Sins of Sevin

by Penelope Ward

  Finally, I built up the nerve to suggest something I’d been holding in. “I need to be here with you, Sevin. Everyday. I need to prove to you that I’m in this with you for the long haul—not just with my words but with my actions. My car is filled with all of my things. I—”

  “Wait.” He wrinkled his forehead incredulously. “You want to move in with me?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”

  “I wouldn’t be sharing a room with you. I just want to take care of you for a while. Will you let me?”

  “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

  Not beyond begging, I pleaded, “Please.”

  The look in my eyes must have shown him how serious I was, because he simply nodded.

  That night, Sevin helped me move my things in, setting me up in the spare bedroom. I prayed to God that it would be my last move for a while.

  ***

  The next few weeks were all about adjusting to the new routine. Sevin and I were living in his home, but there was no intimacy. He was still acting closed off toward me for the most part. We’d sit and have dinner together or talk about our days, but he didn’t make any physical contact.

  It was painful, but I vowed to push through, reminding myself that only through the passage of time could my intentions be proven. Even though he was being cold, I still wanted nothing more than to just be with him every day and try to give him the kind of life he always deserved.

  On the way home from work at Addy’s shop, I would stop daily to purchase more items to make his house a home. Sevin’s house had a cute farmer’s porch, so I picked up some potted plants to hang up across it. I painted the white living room a terracotta color and hung several canvas paintings. I put out candles and hung up inspirational wooden words, like “home” and “hope” as well as organizing all of his music. Everything was perfect on the outside but broken on the inside.

  The hardest of my efforts was the cooking. I was determined that we would sit down together to a nice meal every night but couldn’t cook for the life of me unless it was breakfast or dessert. Everything else sort of went to hell. I would intentionally race home from Addy’s to arrive before him and sift through recipes online. It was hard to tell if Sevin was enjoying what I’d make half of the time. I was pretty sure my meals were at least edible. Enjoyable might have been too much to ask from me. Dean always preferred crap food that was easy to make, like hotdogs, frozen chicken nuggets or macaroni and cheese. He never liked vegetables. So, cooking healthful and tasty food was fairly new for me.

  As the weeks went by, Sevin was softening toward me a little bit, but it seemed to be at a snail’s pace. And he never touched me. Ever. That was painful. Sitting across from him at night while we watched TV, I could smell him and practically feel the heat of his body. I’d catch him looking at me when he thought I was fully immersed in a show. I knew he was holding back intentionally, that even though he wanted me, he wasn’t ready to let himself cross that line. Understanding his reasoning, though, did nothing to ease the cumulative ache building inside of me. My physical attraction to him was at an all-time high, not only because I hadn’t been touched in so long but because at nearly twenty-seven, he was truly all man and more handsome and built than he’d ever been in his life.

  So, frustration was really starting to get the best of me. It all came to a head one night when the house phone rang during our TV time. Sevin got up to answer it before taking the handset into his bedroom. Bogged down by a mixture of fatigue and jealousy, I knocked on the door.

  “Who are you talking to that you have to take the phone into the other room?” Before he could answer, I snatched it from him.

  “Who is this?”

  “It’s Nancy,” she said.

  “Nancy.”

  “Yes.”

  About to explode, I had so many words at the tip of my tongue. But I knew that none of it was fair. She was there for him when I wasn’t. To expect him to just drop her from his life and take me in was unfair. Instead of going off on her, I gave him the phone and marched out.

  Sevin was visibly upset when he emerged from the room. “She’s just a friend, Evangeline.”

  “Then why did you have to walk away to talk to her?”

  “Because I didn’t want to upset you.”

  Having reached my wits end, I cried out, “I’ve been trying so hard. I don’t know what else to do to get you to forgive me. I just want to make you happy. I’m so tired. Just tell me what you need, and I’ll do it!”

  “I wish it were that simple.”

  “Do you want me to leave?”

  Rubbing his eyes, he breathed out slowly. “No. I like having you here.”

  “You just seem so complacent about my being here.”

  “I’m trying to protect myself. There is no halfway when it comes to you, Evangeline. There never was. It’s all or nothing. Finding out about Rose rocked my entire world. I just need time to forgive you organically. It’s not something I can force. I can’t be with you until my head is in the right place again.”

  “What do I do in the meantime?”

  “Just keep doing what you’re doing.”

  “Trying to kill you with my cooking?”

  We both broke out into much needed laughter.

  He surprised me when he leaned in and cupped my cheeks gently. “Don’t leave.”

  Hearing him say that he wanted me to stay was all the motivation I needed.

  I smiled. “Okay.”

  ***

  Nothing that’s worth it comes easy. But when the payoff comes, it can be spectacular.

  In the weeks after my outburst, Sevin seemed more cognizant of my need for reassurance. One of the changes was that he started to cook alongside me at night. His fingers would sometimes brush along my back as he passed me in the kitchen. Even the slightest touch sent shooting tremors of sexual awareness through me. I savored every last bit of subtle contact he offered me.

