She Loves Me. He Loves Me Not.

by Allana Walker

  “What?” She looks at me and touches her face. “Do I have something on my face?”

  Shaking my head, I offer her a gentle smile. “Just thinking how lucky I am to have you give me a second chance.”

  She snorts a laugh. “Try your hundredth chance.” Her smirk wavers when she sees my face. I look at her with deep regret and sadness over the way I treated her, and for not having the balls to tell her how I really felt because of the poison my mother fed me when I was younger. “Tristan, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.” She takes my hands in hers. Looking up, I see how upset she is with herself over that remark, but I deserved it. “I was just trying to be funny.”

  “Hey, it’s okay. I deserved it. Besides, I’m thankful every day for however many chances you give me,” I whisper. “I mean, I wouldn’t blame you if you left me and never gave me a second thought.”

  “Hey, don’t. It’s not going to happen. I’m never going to leave you, Tristan.” She kisses me softly on the lips.

  Pulling away, I open the door to my surprise. She turns her head and I swear it’s like someone pressed pause on life. Frozen on the spot, Lillia gazes ahead of her into the room I had control over and wouldn’t let anyone touch. Her green eyes brighten and glisten, sparkling like emeralds as she blinks slowly, taking in the room. She gasps like she’s taking her first breath of fresh air, her hand flying up to her mouth. She walks in slow motion towards the center of the room and turns around, looking at the wall to wall shelves covered in her books new and old.

  “Am I dreaming?” Her voice is gruff. “I have to be dreaming. There’s no way you built me a library.” She squeezes her eyes closed, pinching her arm. Upon opening them again, they connect with mine. “You built me a library?”

  “When I first walked into your room six years ago, I noticed a number of books and lack of storage. I vowed there and then that I would build you a library. I went home after your party and drew up the plans.” Shoving my hands in my pockets, I look down as my cheeks heat with embarrassment.

  Looking up again, her bright, glossy gaze is fixed on me. She doesn’t need any words; I can read how she’s feeling through her eyes and her body language. She closes the distance between us, reaching for my hand, never losing eye contact. Her cheeks glow red when she reaches up on her tiptoes, her hand lightly touching the side of my face. Her tongue darts out and licks, wetting them. She momentarily breaks the intense eye contact we have, looking down at my lips and fusing them with her own. My pulse races and my stomach feels empty apart from the butterflies fluttering around in there. This kiss isn’t like any other kiss we’ve had before; it feels different. A good different, like our whole relationship has moved into a new chapter. I can’t wait to start this new chapter of our lives.

  Leaning my forehead on hers, my eyes closed, I take in a breath and sigh with content. We stand in silence just holding each other for a few minutes until Lillia lets out a giggle. I tilt my head in confusion. It’s like in school when you have to be quiet for long periods of time, there’s always one person who has a giggle fit.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “You.” She leans back, looking me in the eyes. My eyebrows shoot up. “You built me a freaking library, Tristan.” She lets me go and stands in the middle of the room, arms out, and twirls. “A freaking library!” Her whole face lights up like Times Square as she looks around the room. A beaming smile spreads across my face. I would stand and stare at her all day like a creepy stalker but we have to get back to Dad’s for dinner. Aiden says he has some news for us, plus I know Lillia will want to get back to Jax.

  “Come on.” Her face falls and I hate that she’s gone from this world of happy to sad. “We need to get to Dad’s for dinner and Jax will be due a feed soon. We only gave them enough milk for one feed.” Her shoulders slump in disappointment, and she walks towards me with her arms folded. I follow her. She stops and glances behind her, sighing, and continues out the door. I laugh and shake my head, knowing I’ve lost her to a room filled with fictional men and women that she loves dearly.

  Walking through my childhood home, Lillia runs up to Aiden and squeals.

  “He built me a library, Aid. A freaking library!”

  “Jeez, I thought you were about to say you were engaged or something.” Aiden winks at me.

  “Pfft. Library beats a diamond any day.”

  Shaking his head, he laughs. “You’re a weird one, Lil.”

  “You love that I’m weird.”

