I returned to the room and noticed that Kira had her pink Tweety Bird pajamas that I gave her for her birthday laid out on the bed for me to sleep in.
“I may have to skip part of school tomorrow to start looking for a job,” I stated matter of fact.
With excitement in her voice Kira responded with, “Me too!”
Confused, I asked, “You too what?”
“I’m skipping school too,” she said, while pulling down the covers on the bed.
“No you can’t. We both can’t be missing, they will call our parents,” I responded with a worried tone.
Sitting on the bed opposite each other, Kira disappointedly said, “Dang, I really want to come and help you find a job.”
“I love that you want to help me, but one of us got to stay in school,” I said sounding like a mother.
“How are you going to get around?” she asked.
That was a good question, because I truly didn’t know.
“I don’t know. I guess I can walk.”
I wasn’t too happy about that, but I felt good inside knowing how much she truly cared about me.
“Hmm… wait a second, I have something for you,” she said as she sassily got up and walked to her walk-in closet.
Kira was a cute girl with a caramel complexion, light eyes, about the same height as me and a body that guys at school described as being stacked. She had always dressed with a lot of sass to show off her figure.
When she appeared from the doorway of the closet, she brought out a little silver box. She sat it between us and then she opened it.
“I was saving this to get my first pair of heels. I mean, since my mother won’t get me any. She thinks I’m too young to have them,” she rolled her eyes, “I mean I am sixteen.”
I had a puzzled look on my face, wondering where she was going with this.
“But this situation is more important,” she said, pulling out a fifty dollar bill from the little silver box, as she handed it to me, “So here hopefully it will be enough to get you back and forth for now.”
My friend, my sweet friend, how God blessed me with her, I will never know.
“Oh my God, thank you so much! You really have no idea what you just did,” I said as tears escaped my eyes.
Kira gave me a hug and said softly, “I only did what you would do for me.”
Knowing that Kira doesn’t get an allowance, not to mention that she does not have a job, I asked out of confusion, “Wait, where did you get this from?”
Smirking with eyebrows raised she said, “I stole it. Now use it.” Then she started laughing as soon as she saw my expression and said, “Just kidding, I got it for my birthday three months ago. Remember? You were there.”
“Wow, I can’t believe you’re giving me your birthday money.” The guilt of it all hit me hard, “I can’t take this from you, you are doing way too much as it is,” I said although I needed the money.
“You’re my best friend, and I know you need it,” she responded as she patted my leg.
“Thank you Kira, I honestly appreciate it. I will pay you back, I promise.” I said as I hugged her close to me.
“No, you don’t have to. Plus your birthday is around the corner. Look at it as an early present!” she said with excitement.
“It is huh? That didn’t even cross my mind,” I said with a lot less enthusiasm than Kira.
“You never get excited for your birthday,” said Kira as she climbed back in bed and got under the covers.
Doing the same, I responded, “Because my life hasn’t been worth celebrating.”
“You are alive, and you have me,” she said as she adjusted her head on her pillow.
“It’s not that serious Kira,” I said while facing her.
“Rachael, it’s not every day you turn 18. So yes, it is very serious.” Trying to close my eyes, I said, “Please don’t remind me.”
Snuggling under the covers, Kira said jokingly, “Wow Rachael you’re getting old.”
“Yes I know. Now respect your elder and go to sleep, you have to get up for school tomorrow,” I said while we both laughed, as I hit her softly on her shoulder.
Apparently Kira wasn’t tired, because she continued asking me questions, “How is it we’re in the same classes? Weren’t you supposed to graduate last year?”
“Yup, maybe even earlier, but my mother and I moved so much to the point it started affecting my grades.”
“Mmm, I see.”
“Yes Kira, bed now, I’m exhausted.”
“Ok I’ll shut up.”
“Thank you.”
“No problem,” she said as I buried my head in her soft down pillow, trying to stop my mind from thinking so much.
The next morning, I rushed through Kira’s closet to find something to start the day. I didn’t know where to go first, who to talk to about getting a job or what I was supposed to bring with me. I didn’t even know how to prepare for an interview, but I did know how to dress for one.
I snuck downstairs with Kira and she dropped me off at the plaza near our school and I quickly started my search; which ended up as a disaster. I went to every single store in the plaza, but nobody seemed to be hiring. I tried several different neighborhoods and as a result, I missed more days of school. I searched harder and harder, but only to be met with frustration, and couldn’t understand why no one wanted to hire me. But still I kept going despite the fear that my mother would find me and know why I ran away. But at the same time, I couldn’t help but to think that maybe my mother doesn’t care. She probably only noticed I’ve been missing because the house was sure to be a mess by now, cleaning was not in my mother’s genes. I don’t even remember the last time my mother stepped into the kitchen to cook.
I thought as my heart stayed heavy with all of what just happened to me; being pregnant, running away from home, living with my best friend, hoping her parents won’t find out, trying to find a job, skipping school as well as skipping meals. It was all so overwhelming and the stress was drawing so much energy out of me. But I kept going until I walked inside a McDonalds; not feeling any luckier about getting a job, I still pushed on feeling exhausted and irritated. The only thing that kept me going was my desperation.
