Fighting For Love - A Standalone Novel (A Bad Boy Sports Romance Love Story) (Burbank Brothers, Book #5)

by Naomi Niles

  As I drew closer, I saw that his truck was standing in the driveway. I knew my Escalade was in the garage and I did not see a third vehicle. Checking my makeup and hair in my rearview mirror, I stepped out of my car and walked up to the door of the ranch. I knocked gently once, and a second knock was not needed because the door burst open and there he stood.

  The sight of him made me hold my breath; my heart hammering in my chest, my eyes filling with tears of loss.

  “Silver.” That was all he said.

  I smiled. For having been apart as long as we had, we had very few words to say to one another. He stood back and I walked into the house and straight through to the pool area; the place where it had all begun. We sat in adjoining chairs and sipped glasses of cold lemonade and chatted about the weather and other unnecessary things, all the time avoiding the bigger questions.

  I was fairly glad that Jill wasn’t there yet. He told me she planned to be moving in any day, but in the meantime it would just be the two of us. I don’t really know why that made me feel odd, as though I needed a chaperone, because I certainly did not.

  We ordered a pizza, splitting it and laughing as he picked off the pepperoni and I picked off the sausage. Somehow we found it convenient to become young again. Somehow that prevented the questions that needed to be answered. It began to grow dark and as the darkness approached the time for questions to be answered approached as well. We lay on the lounge chairs, still side-by-side, looking up at the stars. The pool light came on with the timer, providing just enough light that I could see his profile. I knew when he looked at me, I could feel his eyes upon my profile as well.

  “Why did you go?” he asked simply.

  “You don’t know?” I asked, leaving the words to hang in the darkness as he considered what the reasons could have been.

  “No, I never knew. I had some ideas, but I never knew for sure.” His answer was simple, but heartfelt.

  “I was no good for you Blake,” I told him bluntly. “Couldn’t you see that?”

  “You are all I ever wanted. Couldn’t you see that?”

  “You don’t even know who I am. You don’t understand where I came from my childhood was like.”

  “Yes, I think I do. Jill filled in the missing pieces. You are so much more than your beginnings, Silver.”

  “And you are so much more than yours,” I told him.

  “Where do we go from here?” he asked me.

  “Are we going anywhere?” I wanted to know.

  “I’ve missed you. I can’t say it any simpler than that. I’ve missed the sound of your voice, the way you snapped back at me, your opinions that were never asked for … I miss all of that.”

  “I’m not quite sure how to take that,” I told him.

  “Take it in whatever way convinces you to come back,” he told me in a somber voice.

  “You don’t understand. It’s too late for that.”

  He was silent several long moments. He swallowed hard and asked, “You mean the other guy?”

  I nodded. It was killing me inside to not tell him about Kirk. But once I told him, I would lose control of my life and my son forever. I had seen what children did to relationships with my mother, especially when there were two girls from different fathers. Even though Kirk belonged to him, once he knew about him, I would be at the end of Blake’s leash until Kirk was an adult. And yet I understood that if I didn’t tell him about Kirk, eventually he would find out, probably from Jill. I couldn’t keep Kirk a secret for the rest of my life. My conscience wrestled with my logic. I knew my logic was slowly losing the battle.

  Blake had looked down at his lap, and he was picking at his thumbnail. I had seen this gesture before. It was a sign that he was experiencing some anxiety. This tugged at my heart, I didn’t want to be the source of discomfort for him. I knew that he was having self-control issues. I knew that he had stopped drinking. There was so much about him that I could read, and so little of myself that I was willing to let him read. I reasoned that now was not yet the time, and that I would know when the time came.

  “I shouldn’t stay long, I was hoping to see Jill here. I’ll go into town and see her at her apartment. She might need my help doing some last-minute packing.”

  “Please don’t go yet,” he pleaded with me. “I’ll see to it that Jill is moved over here. Just sit by me for a while. I don’t know anything about this other man, but I suspect once he learns about me, he won’t allow you to come here again.”

  I couldn’t argue with his logic; I would’ve drawn the same conclusions. I nodded. “Okay, I’ll stay a little longer on one condition.”

  “What’s that?” he asked me. His face had lit up. I knew it was because I had agreed to stay a while longer.

  “The pizza was good, but I picked off so much there was hardly anything left. Why don’t you let me cook us some dinner?” I suggested.

  “And you think I would argue with that?” he laughed.

  “I didn’t think so. Let’s see what you’ve got in there.”

  I made my way to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator to take inventory. It certainly looked a whole lot more wholesome than it did the last time I had looked in. There was no beer, no liquor bottles lying on their side, not even a vodka bottle in the freezer. There were some green vegetables, enough so I could make a salad. There was a large steak and I pulled this out as the basis for the meal.

  He sat on one of the stools at the breakfast counter and talked as I cooked. I could tell he had a lot on his mind and that he really needed someone to talk to. I listened patiently, nodding at the appropriate junctures and never sitting in judgment of him. My life was no longer conjoined to his; I had no right to pass judgment.

  “I can’t ride the bulls anymore, Silver,” he said.

  I could hear the sadness and the defeat in his voice. “Where’s the problem?” I asked him, full of sympathy for the part of the man I knew that had seemed to wither.

