Bent Not Broken (A Cedar Creek #1)

by Julia Goda

  Seeing as I am a cynic, you’d think that wouldn’t happen to me, that I would always, but always have one eye open, looking out for that next curve ball to hit me.

  But I didn’t.

  Both my eyes were closed so tight, relishing the contentment that this new relationship and everything that came with it gave me, that I fell, deep and hard.

  I fell trusting that someone would be there to catch me, to make me safe. I fell not even considering that in the blink of an eye, everything could be coming crushing down around me.

  Stupid me.

  I should have known better.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Lies

  Ivey

  It was Monday. My day off.

  I was sitting in Macy’s living room. Macy had talked me into going shopping with her today. She wanted to get a head start on her Christmas shopping. Since she was seven months pregnant, she wanted to get everything done before she was too big to be running around the mall in her heels for hours.

  I was watching her kids wrestle with Stella on the carpet. It made me smile. Not for the first time in the past few weeks, I thought about my own child, how I would give anything to be able to watch him or her wrestle on the carpet with my puppy.

  Ten years. He or she would be almost ten years old now.

  A fierce pain stabbed through my heart. Now that the floodgates were wide open, it seemed to hit me even harder. Before, I wouldn’t let myself fully think about it, would push that thought aside before it could do me harm, but now, sitting here, watching Macy’s kids’ happiness, it hit me full force that I wanted this. It had been within reach once. But it had been viciously ripped away from me.

  I knew there was still a lot I had to work through before I would be ready to have a child, but for the first time since I had lost my baby ten years ago, I could admit to myself that I wanted a family, that I wanted my happily ever after. And I hoped that I had found the right man to give that to me.

  “Penny for your thoughts.” Macy’s words took me out of my reverie.

  I looked over to see she was studying me closely, concern showing on her face.

  “You okay?” she asked.

  “Yeah,” I answered with a smile on my face, “I’m more than okay actually.” She smiled back at me, the concern leaving her face.

  “It just hit me, you know?” I said quietly as I turned my eyes back on Stella and the kids. She was lying on her back, all four paws in the air, getting her belly rubbed by six little hands. She was in puppy heaven. Her tongue was lolling out the side of her mouth, and looking at her from this perspective, she looked like a smiling little puppy alien. I giggled.

  “What hit you?” Macy prompted when I stopped speaking. I kept my eyes on the action on the carpet when I shared.

  “My baby. He or she would be about Tommy’s age now. It just hit me that I want that. I want a family. I want the man and I want the kids. I want my happily ever after.”

  I felt Macy leaning in close to me. She grabbed my hand and squeezed. Then she whispered, her voice heavy with emotion, “You’ll get it, Ivey. If there is one person in the world who deserves happiness, it’s you. I know you’ll get everything you want and more. You’re already on that path, honey.”

  “You think?” I asked her hopefully.

  “I know it. In all the years I’ve known you I have never seen you this relaxed and happy. Knowing your story, I understand why you wouldn’t let yourself go there before, but honey, since you’ve started to let Cal in, every day that sadness at the back of you eyes disappears a little bit more. One day soon it will be gone completely, and you’ll be free to live your life the way you were always supposed to.” Warmth spread through my body at my best friend’s words. I was starting to believe what she was saying. She was right. Every day that passed since I had given all of me to Cal and he showed me the beauty of being with him, trusting him to do right by me, made me let go of my past a little more. Made that heavy feeling in my chest disappear so I could breathe again.

  “You’re right a lot lately, you know? I thought pregnant women lost their brain? Or is that just an excuse to fall back on in case you fuck up?” Macy burst out laughing.

  “Oh, no. It’s not an excuse. You just wait and see. Doesn’t mean we pregnant ladies don’t have our bright moments, though.” I started laughing with her and really hoped that she was right again this time and I would find out for myself some time soon.

  “Oh shit,” Macy and I heard rumbled from the hallway. We both looked over and saw Larry standing in the doorway, taking in his kids with Stella on the carpet. His eyes came to us and he didn’t seem too happy.

