Sins of Sevin

by Penelope Ward

  The rain started to fall harder over us as I dug my nails into his back. My muscles began to contract, and my orgasm came on strong and unexpectedly. Sevin could feel it.

  “Come, Evangeline. Come. Come all over me. God…you feel…so amazing.” When he sensed I was done, he pulled out of me and jerked himself hard as he bent his head back. I watched in amazement as endless streams of his hot cum shot out onto my stomach. Out of everything we’d done, nothing had turned me on more than seeing him come.

  Even though I was sore, I wanted to go another round just so I could see him orgasm again. It truly fascinated me.

  Sevin planted himself on top of me. His hard chest pressed against my breasts as he kissed me deeply before pulling back. “That night in the barn, you said you dreamt about making love in the rain. I’ll never forget that. I wished so hard that I could be the one to do that with you, thinking it would never be possible. No matter what happens, I’ll never forget this, the best night of my life.”

  ***

  We lay together for an indeterminate amount of time before Sevin led me into the truck. We sat in silence for many minutes until he turned to me. That was when the mood darkened. “Do you know how it felt to know that the next time I was supposed to see your face was when you were walking down the aisle at my wedding to your sister? How fucked up is that?”

  “I’m sorry. I thought you’d understand.”

  “I do understand. Too well. That’s the problem. You love me. I love you. It’s actually quite fucking simple.”

  “Simple?”

  “I love you so much, Evangeline. To me, it was crystal clear what needed to happen, and it didn’t involve either one of us marrying other people.”

  “You made a promise to my sister who loves you. I was trying to make it easier for you.”

  “You know what? In a way, you did make it easier for me. You helped me see that I couldn’t marry Elle.”

  “What happens now?”

  “I’m not going to go through with any of it. I’m leaving. I can’t pretend to love someone else, not when I’m hopelessly in love with you. That’s not ever going to change. Even if you didn’t exist, it’s not fair to marry someone whose love you can’t return. I see that now that I know how powerful real love is. I’d also be keeping her from experiencing being on the receiving end of that.”

  “Do you understand what you’re saying? Daddy will ruin you. He’ll run you out of town if you do this after all of the investment he put into your future.”

  “Did you not hear me say I was leaving? I understand the repercussions.”

  “You’re going to ruin your life. You won’t have a job, a roof over your head…nothing. That doesn’t matter to you?”

  “It matters in the sense that I don’t want to hurt Elle. But the other stuff is not important to me. There is nothing that matters to me more than you. I won’t let you marry him just to get away from me. And I won’t make you watch me marry your sister when I know in my heart it would hurt you beyond belief. No career in the world is worth knowing you’re suffering because of me.”

  “Where will you go?”

  “Anywhere but here.”

  Grabbing his hand, I looked out at the rain pelting the window. “This is a shock.”

  “Is it really, though? This day was always going to come. You couldn’t feel it looming? I knew in my bones that it would be impossible to stay away from you. I think I knew that from the very first time I saw you sitting across from me at that dining room table the day we first met. What we have is too strong.”

  On the verge of tears, I asked, “What are we going to do? Daddy’s going to make your life a living hell. I don’t want you hurt, either.”

  “The only thing that can possibly hurt me is losing you.”

  “Where does Elle think you are right now?”

  “I told her I was going back to Oklahoma for a few days. I lied. I made up a story about my brother needing me. I had to get away to figure out how I’m gonna tell her.”

  “She’s going to be devastated.”

  “Would you rather me do it in two years after Elle and I are married with a kid?”

  Just the mention of his having a child with Elle made me nauseous.

  He continued, “My mother didn’t die giving birth to me so I could spend my life living a lie. She wouldn’t want that. I want to live the truth. And you’re my truth.”

  “I want us to be together. But how? How can I possibly do this to my sister?”

  “I’ll love you in secret if I have to.”

  “In secret?”

  “If you can’t break her heart, no one has to know.”

  “But how?”

  “I don’t have the exact answers yet. Maybe I can build a life somewhere out of town but close by. We can be together there until we can figure things out. Maybe someday things will be different. Elle will find someone who truly loves her. We can tell them someday what happened.”

  “Promise me you won’t say anything to Elle about leaving until we’ve thought this through.”

  “I’m going away to a hotel for a couple of days to think. I’ll come back to the ranch, and when the moment is right, I’ll tell everyone I’m leaving.”

  “I can’t believe it’s come to this.”

  “From the moment we met, it was supposed to happen this way. We were meant for each other, Evangeline. It’s why God led me here. Not to find her…to find you. It was fate.”

  Deep down, I knew he was right. We were meant to be together. But fate didn’t always come without detours and twists. Sometimes, fate could be fatal. We’d soon learn that the hard way.

  CHAPTER 18

  SEVIN

  After I returned to the Sutton ranch, Evangeline and I decided to wait a week before my announcement. Talking to Elle would be the first priority. I would let her know that my feelings about the marriage had changed. That was going to be the most painful part. Then, I’d sit down with Lance to give him my formal resignation, profusely apologize for wasting his time and hurting his daughter, hoping he didn’t take his shotgun out. It was going to be a nightmare, but it had to be done.