I brushed down my hair with my hands as I dabbed off the sweat that was seeping through my once perfectly applied makeup by Kira. I lifted my head up and took a deep breath as I approached the counter, trying to muster up at least a half smile on my face while the customer in front of me placed their order.
“May I speak to your manager please?”
The way those words sounded coming out of my mouth confirmed that my attempted half smile was already gone.
“Sure just a second,” the employee said with a hint of dry sarcasm in her voice. She went to the back, then came back shortly and announced, “He will be right out.”
“Ok thanks.”
I moved to the side allowing the next customer to place his order. The manager approached me from his office a few minutes later.
“Hello, how may I help you?”
“Yes, I was just wondering if you were hiring.”
“Did you fill out an application yet?”
“I wanted to know before I fill out any more applications,” I said with a frown on my face that came with a little attitude, which I knew he didn’t take very well based on the surprised look on his face. I quickly tried to recover, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude, it’s just that I’ve been looking for a job for a while now and nobody is willing to hire me, but I am a real hardworking person.” I was hoping that would somehow justify my earlier behavior.
“Nobody will care about how hardworking you are with that attitude. So you might want change your approach before you start looking for a job again.”
“You’re right, I apologize,” I took a breath, knowing I might have just blown my chances with him, “It’s just frustrating that no one wants to hire me.”
“I wonder why?” he said sarcastically.
I was getting irritated by the manager’s remarks. Although I might have acted a little unprofessionally, he didn’t need to rub it in.
“Again, I am sorry,” I said hoping my humility would earn me a second chance.
“Ok, go fill out the application and have them call me back out here when you’re done,” he said and walked away before he finished his words, which I thought was a little rude.
“Ok, thank you sir,” I said as I walked back towards the counter to another employee. “May I have an application please?” I said with gratitude.
I let out a deep sigh. ‘Ugh! Once again I have to go through this ritual; last name, first name, date of birth, address, blah, blah, blah. I swear I should be able to fill out a job application in my sleep by now. As a matter of fact, I don’t really remember filling this one out. It’s just a blur now,’ I thought to myself as I handed the sheet of paper that controls my immediate future to a girl who couldn’t care less and is giving it to a man who’s probably just going through the motions. I was getting that familiar sinking feeling again while waiting for the manager to review my application.
He steps out of his office, now wearing glasses and motions for me to come to the back. I walked into this small office that had no windows with a desk that he could barely fit behind, with an old rustic office chair. Across from it stood two gray metal chairs. I looked around the almost suffocating room and noticed paper work on his small desk and far too many pictures. I decide to stand for some reason, which he obviously didn’t mind because he never offered me a seat.
“I wasn’t going to hire you based on the attitude you gave me out there. In the real world, people don’t really care what you’re going through while looking for a job. You can get turned down millions of times, but you still have to keep your head up and walk into the next place professionally, along with a good attitude and personality, because you never know what God has planned. However, I’m going to hire you, because I see the hunger, ambition and drive inside you, despise your first impression.”
Suddenly I felt lighter. It was as if a breeze found its way into the little room and cooled my whole body.
“Thank you so much and I promise I won’t let you down!” I said hoping he’d stop talking about my first impression.
“I hope not. We’ll see you on Monday, at 8 in the morning to start your training,” he said as he stood up and shook my hand, “And please leave that attitude at home, because you will get fired the same way you got hired.”
“I am really sorry, I’m never that rude.”
“I couldn’t tell. First impressions are everything.”
With a smile on my face I rushed home to tell Kira, whom I couldn’t get to open the door, so I constantly threw rocks at her window until she finally heard me.
“Girl I’m sorry, I fell asleep,” she said through a yawn, as she opened the back door for me.
“It’s ok. Guess what?”
“Wait until we get in the room first,” she said as she led the way.
“Sorry,” I said as I tiptoed behind her until we reached her room.
“Ok, what happened?” she asked still sounding half sleep.
“I got a job,” I said with excitement.
“Oh wow, great, where?” she asked.
“McDonald’s,” I said.
She paused for a moment, I guess to see if I was serious, “Well that’s something for now.”
“Yeah I know and I can’t believe they hired me.”
“Why wouldn’t they hire you? It’s McDonald’s.”
“I went in there irritated, so I was rude to the manager.”
“And he still hired you?” said Kira with her eyebrows fully rose.
“Yes, I’m still in shock, but I didn’t expect to work there and I think this baby thing and the stress of running away just really got to me and made me lose my mind a little.”
“That is enough for anyone to lose their mind, but I’m happy you got a job though.”
“I know,” I said as I exhaled deeply.
“So when do you start? And what time?”
“Monday, 8:00 a.m., sharp!”
“Oh wow. He must really like you or something.”
“No, he had a lot of pictures of his kids on his desk, so he probably just felt sorry for me, which is fine since I have a job now.”
“I know we got to go celebrate.”
“I’m worn out, maybe next time?”
