“Oh really?” I said scared all over again as he sighed and rolled a chair over to sit next to me.
“I spoke to your manager yesterday and he told me a little about your struggles, and that you will need help. So I came to the suggestion of…” he took a deep breath.
“Suggest what?” my heart began to beat faster knowing it wasn’t going to be good.
“Well you are still young, and I think you should take time to get yourself together and take better care of yourself. Since you have no support, I think you will run yourself thin trying to provide for her. So I think it’s best for you to give up your baby for nine months so you can get on your feet.”
“Wait a minute!” I said with the rage of fire burning through my heart.
“You’re telling me to give up my baby?”
“Only for nine months, then you can get her back.”
“No!” I said with anger, “Nobody is taking my baby away from me you hear me? Nobody, and what kind of a doctor are you to offer me such a horrible suggestion, you don’t even know me!”
“I am sorry but I think this will be good for you.”
“You don’t know what’s good for me, and he don’t either, now you see why I’m so private, I told him something about me and he ran with it only to use it against me,” I stood up angry and furious.
“Miss Rachael, please calm down.”
“Don’t you tell me to calm down, I just got betrayed,” I yelled as tears gathered in my eyelids.
“He only came to me out of concern and nobody is taking your child from you, they are just going to watch over her for nine months then you can get her right back. And you can go visit her anytime you want. Hey, just think of it as babysitting for nine months and you don’t have to pay them because the government will pay for it. So you can take care of yourself for now, and won’t be worn out taking care of your child.”
“I want to be able to provide for her, I want the best for her,” I said as tears fell off my face.
“The best thing for her is to give her up for nine months to take care of you. Get your apartment so you can take your child to your own home. If your daughter could talk, she would want the best for you. Think about it then give me your answer. Either way I am going with whatever you think is best,” he concluded then left.
I went to the nursery and stood by the window as I took a good look at her with tears still dripping down my chin. I then thought real hard about the offer that was being presented to me, and knew I wanted nothing but the best for her. I wanted her to be well taken care of and I knew I wouldn’t be able to give her my best as of right now. So I went with the best decision after thinking about it for hours.
“So it’s like they babysitting my child for nine months right?” I said right when I walked to the doctor’s office.
“Right; trust me you will never regret this decision, it will make you better,” he said and gave me a smile of comfort.
“Ok I am only going to do it for nine months, which would include seeing her anytime I want,” I said with tears knowing this is the best decision I can make for her.
“Deal, just make sure you let them know that you are coming.”
“Ok. So will I meet them before they take my child away?”
“Of course, I will send them right to your room when I finish talking to them after their arrival.”
“Ok,” I said as I walked back to my room wondering what the people that will be taking my daughter will be like. I wondered if they were white or black, if they were big or skinny, their housing conditions, how they will treat my daughter. It bothered me that my child can be possibly maltreated because I have heard stories about foster parents before. I even wondered if they will give Ella back to me in nine months. The more I thought about it, the more my head hurt. I was devastated and disappointed that I couldn’t provide for my child but I wanted the best for her, so I sat on my bed and waited, then suddenly somebody called out my last name.
“Miss Reed?” I looked at the direction where my name was being called and saw a chunky short lady. Along with her was a tall, bald headed man with a display of dimples in his cheeks as he smiled to reveal his teeth.
“Hey honey,” the lady rushed in my direction and gave me a hug, then looked up at me, “You look warn out darling, you need some sleep, for God sake you just had a baby, please try your hardest to relax.”
“I know,” I looked at them both, trying to read what kind of people they were, taking my child home.
“Don’t worry sweetie, we will take good care of…. What is her name again?”
“Ella, Ella Reed” I said still staring at them both.
“Awww that is such a pretty name, we will make sure Ella is well taken care of.”
I looked at who I thought was the husband, who was letting his wife speak for both of them.
“We will take great care of her Miss Reed,” he finally opened his mouth as I looked him up and down hoping he wouldn’t be the pervert that touches little kids. I was a little scared about him being around, but I had to give him the benefit of the doubt since I wouldn’t be able to give my child what they could give her.
I made the final decision although my heart was not at peace. I wanted my daughter home with me but I had no home. So I ran through the temporary custody plan as if they already didn’t know, and then held my child before they took her away.
“I promise I will be back for you,” I said as tears uncontrollably came out of my eyes, hitting the surface of my skin and then I gave her to what I called ‘her temporary parents’ and watched them take my child away from me right before my very eyes. I made them discharge me that same day, then went back to my motel room and cried my eyes out knowing tears wouldn’t help the solution to my problem. I later got on my knees when my tears wouldn’t find their way to stop and cried to God this time around as I went into prayer. “Father, please help me, I am so lost. I don’t know what to do or how to get my life stable in order to get my child back. Please help me get her back and forgive me for whatsoever sin I have committed. Have mercy on me and wash me of my sins and please grant me the strength to never give up, I pray in Jesus name, Amen.” I said my prayers as I dragged my restless body out of the motel. I didn’t need time to heal; my daughter was the only thing that could heal me at this point, so I went searching for another job instead of working with Mr. Wayne again. I felt betrayed whether he meant well or not, but working with him was the best solution after my job search failed. I lowered my pride for the sake of Ella and walked in as every employee that was working up front stopped to stare at me with surprise.
