“You’re still pining after her, aren’t you?” She shakes her head in disgust as she slides out of bed, not at all embarrassed by her naked body. “God, you’re pathetic.”
“Yet, you’re the one that still let me fuck you,” I fire back, my anger bubbling to the surface.
Her face contorts in rage. “Asshole. You’re just like the rest.”
I reach down to where her dress is and throw it to her. “Get the hell out,” I snap.
She pulls the dress on all the while glaring at me. “What’s your precious princess going to think when she finds out that you fucked me? Hmm?”
“Get the fuck out!” I roar, my breath coming out in pants.
She scurries out of my room like a fucking rat. She’s right though, screwing her was a sure fire way to ensure that Payton and I would never get back together.
The door opens and in walks Caston. “Bro, seriously?” he asks with a frown.
I groan, “I know, okay. I fucked up.”
He shakes his head, “When I told you to give her time, I didn’t mean for you to jump into bed with a fucking groupie.”
I run my hand through my hair, “I know, I fucking know.” My throat closes up, “I’ve lost her, Cas, I’ve fucking lost her.” The first tear falls and I sink onto my bed.
She threw us away, she didn’t even give me the chance to explain, to fix things between us. She took away the only thing I loved in this life—her.
“You’ve made a mistake, one that she’ll understand.” He’s trying to make me feel better, but that’s not going to work.
“You don’t get it, she distanced herself because she thought I cheated on her. I’ve just shown her that I have.” Fucking hell. I’m an asshole, I never thought I’d do this to her. “She pushed me away. Had she fucking spoken to me, I would have reassured her.”
The more I think about her running away, the angrier I’m getting. She did this to us, she threw us away.
No matter how angry I am, I can’t stop the guilt from eating away at me for what happened last night. It can’t happen again. I just pray that if I ever get the chance to see her again I’ll never let her go.
Chapter 6
TWO WEEKS LATER
Payton
“Payton,” Isabella says softly, the lilt of her Italian accent always makes me smile. “When do you turn eighteen?”
We’re standing on the deck of her beach house that she’s letting me stay in. It has to be the most perfect house I have ever seen. I honestly would love to own a house by the beach. It’s peaceful and perfect. I’ve been able to relax here and that’s something I never thought possible.
“Next year,” I reply cautiously, wondering why she’s asking.
This weekend has been amazing, probably the best photoshoot that I’ve ever had. It was to promote the new swimwear that Bennato has lined up for the summer. The photographer and the team, along with Isabella were amazing. They made sure that I was at ease throughout the entire weekend.
The photoshoot was tasteful, fun, and energetic. Just what Isabella had wanted. I, along with three guys and two other girls, had the best time. During this photoshoot, I finally found someone who was like me; that was normal and didn’t act pretentious and wasn’t born with a silver spoon in her mouth. Bianca is my type of girl, she says what she thinks and she doesn’t care what others think of her. She’s not stick thin like the others but she’s gorgeous, perfect in fact. Her body is to die for. I hope that today isn’t the only day we’ll be in shoots together. It’ll be nice to have someone else with me.
“That’s good, I have big plans for my company, Payton. Not only do I, but my Mamma does for hers and I’m pretty certain that we’ll be fighting over your time.” She grins when I frown, what does her mom have to do with this? “My Mamma saw you in action and just as I did, she fell in love. Once you’re eighteen Payton, you’re going to be in demand.”
I can only stare at her in shock. In demand? I don’t think so. I’m not like the other models.
She laughs and it’s like a tinkle. Crap did I say that out loud? “You are beautiful. You are kind, and most of all Payton, you are down to earth. Another thing about you is that you understand that this life is special. The beauty you hold is incomparable, and you don’t even recognize your worth.”
I’m not really sure what to say; this opportunity that she’s given me is something that was only a dream. Working for Isabella has been an experience that I will never forget. “Thank you.” I sound lame, but there’s nothing I can say that will express my gratitude to her.