  I don’t feel comfortable with the flirting that goes on with these two every time we’re together. You built her a fucking dream library. She’s yours for life.

  “Just in time. Little Master Hunt needs a feed.” Sally walks down the stairs holding a crying Jax. Lillia takes him and sits in the living area with Sally.

  “So, when are you asking her to marry you?” Aiden blurts out when we walk into the kitchen to get a drink.

  “Whoa. Who said anything about marriage?” I hold my hands up and shake my head.

  “Come on, Tristan.” He tilts his head to the side, giving me a look that says, who are you trying to kid? “You’ve wanted Lillia for as long as I can remember. Don’t you want her to be Lillia Hunt?” He raises an eyebrow at me.

  “Yeah, I would love for her to be a Hunt, but we’ve just had a baby, Aid. We need to chill.” Truth is, I would love nothing more than to ask her to marry me right here, right now, but I know she’ll freak out and go into hiding.

  “Chilling, you, and Lillia should never be in the same equation.” He chuckles.

  “So, what’s your news?” I change the subject.

  “I’ll tell you all at the same time.” He jerks his head for me to follow him to where Dad, Sally, and Lillia are sitting. “So, guys, I just wanted you all to know now before the papers get wind of it.” A smile graces his face. We’re all waiting with anticipation. “I asked Naomi to marry me and she agreed.”

  Silence falls upon us. Naomi is a supermodel Aiden met a few months ago at a photo shoot. They hit it off straight away. We’ve yet to meet her but I’ve seen pictures of her; she’s gorgeous. Sally is the first to congratulate him. She hugs him and Dad shakes his hand, congratulating him too.

  I stand and walk towards him. “Wow, congrats, man.” I offer him a smile as I shake his hand. He beams at me. He looks happy and that’s all that matters to me.

  “Lil?” I look around and see she’s cradling Jax and staring ahead, mouth parted slightly. Aiden walks up to her, waving a hand in front of her face to gain her attention.

  “Huh?” She shakes her head, clearing whatever is going on in there. “Sorry. Congratulations.” A small smile graces her lips before she turns her attention back to Jax. “Let’s go get you changed, little man.” She stands, leaving us all confused as hell about why she just clammed up. I follow her to my old room that’s now Jax’s.

  “Baby?” Lillia jumps, obviously lost in thought. “What’s going on?”

  “What are you talking about?” She shakes her head, changing Jax’s diaper like a pro. “I’m fine.”

  “I know you and I know when you’re not okay.” I place my hands on her shoulders. Tensing, she shrugs me off. My hands stay suspended in the air. Is she jealous that Aiden is marrying someone else? Does she want to be with Aiden?

  “I said I’m fine!” She slams the diaper rash cream down. Her shoulder relaxes a little. “I’m sorry. I just find this all weird. He’s known her what? A few months? How can he know he wants to marry her and spend the rest of his life with her after four weeks?”

  “Some people just know who they want to spend the rest of their lives with from the moment they see that particular person.” I stare at her. I experienced it.

  “I know. I just…” She lets out a heavy sigh and turns slightly. “It’s just… we’ve never met her. I’ve seen pictures of her and she’s gorgeous. But, I don’t know. I just don’t have a good feeling about her.”

  “Aid’s happy. Shouldn’t that be all th
at matters?” I fold my arms across my chest, leaning my hip against the changing unit.

  “I guess. I just don’t want him to get hurt and have his heart broken.”

  “I know. But we can only be there for him and be happy for him.”

  She nods, lifting Jax and placing him down in the bassinet for a nap. I swear all he does is sleep. I can’t wait to get him out and throwing a ball around.

  Sitting at the dinner table, I’m still wondering why Lillia got pissed when Aiden announced his engagement. I know she said it was because of the short time they’ve been together, but I can’t help but think there’s something more to it.

  Aiden comes in looking pissed.

  “Who shook the wasp's nest?” I whisper to Lillia, who looks up at me confused but then sees what I'm talking about. Aiden's face is beet red and he slams the refrigerator doors closed.

  “What's got your panties in a bunch?” Lillia jokes.

  “Don't. I'm not in the fucking mood,” he snaps, taking a long pull of his beer.

