by A. E. Murphy
“Well, there wasn’t much sleeping involved. There was plenty of…”
His hand clamps over my mouth. I don’t tell him I’m lying. I don’t want to. If he’s going to assume then I’ll let him. “Don’t say it.”
“Say what? I don’t see how it’s any of your business what I do and don’t do.”
“Why him? Why now?” He snarls, his face an inch from my own, his hands now gripping my arms. Why him? Why now? What’s he talking about?
“Let go of me.” I shout and shove him with as much strength as I can muster. He only moves back a step. “Are you insane?”
“Are you?” He bellows back, his face turning red from the strain.
We both stand and stare at each other. Nothing can be heard but the heavy breaths escaping us and the tinkling of the fountain only a few feet away. I shake my head with a sigh. “And you honestly expected me to move back with you?”
“What?” His face softens, his eyes widening slightly with realisation. “If there were ever a good time to curse, now would be that time.”
“Yeah.” I laugh humourlessly and scoop my bag off the ground. “Agreed. And no, I haven’t even kissed Eric, let alone anything else. I’m sorry for making you believe otherwise.”
“Good.” He blurts and reaches for me, but I step out of reach. “I’d like to go home now, Nathan.”
He blinks as if shocked. “Home?”
“I have a headache.” It’s the truth too; my head is pounding. “You should get back to Dillan.”
He runs his tongue over his lips and looks up at the ceiling for a few moments. Brown eyes meet mine. “I’m sorry. I overreacted again. I’m not used to not getting my own way.”
“Don’t worry. I’m fortunately used to your mood swings.”
“You shouldn’t have to be.” He mumbles, his fingers rubbing at his eyes. “I’m sorry, Gwen. Truly. I’m not good at this.”
“Good at what?”
“This, whatever this is.”
“Right now,” I wave a hand between us, “this is nothing. I promised myself I’d hold my tongue, I’d try to reason with you gently when you get like this, but I’m going back on that. You can’t keep doing this. I want to empathise, I really do. I genuinely want to understand you, but don’t think for one minute that I’ll take your crap anymore. You don’t get to talk to me like that just because I’ve annoyed you.”
He gapes at me, shocked by my outburst.
I continue, “You need to decide whether or not we’re friends and what it is you want.”
We stare at each other for a long moment. It feels like minutes pass before I finally turn away and move towards the door.
“I want you to come home with me.” He says calmly, almost pleadingly.
“You’ve said that; I’ve declined.”
“I want you both back in my life permanently.”
Sigh. “And I want you back in ours. Trust me, you have no idea how much I’ve missed you. You have no idea the pain I’ve felt on your behalf from knowing what I now know about you.” Wincing slightly, he looks away. I really need to stop bringing it up; it’s all just so fresh to me. It’s hard not to bring it up because I’m constantly being tortured by it. “I’m here if you need me, for anything. I care about you, but keep this up and I won’t bother. Honestly, missing you hurts a lot less than hearing your cold tone and witnessing your anger towards me over nothing.” I’m bluffing. I’m not sure there’s anything he can do that would make me never want to see him again. I shouldn’t threaten him like this. I feel guilty. Although, he’s done it to me…maybe it’s time to turn the tables to knock some sense through his thick skull.
“I’ll do better.” He says quickly, taking a step towards me. “I swear it.”
His words put me at ease. My stresses seep away as I stare into his sincere eyes. “Me too.” I smile and walk over to him. He drops his hands to his sides. They quickly come back up again when I wrap my arms around his back and press my face into his chest. “Are we done fighting now? Are we in agreement?”
I swear I hear him grit his teeth, although his body doesn’t tense like it usually does so maybe I’m imagining things. “For the moment.”
He throws money onto the table before we leave. We move through the restaurant in silence, him never more than two steps behind. When I stop suddenly, he collides into my back, his hands coming up to grip my arms in an attempt to steady us both.
“Oh my god.” I gasp and stare at the couple kissing in the corner like teenagers in the back of a car.
“Isn’t that your mum?” Nathan enquires. I hear the smile in his voice.
“Who the hell is that guy?” I hiss and dart towards the exit before she looks up and sees. “And why has she never brought me here before?” I thought she was working.
Nathan starts chuckling as I cup my hands around my face and look through the window. His arm rests along my shoulders before he slowly guides me away. “Stop it.”
“What are the chances? Caleb always did say I always seemed to be in the right place at the right time.”
Nathan leads me to the car, my shock at the disgusting scene I just witnessed clouding my judgement. I’m pretty sure I was angry with him a moment ago. Now I’m fighting the urge to vomit. “What do you want to do? We’ll do anything.”
“Really?” I’m sceptical. I’ve never heard those words from Nathan’s mouth. Plus, wasn’t he just telling me I need my rest? Confusing male. “Anything?”
He gives me a pointed look, “Within reason.”
“Yay.”
He glances at me out of the corner of his eye. “Did you just say… yay?”
“What of it?” Chin up. “A lot of people say yay.”
“I’m certain they don’t.” He’s teasing me.
“Shut up.”
His finger and thumb pinch my hip, making me yelp and rub the sore spot dramatically. “So, where to?”
