Washed Out

by Safa Shaqsy

  “Call the emergency!” Dad shouted.

  I called them, and told them about Mom, and they said they were on the way, fifteen minutes top.

  Mom was kicking and screaming, “This is not my house! Take me back to my house!”

  I felt the tears streaming on my cheeks, “This is your house,” I informed her.

  After a few struggling minutes, Dad was able to hold her, and calm her down. She finally lost her energy, and collapsed on the floor, with Dad still holding her hands, just in case if she wanted to do anything risky. It took a while, for the ambulance to arrive. I opened the door for them, and they took her carefully downstairs, and placed her in their car, while Dad and I walked behind them.

  Dad turned to me, and placed his hands on my shoulder, “You need to stay with the kids.”

  “I have to go!” I snapped.

  “No, your siblings need you!” he shouted back, then he stepped back and entered the ambulance. The siren started and they sped away. When I looked back at the front door, Adam and Amelia stood in the middle of the entrance, crying and hugging each other.

  “She’ll be okay,” I informed aloud.

  And I thought, is she?

  I WORKED MY WAY UPSTAIRS with my bottled up feelings and tried to stop my tears from falling. I took my crying siblings upstairs to their bedrooms, when I reached Adam’s room, I said, “Goodnight, try not to think about it, okay?”

  He nodded with weak faith and got into his room and locked the door behind him. I took my sister’s hand and escorted her to her bedroom. She was still crying, her tears falling on her shoulders, making her shirt wet. When I stopped at her bedroom door, I bent down and grabbed her shoulders, “Amelia, she’s going to be okay. It’s just a temporary phase, doctors will take good care of her,” I explained to her.

  I planted a kiss on her forehead, and she went into her room, and closed the door.

  I took a shaky breath in, and muttered to myself, “Why God? Why?”

  I walked into my bedroom and sat on the edge of my bed. I thought of all the possibilities that would come from this incident, and how we really need Mom alive. I was worried that what happened that day will traumatize my siblings for life. But what could have I done? I was helpless. I was weak.

  I turned at my bedside table where the box Ned gave me, laid there. I took the box and placed it on my lap. I opened the box and read every note he wrote. The Shakespeare quotes that I adored. I took one and read it with tears finally falling from my eyes. I was crying.

  I crumpled the piece of paper in my fist, and covered my face with my hands.

  I needed someone to hug me at that time, and I couldn’t stop thinking of what would Ned do if he saw me crying.

  Ned.

  I had to call him.

  I picked up my phone and dialed his number, and it rang for a few seconds.

  I heard him picking up the phone, I felt he was smiling on the other end.

  “Hey, Celia, it’s good to hear your voice,” he greeted.

  “Hey,” I said with a shaky voice.

  “Are you crying? What happened?” he asked.

  “My mom was admitted to the hospital. She has been acting weird and aggressive,” I forced my normal voice, and sniffed, “I’m sorry, but I had to call you.”

  “Celia, you don’t have to apologize,” Ned said, “I’m sorry about your mom. Are you there with her?”

  “No, Dad’s with her. I’m at home with Adam and Amelia,” I answered with squeaky voice, “I have to be here with them.”

  “Okay, Celia, I’m coming over. Hang in there,” Ned said.

  I nodded, “Okay.” And hang up.

  I put the phone on my lap, and wiped the tears on my cheeks. I had to breath, and let it go.

  “Celia?” Amelia called as she stood at the doorway.

  I turned to her. Not replying. It took me a lot of effort to look normal, but too late. She saw my tears.

  She stepped in the room, “Can I stay with you? I can’t sleep.”

  “Sure, Mimi, come in,” I said.

  She walked in and sat beside me on the bed. I hugged her from the side and kissed her cheek. She looked at me with worry, and fear, “Were you crying?”

  “Yes. Yes, I was.”

  She kept her head on my chest as I rubbed my hand on her arm, “But we’re going to be okay.”

  I heard the doorbell, and I saw Adam run in the hallway shouting, “I got it!”