“Ok, sounds good, but I am very proud of you Rachael.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. So what do you want to do now?”
“Go to bed, I’m exhausted.”
“Good, I don’t want you disturbing me while I’m watching my shows anyway,” she said as she smiled.
“So now you’re getting rid of me?”
“You already got rid of yourself before I did.”
“Whatever. Enjoy your boring shows.”
“I will thanks,” she said while I got on the bed.
The thought of my mother drifted through my mind as I wondered if she was worried about me, or just happy I finally disappeared from her life; since I haven’t seen my face on a poster on a street pole or milk carton, nor heard from Kira that my mother stopped by looking for me. My guess at that point was that she was happy that I finally left without her having to put me out, which brought a tear to my eye. I softly sobbed preventing Kira from hearing me. I couldn’t sleep that night. I was tense, emotional and anxious to get rid of this thing and figure out what to do next, since I am obviously the furthest thing from my mother’s mind.
Working at McDonald’s could not come fast enough. I had been looking forward to that day ever since I got hired.
“I am so proud of you and I hope you have a great first day at work,” Kira said as she helped me get ready for my big day.
“Thank you, I am really happy the day has finally come.”
“Me too,” she said as we both crept downstairs towards the back door.
“Everything is going to be alright, you will soon have your life back again, I promise.”
“With you by my side, I know I will,” I said as I smiled. Then all of a sudden we heard her mother’s concerned voice.
“Kira?” We both ran as quickly and as quietly as two discovered mice back upstairs to the bedroom. I looked franticly for someplace to hide while Kira ran back down before her mother could get to the top of the stairs.
“Kira?” she said as she met her by the stairs.
“Yes mom.”
“Are you ok?” she said with a worried look on her face.
“Yes I am mother, why?”
“Who were you just talking to?”
“Nobody,” said Kira incredulously.
“But I could swear I just heard you talking to somebody.”
“Mom, I always talk to myself, you’re my mother, and you should know that.”
“I have never heard you talking to yourself which is kind of insane.”
“No it’s not, a lot of kids my age talk to themself.”
“So why did you run then?”
“Ummm, because... because, I left my backpack,” Kira stuttered.
Her mother paused and looked at her quizzically then said, “You know you can come and talk to me if anything is wrong right?”
“I know and I will mother,” she said as she came back in the room where I was hiding in the closet listening to their conversation.
“Rachael?” Kira whispered when she heard her mother’s footsteps going back downstairs.
“Yeah, I’m in the closet,” I whispered.
“Come on let’s go,” she said.
We both quickly rushed out and I hid in the back of her car just in case her mother was looking.
“Wow, that was close,” said Kira as she pulled out of her driveway.
“I know. We can’t talk in the hallway anymore.”
“You’re right. But my mother is usually still sleeping at this time becau
se of her shifts; she works from 1:00 p.m. until 6:00 p.m. then goes to her other job from 7:00 p.m. to 5:00 a.m.”
“Wow those are some long hours.”
“That’s my mother. She loves to work, so therefore she has no time to spend with us. So instead, she tries to make sure we have a nice roof over our heads and buys me anything my heart desires, well except for my heels, thinking that will make us happy.”
“Doesn’t your dad work?”
“Nope, he is like the mother and my mother is like my father. I am closer to my father and the housekeeper than to my mother. I don’t get to see a lot of her anymore. Not even on my birthday half of the time.”
“Wow!” I said, somewhat shocked.
“I know right. But I’m ok. I’m happy as long as she is happy.”
“Are you really happy, or you just saying that?” I said, seeing a hint of sadness in her facial expression.
“I’m used to it. I love my mother and I’m happy I have a mother, but I don’t get to enjoy her like I have a mother, you know. Sometimes I forget I even have one, because I don’t see her when I wake up and I’m sleep most of the time when she gets back home.”
“I think you should talk to her.”
“What for? That is not going to make her stop working like she does, because my mother is a workaholic, she wouldn’t stop over a conversation.”
“You don’t know unless you try Kira.”
“Rachael she wouldn’t quit her job just to spend time with me.”
“Of course not, but she can work around her schedule to spend time with you.”
“Mmm, don’t think so, but can we drop this subject please?”
I gave in, sensing this topic was painful for her to keep talking about, as she drove me to work then headed off to school.
Chapter 3
My first day at work was as expected. I didn’t know much, but I was determined to learn as things got better. After training and working there for a while, he finally gave me a full time schedule as I have been requesting. I worked almost every day saving as much as I can to get an abortion. My body ached every morning as the days went by, I was eager to get this thing out of me. Then one morning, while filled with frustration, I started punching myself in the stomach callously, until… all of a sudden… as if in defiance, that thing inside me kicked back. Shock waves rippled from the tiny spot where it’s little feet touched, coursing up my skin like static electricity, and racing to the ends of every hair follicle. My whole body trembled and I stood there… shook and frozen. A moment of unexpected clarity took my breath away. My heart beat uncontrollably knowing this thing inside me… this… baby… just kicked.
Sacrifice Page 3