  Another thing was that he started to leave me little sticky notes around the house. Some were just standard thank you notes: My clothes have never smelled cleaner. I don’t know what the fuck you’re doing to them, but I can’t stop sniffing myself. It’s a problem. Others were polite suggestions about my less than gourmet meals: Maybe let’s not do Chicken Piccata again. Some were downright funny, like one I found on the bathroom mirror: Your hair sheds more than an Old English Sheepdog. I’m collecting it to make sweaters for the poor.

  For several days, the notes were pretty vanilla. Then one day, I was putting some laundry away in Sevin’s room. A note on top of his chest of drawers was staring me in the face. I had to clutch my chest because this one made my heart feel like it was going to leap out.

  You looked so fucking beautiful at breakfast this morning. You make it really hard to want to go to work.

  We never talked about the notes. I took each one and kept them in a box in my room. He’d leave me new ones every day. While his actions toward me at night hadn’t changed much, the notes were his safe way of expressing the evolution of his feelings.

  Another afternoon, I had just returned home to change my clothes when a yellow sticky taunted me from my nightstand.

  That shirt you were wearing last night with no bra…wear it again.

  That night at dinner, his eyes travelled down to my breasts, and he simply said, “I see you got my note.”

  Flushed in the best possible way, I smiled and answered, “I did.”

  That kind of innocent flirting went on for a while. It was a slow burn until one afternoon when the note on the kitchen counter was anything but innocent.

  Don’t bother with dinner. The only thing I’ll be eating tonight is you.

  I stood there in shock for the longest time, my heart pounding and my body buzzing with excitement. Looking over at my alarm clock, it hit me that he’d be home in a little over an hour. Stripping off my clothes, I ran to the bathroom to get myself ready for him.

  Un
prepared, I hadn’t shaved my legs in days. After I finished making sure I was clean and smooth, every orifice of my body was tingling from the anticipation as I closed my eyes and let the water pummel down on me.

  The door suddenly burst open, causing me to jump.

  He was early.

  Panic quickly transformed into excitement once everything registered. Through the foggy glass, I could see him, the defined muscles of his chest and arms. He was wearing black pants. Metal clanked as he whipped his leather belt out and threw it on the floor before stepping out of his clothes.

  The door slid open. The hunger in his eyes was like nothing I’d ever seen from him. His manly scent saturated the steam-filled tub.

  “You ready for me?”

  I nodded eagerly. “You know I am.”

  He stepped in and flipped me around. “You’d better hold onto the wall.”

  Those words caused a shiver to roll down my spine. As he pressed his chest to my back, his hot erection slid against my ass. I held both of my palms against the tile wall and closed my eyes. The past several weeks had been one long bout of foreplay, so I was already wet. He opened the door briefly again to get something. I turned around to see him savagely ripping the packaging of a condom with his teeth. He spread the rubber over his cock before sinking all the way into me in one slow thrust.

  “Oh God,” he muttered. As he began to move inside of me, he groaned, “Holy hell…I’ve missed fucking you. I’ve dreamt about it so damn much. I’ve been dying for this.”

  “Me, too,” I breathed out.

  He began to fuck me harder. At one point, I winced.

  “Too rough?”

  “No.”

  “Good. I don’t think I can do it any other way right now. You feel incredible.”

  Our wet bodies slapped together as he slammed into me, my finger nails digging into the grout. His thrusts were rough and sometimes painful, but even when it hurt a little, it felt so right, so perfect. I couldn’t get enough of him.

  His breathing became suddenly uneven. “I can’t…too much…I’m gonna…”

  “It’s okay. Let go, Sevin.”

  “Fuck…” A second later, his moans echoed through the bathroom while he pulled me even tighter into him. My muscles contracted around his cock as he came, my own climax spasming through me. I’d nearly forgotten how intense sex with him was. Nothing compared to it.

  He stayed inside of me, breathing against the back of my neck. He turned me around and kissed me tenderly then surprised me when he dropped to his knees on the shower floor. The water ran down over his silky black hair as he gently kissed my stomach and whispered, “Don’t ever leave me again.”

  Kneeling down to meet his eyes, I clutched the back of his neck. “I would rather die than ever hurt you again.”

  Offering his hand, he lifted me to a standing position before shutting off the faucet and squeezing the moisture out of my hair. He grabbed a towel and wiped my body and his own then led me next door into his bed.

  He got on all fours over me, locking me in with his arms. “You’re not gonna sleep in there anymore, okay? I want you right here with me every night.”

  My eyes began to well up upon hearing him say that. Even though I understood it, my having to sleep in the guestroom always hurt like hell.

  “Nancy’s not gonna call or come around anymore, either,” he said.

  “You don’t have to do that. She’s been a friend to you.”

  “Yeah, but she’s also an ex-girlfriend, and I don’t want to upset you. I would expect the same from you. We’re done hurting each other, okay?”

  When I nodded, he just continued to hover over me in silence. So much loss, so much pain and he was still able to look at me with the same love shining through his eyes.

  “Lie back.”

  “What are you doing?”

  “I intend to make good on my promise about dinner.”

