No Exchanges, No Returns

by Laurie Kellogg

  “I don’t see the point in me going to the hospital now.” Casey shifted the baby in her arms.

  “I’ll sleep easier if there’s a nurse watching you,” Paul said. “You’re bleeding pretty heavily, so I’d like to give you a little Pitocin.”

  “Paul’s right,” David told her and kissed the top of the baby’s head. “Even though our little princess is a good size, she’s still six-weeks preterm. I want her in an incubator until I see how her O2-sat and temperature control are.”

  The next fifteen minutes passed in a blur while Paul helped Casey deliver the afterbirth, and the rescue personnel brought in a stretcher.

  It wasn’t until she’d been transferred onto the rolling cot that David noticed the admiration in Andy’s eyes as she gazed at Paul. She wore the same you’re-my-hero expression Princess Fiona had when Shrek charged into the castle to stop her from marrying Prince Charming.

  David brushed Casey’s lips with his and then jerked his head toward their friends. “I think your little matchmaking scheme worked.”

  “Going into labor wasn’t part of my plan.” She chuckled, stroking the baby’s cheek.

  “I know. But I think seeing Paul in action was just what Andy needed.”

  “Still think I spend my days groping women?” Paul smirked at Andy.

  Her outraged gaze shot to Casey. “Some people can’t keep their big mouths shut. I never said anything like that.”

  “Maybe not. But you were thinking it.” Paul tipped her chin up, forcing her to look at him. “Weren’t you?”

  A deep flush spread over Andy’s cheeks. “Okay. I know it was stupid. But the possibility crossed my mind.”

  “What do you think now?”

  She turned her face away. “I think you’re every bit as good a doctor as your patients say you are.”

  “Am I a doctor you can trust to never intentionally hurt you?”

  A shy smile curled Andy’s mouth. “I don’t know. Are you?”

  Paul stepped closer and dotted her face with several kisses. “Why don’t you have dinner with me tonight, and we’ll discuss how much you can trust me.”

  David jerked his gaze back to Casey and the baby as the rescue team rolled her stretcher down the center hall.

  Trust was what loving someone was all about.

  He knew without a flicker of doubt Casey would never purposely hurt him. She didn’t have it in her to deliberately cause anyone pain. It was one of the reasons he loved her more than life itself.

  So then why was he so all-fired reluctant to commit to her?

  He glanced over his shoulder at Paul and Andy locked in a passion-filled kiss and followed the stretcher out the front door. While he watched his tiny daughter and her mother being loaded into the ambulance, he had to face the truth.

  The thought of hurting Casey paralyzed him with fear. He’d already failed once as a husband.

  ~*~

  She had a niece. A blond, five-pound, fourteen-ounce baby girl. Brianna sniffled as she hung up the phone after talking to David for the first time since the end of June. He’d sounded so happy and only a tiny bit resentful when he’d told her his baby girl—the daughter that would’ve been Brianna’s if life had been a little kinder—looked just like her.

  Glancing at her watch, she sighed. Ten o’clock. Marc had called earlier to tell her there’d been a four-car pile-up on I-90, resulting in multiple head and spinal cord injuries, so he didn’t expect to be home much before Monday afternoon at the earliest.

  She’d thought she would have another whole month before she’d have to say good-bye. Leave it to Casey to deliver early and cut Brianna’s time with him short.

  Still, every extra day she stayed with Marc only made it that much harder to go, so it was probably just as well for her to leave now. If she packed her things this evening and loaded her car in the morning, she could start home by noon. She could stop at a motel in Ohio on Monday night, and if the post-Labor Day traffic didn’t hold her up too much, she could be back to Pennsylvania by Tuesday afternoon without pushing herself too hard.

  Only problem was, in order to follow that plan, she’d have to leave without talking to Marc—something she didn’t relish doing, anyway. Admittedly, writing him a Dear John letter might be the coward’s way out, but at the moment, she didn’t have the willpower to resist if he insisted she stay, as he no doubt would. If she let him talk her into prolonging their relationship, she might never again find the resolve to leave.

