A Lesson in Forgiveness

by Jennifer Connors

  “Good evening, your grace.”

  “Good luck to you, Whitmore. You most assuredly will need it.”

  Colin left White's somewhat stunned, but even more disturbed. What a mess he'd left for his wife. A woman with no experience running an estate, and yet, Clarendon said she'd done a brilliant job of it. Now he was even more scared to go home. What kind of reception would he receive from not only his wife, but his staff. How had he mucked up so many lives in such a short time? Returning to his sister's home, he went to bed, knowing that in the morning he would be hiring a carriage to take him home.

  Chapter 18

  It usually only took half a day to reach his country estate from London, but on the day of his journey, in a hired carriage, it took over eight hours. The skies opened up and the rain was both heavy and constant. Is it my imagination or are the roads worse than a year ago? he wondered after the hundredth pothole.

  When they finally rode down the long drive to his home, Colin's mood became more reticent. What would he say to her? How would he ever heal the breach between them? Especially now that he knew that she and Clarendon had been lovers.

  Why Clarendon? Could she not be more discreet? Did it have to be one of his oldest friends? Before Colin could continue the internal questioning, he had his answer. It wasn't Bethany who had sought Clarendon out, it had been his friend. He could remember all too well the warning he gave on Colin's wedding night. It had not been meant in general, as it was stated, but meant specifically. Colin could also remember how he had pushed Bethany away and made that silly bet. Clarendon had wanted her to marry so he could take her as a lover, never intending to fall in love with her.

  Feeling the cobblestones of his courtyard, Colin knew it was time to face his staff. Trying to put on his most haughty look, wanting them to realize immediately that he was still the master of the house, Colin descended the carriage. The main door opened and there stood Pearce, his butler of many years. He climbed the steps and watched the old man's expression. Like any good butler, it didn't change, simply remained passive.

  “Good evening, my lord. Welcome home.”

  “Thank you, Pearce. It is good to be back.” Suddenly, his staff started to enter the foyer, lining up as if in honor of his return, awaiting inspection. Mrs. Simmons walked up to him and gave him a hug.

  “It is so good to have you home, my lord. Shall I fetch your wife?”

  Colin didn't know how to answer that question. Of course she should, but he didn't know if he was ready. Instead, he went about receiving well wishes from his staff, as if he hadn't deserted them for over a year. Everyone but Pearce looked genuinely happy to see him.

  “Have you all arranged a party without inviting me?” came a voice from beyond the large group assembled in the foyer. Although it had been a year, there was no mistaking who it was. In a flash, the group parted and gave Colin his first view of his wife. At first she still didn't notice him, but as her face panned the crowd, she spotted him. Her face turned pale and her expression stunned.

  “Colin,” she whispered before realizing her etiquette. “Lord Whitmore. What a surprise. Were we expecting you?”

  Mrs. Simmons came to her mistress, sensing that the shock might send Bethany into a fit of vapors. “Isn't is a wonderful surprise, my lady. After so long you must be quite taken at seeing your husband again.”

  Recovering herself, Ginny went about giving orders to cover up her apprehension at having to deal with her husband after so long. “Mrs. Simmons, please have a tea tray made up and delivered to the family drawing room. Pearce, please make sure that his lordship's rooms are readied. My lord, if you would excuse me for a few minutes, I have a few things to deal with. If you would be so kind to rest in the drawing room, I shall join you shortly. As for the rest of you, I'm sure you're glad to see your master again, and I promise that we shall plan a proper homecoming soon, but for now, please go about your duties.” With that, she turned and walked to the study, having to concentrate on not running.

  The staff began to disassemble and return to their work. Pearce held a few back to have them assist Whitmore's valet with preparing his rooms and unloading his belongings. Although he was supposed to retire to the drawing room, Colin found himself heading straight for his study.