  After a while I heard them talking while they walked upstairs. Ned stopped by the doorway, and saw us hugging each other on the bed. Adam went to the dressing table and took the chair, and placed it beside my bed, where we were sitting.

  “You can sit here,” Adam suggested.

  “Thanks, man,” Ned said to Adam, and sat on the chair.

  I turned to look at Adam, and smiled at him, “Thank you.”

  He nodded, “Don’t worry about it. I will stay here as long as you need me.”

  I was so grateful for his presence, and I wanted to tell him how special he was to me, but words would have failed me. I couldn’t describe how much I needed people around me at that time. I was hurting. We all were. I rested the side of my head to Amelia’s, and took the time to let the silence fold in on us.

  I WOKE UP IN THE MIDDLE of the night, and saw myself on the bed, covered by my blanket with Amelia on my side. I carefully got up from the bed and heard a voice in the dark, “You’re awake.”

  I flinched when I saw Ned who was silently sitting beside the bed, and was staring at us while we slept. He must have put us to bed, and covered us after we fell asleep. I placed my finger on my lips to shush him and beckoned for him to come outside my bedroom. We went outside the bedroom, in the hallway, and closed the door behind us. Amelia finally slept and I didn’t want to wake her up.

  Ned held my gaze, “Feel better?”

  I nodded, “I needed that rest, I felt like my head was about to explode.”

  He tucked my hair behind my ear, and cupped my face with his soft hands, “You need not to worry about tomorrow. Let me help you take care of your siblings.”

  I shook my head, “I can’t let you. You already did enough for us, and I thank you for that, Ned.”

  “Celia, I’m trying to make you understand...” He trailed off, and pulled his hands off with annoyance. He looked hurt, and confused.

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “I care about you and there’s no day that I don’t think about you,” Ned said, “I just want you to be happy.”

  I crossed my hands over my chest, and looked away, “Ned...”

  “Celia,” he called.

  “I’m just confused.” I said, “I’m sorry, I need to go.” I got in my bedroom and closed the door behind me. I stood there staring at Amelia snoring and thought about Kent. What was he doing, and why didn’t he call me yet?

  We were supposed to meet, but he never bothered to call and check on me. I didn’t know what to do, and what should I tell Ned about us. Should I just tell him the truth? Or give him a chance? I felt like my heart was pulled with two strings. One string was the passionate love with Kent, and the other was a caring, sweet love. I felt so hurt, and confused. Part of me wanted Ned, but refused the new relationship. Maybe I was scared to get hurt again. Or scared to start over again.

  Chapter Nineteen

  I WOKE UP THAT MORNING with a headache, and looked on my bed to find that Amelia wasn’t on there anymore. I uncovered myself and got up on my feet. I walked down stairs, smelled the aroma of a cooked meal, and headed to the dining room to find Adam, Amelia, and Ned, sitting around the dining table, eating breakfast. I was surprised that Ned took the time to cook us breakfast.

  “You cooked this?” I asked.

  “Err, yeah. I did,” he replied and chewed his food.

  I went to the table, and sat on a chair beside Ned, “I...you didn’t have to.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” Ned said.

  I looked down at his hands
over the table as he moved his hand, and placed it over mine. I smiled at him as a thank you. I saw Amelia and Adam eat with an appetite, like what happened yesterday hadn’t effected them. Maybe Ned being around them made them feel safe, and secure. He had that charm after all.

  He took my phone from his pocket, and gave it to me. “Your father tried to call you.”

  I took it, and checked the missed calls from Dad. There were even miss calls from Jane. I dialed Dad’s number and when he picked up I asked, “How’s Mom?”

  He signed, “She’s stable. How are you and the kids?”

  “They’re fine. Eating breakfast,” I answered, “Ned stayed the night with us to make sure we’re okay.”

  “Ned?” He repeated.

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, thank him for me,” he said, “Honey, I need you to come in later. I haven’t slept all night.”

  “Okay,”

  “I love you,” he stated.

  “Love you too.”

  And he hung up.

