Healing Ruby: A Novel

by Jennifer H. Westall

I didn’t see how he could get much worse. I wondered if I’d be able to take another person I cared about dying.

  “He asks about you,” Mary continued. “Every day the past week.”

  “Me? He hardly speaks to me. I used to wonder if he even knew I was in the room.”

  “Well, he asked me when you might be coming back. I said I didn’t know.”

  “I reckon I’ll be back today. No sense in rushing home.”

  Mary glanced over at me kind of sideways. “He seems better when you’re around. Happier maybe, if not better.”

  I couldn’t hardly believe that. “Happier?”

  “Well, as happy as Matthew gets anyway. Maybe the right way of putting it is he’s less of a sullen bump on a log when you’re there.”

  I couldn’t help but smile. And I couldn’t help but look forward to seeing Matthew again, even if it did tear me up inside to watch him suffer. I decided my goal, at least for that day, would be to get a smile out of him.

  Returning to Matthew’s side was the most comforting thing I’d done in over a week, even though he didn’t speak to me at all while I worked. Serving him felt as natural as breathing. I wiped down his walls and floor, taking my time to get what had built up in my absence, and then I helped him move to the chair by the window. He landed gently, but let out a humph as I let him go.

  “Sorry,” I said. “Did that hurt?”

  He shook his head and shifted his hips. I could feel his eyes on me as I placed a blanket over his legs, tucking it beneath the cushion to keep him warm. When I straightened, he was staring out the window, his dark eyes glazed and red.

  “You upset with me?” I asked.

  He shook his head.

  I tried again. “Don’t feel like talking to me?”

  He looked down at his hands then. “Just ain’t sure what to say.” He cleared his throat and started rubbing the blanket. “I thought you might not come back. Thought maybe losing your daddy would make it too sad.”

  “Too sad for what? Cleaning up after you? Now you know that’s the highlight of my day.”

  That almost did it. His mouth twitched like it wanted to smile.

  “Too sad to watch me die too.”

  My stomach churned, and I covered it with my arm to steady the sensation. I turned back to his bed and tugged the sheets off, throwing them into a pile by the door. I wasn’t sure how to respond to that, and he didn’t seem in a hurry for me to. For a while the only sounds that filled the room were of flapping sheets and blankets, followed by pillows being wrestled from their cases. I opened fresh sheets and made the bed, smoothing out the wrinkles as well as my thoughts. Then I walked over to stand beside him and put my hand on his shoulder.

  “What did Dr. Fisher say about getting you some fresh air?”

  “Don’t reckon it matters much at this point.” He coughed, and I held my breath for more, but it didn’t come.

  “Well, I was thinking that last time the problem wasn’t so much the fresh air as it was the dust in these old windows. If you’re feeling up to it, I’ll see about setting up a chair or blanket out in the yard tomorrow. Maybe your family can join you.”

  “And you? Will you join me?”

  “If that’s what you’d like.”

  He finally looked at me then, his eyes so tired and dark. “What if I just want you? Would that be all right?”

  I nodded, cause for one thing, my throat suddenly felt like it wasn’t working properly, and for another, I wasn’t quite sure what to say to that.

  “Well, good luck getting Mother to agree to that,” he said.

  I laughed and shook my head. “Yeah, I don’t think she’ll be too keen on the idea.”

  And there it was! His mouth, ever so slightly, curved up into a smile, and I thought my heart would sing. Hope swelled up inside me. Maybe I hadn’t had enough faith in Daddy’s healing, but I wasn’t going to stop trying for Matthew.

  “You’re going to be okay,” I said, even as the words felt unsure on my tongue. “God’s going to heal you, and soon you’ll be running around like your old self again.”

  He laid his head against the back of the chair and looked up at me with the smile still lingering on his lips. But it dropped immediately at a deep, solemn voice from behind us.

