Healing Ruby: A Novel

by Jennifer H. Westall

  Chapter Seven

  The next day I managed to get Mrs. Doyle to agree to the outdoor time for Matthew, and Ellis helped me set up a lounge chair from the library near the back gardens. Then he carried Matthew out to the chair while Mary and I spread out a quilt for ourselves. It was the perfect day for getting outdoors, and I had to admit I was right proud of myself. Mrs. Doyle had been reluctant, but even she could see he needed something to lift his spirits. Still, as I sat near the bottom of the hill that sloped away from the back of their house, I could see her anxious face peering at us through the kitchen windows.

  “I can’t believe you did it,” Matthew said. His voice was weak, but his eyes shone. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. After the way you took it to Brother Cass yesterday, I believe you might be the bravest and most stubborn girl I know.”

  “Brave?” I said. “I don’t know about that. I just run off at the mouth at times I shouldn’t.”

  Mary shook her head. “You’re something else, Ruby. Standing up for Matthew like that—well, I can’t imagine talking back to a preacher, especially Brother Cass. He always makes me feel like God could strike me down at any moment.”

  Matthew leaned his head back against the chair and gazed up at the sky. “Brother Cass means well, but I don’t want any part of his version of God.”

  “Matthew,” I said. “Just cause a person has memorized every word of Scripture recorded, doesn’t mean he’s the only one that knows what it means. I hope you’ll pray about God giving you more faith, cause I know for sure the Bible says that if you ask for faith he’ll give it to you, so long as you truly mean it.”

  He was so quiet I wondered if he’d fallen asleep. He did that sometimes when I was cleaning his room, drifting off in the middle of my preaching. Maybe he figured that was the only way to get me to stop.

  “Ruby?” Mary asked. “What do you think you’ll do when you’re grown?”

  “Oh, I don’t know.”

  “You’d make a great nurse,” Matthew said without opening his eyes. I knew he’d been playing possum.

  “I’ve thought about that. I guess it seems reasonable and all, but I can’t imagine doing anything so normal. I want to travel the world, explore jungles and deserts. I want to smell all different kinds of places, eat all different kinds of food, and meet all different kinds of people.”

  “You could be a waitress on an ocean liner,” Mary said. “Oh, I just read something about women who are working on airplanes! They serve the passengers and do safety checks on the plane. You could fly all over!”

  I waved a dismissive hand at her. “Serve people on planes? That’s not for me. Now flying planes, that might be something worth checking into.”

  “You can’t fly a plane!” Mary said, laughing.

  “And why not?” I said. “Amelia Earhart can fly planes. So can I.”

  “I imagine she can do about anything she sets her mind to,” Matthew said quietly. He lifted his head away from the chair and grinned at me.

  I smiled back, and a small tingle slid though my stomach. I wasn’t sure why, but it suddenly became difficult to look him in the eye. But I managed to find my voice. “What about you? What are you going to be?”

  I knew immediately I shouldn’t have asked. His smile faded, and he looked down at his hands in his lap. I’d about had enough of tiptoeing around his illness.

  “How do you expect God to heal you if you don’t even believe it?” I spoke firmly to make sure my own heart got the message as well. “I believe that you, Matthew Doyle, are going to be fine someday. So when I ask you what you want to do with your life, I ask cause I know you’re going to have a life! I’m tired of all this moping around waiting to die malarkey.”

  He raised his eyebrows and pushed himself forward in the chair. “I know what you believe, Ruby. You been saying it since the day you got here. And I ain’t getting any better. You’re just putting me in a position of disappointing you, and I can’t hardly stand that. Don’t you think I want a life?”

  “I don’t know. Do you?”

  “Of course I do!” He raised his voice, and I was surprised it had as much force as it did.

  I started to challenge him further, but that was when he started coughing, and I was reminded of how precarious his condition really was. Mary stood and rubbed his back as he coughed into the handkerchief from his shirt pocket. When he pulled it from his mouth, and I saw the speckles of fresh blood, I felt terrible.