  “Hey, don't talk to her like that,” I warn him. “Whatever has you all bent out of shape is not Lilly's fault.”

  He has the decency to look ashamed. “I'm sorry. I've just had a bad day.” He starts picking at his beer bottle label.

  “Wanna talk about it?” Just on cue, Jax starts to cry. Lillia pushes her chair back to go see to our son, but I stop her.

  “I'll go.” I lean in to kiss her cheek. “Talk to him,” I whisper.

  Looking back before tending to my son, I see them smile at each other and Lillia reaches for his hand to comfort him.

  If they were to have an affair I don’t know what I would do. The two people I love most in the world betraying me doesn’t bear thinking about. Stop thinking about it then.

  Huffing, I go to my son and hold him close, breathing in his baby smell, calming me from my internal meltdown.

  “I love you, Jax.”

  “So, what's got you about to kill someone?” I ask, after Tristan is out of earshot.

  “I had a model cancel on a big campaign I'm part of.”

  I start to laugh. “Is that all?”

  “You don't understand, Lils.” His eyes snap up to look at me. I see the mix of emotions behind them. “If I don't get this campaign, I might as well give up on my fashion photography career.”

  “So find another model.”

  “It's not that easy.” He shakes his head. “It's not like I can go to the supermodel store and pick another one.”

  I bite my lips to stop from giggling. “Well, is there anything I can do to help?”

  I can hear the wheels turning as he stares a hole through me. “How would you feel about being a model for the day?”

  I stare at my best friend as if he's lost his mind. I'm in no way a model.

  “No.” I shake my head.

  “Come on, Lil. You're perfect for it. Just what we're looking for.”

  “You're looking for a fat, tired, zombie type model?” I raise my eyebrow at him.

  “Lillia, you're not fat and you look fine to me.” He rolls his eyes at me. “Besides, you haven't seen what I can do with Photoshop.”

  I throw a napkin at him. Cheeky idiot.

  “Please, Lils. You'd be doing me the biggest favor ever.” I can see in his eyes that he's desperate. He must be if he's asking me to model for him.

  “Fine, I'll do it. One condition.” I hold up my index finger.

  “What's that?”

  “You look after your nephew for a couple of nights to let Tristan and me have some alone time.”

  “Is that all? Don't push the boat out too far, Lils,” he scoffs.

  “Oh, you wait until you have kids of your own.” I narrow my eyes on him. He has no idea what he's in for. “We’ll see if you still have the same attitude.”

  “So, you’ll do it?”

  I don’t get to answer when I hear Tristan. “Do what?”

  We both look up at him. He looks so fuckable right now. What is it about a man holding a baby that makes women weak at the knees? Because right now, he could ask me to strip naked and run around and I would totally do it.

  “Um…” I swallow and blink away the images entering my head that are totally not appropriate when he’s holding our month and a half old baby.

  “Lillia has agreed to model for the campaign in a couple of months.”

  Turning, I glare at him for just blurting it out and assuming I’m going to do it. I am, but that’s not the point.

  “I haven’t said yes, Aiden,” I grind out.

  “No,” Tristan says as soon as I’ve stopped talking.

  Snapping my head towards him, I narrow my eyes into slits. “What do you mean no?”

  “I mean, you’re not doing it.”

  My eyebrows shoot up, amused at the fact he’s trying to tell me what I can and can’t do. Leaning back on the chair, I fold my arms across my chest. “And why the hell not?”

  “Because you’re just not.” I can see in his eyes that he’s getting angry. Well, join the club, buddy. I’m pissed too.

  “Tristan, this is Lillia’s decision,” Aiden says.

  “She’s not doing it. End of story.”

  “The hell I’m not!” I turn to Aiden and smile. “Just send me the details and I’ll be there.”

  “Lillia.” Tristan’s tone lowers, warning me. Well, warn away, mister. I can do what I want.

  “What?” I raise a challenging eyebrow at him. He looks down at our son who has fallen asleep again and looks back up at me.

  “We’ll talk about this later.”

  I feel myself flush with the intensity of his gaze on me.