“There’s one place I haven’t been for a long time.” I admit and stare across the car park as memories surface. “I’d like to go. I haven’t dared since…”
He suddenly looks very nervous, I notice as he guides me to his car. “Where?”
“The beach.” I say with a shrug and wait for him to climb into the driver’s side. “Want to?”
“No.” He immediately responds, making me frown.
“Why not?”
“I don’t… enjoy sand.” Oh, the weird phobia he seems to have I assume.
“You won’t be touching it.”
“It’ll be touching me; sand gets everywhere.” He has a point.
With my lower lip sticking out, I give him the largest, cutest, puppy dog eyes I can manage. If I can just get him to try, maybe I can help him beat it. Or is that naïve of me to think so? “Please?”
His eyes suddenly become fearful. “Oh not that. Anything but that.” I pout even more, even going as far as to rub my temple on his shoulder like a cat. “Stop!” He laughs, nudging at my head. “You’re being very childish.”
“Please, please, please.”
“No.”
“You’re smiling.” I lean back and point at his face, burning his glittering brown eyes and smiling lips to my memory. He has very nice teeth and even though I’ve noted this before, I note it again. “That means it’s not a definite no.”
“No means a definite no.” He snorts and flicks my cheek. Ouch. “Let’s do something else.”
I grin eagerly and blurt. “Ice-skating!”
“Honestly, Gwen, you have such terrible taste in fun.”
“And you have no taste.” I bite back, pouting once more. “You said anything; it’s either the beach or the ice. Pick one, pretty boy.”
“Pretty boy?” His brow quirks almost adorably. He looks horrified.
“Yes, you’re very pretty.”
“Now you’re just being insulting.”
“And you’re being difficult.”
“I’m far from pretty; that’s not being difficult.”
This is fun. “What would you prefer to be called?”
He looks at me like I’m stupid. “Nathan wouldn’t go amiss, or maybe even the devilishly handsome, master in …”
“Don’t even finish that sentence. It’ll make everything awkward and weird and I’ll suddenly start imagining you in ways I shouldn’t, against my will.” I see his body shake before I hear his laughter. His head falls forward onto his arms as he roars with it. I’m startled. Do I laugh with him or stare in amazement? Both, according to my body. “I don’t even know why I’m laughing.”
“And here’s me always thinking of you as the shy, polite and slightly virginal Gwen.” He manages to get out after breathing deeply for a moment. “I was going to say Master in getting his own way, but your thoughts sound much more interesting.”
“You can’t be a master in that area. I almost forgot… you don’t give oral.” I remark boldly and pinch my lips together to stop myself from smiling.
His laughter gets loud again. “Yes and after seeing what comes out of that area, I don’t think my mouth would appreciate the company.”
Oh my god, he didn’t just say that. “Stop it. I’m going to get crow’s feet by the morning.”
“You have a beautiful laugh.” Aww, swoon. “It’s a shame your singing is so bad.”
“So first you insult my vagina and now my singing? You have a strange way of asking for forgiveness.” I snap playfully and ruffle his hair so his longish locks go from neat to messy.
He grins at me, his eyes twinkling, looking boyish with his messy hair and easy smile. “Do we really have to ice skate?” His face is now very serious and his tone is almost whiney. I’ve never heard this tone from him. I like discovering new things about him.
“Yes.”
“I’m never asking you what you want to do again.”
“I’m female.”
He quirks a brow, finally starting the car at the same time. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“You’ll always ask me what I want to do, because I’m female and it’s your job to keep me happy.”
“Is that so?” He runs his tongue over his lower lip and places his hand over mine.
“Yep.” I give a firm nod and look down at his hand over mine that’s resting on my thigh. “You need to get back to Dillan though and I doubt anywhere is open for ice skating at this time.”
After a moment he sighs and nods his agreement. “I’ll take you home.”
“To my whore of a mother.” I add, making him chuckle as I shudder in disgust at the public display of way too much affection I saw back there.
“She’s just enjoying her life.”
“It’s sickening to see. Why would she hide that though?”
He shrugs, thinking on it for a moment before saying something that makes way too much sense. “Maybe she’s worried, with everything that’s happened to you these past twelve months, that seeing her happy will make you feel like your life isn’t.” He cringes. “I didn’t explain that right.”
“I know what you mean. You’re right I think. I thought she’d been working way too many hours recently. I feel bad that she’s had to tiptoe around me. Am I really that depressive?”
“No, but she is your mum and she obviously cares about how you feel.”
“Maybe.” I say around a yawn and snuggle into my seat. “Thanks for driving all of this way to see me, Nathan. I’ve had fun, despite the arguing.”
He smiles softly, his hand tightening on mine for a second. “Good.”
“What’s going on with your store? I thought it was ready to go?”
He tenses and shifts, quickly removing his hand from mine to change gear. “It is. I’ve just not been as enthusiastic about it as of late.”
“Why?” I know my tone is snippy, but I don’t care. I remember how happy he was organising the store for opening. I’d never seen him so invested in anything before.
“I’d say the answer to that is obvious.” He snaps right back. “You were one of the main reasons I was opening it in the first place.”
