She Loves Me. He Loves Me Not.

by Allana Walker

  “I know. I trust you and I trust my brother. I just don’t trust anyone else.”

  “Then let me do this,” I whisper. “Why don’t you come along too?”

  “I can’t.” He shakes his head. “I can barely get my head around you going to work with a bunch of guys, never mind being pawed by an egotistical dumbass who thinks he can have any girl on God’s green earth.” His eyes heat with anger. “Promise me you won’t do this.”

  Reluctantly, I nod. Now, I need to disappoint Aiden.

  “Good morning, Kali.” I greet my assistant. This is my second week in my new role as senior editor. I can’t believe Daniel has so much faith in me to do this job barely two years out of college. I told him I would stay a junior and he should find someone more qualified than me, but he told me that Darcy said how great I would be in this role and told him stories about back in high school. It felt good knowing she noticed my achievements even though she hated my guts.

  “Morning, Miss Kennedy.” Kali greets me with a bright smile. She hands me my coffee in my favorite mug that I got from Avery. It has a picture of a unicorn on one side and has the words I am a unicorn and I don’t believe in humans written on the other side. “We have a lunch meeting with a new author this afternoon at Mamma Maria.”

  I check my cell and see a text from Aiden.

  Pick you up at two? A x

  “What time is the meeting?”

  Kali glances down at her iPad. Whatever happened to a normal diary? “Eleven-thirty.”

  I nod, thanking God I don’t have to cancel on Aiden and the photoshoot I agreed to do for him.

  As the day wears on, I’m busy editing an amazing book that has me gripped. I don’t realize someone has entered my office until they touch my shoulder. I shriek in surprise and knock my coffee over the manuscript.

  “Fuck. Shit!” I curse, trying to rescue the amazing piece of writing that has so much potential. I look up and see Tristan standing with a coffee in his hand. “Tristan, what are you doing here?” I blot the paper with my scarf. He’s come to the office a few times over the past few days, just dropping in with a coffee for me. If he’s not here, he’s texting me constantly.

  “I just wanted to see how you were. You didn’t answer my messages.”

  “I’ve been busy, Tristan.” I sigh. “Where’s Jax?” I look around for my baby boy. I miss him like crazy when I’m away from him, but I know I have to get used to it.

  “He’s out there.” He points outside and I see the women from my floor cooing over him. “He’s going to be a little heartbreaker.”

  “I really need to get on with my pile of manuscripts so I can enjoy Jax’s christening on Sunday.” I point to the pile on the end of my desk.

  “Okay.” He places down the coffee he brought in for me. “Sorry, we disturbed you.” He turns and walks away. Flopping down on my chair, I watch his retreating back pushing Jax towards the elevator. Placing my head in my hands, I run my fingers through my hair. I hear a knock at the door.

  “Come in.”

  “Aiden is on line one.” Kali pops her head through the door.

  “Hello?” I sigh.

  “You sound happy,” he says sarcastically. “You better have that amazing smile ready for me when I see you in ten minutes.”

  “Shit.” I glance at the wall clock and see it’s almost two. “I’ll see you in ten minutes; I just need to sort out a few things and fire off a few emails and I’ll be right down.” I start shuffling papers and placing them into my briefcase to take home with me.

  “Okay, no rush.”

  I hang up and gather everything I need.

  After telling Kali she can head off too, I spot Aiden and his fancy sports car in the distance.

  “My lady.” He smiles, bowing.

  “Let’s just go.” I look behind me, hoping no one spots me getting into his car.

  You’re playing with fire and you’re going to get burned.

  Walking into the house at six-thirty, I’m completely wiped. I need a long soak in the bath to ease my muscles. Aiden took up most of my day and the shoot took longer than I had hoped. Guilt starts to creep up on me. Closing my eyes, I take a long, deep, pained breath then go in search of my man and baby.

  “Babe, where are you?” I frown when they aren't in the family room playing like usual. I decide he's probably taken Jax to his dad's or Lennon and Avery's.