  “Please tell me you didn’t buy our kids a puppy,” he groaned. Macy started giggling, shaking her head at him.

  “No, honey, don’t worry. I’m not that crazy. We’ll have enough pandemonium in a few weeks with the new baby. We don’t need a puppy to add to that. She’s Ivey’s.”

  “Thank fuck.” He came fully into the living room, went straight to his wife, bent down to press a kiss to her lips, rubbed her stomach softly while doing so, then murmured, “Hey, love. How’s my baby doin’ today?”

  That was so very sweet.

  Looking at Larry, you wouldn’t think he could be sweet like that. Big guy, massive shoulders, arms and legs consisting of pure muscle, dark eyes that could get so scary they could make you run the other way with the tail between your legs. But knowing him, you knew that with his family, he didn’t mind showing how much he loved them. The scary guy could turn into a big softy—the badass type—as proven by how he was looking at his wife right now. Dark eyes soft and loving on her, his hand rubbing her belly, saying hi to their baby inside, completely soft. I smiled to myself and turned my eyes away from them, since watching them while they shared their moment felt like intruding.

  Yes, I wanted that.

  I wanted the man that could give me that beauty and I wanted to be the woman that would give special like that to her man.

  I wanted it all.

  *****

  We had left Stella with Larry and the kids and drove to Boulder to be there right when all the stores opened. When I had first moved to Cedar Creek, Macy had introduced me to the awesomeness that was the shopping in Boulder.

  Instead of being cramped into a mall with awful lighting and big crowds, Boulder had Pearl Street, a four block pedestrian mall in the heart of the city. It was awesome. Not just the shopping, but everything about it. It wasn’t just a mall, it was a lifestyle. During the spring and summer months, I often went to the city just to stroll along the shops while listening to the street musicians, watching magicians and all sorts of entertainers while I drank a coffee from one of the locally owned coffee shops. During the Christmas season, it felt like you were walking into a Charles Dickens novel, it was so romantic and beautiful. Twinkle lights everywhere. Not those cheesy flashing colourful ones, but the little yellow ones that gave the whole atmosphere a softness you only ever experience during the Christmas season.

  Since it was October now, the shops were decorated in fall colours. I loved fall. It was my favourite time of the year, culminating in Thanksgiving, which was my favourite holiday, which if you think about is weird, since even as a child I never really had the family to celebrate it with, but there you go.

  Cal had called me earlier, letting me know that he wouldn’t be able to make our lunch date today. I hadn’t told him I was going to Boulder with Macy since this kinda had been a sneak attack on Macy’s side and I had hoped that we would be back in time for lunch.

  “Have meetings all day, baby. Got new clients come in today and those meetings always take forever. Finishing up on one of the builds this week, so gotta see to that as well, since my project manager is out with the flu. Will probably take me until later today to get all that done.”

  “Okay, honey. Don’t worry about it. I’ll grab something with Macy. We’re out shopping.”

  “Good, baby. I’ll make it up to you toni
ght and cook for you.” I loved that.

  “Sounds great. Want me to grab groceries on my way home?”

  He chuckled. “Not happening. Told you I’d pay for those and knowing you won’t stop by my office to let me give you money to use, I’ll swing by the store. You good to pick up Tommy from school?” Even though he couldn’t see it, I rolled my eyes and sighed. We still weren’t seeing eye to eye on who was paying for what. I didn’t want to start an argument, though, so I let it go.

  “I’ve got Tommy. You get the groceries. Your house or mine?”

  “Mine. Wanna show you the benefits of my hot tub tonight.” That created a tingle between my legs.

  “Okay,” I whispered. “See you later, honey.”

  “Later, baby.” Then he hung up and I did the same.

  Macy’s eyes were on me and she was smiling big. “See? Told you.” She said.

  Yes, I saw.

  I definitely saw.

