Bent Not Broken (A Cedar Creek #1)

by Julia Goda

  “She didn’t sound right as in her voice was dead, Calvin. Dead. So I’m asking you what you did to her to make her sound like that, then I’m gonna yell at you for bein’ an idiot, and then you’re gonna go and fix it.”

  “Mom, I have no fucking clue what you’re on about. And I’ve got no time to figure it out. I’m in Boulder, but I am heading back as we speak. Gonna hang up now, so I can call my woman.” Without saying goodbye he did just that. The call went straight to voice mail. He left a message. The feeling of dread spread in his gut. Her voice sounded dead, his mom said. That couldn’t be possible. What the fuck happened? Last thing he knew was she was shopping with Macy.

  Macy.

  He reached for his phone again to call Ivey’s best friend. She answered in the middle of the first ring as if she’d been waiting for his call.

  “You are such an idiot, Calvin Bennett! What the fuck were you thinking?” Macy screeched in his ear. His gut clenched further.

  “What the fuck are you talking about? What the fuck happened? Ivey isn’t answering her phone,” he growled down the line.

  “Of course she isn’t, you moron! You wanna know why?” Cal was losing his patience.

  “Yes, I wanna know why, Macy! Spit it out!”

  “You know Ivey and I went shopping today?” She asked him, her voice full of accusation. Cal was losing his patience.

  “Yes, she told me this morning,” he ground out, hanging onto his control by a thread.

  “You know where we went shopping, Cal?”

  “Macy—”

  “In Boulder, Cal! We went shopping in Boulder!”

  Shit! Fuck! Shit!

  “And guess who we saw cozying it up at a coffee shop? That’s right, Cal. You! You and your ex! She was touching you. You were smiling at her. She was smiling back at you. And I repeat, she was touching you and you were smiling at her! What the hell, Cal! She a new client? Since that’s what you told Ivey why you couldn’t meet her for lunch. ‘Cause you had client meetings all day. Remember?”

  “Fucking shit!” He exploded.

  He hadn’t told Ivey he was meeting Tommy’s mom, because he hadn’t been sure it was important enough to tell her. Being in client meetings all day hadn’t been a lie. When he had called Ivey, he hadn’t known he’d be meeting his ex that day. Stacy had called him out of the blue later that morning, and he had agreed to meet her for Tommy’s sake. Not trusting her and not knowing what she wanted he had decided to wait to tell Ivey until he knew what was going on. Now he saw that not telling her had been a fatal mistake.

  Shit! Shit! Shit!

  “How bad is it, Macy? How bad is she?” He had to know what he was dealing with.

  Silence.

  “Macy!” He shouted, desperate to know how his woman was, but already knowing that it was bad.

  “Before I tell you that, I want to know what the fuck happened, Cal.” She had stopped shouting, her voice now deadly serious. “When all this started, I kept pushing her in your direction, Cal, helped you “run into her”. I don’t want to believe you would do this to her, sneaking around behind her back, lying to her to do it.” She took a deep breath before she continued. And what she said next made his chest pound with elation and guilt. “You know what she said to me this morning, Cal? She said she wanted her happily ever after. Have a man at her side and give him children. I don’t know how much she’s told you about her past, but that was huge, Cal. And she wants that with you.”

  She was right.

  That was huge.

  Ivey hadn’t told him yet about her miscarriage, but he was confident she would. She trusted him and yesterday afternoon he had seen love in her eyes directed at him, so he knew she would eventually give that to him.

  Not only wanting a future with him, but admitting to it, a future that included babies, was a major breakthrough. He just hoped as fuck that his stupid error in judgment today hadn’t screwed that up for them.

  “You make her happy, Cal, but if you screwed her over, I swear to God I will rip off your dick and shove it down your throat. And that’s before I’ll sic Larry on you.”

  Shit. He needed to keep in mind not to piss Macy off. She was hell on wheels when riled up. He was glad Ivey had a friend like that looking out for her, but in this particular moment, he had no time or patience for it. Still, he knew he had to give it to Macy if he wanted to know anything.