  My eyes trailed down his neck to the carved V beneath his abs and down to his cock that was once again gloriously hard.

  “You like what you see?”

  “Your body is even more incredible than I remembered.”

  He spread my legs open and rubbed his palm slowly down the length of my torso then cupped my pussy possessively in his hand as he said, “This body is mine. Promise me you won’t show it to anyone else ever again.”

  “I promise.”

  He then lowered his face between my legs. My eyes rolled back the second I felt the wetness and warmth of his lips on my tender skin. Applying pressure on my clit with his tongue, he licked and sucked until he brought me to orgasm. He was the only person to have ever gone down on me.

  We made love slowly two more times that night in his bed—our bed. It felt monumental, because for the first time since running into each other on that dirt road years ago, we were truly free to do what came naturally.

  All I ever wanted was to love him. Still, things would be far from perfect so long as the biggest representation of our love continued to be missing from our lives. There would always be a hole in his heart. I needed to figure out a way to fix it.

  CHAPTER 26

  SEVIN

  Evangeline and I were officially done hiding. We finally came out to Lance as a couple, making it seem like we’d only gotten close in the months after her divorce. Of course, Olga knew the truth about our secret past but continued to play dumb. No one said a word about Rose. That was the best decision for now. Surprisingly, Lance and Emily seemed to accept the fact that we were together.

  My role at Sutton Provisions had only gotten bigger over the years. I was now the Operations Manager, overseeing beef processing and fabrication. Someday, I would replace Lance as the company president. With Elle gone, I guess my being with Evangeline helped solidify me as a permanent member of the family in Lance’s eyes. While his acceptance almost seemed too good to be true, I would gladly take it.

  Evangeline was still working at Addy’s shop, which was renamed SEAL Autobody. SEAL was a play on our names: Sevin, Evangeline, Addy and Luke. Sometimes, I’d sneak home early to arrive before she got home from work. Catching her all greased-up and dirty was a huge turn on.

  One such afternoon, I was waiting impatiently for her to walk through the door when the house phone rang.

  “Hello?”

  “Is this Sevin Montgomery?”

  “Yes.”

  “My name is Genia Simonsen. I’m—”

  “I know who you are.” My stomach dropped. “Has something happened to Rose?”

  “No. I’m sorry to have alarmed you.”

  Letting out a massive sigh of relief, I asked, “What’s going on?”

  “I’m not supposed to be in contact with you. If Robert knew, he would be irate.”

  “How did you get this number?”

  “Evangeline has been in touch with me several times in recent weeks. She gave it to me.”

  “She has?”

  “She found me online, and we’ve been going back and forth a bit.”

  Evangeline never said anything about contacting the Simonsens. It touched me that she’d been pushing for contact, especially since I knew she was personally against disrupting our little girl’s life. She was making the effort for me.

  “What have you been discussing?”

  “Evangeline has tried to connect with me, woman-to-woman, hoping to convince me to allow you both to spend some time with Rose.”

  “Your husband made it very clear to me that seeing her wouldn’t ever be an option.”

  “Evangeline asked if I could arrange something, maybe where Rose didn’t know who you were, but where you two could still see her on a semi-regular basis. I spoke to Robert about it, and I’m afraid he’s dead set against it.”

  “So, you’re just calling to let us know that?”

  “Well, actually, something’s come up.”

  The tone in her voice prompted me to sit down. “What happened?”

  “Robert was let go from his job a cou
ple of months ago. He was just offered a position that’s out of state.”

  “Out of state? Where?”

  “Oregon.”

  As soon as she uttered the word, my chest felt like it had been crushed. “You’re moving? Leaving with her?”

  “I’m afraid we are. We have no choice.”

  “What does Robert do? I could give him a job at Sutton. I—”

  “You know he wouldn’t accept that. Arrangements for the move are already being made. I just somehow felt that you had a right to know.”

  “I appreciate that, but honestly, I’m in absolute shock. Even though I can’t see her on a daily basis, there was solace in the fact that she was just a town over.”

  “I was thinking that maybe you would want to see her before we leave. I can bring her to a public place. We could make it seem like a coincidental meeting. You just wouldn’t be able to tell her your real names in case she mentions something to her father.”

  Her father.

  This moving bombshell she dropped had stunned me into silence.

  Genia continued, “I know Evangeline was hoping for more, but that’s not going to be possible, especially now that we’re moving.” She paused. “Robert is out of town tomorrow. He’s chaperoning a field trip with my older girls. Would you be available? I could pack her lunch, meet you with Rose at a playground somewhere in between both of us.”

  “Of course, we’ll be available. There is nothing I could possibly have to do that would be more important. Just let us know the time and place. We’ll be there.”

  ***

  Evangeline and I arrived early. We didn’t want to risk missing any of the time that we were allotted with her. The sun was blazing onto the blue rubber playground surfacing. I could see our shadows as we sat on one of the benches aligning the edge of the park.

  We’d gotten coffee on the way, and Evangeline was now ripping apart the Styrofoam cup.

  “Don’t be nervous.”