Here I'll Stay

by Dominique Laura

  It didn’t take me long to pack, and because I had a feeling I wouldn’t be coming back here for a while, I filled my duffle bag and backpack like the day I had left and put them in the trunk of Bren’s car.

  We took our seats in the car and I put my seatbelt on as slowly as possible, trying to prolong the inevitable.

  “I’m so glad you drove. Train seats are not the most comfortable.”

  “I love you, Daysie Flores. Hold onto that,” he said, squeezing my hand before he focused his attention on the road and started to drive.

  My stomach twisted in knots and filled with the opposite of butterflies. I was afraid of how they would react when they saw me again, but I also knew that they’d forgive me no matter what because that’s what best friends did, that’s what family did, and they were the only family I had ever truly known.

  Everything would be okay. It had to be because I didn’t know how I would cope if they weren’t.

  I looked over at Bren, thankful for this presence. He was the type of person I always hoped would love me, but also the type I never thought I would ever be good enough to have. He was more than I thought I deserved, but I loved him, and he loved me, and that was enough. The way his fingers still held onto mine, I knew it always would be.

  Facing him had been easier than I thought, so maybe it would be the same when I reunited with my best friends.

  They loved me, they were supportive, and they had saved my life as much as Bren had. I needed them to forgive me and though somewhere in my heart I knew they would, it didn’t calm my nerves. If anything, it intensified them. Would they forgive me out of obligation or because it was true? I guess I was about to find out.

  I woke up to a light shove against my shoulder. I cuddled into the soft cushions of the front seat and tried to adjust my position. A hand roughly smacked my shoe-covered food and shook it. I tried to shove it off, but the hand shook harder.

  “Bren,” I mumbled. “I’m exhausted. Just wake me when we’re there.”

  “Oh, you’re here, Daysie, you’re here alright, so if you would kindly grace us with your full attention, that would be fan-freaking-tastic.”

  The voice was sugary sweet with a bite and instantly I knew who it was. I tried to cover my face, but she just laughed.

  “We haven’t seen or spoken to you in three months so if you don’t open your eyes soon, I’m going to go full-blown crazy on you. Is that what you want? Because if it is, I can do that for you.”

  “Maci, she’s probably exhausted,” Sarah said calmly. “They had a long drive.”

  “She wasn’t the one driving the whole time,” Maci said in a harsh, annoyed whisper. “Mr. Perfect drove, and you don’t see him drooling all over his sweater, trying to ignore his best friends.”

  I heard Maci yelp. “Ow, why did you pinch me?”

  “You promised you would be nice and you’re not being nice,” Sarah said, and I could picture her waving her finger disapprovingly as she spoke.

  I started to laugh before catching myself.

  “Bren mentioned something about throwing eggs at you,” Maci said. “Maybe we should start on that now.”

  “No, please don’t.” I was full on laughing then.

  I sat up straighter in the seat and opened my eyes one at a time, both nervous and excited to see my best friends for the first time in what felt like an eternity.

  My eyes grew misty, and I looked from Maci’s eyes to Sarah’s, soaking in their presence.

  “You guys haven’t changed a bit,” I said with a laugh through my tears. “I can’t believe it’s been almost three months since I’ve seen you.”

  “Yeah because you decided to run off and find yourself,” Maci said, clearly struggling to hold in her own tears. “You’re lucky we’re so understanding otherwise we would have searched for you everywhere and then forced you to come home.”

  I opened my mouth to object but Sarah shook her head. “And we know you’re going to say something about how you don’t have a home here or how this isn’t your home or whatever but that’s bull and you know it.”

  I widened my eyes, confused. “What?”

  Sarah sighed and playfully rolled her eyes. “We are your home, silly. And I know that you know a home is more than just a place and that family is more than just blood, and we’re both of those things to you.”

  “We know you were afraid of coming back here because of the traumatic, horrible memories you have in this town, and I can’t even imagine, but you have a lot of good memories too, don’t you?”