  “I didn’t lie to her, Macy. When I called her, I didn’t know I was gonna meet Stacy. She called me later and I agreed to meet her for Tommy’s sake. Said she wanted to make amends and asked for permission to build a relationship with her son. I couldn’t say no to that, Macy. He’s her son and he needs his mom.”

  “I agree, Cal. Though I’m not sure if leaving your son for nine years is a forgivable act, but that’s up to you and Tommy to decide. What I don’t understand is, why you didn’t tell Ivey you were gonna meet you ex.”

  “I was gonna talk to her tonight when I knew what Stacy was up to. I’m not the asshole you think I am. Now, tell me how bad she is.” Her long sigh at the other end of the line again challenged his patience, but he grit his teeth and waited. Finally, she gave it to him.

  “It’s not good, Cal. She’s retreated, shut down. Shut down on me before we even made it back to the car. She didn’t talk the whole drive home other than to make arrangements for Tommy getting picked up by your mom. I tried to talk to her but she wouldn’t listen. It’s bad, Cal. Really fucking bad. I’ve never seen her like this.”

  “Shit!” Cal swore. He had to get to her, but he was still almost an hour out of Cedar Creek.

  “When did you get home? How much time has she had to crawl back into that head of hers?”

  “We got back about an hour ago. Where are you now?”

  “On my way back from Boulder, about an hour out.”

  Silence again.

  Then, “So you sat and chatted with your ex for over an hour and you didn’t think that’s something your girlfriend would want to know about? God! Men are so stupid!”

  Yes, Cal would agree. He was a total fucking idiot. But he had no time to discuss all the reasons why with Macy. He had to get to his woman to fix his royal fuckup.

  Ivey

  I heard a truck come up my drive and knew it was Cal. I had expected this, had expected him to come and lie to me some more when I didn't answer his call. Though why he would keep up the charade, I had no idea. He got what he wanted. Took on the challenge, won, and seized his prize. The game was over.

  Keeping my face cold and impassive, I watched his truck as he parked it close to my front steps, but I didn’t get up. Instead, I kept watching as he got out and only turned my head away from him and took another swig of my beer when he had made it to the stairs.

  “Go away. There is no need for this,” my voice was cold.

  No, not cold.

  Dead.

  I kept my eyes to the view, but knew that he was approaching.

  “Ivey—” his voice was consoling, but it didn’t reach me.

  “Save it and go.”

  “I won’t. Not until you hear me out.” I shook my head, disbelieving and not understanding why he was doing this.

  “Fucking go, Cal,” my voice was low now, almost a whisper. My throat was closing up again, so that was all that came out.

  “Baby,” he whispered a tortured whisper. Pain seared through me again at hearing that endearment, and my head snapped around to face him when I hissed, “Don’t you fucking call me that.”

  Cal’s head snapped back as if I had slapped him and he flinched.

  God, he was a good actor.

  I hated him. Hated him for making me feel this way.

  Instead of leaving, he kept up the charade and came closer. I glared at him and he stopped.

  “Let me—”

  “Saw you today.” He wanted to do this? Fine, they would do this. “Saw you with her. You looked good together. Familiar. Comfortable with each other. Intimate. She is gorgeous, of
course.”

  “Baby, let me explain—”

  “I don’t fucking want your explanation, Cal, since it will all be lies.”

  “I didn’t fucking lie to you, Ivey. You’ve got the wrong end of the stick. There is an explanation, and you’ll fucking well listen to it while I give it to you.”

  He did not just fucking say that.

  I opened my mouth to reply, but snapped it shut when Cal continued on a low angry growl.

  “I didn’t lie to you when I said I had meetings all day. My project manager was out, so I had to take on his meetings as well. Stacy called me for the first time in almost nine years. After I had called you. Shocked the shit outta me. Didn’t want to take the call when I saw her name on the display, but took it, because of Tommy. That’s the only reason I took that call, Ivey. She wanted to meet, said she had things she needed to say, things she needed to talk to me about. Important things that she wanted to talk to me about in person. About Tommy.”

