Fighting For Love - A Standalone Novel (A Bad Boy Sports Romance Love Story) (Burbank Brothers, Book #5)

by Naomi Niles

  “I guess I never really thought of it. Once she mentioned another man, I just believed her,” I confessed to Jill as she puffed upon her cigarette in the darkness.

  “Well, you’ll learn eventually, I suppose. In the meantime, I think you’re a good egg. I appreciate you trying to help me and I promise I’ll stay clean while I’m here. You won’t have any trouble out of me. I am a survivor; you know?” she posed her question.

  “I think you both are. I could learn a thing or two from each of you,” I told her.

  “I’ll help you try to get her back,” Jill promised. “I know her pretty well, but what I don’t know is how you treated her. If you were condescending in any way, you may have ruined it. So, just how did you treat her?” she prompted me.

  I could hear suspicion in her voice. “Probably not as well as I should have,” I admitted. “I was an arrogant son of a bitch. I made her feel like she was ruining my career and yet I was magnanimous enough to give her a job.”

  “You bastard! She didn’t deserve that.”

  “I know that now, and I know I deserve what she’s dealing out to me.”

  “Not sure what I can do for you, but I will try. You have my word on that. Now I’m going in and try out that new bed. It will be nice to not scratch tonight. Goodnight, Blake,” she said as she went indoors.

  I said in the darkness by the pool for a very long time. I looked at the sky and pictured Silver driving beneath the same moon that I was watching. It somehow made me feel closer to her, even though she was driving further away. I recalled her words about drawing upon my own strengths. I had no business trying to get her back if I couldn’t take care of her. I would have to make some decisions, and no matter what, I would show her the respect she deserved. That’s when I realized that in many ways, I was like her. I had abused my body, my reputation, and the people around me because I felt as though I didn’t deserve to be treated well. She had taught me a lesson without even realizing it. Jill had been the one to help me see it. I owed her one, too.

  Silver had talked about my reputation still having some value. I considered how I might put that to good use. I went inside and turned on the computer. I did a search for business ideas, and printed out pages of suggestions. I flipped off the computer and the light on the desk, picked up a pen, and went into my bedroom. I stayed up the rest of the night considering each of the business ideas and choosing which one might work for me. By morning, I thought I had found the right one. Only time would tell.

  Chapter 13

  Meli

  Leaving Blake was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do. I felt like I left a piece of myself behind. Add in my sister, and I felt like I’d just run away from home. It would have been so simple to go pick up Kirk, lock up the house and return to Dallas and the only sense of family I’d ever had. It made so much sense, so why didn’t I do it?

  I wasn’t entirely obtuse. I understood where my problems had begun. The less explored about that, the better.

  I stayed in a motel not far off the expressway that night. I stayed in the middle of the bed; it seemed less empty that way. I called Baton Rouge and had Sarah put Kirk on the phone.

  “I’ll be coming home tomorrow, honey,” I told him.

  “Sarah and I colored today,” Kirk told me in an excited voice. “We had a big storm. It rained really, really hard. Sarah and I watched it out of the window and when it was all done, I took a nap,” he added.

  “That’s wonderful, darling,” I told him, loving the sound of his little voice on the phone. “I will see you tomorrow, I promise. I will bring you a surprise.”

  I spoke briefly with Sarah to make sure everything was okay and then shut the phone off for the night and tried to sleep. The key word there was try to sleep. It was as if I were watching a film play before my eyes. The images began with Blake, his strong body mounted on the bull and his arm reaching upward to the sky. I remembered that body lying atop my own that one night. I had never felt such emotion and love from any human being as I did from him. The danger flashed red lights over everything from that point on. He had so much potential. I could never hope to be equal to the kind of woman he needed; this much I knew.