  “Young lady, this isn’t the time to be tossing around false hope and empty promises.” I turned around to Brother Cass’s stern face pushed into a frown. He stepped inside the room with his Bible tucked under one arm and his jacket draped over the other. “I’m sure you mean well, but those kinds of thoughts only distract Matthew from what he should be thinking on right now.”

  I stepped back as a chill swept over me. “I-I didn’t mean any harm.”

  “Of course not.” His face slid into a smile that didn’t warm me. “Afternoon, Matthew. Beautiful day isn’t it?”

  I glanced over at Matthew. He’d sunk lower in his chair, and his whole expression had darkened again. He didn’t answer Brother Cass, who stepped in between Matthew and the window. He leaned down into Matthew’s line of sight. “How’re you feeling today?”

  When Matthew still didn’t say anything, I couldn’t help but speak up. “He seems a bit better, don’t you think?”

  Brother Cass looked at me again. “Ruby, isn’t it?” I nodded. “Well, Miss Ruby, thank you for taking such good care of his room. A clean room can really lift the spirit. But maybe you should leave the biblical encouragement to those of us with more experience with such things.”

  Matthew looked up at him with eyes that could have stoned a man to death. “She’s welcome to speak to me about anything she pleases.”

  “Oh, I didn’t mean anything by it. But you know as well as I do that God has afflicted you with this illness for a reason. He wants you to turn to him, to seek forgiveness for your sins and have faith. Until you learn what he’s teaching you, this sickness will not relent, and even then it may not be his will to heal you.”

  Matthew turned his gaze out the window again, and the defeat I saw in him made my blood race hot through my veins. “Excuse me, Brother Cass. I’m sure you don’t really mean that you think God made Matthew sick.”

  “Why, of course I do. There are many instances in Scripture where the Lord inflicts suffering in order to teach a lesson, and to bring about repentance from sin.”

  “Such as?”

  “Many times in the Old Testament, God uses sinful nations to conquer the Israelites, which leads them to repent and turn back to true worship.”

  I couldn’t really argue that. But I wasn’t ready to give up. “But in John, when the disciples ask Jesus about the blind man, and they ask him why he’s blind, what sin his parents must’ve committed, Jesus says that it isn’t cause anyone sinned, but that the man is blind so that God’s work can be displayed in him.”

  Brother Cass looked amused. “That man was blind from birth. Who do you think created him that way? Besides, what does that have to do with our dear brother Matthew here?”

  “God doesn’t make people sick. He heals them of their sickness. That’s what Jesus did. He healed people to show them that God loved them and saw their suffering. Jesus didn’t go around making people sick just so they’d have to come to him to be healed also. What kind of God would do that?”

  “Just where do you think sickness comes from, Miss Ruby?”

  “What? It comes from tiny little organisms getting inside you and wreaking havoc on your body.”

  “Sickness entered the world when sin entered the world. It’s a consequence of sin. It was for Adam and Eve, and it still is today.”

  Matthew started coughing again, and I brought him his pail from beside his bed. He looked over at Brother Cass once he’d finished. “If God did this to me, then I don’t want nothing to do with him.”

  I turned back to Brother Cass and pointed my finger at his chest. “You see? All you’re doing is making him doubt! You aren’t building up his faith. What kind of pastor tears down a young man who’s suffering? He nee
ds hope, to have faith that God’ll bless him cause he’s loved and adored by his Father in heaven, not cause he’s so cursed that he finally bends his will to the one afflicting him!”

  By that time, I was about to lose it, and I realized I was practically yelling at a very respected preacher. My mother, and especially Daddy, would be very disappointed. Brother Cass looked on me with scorn and disbelief. I was pretty sure no one had ever talked to him like that. He shook his head slowly.

  “I might expect such blind, impassioned theology from a Graves. Your uncle would be proud, I’m sure. But like him, you Miss Ruby are completely mistaken in your understanding of the true sovereignty of God. I would encourage you to get familiar with his Word, and that you study carefully how God brings about repentance. Just as he says in Hebrews, ‘no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.’ So you see, discipline hurts, but it produces good fruit.”