“The pleasure was all mine.” She glances down at her watch, the diamonds shining brightly in the sun. “Your family will be here soon. Have a wonderful week, enjoy your downtime. Once these pictures get out, your life is going to change.” She pulls me into her arms and squeezes me, “Don’t ever change, bellissima.”
“Thank you for everything, Isabella.” I tell her once we pull apart.
She laughs again, that tinkle louder this time. “I’ll see you soon.”
Just as Isabella leaves, I hear Mary squeal and I turn to watch them running toward me. Tyler and Mary trying to be the fastest to reach me, poor Sebastian trailing behind but also has a smile on his face. And watching us all is Dahlia, the love in her eyes is shining brightly.
Happiness, that’s all that I can see on their faces and for the first time since my parents died, I feel as though we’re a family.
“Pay!” Mary yells as she slams into my body, my arms instantly go around her. God, I’ve missed her.
When my parents were alive, I used to be annoyed that my siblings would constantly be around me. I was never given any privacy, and now, well now I wish to have those days back. The days where all three of them would run into my room just to wake me up.
“Hey you, have you been good?” Last week she had a meltdown while at school; she had to do a family tree and it got to her. Not that I blame her, I cried listening to Dahlia tell me what happened.
“Yeah, I’m just so excited to see you. You’ve been gone for ages.”
I laugh at her exaggeration. “You’ve spoken to me every day, how are you not fed up already?”
Her arms tighten around me, “I’ll never be.”
“Hey, my turn,” Tyler tells as he pulls Mary from me. I don’t give him a chance, my arms scoop him up into a huge bear hug and I hold him tight. Out of all of my siblings, Tyler is the least affectionate. So whenever he gives me an indication that I can hold him, I do. “Missed you,” he says low, so low that I barely hear him, but I do.
“I missed you too. Love you, Ty.”
“Back at you,” he responds and I’m not hurt that he hasn’t said the words. Since our parents died he hasn’t told anyone that he loves them.
I release him and kneel down so that Sebastian can get in on the action. My baby brother is the sweetest little boy in the world, he’s always okay with me holding him. “Have you grown again?” I ask as I hold him at arm’s length, his face lights up. “You have!” I exclaim. “You have to stop growing, soon you’ll be taller than me.”
He giggles. “I’m going to be taller than Silas,” he tells me and my heart erupts in pain.
“My turn,” Dahlia says pulling me into her body as she tries to move away from the mention of my ex. “How were the photoshoots?”
“Amazing,” I reply. “Isabella is so sweet and the shoot was the best.”
Dahlia smiles. “There she is,” she whispers. I frown glancing around me, there who is? “You, I was wondering when you were going to come out of your shell. You had been so determined to follow Silas and his dream that you lost yourself, Pay. It’s good to see you’re starting to find you again.”
Heat rises in my cheeks at her words, but they’re true. I was going to give up everything to follow Silas and his dream.
“Have you eaten yet?” I ask, needing to change the subject away from me.
“Yes, we had something on the plane,” Dahlia tells me.
“The kids want to spend some time on the beach.”
I smile, “Sounds good, why don’t we get you all sorted first and changed into your swimwear and then we can go play?”
The kids are tucked up in bed, they’ve had a busy day today. Darkness has settled over the beach, all that we can hear is where the ocean waves hit against the shore. The sound is soothing.
“While you were in Milan, I had a visitor,” Dahlia says while we’re sitting on the deck talking.
I turn to face her, “Who?”
She sighs, “I wasn’t sure if I should tell you this or not, but I’m not keeping secrets from you. We agreed we’d be honest.” My heart starts to pound at her words, is it something bad? Is someone trying to take the children away from her? “Silas came to see me.”
My heart splinters and my breath leaves me in a whoosh.
“Pay, he was looking for you. He’s distraught, he’s worried about you.”
I scoff, “He should have thought about me before he cheated.”
