Amnesia: a psychological thriller

by Kylie Hillman

  “We met, and Seb explained that Jax had perfected the memory medication that their grandfather had spent the final years of his life trying to develop. He’d lost his first wife to dementia so finding a cure became his obsession. When he died, Jax and Seb took up the cause. Seb thought they were working together until he found Jax’s notes and discovered that he was developing it with a second use in mind. He wanted it to erase memories. Specifically, mine. He had a plan to kidnap me, erase my memories, and then rebuild them using hypnotherapy and lies. It was all outlined in detail. Seb brought it with him to show me.”

  Xander moves to speak. I cut him off.

  “The next day, I received a personal letter from the Education Board that the funding for our school was up for review. I thought it had been sent to me by mistake since I was only a teacher, until I noticed the name of one of the members listed on the Board undertaking the review. Malcolm St. George. It was my father’s way of letting me know that he knew where I was and that he was part of Jax’s plan. I freaked out and begged Uncle Charlie to meet with me.”

  Memories of my sweet uncle hit. I have to take a moment to compose myself.

  “Why didn’t you come to me?” Xander asks. “We could have moved away.”

  Drumming my fingertips on the table, I meet his bright blue, hurt-filled eyes and pray that he’ll forgive me for what I say next. “I didn’t want your help. I wanted revenge. I wanted to make sure that my father and Jax could never come after me again. I wanted to break them. So, I met with Uncle Charlie and Seb, and we put this plan into action. I would willingly submit to Jax and let him use Centrifuge on me, while they would perfect the anti-dote and find a way to gather the hidden evidence regarding the side effects. It was a brilliant plan, except for one thing.”

  This time, I don’t try to make eye contact with Xander. This is going to be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. His reaction to this will tell me if there is any possibility of a future for us.

  “When I found out the terms of the prenup left everything to our children, I pulled out. After all that he’d done to me, I couldn’t willingly let him use my body. I love you, so I didn’t want any of this to ruin what we had.”

  “But, you went ahead with it anyway—”

  “No, she didn’t,” Seb interjects. “Jax outsmarted us. He hired someone to hit her with a car and have her transported to his hospital. Charlie didn’t have a clue what had happened until four months later when he ran into her at the hospital with Jax. He phoned me in a blind panic and we devised a new strategy on the spot. It was a matter of life-or-death—”

  I pat the top of Seb’s leg when his voice breaks. He wipes at his face with jerky swipes, sniffing while he attempts to regain control. Xander growls. He glares at my hand where it sits on Seb’s thigh, raises his gaze to meet mine, and sneers with a viciousness I’ve never heard before. “Just fuck off. Get the fuck out of here. I want nothing to do with you.”

  TWENTY-SIX

  “Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Seb asks once we’re at the door of the bungalow that I share—shared—with Xander. We’ve barely spoken since we were summarily dismissed by the angry man I love, and I’m only just holding on. The last thing I need is an audience when I break.

  “I’ll be fine. Being in my own home is just what I need.”

  Seb hesitates. I flap my hands at him. “Go and get laid. Celebrate. It’s not every day we beat the devil at his own game.”

  I slide the key in the lock and let myself inside. As I close the door, I offer the worried man one final smile, then I press my back against the wood and slide to the floor. The tears that I’ve been trying to contain since we left the prison spill free. I let them flow for a few minutes, then I wipe my face and shake some sense into myself.

  “No use crying over spilt milk. Onward and upward.” My uncle’s favourite sayings echo around my empty home. I push to my feet and head for my bedroom. I need a hot shower and eighteen hours sleep in my own bed.

  Ignoring the signs of Xander that clutter the house—his dirty clothes thrown on the hamper not in it, his toothbrush in the holder next to mine, his body wash in the shower caddy—I strip down to nothing. The woman who stares back at me in the mirror looks the same, yet I feel completely different. The weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. I should be happy, but I’m not. In the pursuit of revenge, I lost the one thing that made my life worth living.