  We were now three hours into our shopping madness, and I needed caffeine. Stat. Shopping with Macy was always an adventure. She was like the Tasmanian Devil when it came to shopping. Her seven months pregnant belly didn’t deter her in the slightest. She whirled from store to store in her high heels, running me off my feet. She was unstoppable. Twice, we already had to head back to the car to store our bags. So now I needed coffee before I could take on the last leg of our shopping frenzy.

  We decided to head up one block to The Cinnamon Spoon, one of the cozy locally owned coffee shops, instead of getting something from the big chain one. They always put a twist on their specialty coffees and came up with new and inventive drinks that every time I tried them, rocked my world. What can I say? I loved my coffee, so I was always excited to find new ways of enjoying it. I was wondering what today’s special would be, hoping it was something that included hazelnuts, since it was fall and I loved hazelnuts.

  Macy and I were chatting and giggling as we walked down the block. We loved to people watch and Macy was making up a story about the guy that had just passed us. She was funny and always came up with the most interesting things.

  So I was laughing at her antics when I turned my head to look through the window of the coffee shop and saw a very familiar face in profile. I stopped mid stride and froze.

  Completely.

  From head to toe, every cell in my body froze.

  There in the middle of the coffee shop, smiling at the woman across from him, sat Cal.

  My Cal.

  I blinked, certain my eyes were playing a trick on me.

  No such luck.

  After the second blink I still saw Cal, the woman now leaning in closer to him, listening intently to what he was saying, that warm and intimate smile still on his face. I held my breath as I watched one of her hands coming up and landing on his. He didn’t pull away. Instead, his smile got bigger and his eyes warmed.

  I couldn’t breathe.

  My body was still completely frozen to the spot, my heart in my throat, closing it up, beating so fast it felt like it was going to trip over itself.

  Pain was slicing through me.

  Pain so vicious it took away all the warmth I had experienced in the past few weeks, all the happiness and contentment I had felt. Pain was the only thing left. The pain of betrayal.

  Cal had lied to me. He didn’t have client meetings today. That woman was definitely not a client and if she was, then why was Cal smiling at her like that? And why was he letting her touch him like that? If she was a client, hell, even if she wasn’t, he should make it clear to her that he was taken and move away from his touch. No matter who this woman was, he should make that crystal clear.

  I looked at the woman. She was gorgeous of course. Beautiful long, dark hair, her eyes alight with happiness, a gorgeous smile on her smooth face.

  Oh my God!

  My heart stuttered as I recognized who she was. I started breathing again, fast quick breaths, trying to control the pain that was now threatening to overwhelm me.

  I was shocked.

  Shocked and completely destroyed by what I was seeing.

  Feeling too much, too much to bear. I couldn’t take any more. So I turned around, not looking at anything, not seeing anything, not hearing anything, not even Macy trying to keep up with me.

  Halfway down the block a hand on my arm stopped me.

  “Ivey—”

  “Don’t, Mace. Just don’t,” I interrupted her. I couldn’t talk about this. All I wanted was to get home. Get home and figure out how I would survive this. Figure out how to get back to that place I was a few weeks ago before Cal broke through. Figure out how to go numb, so this awful, awful pain in my chest would go away and I could breathe again.

  “You don’t know what you saw, Ivey. Don’t jump to conclusions.”

  “Oh, I know exactly what I saw, Mace. You know who that was? That was Tommy’s mother. Cal said he couldn’t make it to lunch because he was stuck in his office. Bullshit, Mace! He couldn’t make it to lunch, because he was meeting his ex-girlfriend, the woman he shares a son with! And he—” I stopped to take a breath, then whispered low, “He let her touch him, Mace. He was smiling at her and let her touch him. He lied to me, Mace. He lied to me to sneak around my back with her. And he lied to me when he told me he never talks to her, doesn’t like her, could never forgive her for abandoning their son. Did that in there look like he was talking to someone he didn’t like? No. It sure as hell did not.”