  I was so full of anger and fire at that point I could barely see straight, let alone think of all the Scripture I was sure was in the Bible to tell this man where he could shove his fruit. “Look, Matthew is a fine young man, the kind of person that thinks of others, that doesn’t shove his goodness down people’s throats, and he loves his family. God loves him, and God’s going to heal him! You watch and see!”

  I turned on my heels and marched right out the door, knowing I was about to get myself fired from my job if I didn’t stop my mouth somehow. I didn’t bother saying goodbye to anyone, just stormed right out the door and continued through the woods toward home.

  By the time I came to the edge of our property, my anger had subsided to a simmer. I broke out of the woods and into the long shadows of our apple and pecan trees before rounding the barn. Over by the garden, about a half acre away, I could see James and Asa hoeing weeds, and for a second it looked like Daddy with James. My heart flickered before I could reason with it. I angled myself in their direction. Asa saw me coming and waved. He met me at the fence, which I noticed had some fresh boards in places that had been rotting.

  “Hi there, Ruby!” Asa smiled, and his eyes shone. He was drenched from head to toe.

  “Hi, Uncle Asa. Can I get you and James anything? How about some water?”

  “That’d be just fine.”

  I walked over to the well beside the porch and pushed aside the heavy cover. I did my best to hurry, but the crank was sometimes stubborn. I managed to get enough up to fill two cups we kept on the porch and walked them back down to the garden. James was waiting at the fence beside Asa, and they both downed the water quicker than I could say “boo.”

  “Thank you kindly, Ruby,” Asa said as he handed the cup back to me. I took James’s cup, and he went right back to hoeing weeds, but Asa stayed at the fence. He looked over at the woods where I’d just come from and said, “Where you been all afternoon?”

  I shrugged. “Around.”

  I could tell that didn’t satisfy him. “Around where?”

  I was tired of lying, and didn’t really see the point anymore. “I work over at the Doyles’ house in the afternoons to earn a little extra money for myself. But Mother doesn’t know about it, and I’d like to keep it that way.”

  “Did your daddy know?”

  I shook my head.

  “I see.” He looked me over more closely. “And just what do you do over there?”

  “I help take care of their son. He’s sick, and his family don’t have it in them to clean up after him, but it doesn’t bother me so much.”

  “Then why do you seem so unhappy about it if you’re doing what you want?”

  “Oh I’m not unhappy with the work. I had it out with someone I shouldn’t have, and I’m sure it’s going to get back to Mother. I should’ve held my tongue, but that preacher makes me so mad.”

  “How come?”

  “He tells Matthew that God made him sick cause he needs to repent of his sins, and even if he does repent God still may not heal him. I can see it breaking his spirit to think God’s making him suffer. That preacher should be passing on words of hope and encouragement, not condemnation and death.”

  Asa nodded, but didn’t say anything. He folded his arms over the top rail of the fence and lowered his head.

  “I don’t know the Bible as well as a preacher,” I continued, “but I know Jesus taught compassion, and he healed the sick. He didn’t make people sick.” Asa still stared at the ground. “You know, come to think of it, Brother Cass said something strange.”

  He lifted his head then. “Cass?”

  “Yeah, he said he expected such nonsense from a Graves and that my uncle would be proud of me. What did he mean by that?”

  He shook his head. “I’m not sure exactly. Brother Cass and I never quite saw eye-to-eye on some things, but that was many years ago, back before you was born. I was very young, and I did some things I ain’t proud of. People want to forget their own mistakes, but hang onto those of others. You don’t worry too much about Cass. You keep giving Matthew words of hope, and pray for God’s healing for him. God’ll hear you.”

  “I don’t know about that. I prayed he’d heal Daddy, and he didn’t hear me.”

  “All I know is that you have a gift, Ruby. The Holy Spirit inside you calls out to others in their pain, and you’re supposed to use that gift. Don’t lose heart over your Daddy. He’s rejoicing with the Lord, and he’d rejoice at the fine young lady you’re growing into. God will hear you. Pray for Matthew.”