Blink. “That’s just stupid. It made you happy.”
“You made me happy.”
“And you’re emotionally incapable of receiving joy from anything else?”
“When your heart is broken because you’ve lost the only thing you’ve ever loved, then yes. It’s actually extremely difficult to find joy in anything other than the bottom of a bottle of bourbon.” He bites out and we both fall silent, both of us holding our breath.
“Nathan…”
“Don’t.” He pleads, his tone not angry or snappy but pleading.
I quickly close my mouth and stare ahead, my heart pounding at this revelation. He’s never said he loves me, never. Now what do I do?
When we arrive home, Nathan climbs out and walks around to my side. I wait for him to open my door for me; it’s a habit. He holds out his hand. I take it and slide from my seat, before facing him, trying to understand him by the way he’s holding his body. He’s very tense but is giving nothing away.
“I’ll be back with Dillan the day after tomorrow.” He says after a few very long seconds and closes the door. “Sleep well.”
I rush to the front door before I say something stupid, although I’m not entirely sure what words are sitting on the end of my tongue. I just know I shouldn’t say them. Pulling it open, I race inside and lean against it when it closes behind me. My body refuses to move from this spot until I hear his car disappear into the distance.
My phone vibrates in my pocket and I pull it out expecting it to be Nathan. It’s not, it’s Eric.
Eric: Breakfast tomorrow?
Should I? No I shouldn’t.
Gwen: Sure :)
But I say yes and I have no idea why.
CHAPTER SEVEN
“Good morning,” I say to my mum, avoiding her eyes so she doesn’t see my discomfort over knowing she still makes out with guys like a teen in public places.
“You’re up early.” She remarks with a smile as her eyes scan me up and down. “You look nice too.”
“I’m going out for breakfast with Eric.” I tell her as I pour a glass of water and sip it slowly. “Was work okay last night?”
“Same old.” Vague answer.
“Cool.” We both stare at each other, nodding our heads slightly.
The knock at the door breaks our awkward silence. “That’ll be Eric.”
“Yep.” I dart into the hall and pull open the door. There he stands, looking handsome and happy. “Hi.”
“Well hello there.” He grins and swoops in for a hug. The contact shocks me. I’m not sure what to do with it, so I place my hands on his shoulders as my feet dangle a few inches from the ground. “You look gorgeous.”
“Thanks.” I mutter, my stupid cheeks heating again. Stupid body responses. “Where are we going?”
“McDonald’s.” He says with a straight face only inches from mine. “I’m kidding. There’s a breakfast café on the high street that I love. I thought we could go there.”
“I need my feet on the ground if I’m to go anywhere,” I laugh and he immediately drops me with an embarrassed smile. “You’re so light, I forgot I had you.”
“Dork.” I jest as he leads me to his car. I climb in myself and wait for him to start the engine and back out of the driveway before starting conversation. “So, how have you been since I saw you yesterday?”
“I had a dream last night.”
“Do I want to know about it?”
“It involved a dragon and cakes.”
“I don’t want to know about it.” I giggle when his face drops in shock.
“You’re mean.”
“I’m female.”
He looks me up and down. “I don’t know, maybe I should check.” With a squeal I slap his groping hand away, slapping him on the arm twice for good measure when he laughs loudly and proudly.
“Nice boobs.”
“Pig.”
“Are
they real?” I know he’s joking, but I still scowl at him and look the other way. “Maybe I should check again.”
“Stop!” I order on a laugh and push his hand away. “You’re going to make us crash. Pay attention.”
“Aww.” He whines, his lower lip sticking out. “What about if I stop the car?”
“You’re not touching my boobs.”
“Boring.”
Eye roll. “Typical man.”
“But I’m cute so it’s fine.” He gives me a cheek showing me those dimples I seem to enjoy seeing. “You didn’t agree with me.”
Shrug. “I mustn’t tell lies.”
“Just for that I’m not taking you to breakfast.” He says as he parks between two cars behind the small shopping centre. “You can stay here and starve.”
We climb out of the car and make our way through the precinct. It only takes a few minutes as it really isn’t that big. He wraps his arm around my shoulders to keep me close and leads me onto the high street. I put my shades on to block out the glaring sun and walk comfortably beside him. This is what I should want; this is what is right.
So why does it feel so wrong?
And why does the thought of seeing Nathan again feel so right?
We order the full breakfast. It’s far too much food for me, but it looks amazing. “So, have you always been into baking?” Eric asks, making polite small talk.
“Yes, I took a culinary course in University.” I respond, swallowing my mouthful first. “What about you? I don’t think I’ve ever asked you what you do.”
He smiles. “I’m just a car salesman, nothing fancy. Only took a few weeks of training. Unfortunately I couldn’t even make it through college.” I notice how he seems ashamed to admit this.
“I had to quit university.” I say to make him feel better.
His smile returns. “Rebel.”
“Without a clue.” I nod, flicking my shades back down and posing with my thumb and forefinger along my jaw.
He laughs loudly, startling the other customers around us. “You’re so weird.” His eyebrows wag. “I like it.”
“I need to be at work in thirty minutes.” I say after checking my watch.