  “I bet she did,” I murmured under my breath. I was again facing the town. Looking at him and seeing all the beauty that I thought for a short period of time had been mine, hurt too much.

  “Shut it, baby, and listen for fucks sake! I can see you’re hurting over this and it pains me, baby. Pains me to see you like this. You trying to mask your hurt by being indifferent, trying to convince yourself and me you don’t give a shit. But you can’t bullshit me. I told you before, baby, I see you, so you’re not fooling me. It’s written all over you.” I clenched my teeth, deciding it was better not to say anything at all. Let him get it all out without interruption, so he could leave.

  Cal growled low in his throat, but continued his explanation.

  And I listened.

  Even though I didn’t want to.

  “I agreed to meet and looking at you now, I realize that I made a colossal mistake in not sharing that with you. I should have called you, given you a head’s up. And I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry, I didn’t think and hurt you in the process.”

  That, I didn’t expect. Stupid and useless excuses, definitely. An apology, absolutely not. I didn’t know what to do with this, so I did nothing. Cal kept speaking.

  “I wanted to talk to you about it tonight when I knew what she was up to. It was never intended to be a secret, baby. I would never do that you. I wanted to fill you in tonight, so we could figure out our next move. Our next move, Ivey. You are a part of this family now. I would not screw that up for anything, and if you looked beyond that hurt, you’d know that that’s the goddamn truth.”

  I had to swallow. He was getting to me. Part of me wanted to believe him so desperately, I had to fight the impulse to jump into his arms. The other part of me was just too hurt and on guard to trust and believe anything he was saying. The words that came out of his mouth next changed that.

  “I love you, baby, and I would never betray you like that.” My head swung around, my lips trembled and tears shot to my eyes.

  He loved me?

  “Yeah, baby, that’s right. I love you. I love you and I want to build a life with you. A life that includes a honeymoon and baby showers. And I want that soon. You want it, too. I know you do. Tommy and I, we’re already yours. You’re just too damn scared to take what already belongs to you.”

  I stared at him. Completely dumbfounded.

  He loved me.

  He loved me and he wanted to build a life with me.

  A life that included a honeymoon and baby showers.

  The part of me that so desperately wanted to believe him won out, and the tears that had been blurring my vision started running down my cheeks. Cal came closer to my chair and crouched down, resting his hand on the side of my neck and wiping at the tears with his thumb. His eyes were soft on mine as he whispered, “You believe me?” I nodded, unable to say anything. Yes, I believed that he loved me and that was the most beautiful feeling I had ever experienced, but he still had a lot of explaining to do, because seeing him with another woman still hurt. Relief washed over his face, and he pressed a soft kiss to my still trembling lips. When he moved his head back an inch, I took a deep breath in an effort to control my tears and was mildly successful.

  “Explain,” I whispered.

  He got out of his crouch and moved me up with him with his hand still at my neck, then turned me, moved in behind me, sat in the chair and pulled me down onto his lap. He pressed my cheek to his chest and held me. Only when I was cozied up in his lap with his arms around me did he start talking again.

  “I agreed to meet with Stacy, because she told me on the phone that she wanted to make amends, that she realized leaving was the biggest mistake she had ever made. For Tommy, I had to take the meet and talk things out with her. Believe me, I wasn’t all fired up to see her after what she has done and I’m still not convinced that she’s gonna keep her promise, but I figured I owed it to Tommy to at least talk to her about it. You and I will sit down with him, explain things to him, and let him decide if he wants to pursue this. She’s his mother and ultimately, it’s his decision whether I like it or not.” I tensed in his arms. Judging by how he had looked and smiled at her he had been more than happy to see her. And he had let her touch him.

  Cal felt me getting tense and asked, “What, baby?”