  My man.

  It was a price I thought I wouldn’t have to pay.

  I thought he’d understand.

  Then again, it never crossed my mind that I’d be returning to him with my enemy’s baby in my belly, either.

  Turning to the side, I inspect my stomach. It doesn’t seem bigger, although I can definitely see a change in the fullness of my breasts when I straighten and look at myself front-on. I wait for the truth to hit. For my mind to rebel at the idea of carrying Jax’s child. It doesn’t come. And that is strangely satisfying.

  Perhaps something positive can come from all of this?

  A new life. A baby born of St. George and Ray blood and raised to do good in the world, instead of evil.

  “Ripe like a delicate peach.” Speak of the devil and he shall appear. “Beautiful. Vital. Such a betraying bitch.”

  I meet Jax’s eyes in the mirror where he stands behind me. My body stiffens. Flight or fight is activated. I don’t plan to run, though, because I had a feeling he wasn’t going to let me go without a fight.

  Seb was right when he said this was a case of life-or-death.

  Saving my life means causing Jax’s death.

  My husband lays his hands on my shoulders, proud fingers digging into my flesh. Tilting my neck to one side, he shifts my hair out of his way. Warm lips, capable of inflicting pleasure or pain, meet the thin skin at my pulse point. Jax’s tongue darts out, touching the spot where my lifeblood races through my body, then he nibbles my neck with his teeth.

  It’s a straight-up, silent reminder that he’s in charge.

  “I could end you right now,” he muses. “But, where would the fun be in that?”

  Jax lets me straighten my head. His fingers continue to dig into my skin. As they tighten painfully, I glance at their reflection in the cool glass. My bottom lip trembles at the recognition of what I’m seeing.

  Blood stains his hands. It’s on his skin, under his fingernails.

  “Seb.”

  My nightmare meets my eyes. Death is all I can see in his bleak depths. It’s the only answer I need. The austere words that follow are simply overkill.

  “He’ll never disturb us again, baby.”

  Pure adrenaline kicks in. I throw my head back. It smashes against Jax’s nose. He howls, letting go of me as his knees involuntarily bend and he grabs his broken face. I use his distraction as an opportunity to break free.

  My feet are nimble. My limbs move quick. I pull the bathroom door shut behind me, then slam the bedroom closed as well. I need every single second of head start that I can muster if I’m to escape, once and for all. The length of the hallway is eaten up quickly in my frantic flight.

  I see the front door.

  It’s barely five metres away.

  I hear Jax gaining on me, his footsteps growing louder with each passing moment.

  My arm is outstretched. I can nearly touch the handle.

  Something is in the way. I stumble over it, falling to my knees with a painful thump. A bloodcurdling scream is torn from me when I realise what I tripped over.

  “Oh, my God.” I push back onto all fours and scramble away from the lifeless body of the man who tried so hard to save me. “Seb. No.”

  As I’m trying to stand, Jax reaches me. He slaps his bloody hand over my face, silencing me as he pushes me back against the wall. My struggle is futile. I know it is, but I don’t have it in me to go down without a fight. My teeth sink into Jax’s palm, he pulls his injured hand away from me.

  I seize the chance to scream for help. It doesn�
�t last long, the wind is knocked out of my lungs by a blow to the kidneys. My insane husband lets me drop to the floor.

  “Shhh, baby. The neighbours are going to think you’re scared of me.” Jax stands over me. His chest is heaving from the chase. A maniacal gleam brightens the previously black depths of his eyes.

  When I kick out at him, he lowers his body over mine. Straddling my waist, he laughs as I buck beneath him. He pulls the familiar box out of his jacket pocket, and I know this time, that it’s really over.

  He has won.

  It’s a bitter pill to swallow.

  “Arm.” I follow his terse direction without argument. Fastidious to the very end, Jax ensures that my skin is sterilised before he injects Centrifuge back into my system. I welcome the ecstasy, the momentary escape from my life of conflict. The world tips on its axis. The ensuing dizziness a welcome distraction from the dark realisation that my life is no longer mine.