  Then I began a flashback. I saw Jill, as she was as a little girl. I remember the night that we had hidden in the closet. The strange man had beaten our mother and while I watched, I had choked back a scream. At the same time, I remember with an absolute guilt feeling that in a very small way, she deserved what she was getting. Even as a young girl, I knew that what my mother did was wrong. We had no friends. People wanted nothing to do with us. I was the elder, and I could take it. Jill, she only had me.

  I remembered sleeping outside the restaurant that night; how cold it was and how Jill had clung to me. She needed me then and although she didn’t realize it, she needed me now. In an odd way, I had provided her shelter once again, beneath the roof of the man I loved, but could not live with.

  Now Kirk needed me. He was my responsibility; the life I would have to protect with my own. If that meant being away from Blake, then so be it.

  I tried to shift my thinking on to other topics. I thought about the new restaurant I had planned. I made a note that upon my return to Baton Rouge I would take a week and drive the town, enlisting the aid of a real estate agent so that I might find just the appropriate property. I had no idea whether this would entail taking over an existing building, or building my own. I hoped for the former, as the latter would take too long and was really not something I knew how to do.

  I began to think about branding. The name of the restaurant had made sense when Maudie owned it, but now I was planning a chain. I would have to attach visual recognition to everything about this new one. I needed a logo, stationery, business cards, social media, menus; I needed everything from the ground up. Somehow I managed to divert my attention from my heart and eventually fell asleep.

  ***

  I had driven all day and was finally coming upon Baton Rouge, and my little boy. He flew into my arms, even more joyful to see me when I handed him the bag I had brought. I had stopped on my way home and bought him a selection of toys that he could play with in the backyard. This would be a novel experience for him.

  I looked forward to finally having peace in our lives. Sarah was glad to see me and seemed to have no problem staying with Kirk by herself. This was encouraging as I would need her help a great deal in the near future.

  Two days later I made an appointment with the realtor and began to tour the city. There were areas of town that I needed to avoid; they were simply too dangerous. However, much of the city loved Southern comfort food and Maudie’s recipes would be well received. I found a building on the corner not far from the expressway. The neighborhood was good; the location was even better. The building was two stories tall and would permit me to mount a billboard on its roof, thereby letting cars on the expressway see the sign and point to the next exit. I made an offer on the building, and forty-eight hours later I owned it.

  I sat down with a graphic designer and began the basis of what would become my brand. I had a photograph of Maudie, and gave this to her that she might find it illustrator to make a caricature. It was only right that Maudie be a part of what was ahead. I found an attorney who seem trustworthy and drew up all the legal paperwork.

  At the same time, I made out a will. I left everything, including my son, to Blake. I knew he would see to it that Jill was also taken care of, but by leaving things to Blake, I was leaving things to my son.

  I was becoming very optimistic about the future. I had hired a contractor to renovate the building and my designer had become her own advertising agency as she worked not only on the logo, but the billboard signage and all the other items we would be needing. I visited some restaurant supply stores and picked out furnishings for the interior. I wanted it to look very country, very much like the original Maudie’s Café. There were uniforms to be selected, glasses and plates to be chosen. I spent several days fine-tuning the
menu, pricing the ingredients so that I was making a fair profit and yet staying within the budget of the people who would become my customers. This was somewhat out of my realm of experience, but I was pretty sure I could figure it out.

  I was visiting the building one day when a woman walked in. At first glance, she reminded me very much of Maudie, but somewhat younger.

  “May I help you?” I asked her.

  “You the owner?” she inquired.

  “Yes,” I acknowledged.

  “I want a job.”

  I was somewhat taken aback by her brusque attitude, but I had learned that some people just didn’t have time for nonsense. “What sort of job are you looking for?”

  “Anything you need. I can cook, I can wait tables, I can wash dishes, and I can tell my friends and neighbors to come and bring their business to you.” I had to admire her guts. She was bargaining with everything that she had. I understood this; I had been in her shoes before.

  “Have you ever run a restaurant?” I asked her.