  ~*~

  Casey wiped away the tears streaming down her face, surrounded by the balloons and the fragrance of the roses David’s parents had brought her the previous night. She stared up at the acoustic tile ceiling in her hospital room and listened to the coming and going of various hospital personnel.

  She should be happy. Instead, all she felt was overwhelming anxiety and confusion.

  Everything David had said the day before contradicted his behavior. He’d talked about them having a son together someday, told her to remind him to tell her how much he loved her, and kept her from correcting the police officer when he’d called her Mrs. Lambert.

  Except, since then, David hadn’t uttered a peep about his feelings. In fact, he’d emotionally distanced himself from her, replacing his recent physical affection with the casual friendliness he’d always shown her before his divorce.

  From the moment they arrived at the hospital yesterday, he’d treated her like exactly what she was—his child’s surrogate mother.

  When the maternity clerk asked him for the baby’s name. He’d answered Jamie Helena Lambert without even consulting Casey. She appreciated his decision to honor her late mother in their daughter’s middle name, which was also her own. However, if he truly intended to have a son with Casey one day, would he have named their daughter Jamie?

  After seeing how overprotective and crazy he was about their child, Casey didn’t have the heart to take Jamie out of his home. In the same breath, she didn’t know how she could stay and live in a state of limbo with him.

  She didn’t know what to do.

  “I can’t believe how long it took to get to hospital this morning,” David said as he wandered into the hospital room, carrying a small overnight case. “I forgot Labor Day is when Redemption’s shopkeepers hold the annual street fair.”

  “I guess that backed traffic up,” She said swiping the moisture from her eyes.

  “You’ve no idea. I think every resident in town was on Main Street this morning. I saw Matt Foster’s wife, Abby, running the library’s sidewalk sale. She said to tell you she saved a bunch of donated kids’ books that the library can’t keep for your school. She also sent her congratula—” David suddenly cut himself off and peered at her, concern furrowing his forehead. “Hey, were you crying? What’s wrong?”

  She sniffled, forcing a smile to her mouth. “It’s nothing. Just a bunch of hormones leaking out.”

  He kissed the top of her head and sank onto the edge of the bed. “A little postpartum depression?”

  “I guess.”

  “I’m surrounded by bawling females.”

  “Who else is crying?”

  “Besides my mother and Jamie?” He chuckled. “Your sister for one. I finally got a hold of Brianna late last night and told her she’s an aunt. When she heard Jamie looks just like her, she blubbered so hysterically, I could barely understand her.”

  Casey couldn’t imagine what her sister must be feeling. Joy. Envy. Remorse. “What’d she say?”

  “That she’s happy for me and grateful to you for giving me what she couldn’t. She told me she’d try to get home in the next few days. I’m hoping she’ll be able to stay at least until your dad and stepmom visit next weekend.”

  That told her nothing about Brianna’s state of mind. Every time Casey had spoken to her sister since she’d left, she’d detected a wistful note in Brianna’s voice whenever David’s name came up, suggesting her twin still had feelings for him.

  Could Brie possibl
y hold his baby and not regret what she’d given up? Casey squeezed her eyes shut to stem a fresh flood of tears.

  “What’s the matter, Tink? Aren’t you looking forward to your sister’s visit?”

  “Sure I am.” Even to her own ears, her assurance sounded false. “I’ve really missed her. How about you?”

  “I’ll be really glad to see her. I have a lot of apologizing to do. I need to tell her some things that can’t be said over the phone.”

  “Like what?”

  “You know.” He shrugged one shoulder. “About the difference you’ve made in helping me get my priorities straight—the way you’ve taught me that bottling everything up screws up my relationships. I want to tell her how sorry I am for shutting her out. You have to admit, I’m not the same guy she walked out on back in May.”

  No, he wasn’t. The intensity in his tone made Casey’s stomach churn like a whirlpool. Was she losing him to her sister again?

  Her inner child laughed and taunted, You can’t lose something that was never yours, idiot.

  “I guess, basically, I’m eager for your sister to see how much I’ve changed.”