  On that, I started walking again. I could hear Macy walking beside me, talking to me, probably trying to convince me again not to jump to conclusions, but I was done. I wasn’t listening to anything but that nasty little voice in my head that told me I should have known better, should have known that good things either didn’t last or turned out to be not good at all.

  I was better off by myself.

  I didn’t need anyone else.

  All I needed was me.

  Being lonely was better than hurting like this.

  On the way back to Cedar Creek, I called Betty and asked her to pick up Tommy from school. I could tell she knew something was wrong—as would anybody, seeing as my voice even to my own ears sounded completely dead—but I cut her off and hung up.

  I dropped Macy off at her house and grabbed my puppy, not looking at or talking to anyone, though I could see Larry’s questioning eyes on me. I just didn’t have it in me to talk. Then I went straight to Cal’s house, again not looking at anything, trying not to see anything in an effort to control the pain, packed up all my and Stella’s stuff, left the garage door opener that he had given me last week on the kitchen counter, and drove home.

  Unable to shut down my brain, my thoughts were assaulting me.

  Why? Why had he worked so hard to get in there? To get me to open up, to trust him, when he was just going to take it away from me as soon as he got what he wanted?

  Why?

  Thoughts of how I was played in high school, of how embarrassed and completely devastated I had been when I had found out I had been played, and the whole school had been in on it. That had been awful, but it was nothing compared to this. The feelings of humiliation and devastation were similar, but were multiplied by a million.

  I was completely shredded.

  Cal had deliberately lied to me. Lied to me about being in back to back meetings all day. Instead, he was getting cozy over coffee with his ex. What else had he lied about? It was probably all lies. Every fucking thing that had come out of his mouth had been lies.

  My phone started ringing. I didn’t answer. The alert told me that someone left a voice message. Then texts started coming in. One after the other. I didn’t look at those either. Not even to see whom they were from. I snatched my phone from my purse, powered it down, and threw it on the passenger seat. No way was I answering any of that.

  I was done.

  *****

  Two hours later I was sitting on my side porch. Stella had settled in. I had prepped an area in the kitchen for her to stay in while she wa
s being house trained. When we got home, she had immediately settled down and was now sleeping soundly. The kids had powered her out. It sucked that she would always be a reminder of Cal, but I guess that was something I would have to get over. Tonight, I would research the cost of purebred chocolate lab puppies and then would write Cal a cheque for the amount and mail it to him first thing in the morning. Then Stella would be mine and I wouldn't owe that jerk a single thing.

  I was sitting in my chair in complete silence, beer in hand, thinking, contemplating, trying to rebuild my walls, but not being very successful in that endeavor. Neither my mind nor my heart would listen to me. Now that they had been set free, put at ease, they refused to be locked up again.

  Shit! Fucking shit!

  Silent tears were running down my cheeks as I took another pull of my beer. It was too early to drink really, but I didn’t care. Right now, that was the only thing I could think of to dull the pain even a little bit. I wiped the tears away with an angry jerk of my hand and gave myself a pep talk.

  Get your shit together, Ivey! You’ll be fine. You have survived worse things than being played by a man. Do not give that asshole any more of your tears. That lying, betraying scum doesn’t deserve your tears.

  I went back to staring out into the forest and sipping my beer. Seeing and hearing nothing. Absolutely nothing, but the never ending loop of thoughts and images in my head.

  Cal

  Cal was just leaving the coffee shop, pretty fucking happy about how his meeting with Stacy had gone, when his phone rang. He checked the display and saw that it was his mom.

  “Mom,” he answered.

  “What happened? What did you do?” His mom sounded annoyed and angry. Cal was confused. He had no idea what she was talking about. Nothing happened.

  “What do you mean what happened? What’s going on?”

  “Ivey called me to ask if I could pick up Tommy from school today. Said she had something come up. And son, let me tell you, she did not sound like Ivey.” Cal’s gut clenched with dread.

  “Explain,” he growled at his mother when she stopped speaking. He started jogging down the block to get to his truck.