  The plan was for me to hide out at Addy’s until I could get a job. Evangeline would eventually figure out a way to come with me wherever I was. At least, that was what she was telling me and what I was banking on. Despite our consummating everything in the open field and professing our love, a lingering feeling that she wouldn’t be able to go through with it was haunting me.

  Evangeline snuck into the guesthouse almost every night that week. Her signature rock would hit my window, and I’d come around to let her in. She was completely riddled with guilt, but we still couldn’t resist each other. My body ached when she wasn’t around. We were completely addicted to the sex. After we’d finish, I’d always just hold her because I knew she felt sick about giving into me while Elle still thought there was going to be a wedding. But even that didn’t matter enough; we couldn’t stay away from each other. Now that we’d gotten a taste of it, it was simply impossible to stop. Like a druggie, I was addicted to her smell, her taste, the feel of being inside of her. When she wasn’t around, it felt like I was missing an appendage. She was a part of me now.

  I wished I paid more attention to every last detail of our time together that last night. Wednesday night. The last night we made love before everything changed. The last night we both had a little bit of hope for the future. The same night I stared at my mother’s engagement ring while Evangeline slept in my bed. I knew I was going to give it to her and wondered how soon after everything went down she would allow herself to accept it. The feeling of elation was still overshadowed by an inexplicable uneasiness in my gut.

  Thursday afternoon, the source of my dread revealed itself.

  Everything changed in an instant.

  They say when a traumatic event occurs, you always remember where you were and what you were doing. I happened to be at Sutton Provisions slowly cleaning out my desk area in the e
vent that Lance didn’t allow me access back into the building once I broke off my engagement to Elle.

  One of the beef processing managers walked in. “Sevin, something’s happened. Lance just got called home and rushed out. You’d better leave. I think something went down at the ranch with one of his daughters. I don’t have any other information.”

  Flying out the door, I ran to the truck and drove home as fast as I could, praying that everything was okay.

  Several emergency vehicles were parked outside the property when I pulled in. Flashbacks of my father’s death tormented me as I ran toward the flashing lights.

  Evangeline ran to me, her eyes were swollen and red. She was sobbing and unable to speak clearly.

  My heart was pounding out of control. “What happened?”

  “It’s Elle. They’re taking her to the hospital.”

  “What?”

  “She was out riding one of the horses. Emily says the horse went ballistic and threw Elle to the ground. She was unconscious for a while. I don’t know what’s happening now.”

  The scene was chaotic. Olga stepped into the back of the ambulance. The door shut, and it took off.

  Lance was pacing before he spotted me. “Sevin, take Evangeline and Emily and follow me to the hospital in your truck.”

  The ride to the hospital seemed to take forever. The sisters were huddled together in the backseat. Evangeline was comforting Emily who’d apparently witnessed Elle getting thrown from the horse.

  I looked in the rearview mirror. “Emily, tell me what you can.”

  Emily wiped her eyes. Several seconds went by before she would answer me. “After Elle got home from work, she went out riding like she normally does. I was watching her on Magdalene. She was mounted, doing her usual jumps. Things were fine. Then, I went inside for a second to get a drink. When I came out, the horse was going crazy. Elle got tossed off. I ran to her, and she wouldn’t wake up.” Emily’s sobs grew louder. “Everything changed…just like that.”

  Evangeline held her tighter. “It’s okay, baby.”

  Despite the silence for the remainder of the ride, the fear among the three of us was loud and tangible.

  The long wait at the hospital for information was excruciating. Even Olga was told to stay outside in the waiting room.

  A doctor finally came out after about an hour. “Elle is awake.”

  We all seemed to let out sighs of relief in unison.

  “Is she going to be okay?” Olga asked, tears falling from her eyes.

  “There is something you need to know.” He paused. “As of right now, Elle is experiencing a total loss of feeling in her lower extremities. We are running some tests to determine the extent of the paralysis and whether it’s temporary.”

  “She’s paralyzed?” Lance cried.

  “We don’t know that it’s permanent,” the doctor said.

  It wasn’t setting in. This seemed unreal. As the doctor babbled on, all I kept thinking about was the actor Christopher Reeve and hoping that whatever happened to Elle wasn’t anything like that. The doctor didn’t seem to know yet.

  “So, the good news is, she’s alert and able to recall what happened. There doesn’t seem to be any permanent brain damage, but we are still assessing the level of spinal cord injury.”

  “Can we see her?”

  “She asked for a Sevin. Is that her husband?”

  “That’s her fiancé,” Olga said.

  Out of everyone, she wanted to see me.

  Crushing guilt consumed me, knowing that tomorrow was supposed to be the day I broke her heart. Today was so much worse than tomorrow could have ever been.

  “Go on, Sevin,” Evangeline said.

  Walking down the hall to her room, selfish worries were instinctually clamoring at me. I needed to push away all thoughts of what this predicament was going to mean for Evangeline and me. Elle needed to come first right now.

  The door slowly creaked as I opened it. Elle was lying on the bed with her eyes closed.

  “Ellebell?”

  She opened her eyes and turned to me, reaching out her hand. “Sevin.”