  Oh, Lord. He really was thinking of asking Brianna to reconcile with him now that he’d faced his inner demons.

  Hadn’t that been the plan from the start? To give David a makeover so Brianna would see him in a whole new light and want him back?

  Casey massaged the lump of resentment growing in her mushy post-pregnant gut. How could she feel so envious of someone she cared for as much as she loved her twin?

  David’s words from the first night they’d made love replayed in her head. I was never jealous of James. I idolized him.”

  Right. Just as she’d always been in awe of her outgoing sister’s beauty and admired her singing voice and popularity.

  Could that be why she’d always felt so guilty about Brianna’s misfortunes—because deep down Casey had actually begrudged her sister all the attention she’d received?

  She swallowed hard, remembering the way her pride had swelled as a child after she learned to read and then to cook. Had her satisfaction been rooted in Brianna’s inability to compete in those areas?

  Was it possible she’d done her sister’s homework for her just to rub it in? Or worse yet, to keep Brie from catching up to her?

  And what about the way she’d allowed Brie to become a social butterfly after her leg recovered while she played the martyr doing all the cooking for their father. Had she needed her dad’s praise and attention that much?

  Sour bile rose in her throat. All at once, she didn’t like herself very much.

  David turned her face toward him and studied it. “You look a little peaked. Are you sure you’re ready to go home?”

  “I’m great,” she lied. “Everything happened so fast yesterday. Except for a little soreness, I don’t even feel like I’ve had a baby. In fact, I’ve got more energy than before.”

  “Well, we can keep you here another day if you’re not up to leaving.”

  “No.” She shook her head vehemently. “I mean, yes, I want to go home. As long as Jamie’s ready to leave. She’s doing okay out of the incubator, right?”

  “She’s perfect. I checked her out a few minutes ago. She’s a good weight, eating well, and her O2-sat is normal. As the doctor of someone else’s pre-term baby, I’d probably wait to release her, but as her daddy, I’ll feel better if she’s home with us where I can personally keep an eye on her.”

  “You don’t trust the nurses to watch her?”

  “Sure. But they all love her so much I have trouble getting near her. They say she’s the prettiest most well-behaved newborn in the nursery.”

  “Naturally, they’d say that about your baby,” she murmured. “They all want to jump your bones.”

  “Well, they can forget it.” He laid a kiss on the tip of her nose. “I’ll be much too busy convincing my daughter’s stubborn mama that my tiny peanut belongs with me.”

  She stared into his eyes and sighed. “I know she does.” It was the whole point of her becoming Brianna’s surrogate in the first place—to give him a child. “Don’t worry. Your little girl isn’t going anywhere.”

  Even if things didn’t work out between them, she’d make sure to buy a house in Redemption close enough for him to see Jamie as much as possible.

  “I’m glad to hear it.” He opened the overnight case. “Wanna see what I bought for her?” He pulled out a tiny white bunny made of the softest brushed terrycloth.

  It felt like velvet against Casey’s cheek. “Oh, David, it’s precious. She’ll love it.”

  “I got her mommy something, too.” He dug a slim jewelry box out of the suitcase. Inside was a gold bracelet that said #1 Mom with a huge glittering diamond set into the center of the number sign.

  A lump of emotion clogged her throat, turning her words into a hoarse whisper. “It’s beautiful. Thank you.”

  He clasped the bracelet around her wrist, and she noticed, in addition to bringing her a clean sundress to wear home, he’d packed the tiny white stretch suit dotted with pink rosebuds that she hadn’t been able to resist buying.

  “It’ll probably be way too big on her since she’s so tiny, but I thought you might like to bring Jamie home in something feminine.”

  Casey flung her arms around his neck. He was so thoughtful, and unlike her, none of his kindness was motivated by jealousy or guilt.

  “Hey,”—he gently extricated himself from her headlock and glanced over his shoulder at the door—“enough of that.” He stood and took a step away from the bed. “While you’re changing, I’ll go get our little princess so you can dress her.”

  The second David left the room, Casey’s tears flowed like Niagara Falls.