  “I won’t spare any words. I’m terrified. The last ride I had they had doctored the horse,” he told me. “It went wild, threw me off, and still came at me. They had to shoot it,” he said. He slammed his hand on the countertop causing me to jump somewhat. “Silver, I just cannot be a part of this anymore.”

  “What do you plan to do?” I asked him.

  “I have no freaking idea,” he said “I don’t have a college education like you do, you know. I pretty much raised myself, my parents had four of us, all boys. The rodeo was all I’ve ever known. I started there as a youngster and kept climbing through the ranks. I’m not really sure where that leaves me.”

  “Have you thought about what you would like to do?” I asked him.

  “It’s all I’ve done. I’ve looked around at what’s available and the best I can come up with is building a camp for kids. Isn’t that pitiful?” he asked me, his eyes almost mournful in appearance.

  “Not unless you consider kids pitiful,” I said, my heart hammering in my chest.

  “Hell no,” he said in a vehement voice. “I’ve always loved kids. In fact, you might say, there was a time not too very long ago I found a lady with whom I hope to have a half-dozen.”

  “Is that so?” I looked at him, my conscience pounding at the temples of my head. Should I tell him?

  “Silver, you know a lot about me. Do you have any ideas?”

  “Well, I hadn’t really given any thought to that. I suppose you need to take a look at who you are and what sort of marketable commodities you have to offer. There’s your ability to ride, even if you don’t want to do it on the rodeo circuit. There’s your name, that’s still worth quite a bit on the barrelhead. I suppose you could look at some endorsements, as long as you keep up some sort of rodeo image. You’re an intelligent man. There have got to be things that you thought of doing at some point in your life. Think back to what those are. Nothing is impossible for you, Blake.”

  “Except getting you to come back,” he said in a dismissive voice.

 
“Blake, you don’t want me. You might think you do but you don’t know what you’re getting into. I don’t come from good stock. Hell, if I had been a calf born on your ranch you probably would’ve shot me in the head at birth.”

  “Don’t say that! I know all about your mother.”

  “From whom? From Jill? Oh, I’m quite sure her rendition is a little bit different than the truth. Jill is actually very much like my mother. She wouldn’t admit there was anything wrong with mom. Her conscience wouldn’t allow that. That’s why she fights with me. I wanted out, to go to school and to make something of myself. Jill didn’t look that far down the road.”

  “Is that so?” A voice came from the next room.

  It was Jill. She walked to the doorway and gave me a really hard look. “I heard myself being discussed, and it didn’t sound very nice,” she said.

  “You’re right; I’m sorry Jill,” I said. I walked around the counter and hugged her. “I’ve missed you, I really have.”

  “It didn’t really sound that way when I came in the door,” Jill sneered.

  I couldn’t blame her for being angry. It wasn’t fair of me to compare her to my mother; and certainly not fair of me to speak badly about her in any way. She was doing the best she could with what she had.

  “Again, I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair.”

  “Nope. But then you do that, don’t you?” Jill stabbed me verbally.

  I looked up at Blake. “See what you would be in for if we both lived with you?” I tried to interject a half grin to lighten the situation. “We fight like a couple of cats,” I pointed out.

  “Not anything I can’t handle,” Blake responded.

  “So how are things going, Jill?” I asked, turning back to cooking.

  “About the same as always; not worth shit,” she said.

  Blake stood up. “Jill, where are your things? I’ll carry them in for you,” he offered.

  “Just those two bags standing inside the door,” she said. “There isn’t really much to my life, Blake,” she said.

  “There’s a lot more to your life than you realize,” I couldn’t help but say.

  Jill shrugged and turned to get her bags, followed by Blake. I could hear them talking as he showed her to her room. I finished up the dinner preparation just as Jill walked into the kitchen

  “Anything I can do?” she offered.

  “You can set three place settings if you like,” I said, pointing to the drawer where the silverware was kept.

  She nodded and quietly went about setting the places at the table. I pulled three plates out of the cupboard and filled them with food, loading them onto a tray and carrying them into the next room. “Dinner’s on, as late as it is,” I announced and waited until Blake had joined us before sitting down.

  “I don’t suppose you want to pray, do you?” Jill asked. “Have you reformed?” she needled me.

  “Be good, Jill. She’s only with us for a short time,” Blake mentioned.

  We ate in relative silence. Blake made a few inane comments about the weather, the price of beef, and whether the Cowboys would make it to the Super Bowl. I couldn’t have cared less, but preferred not to say so. I knew he was simply filling the space with words. Jill ate in total silence, which was unusual for her. I suspect that this might be the first time in a very long time that she wasn’t high on something or other.

  When dinner was finished, I stood up to clear the table. “You go on and visit with Blake; I’ll do that,” Jill said and there was actually a look of kindness on her face.

  I nodded and followed Blake out onto the patio, pulling the door shut behind us so that we might speak more privately.

  “Are you sure you won’t change your mind, Silver?” he asked me once again. “There’s plenty of room for you here. You can have your own room if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  “I can’t, Blake,” I told him.

  “Is he this important to you?” he said, his voice ragged with emotion.