  “Of course, I do.” I whispered. “And you two are a part of most of them.”

  “Good,” Maci said with a smile. “Then don’t let the bad memories put a shadow over the bright like that the good memories bring.”

  Sarah laughed. “That sort of made sense, Mace, I’m so proud of you.”

  Maci rolled her eyes but by her smile I knew she wasn’t upset. “Yeah, yeah. So, are we going to head inside and get some ice cream or what? It’s hot as heck right now and it’s almost eight o’clock at night.”

  I slid out of the car and noticed for the first time where we were. Bren had driven us straight to his aunt’s ice cream shop. My heart swelled with happiness and I held out both my hands for Maci and Sarah to hold, which they did without any hesitation.

  “I really missed you both, and I’m sorry for the way I left and the silent treatment that followed. I didn’t want to depend on you or bring you down anymore. I needed to figure things out on my own.”

  “And did you?” Sarah asked without judgement. “Figure things out, I mean.”

  “Yeah, I really think I did.”

  “Good.” Maci gave my hand a squeeze. “Then that’s all that matters now. Just know that if you ever leave us like that again, I will be fully equipped with all types of food to throw at you, so keep that in mind, okay?”

  I laughed at her ridiculousness. “Okay, I got it.”

  We walked through the double doors, hands laced in each other’s, and headed straight toward the row of different flavors and where Bren stood, talking animatedly with his aunt.

  “Daysie, it’s so lovely to see you again,” she said with a genuine smile. “I’m sorry for the way my son has treated you. He’s troubled, but I’m hoping college will help him grow up a bit.”

  “Thank you, I appreciate that.” I gently pulled my hands away from Mace and Sarah’s and wrapped them around Bren’s neck. I leaned on my toes to press a kiss against the dimple indenting his cheek. “And thank you for driving us straight here and for being the best guy. You’re one of the good ones, and I’m really happy you’re mine.”

  Before he could respond, I turned to gagging sounds. Maci was pretending to be sick. “You two are so disgustingly cute together it really grosses me out. Bleh. I’m going to need an ice cream to get rid of that vile taste in my mouth.”

  “You’re next, Maci, you just wait,” Bren told her confidently.

  “Take that back.” She held up a hand, shaking her head fast. “I swear if you just jinxed me, I am going to be so pissed. Me and relationships? We don’t mix. And this is why. I’d probably puke every morning from how gross and uncomfortable it is.”

  “Really, Mace?” I asked, laughing hard now. “You’re just giving us more incentive to find you a man. I’m sure Bren has some suitable friends for you. Maybe you should look into that, babe.”

  He nodded in agreement, clearly amused with her objection to the whole thing.

  “Oh, for sure,” he said with confidence.

  She groaned. “I hate you guys right now.”

  “No, you don’t, you looooove us,” Sarah said, clapping her hands together in amusement.

  “Thank you all for always being so supportive of me,” I said, breaking apart the laughter. “I know it hasn’t always been easy but you’ve never given up on me. I don’t know what I did to deserve your friendship, and I am so grateful.”

  Bren wrapped his arms around me and held me closely again
st him. His chin rested against my shoulder. “You’ve changed my life. What you’ve been through, I can’t even imagine Daysie, but you came out stronger each time. That’s not something that a lot of people bounce back from, but you have.”

  “It’s because of you guys,” I said simply, shrugging. “Without you, I don’t know where I’d be honestly.”

  “You’d still be here, standing tall, I can tell you that,” Maci said.

  “Yeah, I second that,” Sarah agreed.

  Bren’s aunt gave me a reassuring squeeze on the side of my arm and went around the counter. “Who’s ready for some dessert?”

  Bren groaned and pulled away from me. “I know I am. That drive was brutal.”

  “Six hours is brutal?” I asked teasingly.

  “Yeah, I didn’t get to sleep the whole time like someone else I know,” he fake glared.