“Baby, he swore that you got the wrong idea, he was pushing her away. He wants to talk to you.” Her voice is gentle, “I think for your own sake that you should talk to him. Even if it is just for closure.”
She’s right, “I’ll call him now,” I tell her as I reach for my cell phone. Dahlia gets up from her seat and walks back inside, leaving me alone. I call his number, I remember it by heart, so many times I’ve contemplated calling him but I couldn’t. I just wouldn’t let myself get hurt again. But knowing that he came to see me, that he said it was a misunderstanding gives me a glimmer of hope. I still love the guy.
“Hello?” The husky voice on the other end is definitely not Silas, in fact, it’s female.
My lungs hurt as I hold my breath, God, why is there a woman answering his phone? “Hi, is Silas there?” How the hell have I managed to make my voice sound normal.
The woman’s giggle is enough to turn my stomach, “Sorry, he’s busy. Can I take a message?”
I lick my lips, unsure whether I should hang up or ask her the question I need answering. “Um, no. Are you his girlfriend?”
She laughs, “No, Silas doesn’t do girlfriends, he just fucks us honey. But you want in, you’ll have to get in line.”
I end the call before she can hear me cry. The tears fall silently and I leave them be.
Just fucks them? What an asshole.
Why the hell did I actually think he was serious when he said it was a misunderstanding? I should have listened to my gut. God, why do I torture myself?
It’s time to move on, he obviously has no regard for me or my feelings.
Silas Miller and I are done.
Chapter 7
TWO YEARS LATER
Payton
“Payton, you’re here!” Bianca screeches and I smile. God, I’ve missed this girl. “About time you got back. How was it?”
Bianca and I live in an apartment in New York, we’ve been best friends since that photoshoot with Isabella. When I turned eighteen, Bianca said that she wanted to get a place of her own and Jerald came up with the idea of the two of us living together. Dahlia agreed with him, saying it was safety in numbers and all that. Jerald found an apartment for us that’s in a secure building that has tighter security than the White House.
I’m back from a photo shoot in the south of France and, to be honest, it was amazing. I still can’t believe that this is my life. “Fantastic,” I reply with a smile.
She glances at me, her eyes running over my body, “You’re glowing, you’ve got a tan.”
I roll my eyes, she’s worse than Dahlia. “Yes, I’ve got a tan. A month in the south of France, what did you expect? Me to come back looking like a ghost?”
She laughs, “No, I wasn’t sure what to think. I mean, Pay, I saw the article. I know you would have too.”
My heart stutters at her words, Silas. That damn man, I can’t escape him no matter how hard I try. The feelings I have for him haven’t gone away or dimmed as I had hoped. Even after two years, I still love him. Now I have to see him in the magazines and media channels. He’s the hotshot that’s sure to be drafted first tonight. Every week he’s pictured with a different woman, I hate that I care, that when I see those images I cry.
“I’m okay, honestly, I’m getting used to it now.” Liar. I don’t think I could ever get used to it. He was meant to be mine and now he’s everyone else's.
“Has Jerald spoken to you?” And this is why I love Bianca, she changes the subject swiftly. She hates that I still love Silas; she tells me time and time again that he’s not worth the pain and tears, but she doesn’t make me feel bad for still pining over him.
“No, why? What does he want?” I throw myself down on the couch beside her.
Jerald is also Bianca’s agent, her old one was clueless to the world. Both of our lives seemed to hit a fast forward button since the photoshoot with Isabella. Jerald saw the shoot and knew that Bianca and I had grown close and poached her from her old agent. Since then, we’ve barely had time to breathe.
She shrugs, “I’ve no idea. He told me that he wanted to talk to us, I assumed that he’d call.”
“Nope, I haven’t spoken to him since yesterday. Knowing him, he’s probably going to tell us that he’s booked us out for the next year.”
She giggles, “Yep, maybe sometime this century we’ll be able to sleep.”