  “I’m sorry,” I said when he finally stopped. “I didn’t want to upset you.”

  Mary straightened and leveled her eyes on me. “Maybe we should head back inside and let him rest.”

  “No!” he said. “I’m fine. I don’t want to go back inside.” Mary and I looked at each other, unsure of what to do. “I mean it. I won’t go back inside. Now both of you sit down, and let’s talk about something else.”

  We sat down, but the mood had changed, and I wasn’t sure what to say. After a few moments of trying various things in my head, and deciding none of them sounded like the right thing to say, Matthew was the one to break the silence.

  “I want to build things.” I looked up, and he was looking down at me with eyes that seemed like they might burst. “I want to build skyscrapers, and huge bridges, and I want to stand on top of them looking down at the world, imagining what else I could make to fit into the spaces below me.”

  Again, my stomach twisted and tingled. I ached for God to restore him to that young man I’d watched play ball so gracefully. My throat closed up, and it took everything inside me not to let any tears slide by.

  “I never knew that,” Mary said. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

  “Daddy had my future laid out for me, and I didn’t see much chance in fighting him on it.”

  “You could’ve tried,” she said. “You should’ve told him. He wouldn’t force you to work for him.”

  “Honestly, I didn’t really care too much till I got sick. All I ever cared about before was playing ball. But now, I think I would’ve liked to have gone to college for studying, and not just playing ball.”

  “You still could,” I said. I waited for another argument, but this time he grinned.

  “Don’t give up, do you?”

  “Not when I’m right.”

  He shook his head. “I reckon we’ll find out soon enough.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “He has an appointment tomorrow,” Mary said. “Over in Atlanta with a specialist.”

  I pushed myself up onto my knees and smiled at him. “That’s good news, right? I mean, nothing against Dr. Fisher, but a specialist might be able to do more for you.”

  Matthew frowned. “That’s exactly what I’m talking about right there. You get your hopes up over every little thing. I’ve been to specialists before, and they couldn’t do nothing for me then. Probably can’t do nothing for me now.”

  “You’ll see,” I said. “Things are going to start turning around real soon, I just know it.”

  It was nearing dark when I got home, and I could hear raised voices coming from the house before I even made it to the dog run. It was my mother’s voice, and I could tell she was upset. I started to rush inside to see what was going on, but Uncle Asa’s words stopped me cold.

  “Ruby isn’t a little girl anymore. Don’t you see her gifts?”

  “I see her gifts all the time! I know my own daughter better than anyone else. Don’t you dare come into my home and act like you know her better than I do.”

  “Lizzie, I would never—”

  “Elizabeth!”

  There was a good two minutes of silence before Asa started talking again, and now he’d lowered his voice so much, I had to find my secret crack in the wall to hear him.

  “—didn’t want my coming here to bring you pain. I just wanted to pay my respects to Abner, and to try one more time to make up for the pain I caused you both.”

  “I’ve told you over and over. We moved on, and you
should too.”

  “Moved on, yes. But you never forgave me.” He paused. “Elizabeth, truly, from the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry for what I did. I had no idea—”

  “Look, Asa, it’s in the past. I forgave you long ago. There’s no point in digging up those bones again. But when it comes to Ruby, I expect you to respect what I say. I mean it when I tell you to stay away from her.”

  A chair scraped across the floor. Asa must have stood up. “She’s special, and I know you see it. I can understand why you might be afraid of it after everything I did, but she’s not like me. She’s stronger. And you know in your heart that if this is God’s will for her, you’ve no grounds to stand in her way.” Asa’s boots moved across the floor, heavy and slow. “It’s not my place to determine Ruby’s course. That’s up to God. But he has shown me his will for me, and that is to teach her and guide her.”

  “How can you possibly guide anyone? Look what a mess you made out of your own life!”

  Asa’s voice dropped again. I could only make out mumbles that sounded like pleas. I couldn’t take standing out there listening to the two of them decide my future as if I didn’t have a say in the matter. I was nearly fourteen years old. Girls not much older than me were getting married and starting families. It was about time I started making my own path for myself. So I pushed open the door and walked right into the middle of them.