  Without knocking, he opened the door and found her standing by the window, holding a handkerchief to her face. Was she shaking? He couldn't tell for sure. When she heard the sound of the door, she turned her shoulders further from his view and said, “I should have known you wouldn't even give me a few minutes to prepare.”

  Colin was left speechless. He didn't realize she would need any time to compose herself. After so long, and what could only be a massive abyss between them, he figured she'd wrote him off. He estimated that whatever feeling she may have had for him before he left, was long gone and replaced with nothing.

  “I thought this might be more intimate.”

  Chuckling, then taking a deep breath, Ginny turned to face him. It had been a long year, one with many twists and turns. She had come out on top, so she had nothing to be ashamed of, and had much to boast about. And yet, she wasn't sure she was ready to deal with this.

  Never one to back from a challenge, she said, “Of course. Please have a seat and I'll have the tea brought here.” Ginny walked past him to the door and opened it, calling for a footman. After giving him terse instructions, she returned to the desk, sitting at the business end, rather than the armchair she'd occupied so many times before Colin left.

  The move was not lost on Colin, who slowly sat in one of the armchairs and faced her. He watched her as she began to clean up some items on the desk, tidying up the papers and ledgers. When there were no other items left to be shifted, Ginny finally sat back in her chair and stared at her husband. Thankfully, before she could speak, there was a knock at the door and two maids entered with the tea tray.

  Pearce hovered by the doorway, gaining his mistress' attention. Walking over, Colin overheard him speak to her. “Mr. McCarthy is to arrive momentarily, my lady. What would you have me tell him?”

  “Have him wait in the kitchen. Cook can ply him with some sweets until I'm ready. I think he should meet Lord Whitmore anyway. I'll ring you when we're ready.”

  “Very good, my lady.” With that, Pearce and the maids disappeared out the door, closing it behind them.

  Automatically walking to the tea tray, Ginny began to serve them both tea. After a year of being hostess, she deftly poured and added sugar and cream. Handing him his cup, she motioned to the cakes. “Please help yourself, Colin. I'm not sure what you like.”

  Ginny took her own teacup and returned to hide behind the desk. No, not hide, she thought, only put myself in a position of power. If it weren't for me he'd be living with relatives right now, his great manor gone and his precious gardens reduced to weeds.

  Her internal monologue must have played out across her face because she could see her husband stiffen at the sight of her. Dreading the conversation, but hating to put it off, she began, “When did you arrive in England?”

  “Yesterday.” Colin felt himself getting angry, but unsure why. He had spent the entire time on the ship trying to figure out what he could do or say to win her back. Now that he was here, he felt angry at her high handedness, taking his desk, controlling the servants and not showing one ounce of relief to see him home.

  “Then you didn't come through Southampton?”

  “No, the only ship I could employ went directly to London.”

  This conversation was soon becoming more about what wasn't said than what was. “Where did you stay?”

  “Excellent question, Bethany. I had thought to stay at my own home, but came to find out that it is no longer mine.”

  “No, Colin, it is still very much your home. It is just currently being occupied by someone else.” Ginny begged him to make an issue of it. Mentally challenging him with words that she thought she'd never say, only because she hadn't thought he'd give her the chanc
e. For several months now, she had begun to assume he would stay away, living off her hard work.

  “I beg your pardon. To answer your question, I stayed at my sister's home.” He didn't want to rise to her expectations of an argument. He kept his voice steady, putting away his anger which he knew was unfounded.

  “What happened to your eye?” Ginny had noticed the blackened eye immediately, but held off asking. She didn't want Colin thinking she cared.

  “An accident, not worth speaking about.”

  “Fine, then. You must have questions for me. Ask them.”

  “What happened?” His question was simple, without malice or provocation. Ginny had to admit she was somewhat disappointed.

  “Shortly after you left, I discovered that your steward had abandoned his post. My father, God rest his soul, knew of someone who could fill the position immediately. There are few days that go by that I don't thank God for Sean McCarthy.”

  Picking up on her simply made statement, he asked, “Your father? When?”