  Maybe it’s not so bad, after all?

  I mean, the drug is appropriately named.

  Centrifuge is the process of separating two substances of different density.

  Dr. Jaxon Ray certainly knows how to separate my previously steadfast reality from his fantastical fiction.

  EPILOGUE

  Eighteen Months Later

  “Baby,” my husband calls out to me from the entertainment room.

  I juggle the toddler on my hip, and tiptoe out of the darkened downstairs nursery so that I don’t wake the baby. Pulling the sliding doors shut behind me, I make my way to Jax with an urgency in my step. He doesn’t like to be kept waiting.

  “Yes.” I rest my hand on his shoulder as I take my designated place, standing directly behind his seat. A warm hand is laid on top of mine, decisive pressure applied.

  I understand his unspoken demand straightaway.

  “Maria.” The maid appears out of nowhere when I say her name. “Can you please take Junior to the upstairs playroom for a while? Close the doors on your way out.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” I pass my child to the middle-aged woman and pretend that the delicious arousal that is settling into the pit of my stomach isn’t real. That I’m not perversely excited by the fact that my husband is about to degrade me for his own pleasure.

  “On your knees.”

  Dropping to the floor, my experienced hands are at the buttons of my blouse before the next order has been delivered.

  “Take your top off.”

  I have it unbuttoned in a flash. Butterflies in my stomach make me squirm when Jax keeps me waiting for his next command.

  “Unzip me.”

  I open his pants.

  “Release me.”

  His hard cock is pulled free seconds later.

  “Open wide.”

  I take his length into my mouth, twirling my tongue and sucking lightly—exactly as he likes it. Jax increases his pace. I hollow my cheeks and swallow whenever he hits the back of my throat. Gagging is not permitted. Pushing against his thighs if I want him to slow down isn’t allowed, either. Staying still and taking it like a good girl is my only option.

  Somehow, he manages to thrust harder and faster. As I’m beginning to contemplate breaking the rules and pulling away from him, he withdraws his cock from my mouth.

  “God, you’re beautiful.”

  My husband places one hand on the back of my head, the other working his dick as he chases his release. I close my eyes, push my breasts together with my upper arms, and hold my tongue out. This isn’t new. I know what’s expected of me.

  Jax bucks his hips in front of my face, groaning as he comes. Ribbons of semen land on my face and chest. I hold still until he’s finished. Once his hand has left my head, I know that I’m safe to clean up. I open one eye so I can see where I’m going, clasping my top shut with one hand as I duck into the downstairs bathroom.

  As I’m drying my face, the bathroom door open and Jax enters. He has a pleased gleam in his eyes. He turns me to face him, pressing his body against mine until I’m caged between him and the cabinet.

  “Do you know how much I love you?”

  I duck my head, feigning the shyness that I know he likes. “Yes. Almost as much as I love you.”

  My husband rewards me for my correct answer with a kiss that leaves me breathless and him adjusting his thickening cock in his pants. I smile, a wide grin of triumph, as he exits the bathroom with a spring in his step.

  A tiny beep breaks the silence he leaves in his wake. I pull my phone from my pants pocket and read the reminder that’s just sounded an alert. My grin widens impossibly, before I drop to my knees and ferret around in the cupboard under the basin. Lifting the false bottom, I find what I’m looking for.

  My leather-bound journal.

  A secret list of ways to control the unpredictable Dr. Jaxon Ray.

  History of the life that he thinks I’ve forgotten and an ongoing account of the life I now lead.

  As I scan the pages from last week, I smile grimly at the vulgarity my husband regularly uses to remind me off my unique position in his heart. While I scrawl everything that’s happened today over the crisp lined pages, I allow my vow to never forgive him to wash over me in powerful waves.

  It shouldn’t be a hard promise to keep, but it never hurts to preserve the oath at the back of my mind.

