out of hearing range.

  Spike sighed but shook off Tick’s hand. “Maybe it’s really been a mistake. Your sexuality is the one thing that’s elevated you. If it wasn’t for that, no one would have ever heard of The Underdogs.”

  Asher gritted his teeth so loudly Sid could hear it. “Maybe, but at least they’re consistent, not changing their music to fit popular taste. What’s next? Synthesized vocals?”

  Tick’s face exploded with bright red. “Our music is simply developing. You can stay where you first landed if that’s what you want.”

  Spike nodded with a sneer. “And if you’re so out and proud, why has there been no mention of you being gay in the news, huh?”

  Tick gave a mean smile and pulled out his phone. “Yeah, how about you and your boyfriend say ‘cheese’? It would surely make your band even more popular, since gossip is what you guys capitalize on.”

  Sid’s eyes went wide, and within a split second he leaned over the table and slapped the phone out of Tick’s hand. The nasty crack it made when it hit the floor was just background noise to his racing thoughts. He’d made a big show of being out, but he wasn’t ready for everyone out there to know. Dusk and Lolly were this cute couple fans loved, but him and Asher? They didn’t even know where they were going.

  Dusk got up to stand shoulder to shoulder with Sid when Tick was busy retrieving his phone. “Yeah, and Sid’s free as a bird anyway. You guys can be the punk band for teenagers, but Sid is the real deal. He moves too fast for the gossip websites to catch on.”

  “There’s a man waiting for him at every venue. Stan here should be happy he’s allowed to take him home tonight, because it’s gonna be someone else come next tour,” Lolly said loudly and moved his beer bottle so abruptly some of the beverage sprinkled the front of Tick’s T-shirt. “Right, Sid? You guys don’t know what happens next month?”

  Sid swallowed and looked to Asher, but he couldn’t back out. “We haven’t really discussed it, but go anywhere near Ash with that camera, and I will fucking destroy you.” The last thing he wanted was some forced commitment in public when he didn’t even know yet where Asher stood. He’d made enough of a mess tonight already.