  Asa’s face was in his hands as I came in, and Mother stood a few feet away from him with her arms crossed over her chest. Her face was streaked with tears, and that made me pause. Maybe I shouldn’t have interrupted them, but I’d lost track of their conversation and had no idea what I was interrupting.

  “Listen,” I said. “I don’t know exactly what’s going on here, but I have a right to decide my own course in life. You can’t stand around here and tell each other you know what’s best for me.”

  “Ruby Graves!” Mother glared at me. “Have you been listening at that crack in the wall of yours? I swear, I have got to get that thing filled in!”

  “You know about it?”

  “Your father and I have known about that for years, honey.”

  Uncle Asa dropped back into his chair at the table. It was time to come clean, so I faced Mother with as much courage as I could muster. But I froze as I thought about what I was about to tell her. If she interfered or try to stop me, I’d somehow have to find the strength to stand up to her.

  “I’ve been working at the Doyles’ house every day after school helping to take care of Matthew. I know it was wrong to lie, but helping him was the right thing to do, I know it. I just couldn’t figure out how to do the right thing both ways, so I only managed to do it one way, and that was taking care of Matthew. But now, I know I need to be honest about it, and so I am.”

  Mother sat down at the table across from Asa and let out a long breath. “Oh Ruby, I’ve known that too.”

  “What?”

  “Francine—Mrs. Doyle—talked to me about it shortly after you started. I was furious, of course, but she told me about how much it helped to have you there, and how much it lifted Matthew’s spirits. So I never said anything. I wanted you to come to me when you were ready.”

  My legs felt weak, so I also sat down. “All this time. I didn’t have to lie?”

  “No, honey.”

  A wave of terrible sadness came over me. All that time I’d spent away from home, away from Daddy, cause my guilt and helplessness overwhelmed me, all of it had been so unnecessary. If I’d just talked to Mother weeks ago, I might have been able to be there for her and Daddy more. Regret washed over me, and the tears I’d managed to hold back earlier broke through like a tidal wave. I sobbed as Mother came to my side.

  “I lied to Daddy! Every day till the day he died, I lied to him. How could I have done that? What’s wrong with me?”

  “Shhh, now. It’s okay.” Mother cradled my head in her chest and stroked my hair. “You did the right thing as best you could. Don’t fret over it now.”

  I cried into Mother’s chest until it seemed like I would run dry. When I pulled away, I looked over at Uncle Asa, who still sat quietly in his chair observing us. “You’re wrong about me. God wouldn’t choose me for anything special. I don’t have any kind of gift. So you can stop arguing over it now.”

  And with that, I pushed away from the table and went to mother’s bedroom. I closed the door and climbed under the covers, finding more tears that hadn’t escaped yet.

  I had no desire to go to school the next day, which was a first for me. My soul felt so heavy, and I spent the morning helping around the house and farm to see if good old fashioned service would lighten my burden. After milking Betsy, who continually swatted my face as I tried to block her tail with one hand and milk her with the other, tossing some dry corn to the chickens, and even feeding the smelliest pigs on God’s green earth, I could attest that it did not lighten my spirit one little bit. In fact, I felt so ashamed of the time I’d wasted avoiding Daddy, I could hardly bear to be around myself. But there was no getting away from it. And since Matthew and his family were going to Atlanta for two days, I couldn’t even find relief in taking care of him.

  To make matters worse, each time I passed anywhere near Uncle Asa, I’d see him working around the farm the same way Daddy used to. He moved through the garden pulling up weeds with the same quickness and same steady hand that Daddy had, even hummed the same tunes. One minute all I could think about was how badly I wanted him to hightail it away from our home, and the next I was wishing I could talk to him alone and find out the answers to all my questions. I finally decided that answers had to come, or I was likely to drive myself crazy. So I prepared a few biscuits, some leftover ham from breakfast, and some honey in a small pail, and I went out to meet Asa near the fencepost where he was working.