  I stuck my tongue out at him.

  “Okay, seriously, stop being gross.” Mace gagged dramatically again. “I’d like to enjoy my ice cream in peace, without you two being all disgusting and lovey dovey.”

  This was my home, these people who knew the best and worst parts of me and still somehow loved me. It took me a long time to truly realize that, but it was true. I knew for certain that they would always be here and even when they weren’t, I knew we’d always have each other’s backs no matter what.

  Home? That place I never thought I’d find? It was so much better than I could have ever imagined. It felt right, like everything had finally aligned. I was happy, content. It was the kind of happiness that I knew would last.

  I had finally found my home, and I was going to hold onto it and never let go.

  “Why are we making flower crowns again?” I asked, trying to not mess up my third attempt at weaving the flowers together without ripping them apart.

  “Because they’re cute, and we’re bonding. What other reason do you need?” Maci threw a petal at me.

  “Also, because she saw it somewhere online and wanted to recreate them,” Sarah commented from her spot on the edge of the bed.

  “Yeah, there’s that,” Maci said.”

  I laughed. “Well, if we ever finish these, I know they’ll turn out, uh, semi great.”

  “How long are you planning on staying?” Sarah asked quietly. “I mean, when are you going back up north?”

  “I haven’t really thought much about it,” I said with a small shrug.

  It was the truth. It had been a week since Bren drove me back and I hadn’t thought about the bookstore or Mel once, but I knew I would have to eventually. I had a life there. It wasn’t an extravagant one, but it was mine, one that I had created without my parents’ hatred. It was my own escape, the place where I rediscovered myself and healed. Did I want to go back? Mace, Sarah, and Bren were all starting college in a few weeks—Corey was already there—so where did that leave me? Did I wait around while they went to classes and moved on with their lives? Did I try to start a life here like the one I had when I left? I honestly didn’t know. If I were being honest with myself, a part of me was afraid of that new unknown.

  I shook the uncertainty away. I would live, just like I had been, no matter where I went or ended up, I would be okay. I was strong enough to face anything. I truly felt like I had survived the worst of what life had to offer, and once you went through hell, well, there was really one other direction to go, and that was up.

  “I’m going to stay,” I said out of nowhere. “This is where my home is, and I don’t want to leave that behind ever again.”

  “Day…” Mace said, clearing her throat. “Are you serious?”

  “Yeah, don’t go yanking our emotions around,” Sarah said.

  “I am serious,” I said with conviction. “This is where I belong. I know you’ll be in school and super busy all the time, but I’ll always be here no matter what.”

  “Have you put much thought into school?” Sarah asked.

  “Not really, but I’m not in any rush. I’m finally learning what it’s like to really, truly live and I want to enjoy that for as long as possible. Actually, I thought about finding a job similar to the one I had with Mel,” I said with a smile.

  “Mel? The same Mel who’s related to Bren and Jason but that neither of you figured out until Bren decided to randomly call one day and ask?”

  “Uh, yeah, that sounds about right.” I confirmed. “It is all really weird. But that’s life. It’s weird and full of uncertainty, but it’s worth it.”

  “Worth what, Day?” Mace asked softly.

  “Life is worth the fight.” I smiled, meaning every word. “I used to question it, especially when the pain was so overpowering and blinding, but I’m here, I’m alive and I have a life worth living, a life that’s mine and no one else’s. It took some time to get here, but I wouldn’t change my journey for the world because who knows where I would be now if even one thing had happened differently.”

  “Like the butterfly effect?” Sarah supplied.

  “Exactly,” I said, nodding. “Just like that.”

  “Speaking of butterflies,” Maci said, holding up her barely finished flower crown. “Don’t they love flowers? They do, so how about we get these done so that we can head to the bonfire tonight.”

  “Ugh, are we seriously going to that?” I groaned.

  “Duh, it’s the final hurrah before we all go start our new journeys, wherever that is, and most of us are still in the area, so why not?” Maci shrugged. “Besides, what else is there for us to do on a Thursday night?”