  We moved into our new house, the one that Tristan designed, three weeks ago. My favorite part of this house is, of course, the library. As soon as Jax is down for the night I make a beeline for that room. I think Tristan secretly regrets building it for me. I can feel the books calling me to go and read them all, but I resist - just.

  As I'm walking up to our room, and past the family bathroom, I hear Jax starting to whimper and Tristan begin to talk to him.

  “Are you hungry, little guy? I think you are. I swear if there are any bubbles that appear and they're not made from me, you will be grounded for the rest of your life and every girl that you bring home will hear this story.” He chuckles, making me giggle a little. I slowly open the door, lean against the door frame, and watch him bathing with our son, talking to him about what he hopes he will achieve. Tristan is sitting in the bath holding our three and a half-month-old son opposite so he is facing him.

  “Jax, if you ever find a woman half as amazing as your mommy then you will be a very lucky guy. Don't make a fool of any girl that shows an interest in you, no matter what your friends may think of her. If you like her then go for it. You never know, she may be the one. Your true love.” The tears are free falling down my cheeks as I watch the interaction between my man and son. I know they will have a close bond. I can already see them playing sports in the yard while I bake cookies for them. Smiling through the tears, I continue to listen.

  “You're so lucky to have a mommy who is so kind-hearted and loving. I feel like an idiot. I let her go the first time and hurt her really bad.” I see a tear fall from Tristan’s eye. I know he blames himself for what happened, but he shouldn't. We were both at fault, both too stubborn to give in and fight for what we really wanted. Each other. Deciding to get rid of the sorrowful look on Tristan’s face, I make my presence known.

  “You guys having a party without me?” I smile and kneel down beside the bath, arms folded on the edge, resting my chin on top.

  “Hey, baby.” Tristan smiles, kissing my head. “Did you get everything finished?”

  Lowering my gaze from his, my chest tightens, hating myself for what I’m about to say. “Yeah. Just some issues with an up and coming author. Nothing too serious.” I quirk my lips up to a little smile. The lies tumble from my mouth like I’m telling him about how my day went. Jax lets out a huge, ear-piercing scream. “Hey. Hey, little man. Are you hungry?” He continues to cry. Standing, I go over to the heater, get his towel, and smile.

  “What’s that smile for?” Tristan asks as I wrap Jax up in his towel.

  “Just this. Us.” Shrugging one shoulder, I move closer to Tristan, beaming up at him. “I never thought we would get here. Together.”

  He places his hand on my cheek. I sigh and lean into his touch. “I love you, Lilly.” He moves his hands to my hips, kissing me lightly on the lips. I moan at the contact.

  “I love you too.” I smile against his lips. Jax starts crying again. “I'm gonna get his bottle.” I sigh, walking down the stairs, leaving Tristan to get dressed.

  Flopping down beside Tristan on the sofa, I place my head on his shoulder. He’s watching some show about a science teacher with cancer turned drug dealer. I tried to watch it but I just didn’t find it as amazing as everyone else does.

  Picking up the book I left on the coffee table last night, I lay my head on Tristan’s lap, bringing my legs up, and start reading.

  “Jeez, you almost finished that book already?” Tristan breaks my reading stride. Tearing my eyes away from one of the best books I’ve read in a good while, I look up at him staring at me like I
have three heads.

  “Really, Tristan? I’ve read War and Peace. That’s waaaay longer than this and it didn’t take me long to read.” I giggle. “Besides, once I get into a good book, it’s hard to put it down.” I turn back to read again.

  “Don’t you get bored?” He picks up the remote and switches it on to the wrestling.

  “Do you get bored of watching sweaty men roll around on a mat?” I counter, and his lips lift at the corner.

  “Touché, Miss Kennedy.”

  “I could never get tired of reading. It’s relaxing and a way to escape when life is getting you down. You can get lost in a fictional place and forget your troubles.” The smile that was on his face falls. “Not that I have many troubles. It relaxes me.” He nods and fixes his eyes on the TV, playing with my hair.