  “How about some lunch?” I asked.

  He straightened and wiped his forehead. “Sounds good to me. What ya got there?”

  “Biscuits, ham, honey. But can we go talk somewhere?”

  We walked across the yard and toward the clearing where I’d first seen him—close enough to return quickly if needed, far enough to speak privately. I found a place where the grass was soft and sat down, Asa following my lead. He seemed comfortable waiting on me to say what I needed to, and he ate quietly while I tried to put my thoughts and questions into an order that made sense. But eventually, I just had to start asking.

  “Uncle Asa, was your gift something to do with healing?”

  “Getting right to the point today, ain’t ya?”

  “There’s no reason to tiptoe around it. I guess I could be wrong, but that’s the feeling I’m getting.”

  He sat quietly fiddling with the remains of a biscuit. As much as I was dying to hear about his past, I tried to wait patiently. But patience was definitely not my gift, of that I was certain. Finally he let out a long breath and started talking.

  “When I was young, maybe ’bout your age, your Grandma Graves had an aunt named Sarah who we’d go visit pretty often. Your daddy and I both loved it there. Aunt Sarah and Uncle John didn’t have any kids of their own, so she spoilt us while we was there. We’d visit and play around the house while the men and some of the women in the family helped around the farm.”

  I started to wonder what all this had to do with my question, but I was afraid if I interrupted him he’d stop talking to me. So I listened as he recounted stories of his time on Aunt Sarah’s farm and all the mischief he and Daddy used to get into. I was about to try to ask about his gift again, when he looked me in the eyes and pointed his finger straight at me.

  “Now listen here,” he said. “What I’m gonna tell you, from here on out, has to be between just us. You understand?” I nodded. “You sure? You don’t look too sure.”

  “I’m sure.”

  “Well, I noticed that people from other farms nearby would come after Aunt Sarah whenever someone was sick or hurt. Couple of times I went with her and watched. It was amazing how soo
thing she was with ’em. She could calm any situation, and people always started getting better soon as she was caring for ’em.”

  “She could heal?” I felt my breath catch in my chest.

  “Well, not exactly. That’s why you got to pay attention. Now listen. Aunt Sarah never healed nobody. You understand that, and you can understand the rest.”

  “I understand.” I didn’t understand anything, but I was dying to soak up more of what I felt was coming.

  “Well, one day I was with her when we went to a nearby farm cause a little boy who was playing in the barn loft fell on a plow blade. He had a deep cut across his stomach. When Aunt Sarah pulled back the cloths from the wound, I nearly vomited right there. It was awful. I could see things in there no boy was ever meant to see.” Asa crumpled up his face as if the memory made him sick all over again.

  “So what happened? Did Aunt Sarah do something?”

  “She had the family leave the room, and she and I worked on the little boy. He had to be only ’bout eight or nine at the time, and I remember how pale and scared he looked when we first got there. By the time we cleared the room and started on his wound, he’d about passed out from shock. Aunt Sarah ordered me around doing things I can barely remember, but I knew I was supposed to keep that boy wrapped up and warm to try to keep him from going into shock. Then something happened I’ll never forget, but I don’t know that I can ever really put it into words either.”

  The hair on my arms rose and sent a tickle down them.

  “She closed her eyes and put her hands on the boy so that they were beside the wound. It was still just gushing blood. It was everywhere. Aunt Sarah started talking real low, sort of like she was mumbling, and she closed her eyes. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to close mine or not, but I didn’t want to miss anything, so I kept ’em open. Now, Ruby, I can tell you that nothing changed in that room. Time seemed to freeze, but I know nothing crazy happened. There was no noise, no strange light or even some other being in the room as far as I could see. But something was in that room. Something full of light and compassion that filled me with peace. Like I said, there ain’t any words I know to explain it. But after a few moments of this presence, I looked down and saw that the blood wasn’t flowing out of the little boy anymore. And Aunt Sarah’s hands were moving again. She took a clean piece of cloth and dampened it, then wiped away the blood smears from the boy’s stomach.”