  “Six of them,” she said. “And they were all good ones. Management sold the places out from beneath me.”

  “What’s your name?” I asked her.

  “Bertha. Bertha Pullens,” she informed me, her chin rising a bit with dignity.

  “Well, Bertha Pullens, you’ve got yourself a job. How would you like to manage this new restaurant?” I heard myself mouth the words and was surprised. I had no intention of hiring a manager until that very moment. Bertha’s attitude had convinced me. I knew I could not handle expanding the business as well as running this newest branch. Bertha was the answer. We talked for a while and as we did she relaxed and began to smile more frequently. Eventually she was telling me jokes and old anecdotes from her years in the business. When she left, we hugged and I knew I had just added a member to my family.

  Between Bertha and myself, we managed to open the restaurant only two months later. True to her word she brought in so many customers they had to line up on the sidewalk outside the café. I was thrilled. The food seemed to be well received, and the atmosphere even more so. I recognized my niche, and made a note to duplicate this with every branch I would open in the future.

  Maudie’s Café, second location, was a huge success. My life and my future seemed to be golden. If it weren’t for the ache in my heart, I don’t think there would have been anything I wasn’t happy about. I longed to bring Jill, to let her see what I had accomplished and perhaps even become a part of it. I knew if I did, however, she would feel jealousy. She always had. She was so much like our mother. She was better off staying at Blake’s for the time being. Perhaps someday I would find a place for her but until then she had to be kept in the dark.

  Chapter 14

  Blake

  I had finally arrived at the day. This was the day I was going to change my life. I looked myself in the mirror and called myself a coward. I was a bull rider. That’s what I did for a living. It had brought me plenty of money up until now and if it weren’t for my weakness, these cursed panic attacks, I’d still be out there. I was making excuses; I knew the industry had bad parts to it. But I would be better changing it from within then from without.

  Jill and I had settled into a routine. She cooked the meals, cleaned the house, did the laundry and shopping, and was there for me to talk to when I was in the mood. In return, she had a roof over her head, plenty to eat, a vehicle to drive, an allowance of sorts, and the privacy to entertain whomever she wanted as long as they stayed in her wing of the house. I thought that was a pretty good arrangement. My wing of the house stayed empty, except for me.

  I was torn between decisions. On one hand I wanted to know where Silver was and what she was doing, who she was with. On the other hand, I wanted to give her privacy, and hope that one day she would change your mind and come back to me. I didn’t want to hold out too much hope for the latter, but that’s where my heart was.

  I spent a few days getting used to riding again. I suppose it’s like a bicycle; you never truly forget, but the muscles certainly did get sore. Of course riding my horse was nothing compared to a bull, but I had to begin somewhere. It felt good to be out in the fresh air again. Most of all, it felt good to not feel sorry for myself.

  I set up an appointment with a therapist; someone who supposedly had a good deal of experience treating anxiety disorders. Her name was Dr. Drew, and although I held out great hope that she could help me, I was a bit doubtful. I had never been to counseling before; this was a totally new experience. I had never been someone who could pour out their troubles to a stranger. I was taught to keep my business to myself. She pushed me to talk and eventually the words came pouring out. I told her about my childhood, just like they say in the stories. She made no comment; just sat there quietly taking notes and nodding from time to time. At times, I felt hideou,; as though I was a freak, something sick. But eventually I grew accustomed to it and eventually she began to help me.

  I understood that part of the therapy was to put myself in a situation that produced anxiety on a gradual basis. Riding the horse on my ranch hadn’t bothered me in the least. I knew the time had come to go back to the arena. I hung around with the old guys, heard their comments, re-earned their respect. It wouldn’t be easy; they saw me as somewhat of a traitor at this point. But my self-esteem in the future depended on being accepted again. In order to become a bull rider, I needed to be allowed on a bull. It was a pretty simple concept, I knew.