  “Dinner is ready.” Sally and Emmett walk in with huge smiles on their faces, carrying plates of food for us.

  Tristan places Jax down in the bassinet that Emmett brought down earlier and takes his place beside me.

  “So, Lillia. How’s the new office space?” Sally asks with a smile. It’s so nice to see Emmett so happy and I’m glad he had the chance to reconnect with his first love.

  “It’s amazing,” I answer her, after taking a sip of my water. “My office is huge. Bigger than our bedroom.”

  “Wow, so when do you start?”

  “In about two months. They’re still sorting out electrics, AC and heating, and stuff. But I’m excited to get stuck in and make people's dreams and stories come to life.”

  “Tristan, will you be taking over the rest of maternity?” Emmett asks.

  “Yeah. I can’t wait to have some man time just me and my boy.”

  “You mean you watching old wrestling matches and talking to Jax, telling him which wrestlers to like and which diva you think is hot?”

  “Yes, that’s exactly what I plan to do.” He smirks, looking down at me. I giggle, shaking my head.

  “Aiden, how’s the photography going?”

  “It’s great. I need to shoot off in a few hours.” He looks down at his watch. “I’ve got a shoot in Hawaii tomorrow.”

  “You only just got here.” I can hear the disappointment in Tristan’s voice. I know he misses his brother and he worries constantly when he’s away in another country. I place my hand on his bouncing knee.

  “I know, but I have to go where they send me. I have some vacation time around the little dude’s christening and I’ll be around for a week or two.” Aiden must sense that Tristan misses him; he must miss Tristan too. They were always around one another in high school and college like Lennon and me.

  “Jax needs some Uncle Aid time.” I smile.

  “Damn straight he needs some Uncle Aid time. Someone needs to show the guy some dress sense.”

  “Hey.” I throw my napkin at him, giggling.

  After dinner, we’re back home, and I feel a little claustrophobic being here after being in such a huge house. Our huge house. A smile breaks out across my face.

  “What are you smiling about?” Tristan climbs into bed.

  “I can’t believe that house.
” I beam. “That house is really ours? The library?”

  “It’s all ours baby.” He grins proudly. I still can’t believe he built me a library. If I didn’t love him before, this has solidified that fact, and maybe made me fall in love with him even more, if that’s possible. He reaches over and kisses me lightly.

  “I can’t believe it.” I smirk.

  “This photoshoot,” Tristan begins. And just like that, my smile fades. “I would rather you didn’t do it.”

  “Tristan.” I sigh exasperatedly. “Please, we’ve had such a great day. Don’t spoil it with a fight.” I lean my head back against the headboard.

  “I just don't see why you have to be the one to do it. There are plenty of models out there he can ask.”

  “But Aiden asked me. Do you not think I’m cut out to be a model?” When I’m met with silence, I climb out of bed and go to the bathroom, not wanting to look at him.

  “Lilly,” he says softly through the door. I have to cover my mouth to stop the sound of my sobs. “Lilly, open the door. I need to talk to you.”

  Am I really that horrible to look at that he doesn’t think I’m beautiful enough to be on a campaign? He thinks you’re the most beautiful woman in the world, Lillia. Why doesn’t he want me to do this then?

  Opening the door, I cover my stomach with my arms. I put on my oversized jogging bottoms and one of Tristan’s hoodies to hide my body when I go to the bathroom.

  “Lilly, don’t hide your body from me,” he pleads. “I didn’t say anything because I was trying to find the words to express how I feel about the whole thing.” He takes a step forward and cradles my face, tilting it so I’m looking up at him. His eyes are full of regret and shame. “I trust you and I love your body. I’m damn proud of you for getting back to your pre-pregnancy shape. How your body looks doesn’t matter to me. I love you for you. But this shoot. I can’t get my head around other men staring at you.”

  “Tristan, it will be done tastefully. It’s Aiden. He won’t exploit me.” My hands hold his wrists. “Besides, we don’t even know what this is for yet. It could be for a mommy and baby mag or something. It doesn’t mean I’m going to be topless.” His eyes widen at the thought of me being photographed naked.