  I placed the phone on the table and said, “He thanks you for what you did.”

  “No problem.”

  “And we have to go to the hospital,” I announced.

  “Yeah, I can take you there,” he suggested, “Do you want me to stay with your siblings?”

  I shook my head, while I looked down at the table, “I need them with me. I can’t do it alone.”

  “I understand.”

  WE ARRIVED AT THE HOSPITAL and went to the private room, where my mom slept as a baby on the hospital bed. They must have drugged her to calm her down, and she didn’t move even a bit. The window curtains were open and let the sunlight in the room. My siblings were behind me, staring at her, maybe thinking that we would lose her. Ned rested his hands over their shoulders, between them. I walked closer to her bed, and called, “Mom?”

  I heard rapid footsteps and saw Dad appear at the doorway, with empty emotionless eyes. We exchanged looks for a minute, and he said, “She’s has been like this since yesterday.”

  I took her hand that rested on the bed, and held it in mine. I brushed her hair away from her forehead, and looked at her resting face. She looked so peaceful on the bed, like a mummy. Silent as the dead. Then I started worrying if admitting her to the hospital was a good idea.

  I swallowed, “What happens now?”

  “They will monitor her, and check for improvements,” Dad explained, “I called her doctor, and he suggested something else.” His face fell.

  I had a bad feeling about it, because Dad sounded like he was delivering a bad news, “What is it?” I whispered.

  “They want to take her in, Celia. They think her condition could get worse,” he said, and tried not to choke on his words.

  I felt my stomach twisting, and turned to look at him, “Never!”

  He got nervous and explained, “I didn’t want it either, Celia. But the doctor...”

  “The doctor knows nothing about Mom!” I shouted at him, “She’s good with us, okay? She’ll get better!”

  Adam and Amelia started crying, which made Ned hug them both, and shushing them to calm down. My tears were streaming down my cheeks, and I balled my hands into fists, and gritted my teeth, “No one is taking her anywhere. No one!”

  Dad walked to me, and rested his hands over my shoulders, “That’s what I told him.” And I finally saw tears dripping from his eyes, “I’ll never do that to her, ever.”

  He hugged me into his chest, with my tears wetting his shirt, “It’s not fair,” I said with heavy voice full off sadness.

  “I know,” he comforted, “I know, baby. I know.”

  We stood there hugging, and crying. I rarely saw him cry before, but that was a moment of daughter and father bonding. It was unbreakable.

  AT THE HOSPITAL’S CAFETERIA, I was sitting at a table, and looking through my phone. That’s when I saw Jane’s missed calls, and texted her after that.

  Me: Hey

  Jane: Celia, where were you yesterday?

  Me: SOS

  Me: My mom was admitted to the hospital

  Jane: Omg, I’m so sorry!

  Jane: What happened?

  Me: She was acting up

  Me: I don’t know

  Me: I don’t remember everything that happened

  Jane: I’m sorry, Celia

  Jane: I wish I knew earlier

  Jane: I would have bought a ticket to see you

  Me: Shit happens

  Jane sent a hugging bear sticker

  Celia sent a hugging bear sticker

  Me: What’s even worse that

  Me: I think I started liking Ned

  Jane: Oh?

  Me: Yeah, he’s been amazing so far

  Me: He’s everything a girl wants

  Jane: I’m glad to hear that you’re moving on

  Me: But I still think of Kent

  Me: Somehow I can’t forget him

  Jane: Ugh, girls just do that

  Jane: Remember my last boyfriend?

  Jane: The baseball guy?

  Me: With the big butt?

  Jane: LOL

  Jane: I still think about “what if” if we were still together

  Jane: It has been years though

  Me: I guess

  Me: I hate it though

  Me: I just don’t want to hurt Ned

  Me: He’s amazing to me

  Jane: Then what’s stopping you?

  Me: I don’t know, Jane

  Me: I don’t know

  IT WAS DARK OUTSIDE when I woke up from my sleep, and found myself on the chair beside Mom’s bed. I got up slowly and checked on her and if she was still breathing. I saw her chest moving, so she was okay. There were people chatting outside the room. It sounded like Dad and Ned talking to some girls. Who would be awake at this time of the night? I thought.