  I laughed. She had a point. Bonfire it was.

  “Boyfriend!” I yelled, running through the sand to get to Brenton where he stood with some of his friends.

  I jumped into his arms and thankfully he caught me. I wrapped my legs around his waist and pressed kisses along his neck and jaw. “I’ve missed you this week.”

  “I’ve missed you too, but you needed girl time,” he said, pressing kisses along my temple. “Isn’t what Mace yelled at me about?”

  I laughed, remembering the way Mace had basically threatened to ruin his hair if he interrupted our girl time. “Oh my gosh, she totally did yell. But you know I would never let her mess your hair up right?”

  “I hope not, it’s my best feature,” he said playfully.

  I poked his dimple. “Actually, this right here is your best feature.”

  “When we first started hanging out, I remember it being your weakness,” he said fondly. “Is that still true?”

  “It’ll always be true.” I smiled, pressing a kiss against the small indention. “It’s what got me through the weeks we were apart. Well, one of the things. I closed my eyes and there it was, practically calling me home.”

  “I love you, Daysie Flores,” he said against my lips.

  “I love you, Brenton Connors.”

  “Gross,” Jason’s voice boomed from somewhere behind me.

  Bren pulled away and set me on my feet, glaring at his cousin the entire time. “I thought you were at school or something already.”

  “I’m home for the weekend, needed to pack a few more things.”

  I turned around, readying myself for a fight, but when I saw him smiling at me, I almost fell to the sand. He looked less grumpy and more happy. It was a strange look on him. A good look, but strange all the same.

  “Daysie, I’m sorry for being a jerk to you all these years,” he said with a level of sincerity I never thought I’d hear from him.

  I smiled, nodding my head awkwardly.

  “Did a really hot place freeze over when I wasn’t looking or something?” I whispered to Bren.

  He chuckled. “No, he and I just had a long heart to heart and with Mel and his mom on his case too, I think he just realized that being mean to you wasn’t a smart thing to do.”

  “Huh. Interesting.”

  Jason laughed before walking away from the group to join another one. I was at a loss for words, but I was also grateful for his apology. It released some of the hidden h
ate from my heart that I thought I had let go a long time ago.

  “Daysie, if you would be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be?” Bren asked, lacing his fingers through mine.

  “I’d be here,” I said honestly. “Wherever you are is where I want to be. You’re home to me. You and my girls and sometimes Corey, you’re all I need. So, here. I’d be here.”

  “You make loving you easy, you know that?” He asked, a full-blown smile lighting up his face.

  “Well, you make love easy, so it looks like you win.” I gave his hands a light squeeze.

  “We both win, how about that?” Bren suggested.

  “Ugh, fine, we both win.”

  “Love birds, come join the party, will ya?” Maci yelled, waving us over to where they stood around a small, growing fire.

  I shook my head, laughing.

  It was moments like these that made me happy that I stayed. It sucked sometimes, this life of mine, but it was worth everything I had gone through. I was stronger because of it, and I had people in my life who would always be there. That was a gift. Life was a gift, and I had a whole lot more of it to live. I had wasted enough time worrying about stuff that wouldn’t matter days, weeks, months, or years from now, and I was learning to take each day as it came—one day at a time.

  Three years had passed since that night on the beach. Three years filled with ups and downs like any other. Except this time I didn’t run, I faced every challenge and gave it my all.

  There were some points where I felt suffocated and trapped under water, but Bren always pulled me back to the surface, breathing life back into the darkness I almost let take over. It never did, because I didn’t let it.

  I had started school again, and with my newfound love and appreciation for poetry, English seemed like a good fit. Like I had before, I hosted a weekly poetry reading at one of the local bookstores, and it was one of my favorite things to do.

  Sarah and Maci would frequently show up and on occasion Bren would stop by. They were as supportive as ever, and that’s what really kept me going.