  “You’re gonna be okay.”

  She was shivering. “I can’t feel my legs.”

  Gently rubbing my hands down her thighs, I asked, “You can’t feel this?”

  “No. I’m so scared.”

  “Listen to me, Elle. We’ll get through this. The whole family is here. The doctor is gonna figure out how to help you. They’re running some tests.”

  She started to cry. “I don’t know what happened to Magdalene. One second, I was riding her like normal, the next she just lost her mind. I got thrown.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “What about the wedding?”

  Her question felt like a bullet in my heart.

  “What about it?”

  “We have to postpone it. We’ll lose all that money.”

  “Don’t worry about that stuff right now. It’s not important. You getting better is the only thing that matters.”

  “What if I don’t ever get the feeling back?”

  “You will. You will, Ellebell. You have to believe that.”

  I really wanted to believe that too, but the truth was I had no clue how serious this was.

  Over the next few days, Elle’s doctors ran a series of tests. A neurological assessment determined that her injury was what they called “complete,” which was more serious, often resulting in permanent paralysis. Elle’s MRI, CAT scans and X-rays also confirmed significant damage to her spinal cord.

  It went without saying that my plans to break up with her were put on indefinite hold. Life in general was also put on hold as the entire family forged together.

  Each day became about making Elle comfortable and helping her to feel safe. Evangeline and Emily cared for her every need after we brought Elle home. I played the part of the supportive boyfriend, holding her hand, telling her everything was going to be okay. Whatever it took, we had to do it. Elle was all that mattered for the time being.

  At the same time, there was a massive disconnect developing between Evangeline and me. It was killing me. I knew she somehow felt responsible for what happened, even though she had nothing to do with Elle’s injury. Whatever guilt she held before the accident was ten times worse. She handled it by staying away from me and throwing all of her energy into helping Elle. I couldn’t say I blamed her, but it hurt like hell.

  Even though I had accepted the new normal, I still hadn’t given up on us. As each day passed, it got harder and harder to believe that Evangeline and I would ever get back to the place we were, that she would ever come back fully to me. We were physically around each other all day, but she’d closed herself off.

  We were all traumatized. The shock and sadness I felt toward Elle’s situation was the only thing keeping me from focusing solely on the heartache of Evangeline slipping away from me.

  Over time, it started to feel like this was more of a permanent life change as opposed to a temporary rough patch. Caring for Elle got a little bit easier with each day, though. She started to go to physical therapy. They’d teach her ways to control her bladder and bowel function. An occupational therapist would come to the house to try to teach us how to make the environment more conducive to Elle’s disability. She’d also teach Elle ways to care for herself.

  Elle’s doctor also put her on an anti-depressant. She’d been struggling with her emotions and the loss of the future that she envisioned for herself. The doctor had indicated that while some people with spinal cord injuries could get pregnant, that wouldn’t be an option in her case. Not being able to have children was by far the biggest blow, since she placed almost all of her self-worth on becoming a wife and mother someday.

  Days turned into weeks. Imogene was eventually sent to live with another relative because the family couldn’t handle any additional responsibility besides caring for Elle.

  Evangeline ended her courtship with Callum using the same excuse that I
was going to pull on Elle before all of this happened; that she had a change of heart. Evangeline and I hadn’t talked about our situation. There seemed to be a silent understanding between us that it wasn’t the right time to focus on anything but Elle.

  ***

  When I felt the rock hit my window one night, I could hardly believe it. Knowing that it could only be one person, I jumped out of bed, flew to the door and opened it.

  Evangeline was standing there in her nightgown with tears pouring from her eyes. She looked like half angel, half witch with that gorgeous dark hair.

  “I need you, Sevin.”

  Pulling her close, I whispered, “I’ve been waiting for you to come back to me.” I buried my nose in her hair and took a deep breath in of her scent. “This has been so hard.”

  She pressed her body into me, her soft breasts were plastered against my chest. “Don’t say anything, okay? I can’t handle talking about any of it. I just need you to make me forget for one night. Please. I’m begging you. Just make love to me hard like you’ve never made love to anyone before.”

  “I’ve only ever made love to you.”

  “I need to feel you tomorrow. And the next day. Please…”

  I knew I could give her what she wanted, but the fact that she’d gone for weeks without so much as touching me to now wanting me to fuck her hard confused me.

  “I’ll give you whatever you want, baby, as long as you stay the night. Don’t run away again.”

  She didn’t make any promises as she walked past me. When we got to my room, Evangeline took my face in her hands and started kissing me like I was her last meal. My lips were hot and sore from the intensity of the suction. So starved for her, I wasted no time lifting her nightgown over her head. She had no bra or underwear on. So desperate to feel the inside of her again, my pants weren’t even all the way down when I lifted her over my cock. Her back was against the wall. We’d never done it standing up before.

  “Fuck me hard,” she breathed. “Until it hurts.”

  I didn’t understand where her sudden need for painful sex was coming from. It seemed like she was looking for it as some sort of punishment. Even though it turned me on beyond belief, something wasn’t sitting right with me. Too weak to resist her begging, I gave her everything she asked for.