  “What the fuck?” I gasp out loud. Tristan looks down at me, raising his eyebrows and looking at me as if I’m crazy. Maybe I am. This book is such a mind-fuck; I have no idea why I thought this would relax me. I need to look up this author, Kirsty-Anne Still, and sign her to our company, because Sweet Venom is anything but sweet. But, boy, has the venom seeped into my veins and pulled me through every emotion known to man. Blushing, I glance at Tristan. “Sorry, something shocking happened in the book.”

  “Okay.” He chuckles, turning back to watch the wrestling.

  I’m jolted awake by someone shaking me. “Baby,” a masculine voice whispers. “Come on. You fell asleep.” I feel him slide his arm under my legs and he lifts me into the bridal position. I frown.

  “Why does it feel like you’re walking funny?” I ask groggily.

  “Because you dropped that big ass book on my foot.” He growls, limping up to the bedroom. I have to bite my lip to stop from laughing. “Laugh it up, Lilly. You’re the one who has to nurse me back to health.”

  “You love it when I play nurse.” I turn my head, kissing his chest where the tattoo of the lily and Jax’s name are.

  “I do. Maybe you can fix my foot.” He lays me on the bed and covers my body with his, kissing my neck. I flip us over so I’m on top of him.

  “Let me kiss you all better.” I begin kissing all the way down to the waistband of his lounge pants.

  I’m going to enjoy every second of this.

  Sitting down in the family room after putting Jax down for a nap, I wait on Tristan to come home. He had to go into the office for something. I decide to watch some trash TV and flick onto E! Something pops up that makes my heart stop, and I watch open-mouthed as the presenter starts talking about the photo that’s flashed across the screen.

  “Up and coming fashion photographer Aiden Hunt, locking lips with who we understand to be his brother's girlfriend.”

  I frown, looking at the screen. It’s a hug and a peck on the cheek!

  “What the fuck?” Tristan shouts, startling me. Looking around, I see his face beet red with anger. “Is that what you were doing the other day? While I was here looking after our son?” I blink with my mouth agape. “Nothing to say?” he shouts.

  Standing up on shaky legs, I walk to him to try and explain what’s going on. I stop abruptly when he stalks towards me. “My brother? My twin brother? Lillia, really? MY FUCKING BROTHER!” He yells right in my face.

  I won't lie; I'm petrified.

  “I swear, Tristan. It’s not what it looks like.” Tears cascade down my cheeks; a combination of hurt, anger, and fear.

  “Why are you plastered all over the news and magazines then?” he shouts, gripping rolled up magazines in his hand and throwing them down on the table.

  “Please. Just let me explain.” I try again to calm him and make him listen to what I have to say. Then he says something that crushes me like nothing I have ever felt in my life. Ever.

  “Is Jax even mine?”

  It feels like someone punched me right in the stomach. He knows he's the only guy I’ve slept with. He knows I see Aiden as a brother.

  “How can you even ask that? He’s yours and you know it!” I shout, and storm past him.

  “No, I don't! You could have been lying all of these years with the whole innocent act and making out I was the bad guy when maybe you were the biggest slut around!” he yells, then realizes what he just said. He scrubs his hands over his face. “Shit. I'm sorry.” He walks towards me.

  “Don't touch me!” I turn to walk upstairs towards my son's cries.

  “Lilly, please.” He follows me. Ignoring him, I walk into my son's room and pick him up. “Please, Lillia. I'm sorry.” Tristan’s voice is hoarse.

  I start nursing Jax, staring ahead, ignoring Tristan's intense, pleading gaze. I'm tired of being sad. I'm tired of crying the same tears over and over again. I'm tired of being the one who gets some happiness only for it to be taken away.

  Once Jax has finished feeding, I change him and go into my closet; the closet Tristan designed and built for me. I start packing some of our things.

  “Lillia, what are you doing?” Tristan asks, panic evident in his voice. “Lilly, please don't leave me. You said you would never leave me.” He tries to pull at my heart strings. He played with them too many times before, and now they have finally snapped with no chance of repairing. “Please. I'm sorry.” He cries.

  I grab my packed bag and head down towards the front door. “Lilly, please!” he yells, running after me.