  I stepped outside the room to my surprise, and saw Max and Jane, talking to Dad and Ned. I stopped behind them, and looked at the girls. Max and Jane came to visit me? At that late hour?

  Max got closer to me with tears in her eyes, and she kept playing with the hem of her long sleeve jacket, “I’m so sorry, Celia. I never meant to hurt you.”

  I took a deep breath, “Max,” I called.

  She stopped fiddling with her jacket, and looked at me with her puffy eyes, and red nose. She looked at me like she wanted my forgiveness. Like she wanted me to be her best friend again, but I was so mad at her. I was mad at both of us for arguing about nonsense.

  “I forgive you, and I’m sorry for being selfish. I should have listened to you,” I said.

  She shook her head, “No, we both did wrong,” She snuffled.

  She came in and hugged me, and I hugged back.

  “Yes, we did,” I confirmed.

  I pulled back, and turned to Jane. She walked up to me and hugged me, “We’re here for you,” She said, and pulled back.

  Then there was the last person I would have expected to show up. Kent, with his black hair, and dark eyes. He looked just as he always did. I was happy he was there, but I wasn’t impressed by him anymore. He didn’t impress me with the night before when he forgot to even text me. I wasn’t impressed when he used me to make him feel better about himself.

  “Boo, are you okay?” he asked, and approached me.

  I backed off, “Who told you that I was here?”

  “I called your dad and he told me about your mom. I’m sorry,” he said, “I haven’t forgot about our date yet.”

  I looked at Ned who looked very hurt, “What is he doing here?”

  “I don’t know,” I told Ned, “I didn’t want him to come”

  “Then why is he talking about a date? Is there something you’re hiding from me?” Ned snapped.

  I ran to Ned, and said, “That was before I liked you!”

  “You still have feelings for him, don’t you?” Ned asked, aloud.

  I averted my eyes, “You can’t ask me that.”

  “Why not?” Ned shouted, “I’ve
tried to do everything for you, but you don’t cared.”

  “I did care, I did!” I yelled back.

  Kent came in and said, “Hey, hey, calm down you two.”

  Ned pushed Kent’s chest that made Kent back off, “Fuck off!”

  Kent swung his fist to punch Ned, but he dodged it, and punched Kent in the mouth causing him to bleed.

  “What the fuck man?” Kent shouted as he covered his face, and groaned, “He’s fucking crazy!” That made Kent go crazy, and shout at Ned dramatically.

  “Stay away from me!” Ned shouted at Kent, which made him flinch, then he walked backwards towards the door, and raised his arms at the sides, “I’m out. You can have him!”

  Kent looked at me, and rubbed his chin that was stained with blood from his lips, and teeth. His chest heaved, and slowly walked up to me. “You okay?” he asked.

  “Stay away from me,” I said, “Get out!”

  He swallowed, and nodded, “Okay, I’m out.” and he marched towards the exit.

  I saw two of the most important guys walk out of that door that day. They left me behind. That moment would have been the last memory of them, and I thought I’d never see them again. The only thing I had left was my almost perfect family, and my best friends.

  Chapter Twenty

  I WOKE UP IN THE MORNING to find myself beside Mom as she slept peacefully on that white bedcover. I must have fallen asleep there. I stretched my hands up, and looked at the window. It looked like the sun was just rising, and I had slept all night but it didn’t wash my emotions away. Instead, I woke up with more pain than ever. I recalled the night before when Ned and Kent walked out of the door. I didn’t want to remember it, but my stupid brain brought it up again, and I knew that it’d play the scene over and over in my head.

  I heard a weak voice, behind me that made me turn around. Mom batted her eyelashes, and opened her eyes. She slowly turned, and looked at me, not recognizing me. She looked better and more energized than the night that she was admitted.

  “Who are you?” She asked, with furrowed, confused eyebrows.