  I took some heckling, but I expected that. The management wasn’t terribly happy with me after the deal with Chaos, and I couldn’t blame them, either. I was called into the office and asked just exactly how ready I was to come back.

  I knew they would have their doubts. It was a very closed society: not open to newcomers and not open to traitors. They had to know where I stood. I told them what they wanted to hear and I started out in a clown costume for the first couple events. It was hard on me to do this, to take a lowly job when I had been the king. But I was getting used to being around the animals again and I could remember a time when I was a kid and not a king. Kingdoms come with a price.

  I overcame my pride quickly. Pride couldn’t pay the bills and couldn’t restore my sense of worth. I had to do that for myself. It wasn’t long before I was ready to ride the bulls; the only question was when would I take the test? The guys were getting ready to go on the circuit in the near future and I decided I would go with them. I’d rather test myself on the road, than at home.

  For the first time in my life, I began a regimen of healthy activities. I had stopped drinking entirely and there wasn’t a cigarette in the place. I got up each morning and jogged five miles and then came back to do a hundred laps in the pool. I dragged Jill with me down to the grocery and made her pick out healthy foods, as she called them. I put her in charge of cooking and she agreed, as long as I promised to stay out of the kitchen. It meant no more chips, no more sub sandwiches, and no more midnight bowls of cereal. It was hell, but I was up to it. I really had no choice. I was surprised that I actually began to feel human again. I slept well despite the fact that my bed was empty. I didn’t make the mistake of bringing anyone home. Even though she didn’t want it, that place belonged to Silver.

  I ended up dropping about twenty pounds and I could actually run my five miles without stopping to cough every twenty yards. Jill tried to start me on some shit called yoga, and while I fought her, I eventually gave in, if only to get her to shut up. It wasn’t half bad and actually made me feel pretty limber. It felt good to stretch out those sore muscles. I knew there were a lot sorer muscles in my future.

  We left on the circuit, pulling out early one morning while the fog was still thick upon the pastures. I watched the ranch drop away in my rearview mirror and Jill was standing on the front porch, waving goodbye. I was a little nervous about leaving her all alone. She did have a tendency to party hardy and I hoped that my place was still in one piece when I got back. I had taken the precaution of locking away the
firearms and the cash I kept on hand. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust her; it was her friends I was worried about.

  I joined the caravan of vehicles as we headed north. Some of the guys rode together, but I preferred to be alone. It gave me time to think about things, even if they weren’t always happy things. I took a sip of my decaf coffee, rolled down the window, and dumped it out on the street. There was only so far I was willing to go.

  The first event was in Kansas City. I could feel the nerves building up inside, but I told myself I had been there a thousand times and this was no different from the others. I was scheduled for a young bull; he was a little wild but not the biggest thing I’d ridden. I was riding fifth that afternoon and I watched the first three guys lose their seat in the dust. Rider number four managed to stay aboard but just barely.

  Then came my turn. The announcer took his time introducing me. It wasn’t every day that the number one rider lost his nerve and attempted to come back. I wasn’t fooling anyone. The fans in the stands had bought tickets just to see me fail again. I couldn’t let them get to me; I had a job to do in my life depended on it.

  I straddled the fence as a bar brought my ride into the pen I felt the sudden calm come over me. I knew where I was: I was home.

  The strangest thing happened then. The animal seemed to sense my calm and he settled down. I could see the handlers look at one another, as though they were questioning whether they should prod him. I muttered in a low voice, “Leave him the hell alone. He’s mine.” One of the handlers nodded; he knew better than to cross me at that moment.

  I lowered myself down onto his back and wrapped the reins around my hand. They felt good and solid and I was in full control. The gate opened and he was loose. He did what he was supposed to do, he knew his job. I knew mine as well. I stuck to him past the buzzer and well beyond. I think I could’ve stuck to him all day. I finally had enough, so I threw up my hands, slid my leg over his back and dropped to the dirt. He seemed almost anxious to be rid of me, trotting off on his own.