  Asa spoke with such conviction, it was hard not to believe him. “Uncle Asa, I don’t want to pry into things you don’t want to share, but you talk in ways that make me want to know things.”

  “What do you want to know?”

  “Well, what did you and Brother Cass disagree about?”

  “Oh, many, many things, sweetheart.” He looked into my eyes, and I could see he was struggling with what to say. I was shocked at what he said when he finally spoke. “I was a preacher too, a long time ago. And I had the spirit of the Lord with me. He blessed me too—like you, I had a gift—and I was amazed at the things the Lord did through me, things no one else would ever believe. But I lost my way, and Brother Cass and many other people saw it. They called me out for what I was, a hypocrite and a liar. And I won’t ever be able to leave that behind.”

  My hair prickled on the back of my neck. “What kind of gift did you have?” I asked.

  He tilted his head and studied me. “Not yet. You ain’t ready for all that.” Then he smiled and turned back to the garden.

  The prickling spread down my spine and out along the skin of my arms. I knew there was something more, something strangely frightening in what he said. But it was a fear that propelled me forward, and I knew that God had brought Uncle Asa here for a reason. He was right, something inside me reached out to people in pain, and I could feel his coursing through him. Maybe, somehow, I was supposed to help him too.

  “Where’s Henry?” I asked once we’d all sat down to supper—all of us except Henry.

  We all looked at James as though he should know. He shrugged. “Ain’t seen him since this morning when he left.” He looked over at me. “Did he walk with you to school this morning?”

  “Yeah, but I didn’t see him at all during the day or after.”

  Asa didn’t say anything, just chewed his food in silence and watched our conversation like it was a picture show.

  Mother passed around the okra and said, “He’s nearly grown so I reckon he’ll come home when he’s hungry.”

  “You’d think he might start helping out around here a little more considering,” James said. He glanced over at me, and I got the distinct feeling he’d say the same for me. “Mother, you shouldn’t be doing all the work around here by yourself.”

  Asa pointed at James with his fork. “You do a mighty fine job around here. Mighty fine. That garden looks real pretty. You stood up like a real man and did rig
ht by your family this year. I’m sure your daddy was proud.”

  “Thank you, Uncle Asa. And thank you for your help today.” James hunched over the table and stirred his food around on his plate. He wasn’t exactly overflowing with warmth for Uncle Asa since he showed up. I figured that was on account of his being older and maybe knowing more about things than me and Henry. Still, gratefulness was progress.

  “Yes,” Mother said. “Thank you for your help today. It was much appreciated. But I’m sure you’re anxious to get back to your own life. I assume you’ll be heading home tomorrow.”

  “What? No!” I dropped my fork onto the table and glared at Mother. “He just got here.”

  Asa grinned at me and wiped his mouth before turning to Mother. “I’m more than happy to stay as long as I’m useful. But I don’t want to be a burden.”

  “You’re not a burden,” I said.

  Mother pursed her mouth into a line and glared back at me. “Ruby, please use your manners, and think of others and their needs before your own.” My boldness shrunk back inside me. “Asa has a life of his own to lead. We’re not his responsibility.”

  “Actually,” James said, “it’d be a help to have you around a while longer. With two sets of hands out working, I might be able to get enough produce out of that garden to make up for Daddy’s pay from the gin. God willing.”

  “What about Henry?” Mother said. “I’ll talk to him. He’ll help.”

  “Mother, he’s useless. All he cares about is playing ball or chasing girls. I can’t count on him to help, even if you do talk to him.”

  Asa looked at Mother with expectant eyes, and she looked everywhere but straight at him.

  “Well,” she finally said. “Seems like my children have taken a liking to you, and if James could use the help, then I suppose it’ll be all right.”

  She pushed away from the table and dropped her plate into the washtub. Asa watched as she stepped out the back door. James went back to scraping at his plate, and Asa turned his gaze to me. I felt his pain again, felt his regret and sorrow. But there was hope inside him too.