  If David managed to cut his office hours as much as he hoped to, he’d have nearly as much time to spend with their child as Casey would once she began teaching again. Since Andy would probably be looking for a new job in December after she graduated, Casey would be busier than ever running the preschool.

  As she slid her sundress off its hanger, the phone next to the bed rang, making her flinch so hard she dropped the garment.

  “Congratulations,” her father’s elated voice resonated in her ear. “I’m glad I caught you before you were discharged.”

  “Hi, Daddy.” She sniffed and picked up her dress.

  “David called last night to tell me you’ve given me a beautiful granddaughter. Nice work, Pumpkin. You’ve made us both very happy men.”

  She’d spent her life trying to please her father. What had it gotten her? “That’s all that matters, right? Everyone else is happy.”

  “What’s wrong, baby?” her father asked in a wary tone. “Did I do something to—”

  “No. I’m sorry. I’m just a little frazzled from having Jamie.”

  The words she’d spouted at David the night he’d tried to dismiss his hurt with Judy echoed in Casey’s head. Ignoring what’s happened in your relationship with your parents doesn’t resolve anything.

  “No, wait,” she backpedaled, pulling the privacy curtain around her bed. “You did do something. The same thing you’ve been doing my whole life. I’m tired of being the go-to gal.”

  The phone line was dead quiet for a second. Had he hung up?

  “I’m sorry,” her dad finally spoke. “I always thought you liked helping out.”

  “I do. But not because I feel guilty.” She hugged the phone with her chin while she untied her hospital gown and slid it off.

  “You think I’ve been laying guilt trips on you?”

  “Haven’t you? All my life I’ve been hearing things like, Stay inside and help Brianna finish her homework—it all comes so much easier to you. Fix dinner for us while I take Brianna to PT. Let your sister have the blue backpack since she can’t play softball this year. I need a ride to drop my car off at the garage, and your sister has a date.

  “My entire life I’ve played the martyr because Brianna had it tough. I’m tired of
being everyone’s solution and coming second. And more importantly, I’m sick of feeling guilty over not having the problems she’s had in her life.”

  “You’re right,” her father admitted so softly it was clear he was shaken by her outburst. “It’s just....you’ve always been such a trooper. You made it easy to forget all you had to give up.”

  “I know I have,” she said, hooking her nursing bra. “And I’m ashamed of myself for it.”

  “Why? You were the most selfless daughter and sister anyone could want.”

  “Are you sure? I’m thinking maybe I was jealous and petty. I’m wondering if some of my so-called selflessness was to one-up Brie to get your attention.”

  “You didn’t need to do that, Pumpkin. While we’re itemizing our sins, I should probably fess up, too. You know how you and Breezy are always asking me why she got the B name when you were born before her?”

  “You mean there was a reason,” she said more as a statement than a question.

  “There’s something your mother and I never told you girls. You were originally part of a set of triplets. You and Brianna had a brother who was born first. We named him Archer after me. He only lived a few hours.”

  “Oh, my gosh. Why didn’t you ever tell us?”

  “I guess because it hurt so much, and we wanted to spare you the grief of knowing you’d lost a brother. I didn’t want you and Breezy to ever think I was disappointed that I didn’t have a son.”

  “But that still doesn’t explain why I got the C name when I was born second.”

  “I liked Casey the best, so after losing your brother, I convinced mom to give you that name because you were doing so well. I was terrified your sister’s life would end up just like Archer’s—as fleeting as a breeze. It’s also why we gave you Helena as your middle name, after your mom.

  “Brianna was in the incubator for so many weeks,” her dad continued, “you were the only one I was allowed to hold. It’s not an easy thing for a father to admit, but even though I love you and your sister equally, you were always my number one girl. I guess I felt a little guilty about that and overcompensated by showing a little favoritism toward your sister.”

  And all these years, she’d thought he loved Brie more. “I only recently realized how jealous I was,” she told him, slipping her sundress over her head. “Now I’m even wondering if I might’ve offered to have David’s baby partly because she couldn’t.”