  “Close to six months now. He never forgave himself for forcing our marriage. I could not even afford to travel to his funeral. Your dear mother had to give me the funds.”

  Colin noticed how every statement she made had an accusation in it. His anger was coming back, incrementally. He needed to quash it before it got the better of him.

  “I am sorry to hear it. Your father was a good man. I am to understand from Lord Clarendon... I beg your pardon, I mean the Duke of Sutherland, that Mr. Stevens stole a large sum of money from me.”

  “You spoke to Miles?” she asked before she could stop herself. It had been a few weeks since their ill fated evening together, but she'd not heard from him at all. Not that she couldn't understand why.

  Clenching his teeth and closing his eyes, he replied, “Yes.” It was the only word he could get out. He knew his voice would betray his true feelings on the subject of Miles Clarendon.

  “Yes, Mr. Stevens stole a large chunk of money from you. He kept all the tenant's rents for last year and he was also able to steal your earnings for the year. He never paid any of the bills from your house party or the wedding, so you can imagine how desperate things got around here.”

  “I am appalled. He had been my manager for over five years. I had never imagined he was so unscrupulous. You must know that I would never have left if I had suspected such treachery.”

  Ginny, who had been taking a sip of tea, slowly put her cup down on the table. Leveling her eyes to his, she thought of all the statements she could make. Instead, she simply said, “Then I'm sorry you didn't know.”

  “Bethany... I am unsure how to make this up to you.” That was certainly the truth. As the Earl of Whitmore, he rarely had to apologize. Then, he had never done anything as grotesque as what he did to the woman sitting across from him.

  He could see her struggling with what to say next. He wasn't expecting any answers tonight, but he needed her to know that he recognized his own behavior and was trying to acknowledge it. The memory of her taking ownership of the kiss came back to him. She didn't beat around the bush, but owned it entirely. Didn't she deserve that much?

  “Bethany, I have no excuses. This past year was not something I am proud of or would ever do again. At the time I thought I was owed it. When I received those letters... well, I just didn't want to have to face my imprudence. I will not expect your forgiveness. I only wish that someday I shall have it.”

  Pretty speech, she thought without any compassion. Sounds like something he's been working on for some time, maybe even from the first day he left. Ginny continued to examine his features, trying to determine his sincerity. In the end, she had to have her say.

  “I told you I wouldn't marry you, but you begged. Why? Why would you beg when you knew all along that you would leave?” Ginny stood up and began to pace in front of the window. Catching the view of his gardens, gardens she'd worked on personally so they wouldn't fallow, tears entered her eyes. Even after a year of abandonment, she still felt something for him. Not enough to forgive him though.

  Ginny stopped and stared out the window. Her body rigid, her face turned away so he couldn't see how much pain she was in. She had to tell him how it made her feel, how much pain he had caused. “That morning, when I found the bank note, I could have killed you. I guess it was a good thing you left, because I even terrified Tabby. I couldn't believe that my own husband could be so callous, so unfeeling.” Turning to look at him, wanting him to know it all, she said, “Your actions were beyond vile. They were the stuff of the worst parts of society. I almost wished you'd hit me instead, because at least in that, I could defend myself.”

  What could he say to that? He was left without any means to defend himself. Looking down, he wanted to avoid whatever shame she laid at his door. Without looking at her, he felt her move to the door, open it and speak to a footman. Leaving the door open, she turned to him and said, “I have sent for Mr. McCarthy. I think it's about time you two meet.”

  Ginny stood at the door, intending only to introduce them and leave. She needed to be alone, or at least away from Colin. A moment later, Sean McCarthy entered the room. Smiling in his direction, she motioned him to the other chair. “Sean. I would like to introduce you to Lord Whitmore. He will be taking over now that he has returned. Please direct all questions to him. If you gentlemen will excuse me, I will leave you to get to know each other.”