“Hey, you ok?” a co-worker called out.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
I spotted Mr. Wayne and walked right to him and smiled sincerely when he saw me.
“I am so happy your well, please come with me,” he said as I followed with a blank expression.
It wasn’t just because of him that my expression was so blank, but rather everything that had happened to me that I could not control. I wasn’t the same; my face was a reflection of the pain inside. I even forgot to take a shower and I hoped nobody would notice, but even if they did, I wouldn’t care.
“How are you feeling today Miss Reed?”
“Fine,” I said not happy to see him.
“How is your baby doing?”
“Fine.”
“So you went with the decision I made?”
“I am afraid so.”
“Good for you Rachael, I promise you won’t regret this.”
“I hope not,” I let my head down not wanting to look him in his face.
“So what brings you here?”
“I am ready to work.”
“Rachael sweetie don’t you think you’re pushing yourself too hard? You just had a baby.”
“I will be fine. I just need my child back,” I said as tears came down my face.
“I know sweetie,” he said as he handed me a tissue. “Just remember I am here for you
and I still think you should not work yourself too hard.”
“I will be fine I promise.”
“Ok but please think about it? Maybe reconsider? Take today off and see how you feel tomorrow.”
“With all due respect, I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t ready. I don’t want to reconsider. Working is probably the only way I can get Ella off my mind.”
“It’s only temporary Rachael, and I honestly think you should relax a little, but if working would make you feel better then you can start again tomorrow.”
“Thank you,” I said as I cracked a little smile that could barely be seen, “Can I work full time?”
“If you can handle full time hours, it’s all yours.”
“I can and thank you.”
“No problem and just let me know if there is anything else I can do for you, I will be glad to help.”
“Ok thank you, I am very grateful,” I got up and excused myself, walking by the co-worker who stopped to look at me as I cracked a little smile. I then walked faster so I wouldn’t have to answer any questions knowing the next day would be different. Before I could get out, another co-worker stopped me as predicted.
“Girl what are you doing here, you just had a baby?”
“I know.”
“Where is your baby?”
“Home.”
I walked out still in search for another job. It wasn’t long enough before I found a night job as a cleaning lady. They didn’t pay as much but it was enough to subside some of the stress and both jobs kept my mind busy. As a result, I couldn’t see Ella as much as I would have liked, but I made sure I saw her twice a week regardless of the circumstances. I had no break for myself other than my night job whenever I got done early. I slept in the office that I cleaned that night until it was time to go. I did this for 5 months straight without a single distraction. Co-workers and other men tried to take a little time out of my schedule to spend with them, but my only priority was my child.
Chapter 4
I went to work every day and saved every penny I could. I repeated the same shift with no complaints, just waiting month to month to get Ella back until one day, I was walking down the street to catch the bus after work. I was about to go shopping for Ella since I was seeing her the next day. As I was walking, a black Chrysler 300 pulled up beside me. I kept walking thinking it probably had nothing to do with me until the man driving the car rolled his window down and said, “Hey pretty girl slow down.”
“Sorry I’m in a rush,” I said walking faster than I was earlier.
“Where are you off too?”
“To catch the bus,” I said still walking.
“Do you mind me giving you a ride?”
“No thank you, the bus will be here shortly if I get there on time,” I said giving him a hint to leave me alone.
“You wouldn’t have to do that if I give you a ride.”
“No really, it’s ok.”
“I insist.”
“No... No thank you,” I stuttered, afraid to look at him.
“Oh that hurt, I’ve never been turned down for anything.”
“Sorry, I can’t,” I said as the bus drove past us. “Sorry I got to go.”
I took off running towards the bus stop but the bus already left me by the time I got there. I sat down waiting for another bus in fury because I had missed the first bus. I wondered if I would have enough time to shop for Ella. The black Chrysler pulled up in front of me again, and a man got out of the car, went to the other side of the car, and opened the car door signaling for me to get in.
“It’s my fault you missed the bus, allow me to take you to your destination so I won’t feel guilty.”
“No really it’s not your fault, I will be fine.”
“Please, I insist, I don’t mind taking you anywhere; I have nothing else to do anyway.”
I sighed as I gave in knowing it will be convenient for this stranger to take me to the mall to save time. “Ok, thank you.”