  Because offering Jax clemency will never be on the cards. To forgive would mean I detest what Jax has done to me—what he continues to do to me—when I don’t.

  And the stark truth is that there is no room for forgiveness in my heart because I, Amber Ray, am quite content to remain with the man who brings me to my knees on a regular basis.

  Placing my journal back in its hiding spot, I close the door and lean back against the bathroom door. Across from me, my reflection shines back in the polished panel of glass above the basin. My face remains flushed from our earlier activities; my dark eyes shine with light and the smile I offer my mirrored self comes easily and genuinely.

  I flick my eyes toward the general vicinity of my journal then back to the mirror. Power surges through my veins from the secrets I keep hidden.

  You see, keeping the journal might seem silly since I have no desire to leave Jax. However, life with him has taught me one gigantic lesson that I’ll never forget.

  My darling husband is volatile.

  He cherishes me today.

  We both know that might turn on a dime tomorrow.

  My journal is my contingency plan.

  Should Jax ever decide I’m dispensable, I’ll use every word I’ve written to rain Hell down on his head.

  After all, no one ever said all was fair in love… or war.

  THE END

  Thank you so much for reading Amnesia. I hope you enjoyed it enough to consider leaving a review on your retailer of choice.

  AVAILABLE NOW BY KYLIE HILLMAN

  *

  BLACK SHAMROCKS MC

  (MC Romantic Suspense)

  Seizing Control

  Making Choices

  Seeking Redemption

  Tempting Fate

  Finding Nirvana

  *

  AMNESIA

  (Erotic Thriller/Dark Romance)

  Amnesia

  *

  BLACK SHAMROCKS MC: FIRST GENERATION

  (New Adult/MC Romance)

  Conan

  Viking

  Butch

  *

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Kylie Hillman is an Australian author of bloodstained love stories and dark and erotic psychological thrillers. She intertwines grit, sarcasm, and romance in her tall tales.

  Suffering from Crohn's Disease and currently battling her second cancer diagnosis in two years, Kylie keeps busy by over-sharing memes and perfecting her use of snarky sarcasm and inappropriate innuendo. An introvert by nature, she prefers hiding out at home to partying up a storm. Despite her lack of social graces, she does love a good, down-home BBQ, torturing guests with heavy metal, and discussing impolite topics with a
nyone who'll bite.

  Wife to a Harley riding, quintessential Aussie bloke and mum to two teens, Kylie splits her non-writing time between raising awareness of autoimmune diseases and the lack of funding they receive, reading any book she can get her hands on that includes a good love story and decent dose of bloodshed, avoiding black jellybeans, and lamenting her inability to drink a cup of tea before it goes cold.

  Kylie is represented by Sarah Hershman of Hershman Rights Management.

  She loves to chat with readers and can be contacted via her Facebook Reader Group (Kylie’s Kollective), her Facebook Like Page, or her website.

  FOLLOW KYLIE HILLMAN ONLINE: Instagram | Ultimate Insider | Book+Main Bites | BookBub | Spotify

  ACKNOW LEDGMENTS

  First up, I have to say a HUGE thank you to Jeneane Johnston for submitting this idea to a contest that I held in my reader group. The second I read it my creative juices started flowing and they didn’t stop until the very end. Honestly, the story has had three endings, a dozen middles, and I’ve changed the beginning at least once. That’s some serious inspiration!

  Secondly, my husband and kids, without whom I would be so much more efficient, but so much lonelier. Love you guys. Thanks for keeping the cups of tea coming as deadline approached, passed me by, and then approached again xx

  Thirdly, thank you to the ladies in my review group. Philena, Natalie, Megan, Sarah, Tara, Bonnie, Elaine, Maria, and Jenna. You guys keep me sane. Love you all!

  Fourthly, Kaye Springett. Lady, you put so much effort into sharing my books, preorders, teasers, and sales links. I can’t put into words how much I appreciate you and all that you do. Every author should have someone like you in their corner. I know I’m damn lucky to have you.