  Walking to the door, not bothering to look at either man, Ginny was relieved to be able to escape. As far as her imagination was concerned, the meeting was far less contentious than she would have thought it could be. Ginny had always imagined him coming home and being just as arrogant as before. She had never envisioned him apologizing. Heading to her room, Ginny figured she just needed a good cry to get it out of her system. Then she might be able to survive dinner with him. She could only hope.

  “Mr. McCarthy, is it?” Colin would never refer to anyone by their first name. Except, of course, his wife, but never in front of anyone. She had referred to Clarendon by his first name and now, his steward. It showed a level of familiarity that made him wonder how many men Bethany had been intimate with.

  “Aye, my lord. Sean McCarthy,” the Irishman stated and held out his hand. Colin shook his hand, then stood up and took his place behind the desk. Sean eyed him suspiciously. So, that is how the relationship will be, he concluded. I may find working with Lady Whitmore more satisfying.

  “Could you please explain to me how you came to be here and what had transpired shortly after your arrival?”

  “Certainly, my lord.” Sean began, not wanting to leave anything out. He thought back to when he first received the letter from Mr. Hamilton.

  It was only a month after losing his position with Lord Warwick, who had died at the ripe old age of 68. Sean and his wife had been in residence for only three years, but it had been very gratifying. The former steward had retired and left everything in perfect order. It was easy to take over and keep things as they'd been.

  When the Earl passed, his nephew was in line to take the title. Unfortunately for the McCarthy's, the new Earl of Warwick had his own people he wished to use. Although adverse, the new Earl gave him several months notice, a glowing letter of recommendation and an extra two months pay after he was to leave the position. He and his wife did not need to vacate their home until the end of October, so Sean could bring the new man up to speed.

  The letter came and Sean took the opportunity that presented itself. The new Earl, good to his word, paid for his traveling expenses instead of the severance and bid him good luck in his future endeavors. Sean's wife, Gladys, was ecstatic over the moving further south. Born and raised in Scotland, Gladys had always preferred more tepid climes than those she'd grown up in.

  Off they went, not knowing more than the fact that the previous steward left unexpectedly and the Lord of the manor was traveling on business. They arrived a week later, with a cart filled with their belongings. The travel was hard, bu
t they were both eager to start their new lives.

  Their enthusiasm would soon be quashed. Arriving at the home, they were both surprised to see the new mistress waiting for them.

  “Lady Whitmore, I presume. Tis a pleasure to meet you.” His accent, a mix of Irish and Scottish, was barely understandable. “May I introduce ya to my wife, Gladys.” Gladys McCarthy performed a perfect curtsy.

  “Oh, Lady Whitmore. Thank you ever so much. Sean and I have been wanting to move south for the longest time. God must surely have been smiling for this opportunity to arise.” The woman was absolutely jolly. There was no other word.

  “Don't be ridiculous. It is you who are doing me a great service. The last estate manager disappeared on me, so I fear Mr. McCarthy that you may be in for more work than you bargained for.” She looked somewhat reticent, knowing he was probably going to be putting in many long hours in the beginning.

  “Dinna worry ya'self, my lady. I am no stranger to hard work.”

  “Please take a look inside. You can freshen up and then I can show you around the office. Gladys, if you wish, Mrs. Johnson was the housekeeper for the last steward and is more than willing to continue. She has already made the house ready for your arrival.”

  “I never had a housekeeper before. I usually take care of such things myself.”

  “It is completely up to you. Please take a look around. When you're ready, Mr. McCarthy, I'll be in the office around back.”

  With that, Lady Whitmore walked away, leaving the couple to inspect their new home.

  “Gladys, go on and have a look. I will see if Lady Whitmore needs my help.”

  Smiling at her husband, Gladys turned and entered the house. Walking around the house, following the same direction as his new mistress, he found the back garden and doorway to his new office. There, inside the door, he found Lady Whitmore, pouring over a ledger, with her brows furrowed in concentration.