  “When I saw you, it didn’t look like you were unhappy to see her. You were smiling at her. And your eyes were soft. And she was touching you and you let her.” My voice told him exactly just how much seeing that had hurt. He gave me a squeeze.

  “Ivey, the only time I smiled at her was when I told her about how well Tommy is doing. What a great kid he is and how proud I am to be his dad. You’re right, though, I shouldn’t have let her touch me. I’m sorry. It didn’t mean what you think it did. She was excited to hear me talk about him. That’s all. But you’re right, and I promise you that won’t happen again.”

  I looked at him, not convinced by that promise, and needing him to understand.

  “How would you feel if you caught me meeting an ex behind your back and watched me letting him touch me?” Cal closed his eyes as I watched pain and anger cross his face.

  “Exactly,” I whispered.

  He opened his eyes and touched his forehead to mine.

  “I get it, baby. You’re right. It would hurt like a son of a bitch and I would lose my mind. You’re mine, and nobody but me is allowed to touch you. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.” He cupped my face in both his hands. His eyes were serious on mine. “I’m sorry I let her touch me. It won’t happen again.”

  “Okay,” I whispered, happy that he understood that was important to me.

  “I told her about you, you know? About how great you are with Tommy, and how much he loves you. She didn’t like that too much at first, but I made it very clear that if she wants a chance to get to know her son, she is not ever to interfere with us. She either gets over it or she doesn’t. If she doesn’t, I figure she won’t get very far with Tommy. He is almost more protective of you than I am.” I smiled at that. Cal was right. Tommy was protective of me. He had proven that a few times already and I loved it. Seeing my smile, Cal kissed me softly.

  “You know what Tommy asked me yesterday on the way to the farm?” I shook my head on his chest.

  “He asked me if I thought you’d mind if he called you Mom after we got married.”

  My body froze. Wow. That was big.

  I lifted my head off his chest and stared at him with wide eyes. Cal’s eyes locked with mine.

  “He knows what he’s missing, not having a mom who loves him, who’s interested in what he does, who bakes with him, who teaches him how to eat Tim Tams, which, baby, it’s fucking crazy to use a cookie as a straw,” he said through a smile. “He wants a mom, who tells him it will earn him brownie points with the ladies if he knows all about cookies, who is a goof and not embarrassed about it, who laughs with him and is openly affectionate. And he wants you to be that person for him. Hell, you’re already that person to him. He is a complete go
ner for you, just like his dad.”

  “Shut up. You’re making me cry,” I breathed. But it was already too late for that. The tears were running freely again.

  God! Since when was I such a crybaby?

  “I love it that he feels that way. I love it, because I’m a goner for him, too.” I said softly.

  “And what about his dad? You a goner for him?” Cal asked.

  I looked up at him, looked into those beautiful dark eyes of his that were soft and loving on me, and whispered, “Total goner.”

  “Good, baby,” he whispered back before he kissed me long and deep. When he stopped the kiss, he lifted up his head until his eyes were again intense on me.

  “We want you, Ivey. You are it for us. And you’ll fucking well let us have you. You can’t show us the beauty that is you and then rip it away, because I misjudged a situation and fucked up. I’m sorry I hurt you, baby, and swear to God, I will do my damned best to not let that happen again. But next time something happens, you are not running away from me. You are not shutting me out and disappearing into your head. That shit is not happening again, Ivey. You are ours and we won’t let you go. Mark my words. You try that shit again, I’ll hunt you down again just like I did today. No matter where you go, I’ll hunt you down and drag you right back here.”

  He was back to being bossy, and judge me all you want I kinda liked it.

  No.

  I loved it.

  I absolutely freakin’ loved it.

  I loved it that he loved me like that. That he wanted me that much that he said it straight out he wouldn’t let me go without a fight.

  It felt great.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Happiness

  Ivey

  True happiness.

  What does that really look like?

  Up until now, I’d had no idea.

  I thought I had been happy in my own little world that I had built to keep me safe. Sure, I was lonely a lot, but I owned my house, ran my own business, had a handful of real friends, and got laid when I wanted to.