I finally took a good look at him while getting inside the passenger seat. He had the smoothest skin tone I had ever seen. He was tall with a tattoo on his eyelid, which I didn’t understand, but for some strange reason, I thought it looked good on him. His hair was nicely faded and I wouldn’t be surprised if he was a model for Crest toothpaste due to his pearly white teeth, along with his beautiful smile and a dimple on one of his cheeks.
“No, thank you for letting me take you,” he said.
Closing the car door behind me he went to the driver’s seat and I advised him of my destination and then we proceeded to the mall.
“So why are you going to the mall, if you don’t mind me asking.”
“Oh no, it’s fine. I just have to go get some stuff for my daughter.”
“Oh that’s what’s up. How old is she?”
“She is almost six months old. What about you, do you have any kids?”
“Me? Nah no kids”
“Why did you say it like that, it’s not a bad thing to have a baby.”
“Oh no I’m sure it’s not, I just haven’t met that right one to bear my children,” he said as he gazed forward.
“So why do you have a tear drop on your eyelid?”
“It’s a long story.”
“I’m listening,” I said out of curiosity.
“How about we save that for dinner one day, huh?”
I said nothing knowing I was not looking forward to a man that could possibly distract me.
“You don’t want to have dinner with me one day?”
“We’ll see,” I said.
I was trying to be as polite as I could be with a look on my face showing that I didn’t want to talk, and I am guessing he read it perfectly fine and stopped talking until we got to the mall. My instinct was that he was dropping me off then leaving me alone for good, but instead he parked the car and quickly rushed out of the car to open the door for me.
“Thank you,” I said as I got out the car.
“You welcome, do you mind if I come in with you?” he said as I started to walk away.
“Umm, sure you can.”
I wasn’t really sure about him walking with me. Once inside the mall, he helped me pick out a lot of stuff and even paid for it. I was very impressed, but I felt more pressure because he asked me out to dinner again. I felt like I had no choice but to accept it.
“Thank you so much for all these gifts for my daughter, I really appreciate it,” I said when I was done shopping.
“No problem, there is more where that came from,” he responded as I smiled.
“Can we leave now please?” I said knowing I had to catch the bus to my motel room to get dressed for my other job.
“Sure, come on lets go,” he said as we dragged all the stuff to his car.
“Once again, I am really grateful you bought all this for my child,” I said as we got in the car to drive off.
“No problem, I can do more you know.”
I went silent.
“So where do you want me to drop you off at?”
“You can drop me off at the bus stop then I can get home from there.”
“Oh you must not want me to see where you live huh?”
“Oh no, it’s not that. I just don’t want to ask for too much.”
“As beautiful as you are, you can never ask for too much, hell you’re not asking for enough.”
“Thank you,” I smiled at his compliment. I loved his ways, but I was a little afraid to get caught up with him.
“So, tell me a little about yourself,” he asked.
“I don’t really have much to say,” I said not wanting to talk about myself. I was more interested in hearing about him than myself.
“Come on, there’s got to be something about you.”
“There is nothing interesting or positive about me except for me having my daughter,” I smiled as I mentioned my child.
“That’s something,” he said, looking unsure of what else to ask me.
“So wh
at about you, tell me a little about yourself?”
“Well let’s see, I’m a man who loves to live life, live by what I think is right and most of all, live life with no regrets because I believe whatever happens in my life is supposed to happen”.
“I like that,” I said with a smile.
“Thank you. So how do I get to your house?” he asked as we got closer to the bus stop where I was found by him.
“Turn right on Hammond Street and it’s on Cleveland Street at the Motel 6.”
“Oh you live in a motel?”
“Yeah, until I get my apartment.”
“You too beautiful to be living in a motel,” he said.
I said nothing but just smiled.
“I know we just met, but you know you can always stay at my house with me. I mean I live alone and would love to share it with somebody,” he suggested.
“Oh no that is way too much. Thank you for the offer but I am fine where I’m at.”
“Ok,” he said as he drove me down to my motel. “What time do you have to be at work tonight?”
“In one and a half hours.”
“Where is the place?”
“Chevron Cooperation.”
“How many minutes is it from here?”
“Like an hour on the bus and train.”
“I will be here in an hour to take you to work.”
“Oh no, please, I don’t want you to.”
“I want to so I will be here.”
“Ok, thank you,” I said as he opened the door for me, then helped me get Ella’s stuff to my motel room as I ran around feeling embarrassed with the way things were out of place in my room.
“You don’t have to do that because I’m here, I know you’ve been working too hard to have time to clean.”
“I have, but still there’s no excuse.”
“I understand, so you good? I will be back here in a few,” he said as he got closer to me. I could smell the fresh scented cologne he had on which made me want to hold on to him and rest my face in his chest for a while. But instead I pushed back preventing the temptation of jumping on him with the way my hormones were acting in his presence.
“Don’t worry I don’t bite, I just want to give you a hug that’s all.”
Sacrifice Page 5