  “Yes, he is. I can’t go into details, Blake. My life took some turns while I was gone. I have to see where those turns take me.”

  “I understand,” he said in a quiet voice. “Silver, you need to know I will always be waiting here for you. You will always have a home here. Even if I move on, I’ll keep the place.”

  My heart was aching. I knew that I loved this man and I also knew he represented danger to me. Perhaps more danger to Kirk. I would have to give this some thought. Marie came to mind; I would have a long talk with her and get her opinion. Once I let the cat out of the bag it would be too late to put it back in. I nodded.

  “I guess I’ll be going now,” I said and stood.

  There was a look of longing and sadness on his face. “I’ll miss you.”

  “I’ll miss you, too,” I said in a soft voice and stepped forward to kiss him gently on the lips. I could feel his body tense as he fought the impulse to wrap his arms around me and keep me against his chest. I knew this was hell for him. There was nothing I could do. He had to make decisions on his own. The time had come for me to leave.

  I hugged Jill on my way to the front door. “I love you, sister. I will be in touch soon.” With that, I opened the front door and left two of the three most important people in my life behind.

  Chapter 12

  Blake

  I watched Silver drive away. It seemed like everything that I’d held out for as hope for the future, left with her. I had no idea who the man was she had chosen to spend her life with; it hurt too much to even consider that. I hoped he would take good care of her; at this point in time I wasn’t even so sure I could do that.

  I walked back into the house and saw Jill waiting for me on the patio. She waved me out and pointed to a chair.

  “Sit down, will you?” she asked me in a very polite and very businesslike voice I’d never heard before. “You’re hooked on her, aren’t you?” she asked me

  “Yeah, I guess you could say that. She wasn’t here very long, but she fit in very well. I guess I let myself get carried away and started thinking of her in a permanent way. I had no right to do that. I never even let her know I cared until the day she left.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, if I have to tell you about it, she stayed with me that last night. I told her as I fell asleep that I loved her.”

  Jill rolled her eyes. “Of course she left. You just don’t get her. She doesn’t think she’s worthy of being loved by anyone. Most especially someone who is successful like you. She’s thought that her whole life. Any guy she ever went with had to be the scum of the earth or she couldn’t see herself with him. She became a writer because it allowed her to talk about her place in the world, the people with whom she was familiar and could relate to. It was cathartic for her.”

  “What happened to your mother?” I asked her.

  “My mother was a whore. There’s no better way to say that. She slept with anything that had a dime. One day a new guy picked her up off the corner. He was from out of town, at least that’s what I think. He spoke with a strange accent. I don’t know, maybe he was an immigrant. It doesn’t really matter. I never knew his name. He asked my mother to do something that was even beyond her ability, and that’s saying a whole lot. I think what he wanted was to have a threesome; her, Meli, and me. Of course my mother refused, and the guy beat her. Not just with his fists, but with anything he could get his hands on. Maybe he realized that what he had asked for was illegal; maybe he wanted no witnesses. I don’t know. The point is, he beat my mother to death. When it was over, she was lying naked on the floor and her blood had carpeted her body.

  “Meli and I were hiding in a curtained closet so we were able to peer out and watch. I’m not really sure if he knew we were there, but we were. We had grown very good at being silent when mother was entertaining. Meli and I ran out of the apartment as soon as he left. Meli was thirteen and I was nine. The first night we stayed in the alley behind a restaurant. We ate from the garbage
they threw out and Meli made us a kind of hut out of the empty food boxes. It was cold, I remember. I was shivering and scared. Meli wrapped her arms around me and sang little songs to me until I finally fell asleep. The next morning a garbage truck came and we had to make a run for it before someone saw us. If we were found out, Child Protective Services would’ve picked us up and we would have been separated forever. Meli promised me that would never happen.

  “So Meli got a job as a dishwasher at the same restaurant where we’d slept the night before. They paid her $.50 an hour and all the food that we could eat. Before too long, she had talked the restaurant owner into letting us sleep inside the back room where the stacks of provisions were kept. He didn’t turn us in. He knew if he did, he’d be in trouble. He’d also lose the cheapest dishwasher he’d ever had.

  “We moved from restaurant to restaurant, looking for a better job, a little more money, a little better place to stay. She got me through it, Blake. I’ve never truly thanked her for that. She carries the scars for both of us. Me? I carry my mother’s genes.”

  “I had no idea,” I said.

  “Of course you didn’t,” Jill said. “How could you?”

  “What can I do to get her back, Jill?”

  “Just love her. Let her know that you love her for who she is and all that she is.”

  “I have told her. I just don’t know the right words. She’s got someone else, you know,” I said.

  “And you believed her?” Jill rolled her eyes and clicked her tongue to indicate how big a fool I was.

  “What do you mean?” I asked her, my heart leaping on the off chance that Silver had been lying. If ever I wanted to hear a lie, this was the time.

  “You know her well enough to know she’s an honorable woman. If she had another man, she would not have come to see you. No matter how hard you begged. If her intention had been to come to see me, she would’ve come while I was still in the apartment so she wouldn’t have to run across you. You really are an idiot, you know?” she threw at me.