  As much as it’s hurting me to leave him, I have to. He doesn't trust me. I can’t be with someone if they don’t trust me.You lied about not doing the photoshoot. I told you you were playing with fire. And you just got burned. Strapping Jax in his car seat, I try to get into the driver's seat, but Tristan places his hand on the door.

  “Lillia, please. Please don't. Don't leave me.” He puts his arms around my waist. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

  “Let me go,” I say quietly.

  “I'm sorry.”

  “No. Let me go.” I turn and push him off. I turn on the spot and yell in his face. “You do not get to accuse me of sleeping with your brother, my best friend, and think I'll forgive you. Then to ask if Jax is even yours? That hurt more than you saying I had been lying this whole time and that I’m a slut. He looks exactly like you.” My voice grows louder. Getting in my car, I slam the door closed. Rolling down the window, I add, “We can have a paternity test done tomorrow.” Angry tears fall again, and with one last look at Tristan, I drive away.

  I knock on the door; it doesn't take long for him to answer.

  “Lillia?” I look up at my brother with tears falling. Jax is in his car seat, and my cell has been ringing non-stop for the past thirty minutes since I left Tristan. “Lils, what's going on?” Lennon asks, taking Jax’s car seat from me and ushering me in.

  “Me and Tristan had a huge fight.” I sniff and sit down on his sofa.

  “Why?” He places Jax down.

  “He thinks there's something going on between me and Aiden,” I say, and as I say it, a fresh bubble of emotion spills out of me. How could he think I would cheat on him after all that we’ve been through? He knows me better than anyone, knows when I'm lying, knows when I'm sad or hiding something from him. So how could he think I could keep something as huge as having an affair with his brother from him?

  Lennon’s phone starts ringing and I know it's Tristan calling. “Yes, they are... no, I don't think that's a good idea... she needs to cool down, man... okay... bye.” He hangs up and looks at me. I know that look. He's about to tell me to go deal with it face to face.

  “Don't give me that look.” I sigh.

  “What look?”

  “The look that says go sort your shit out.” I lean back, looking up to the ceiling.

  “Well... you do have to sort it out. We have this little man's christening tomorrow.” He looks at Jax sleeping in his car seat, unaware of the situation unfolding around him.

  “I can't just forget what he said, Len. Certainly not in a day.”

  “You have to try, Lillia.” He pulls me to him.

  “I c
an't. I’ll put on a brave face. That’s the best I can do. I need time.” Saying it out loud instead of thinking it breaks my heart. I feel the lump in my throat begin to break and a dam bursts.

  “Hey, it'll be okay. You can stay here until you decide to go back.” He kisses my head.

  “I'll go to a hotel.” I sniff.

  “You will stay here. No way are my sister-in-law and nephew slumming it in a hotel room when we have perfectly good rooms here,” Avery says. “Besides, this is your home too. You’re welcome anytime. You know that, Lils.”

  “Thank you both.”

  “Come on. Let's put this little munchkin to bed and you get some rest.”

  I'm halfway up the stairs when I remember I was in such a rush to get away from Tristan, I forgot our clothes for tomorrow. 3Damn! I forgot our outfits for tomorrow.”

  “I'll go over and get them,” Lennon says.

  “Thank you.” I sigh with relief that I don't need to go back and face Tristan. “They're in my closet, hanging on the door.”

  “Closet door. Got it.” He nods and heads for the door.

  “Oh, and Lennon?” I shout. He turns and looks at me. “Please don't kill him.”

  “Won't touch him.” He chuckles. I raise my eyebrow.

  “Same way you didn't touch him when you found out he got me pregnant?”

  “It was instinct.” He shrugs and leaves.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” Avery asks, sitting on my childhood bed. Taking my hand in hers, we sit in silence. Silent tears fall down my face.

  It’s over.

  For good this time.

  After our fight last night, Lennon came over, furious with me for accusing Lillia of cheating on me and saying that Jax isn’t mine. He called me an idiot for the thousandth time in the past few weeks. He said she was in bits when she arrived at his house, making me feel more shitty than I already felt.

  Now today. Today we have the christening of our little boy.

  “You ready?” Aiden asks, walking into the kitchen. “Don’t want to be late for my son’s big day.”