I groan, “We sleep on the plane.” I mimic Jerald’s voice and both of us bust out laughing. “I’m exhausted; I really hope he hasn’t got anything booked for the next few days. I just want to crawl into bed and sleep for a day or two.”
She leans her head back against the cushions, “Tell me about it. I got back an hour ago.”
Shit, I forgot she had her shoot. “How did it go, what’s Clarisse like?” Clarisse Clayton is the new upcoming designer and she chose Bianca to be the face of her launch campaign. I’m so proud of Bee, she’s growing in confidence with every job shoot she does.
“It was good. I like Clarisse, she knows what she wants and expects, no demands, perfection.” She smiles, it relaxes me, it means she liked it. “So, tell me, what was your photoshoot like? I mean, a full month, what the hell?”
I shake my head. “It was full on,” I tell her as I tuck my legs under my ass on the sofa. “First we had to do pre-test photos which took a week. Then we did the full photoshoot, it took just over two weeks for that. I was posed in every pose you can think of. Then we had to wait for the edits, then once that was given the go ahead I was able to return home.”
“So, is Angelina Serafini as bad as they say?”
I laugh, I’d heard that rumor too. She’s supposedly a bitch, it’s rumored that if things don’t go her way she’ll have you ousted from the modeling world. “No, she was so nice. She actually reminded me of her daughter.”
Bee nods, “Makes sense. You never did tell me what the photo shoot was like? Mine was fully clothed.”
I roll my eyes, I should have known she wanted to know this. I reach for my cell phone, the photographer sent me a picture once the edits were done. Angelina insisted that I have this one. She wanted me to see what everyone else saw when they look me. “Here.” I pass her my phone when I get the picture up on the screen.
Her sharp intake of breath has me biting my lip. I’m not naked. I’m wearing bra and panties, my hair teased to seduction and I’m actually doing what I’m doing now, biting my lip. I was waiting for instruction when this picture was taken, the photographer loved it so much that he showed Angelina and she agreed that it was perfect. For what? I don’t know but I love the picture. I look beautiful and sexy which is something I don’t usually feel.
“My God, Pay, you look stunning. This is amazing.” She’s bouncing on her seat, “Seriously, I’ve never seen you look like this before.”
I shake my head, “It was the nerves.” I was so nervous, I hadn’t done a photoshoot as erotic as this one and my cheeks were flushed. I trembled so badly, but in the end, I man
aged to pull through and everyone said the photoshoot was a success. That’s all I’m happy with.
“Nerves my ass,” she quips. “You do realize that the majority of Angelina Serafini’s campaigns end up on billboards?”
I tut at her dramatics, “Bee, they’re not going to put me on a billboard. Who puts a practically naked woman on those anymore?”
She giggles, “Pay, you should open your eyes once in a while. Trust me, once this image gets out, you’re going to be famous.”
Three hours later, Bianca and I are sitting on the couch, both of us in our pajamas as we watch the NFL draft. My nerves are shattered as I wait to hear Silas’ fate. I know that his dream has always been to play for Seattle Football. Even after everything that’s happened between us, I still want him to reach his dreams.
Bianca holds my hand when the sports commentators start to talk. I’m not a big fan of football so I’m not really sure what they’re saying. I watch as cheers go up when other teams make their first picks. I’m shaking as I wait for Seattle’s turn.
My breath hitches when I see the words on the screen flash, Seattle Football’s pick in. I send a silent prayer up above, please let them pick Silas. He’s worked hard for this.
“The Seattle Football team selects Silas Miller - wide receiver…”
Everything goes blurry as Silas’ face comes onto the screen. God he’s even more perfect than I remember. I’m unable to hold back the tears any longer.
He’s got his dream; the one that we were meant to have together. I’m not there. I should be; I should be there holding his hand and cheering when he got what he wanted.
Back With Me: A With Me in Seattle Universe Novel (Lady Boss Press Presents: With Me in Seattle Universe) Page 4