Someone Like me

by Lesley Cheetham

  ‘You don’t look well,’ he said. ‘What’s going on? Did you tell AJ what happened that night?’

  ‘I couldn’t,’ she said. She was speaking so softly it was difficult to hear her. ‘I felt so guilty. It was all my fault for leading him on. AJ would have chucked me anyway, so I made it easy for him.’

  ‘But he’s in bits! He hasn’t got a clue what’s going on. And how is any of that your fault? Trevor threatened you. Has he been in touch since?’

  She must have nodded. ‘He started contacting me through my website. That’s why I had to close it down. All those stupid presents – I thought it was flattering at first, that he was finding out what I liked from my blog, but then it just got creepy, he wouldn’t leave me alone.’

  ‘So why not tell your parents? Or at least AJ?’

  ‘Because I’m scared.’

  ‘Of what? What can he do now? Your parents know what he’s like.’

  There was a long silence.

  ‘Sadie?’

  ‘If I tell you will you promise not to tell anyone.’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘I can’t tell AJ because he’d want to have it out with Trevor, And I don’t want that to happen because I think Trevor is dangerous. I’m scared of what he might do, what he might have done.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  Sadie’s voice cracked and she started to cry.

  ‘Haven’t you worked it out? Trevor lives in Keston. I’ve seen his house. He took me there once on his bike. That night, that girl, Miriam. He would have been so angry with me. I think he killed her.’

  I was unable to breathe.

  A shout from downstairs interrupted the strained silence that had descended. ‘Khaled! Where are you?’

  ‘Coming!’ he replied. Sadie spoke again but I couldn’t catch what she said. I listened as Khaled ran down the stairs and waited for Sadie’s door to close. I lingered a few more minutes before I eased the bathroom door open and slipped down the stairs as fast as I could.

  Back downstairs I went into the living room and picked up my drink. Malika was telling the group about her life in France. My heart was banging so hard I was convinced the others would be able to hear it.

  ‘Have you got a boyfriend back home?’ Tess asked.

  Malika laughed and shook her head. ‘Nobody special.’ Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Josh dig Des in the ribs. Maybe Fiona was right.

  ‘Where’s Fiona?’ I asked.

  Tess rolled her eyes. ‘She’s totally loved up with her new boyfriend. She’s so over you,’ she said to Khaled. ‘I suppose you want her back now, don’t you?’

  Khaled was standing over by the window, his arms hanging at his sides, his fists clenched.

  ‘Who wants another drink?’ Josh asked.

  ‘I’ll get them,’ I said. I went back into the kitchen and was standing in front of the fridge thinking how strange it was that I should be standing in Sadie’s kitchen when the door opened and then she was there in front of me. The ruby red lips were gone, the extensions no more, and she was a lot thinner. Her eyes were expressionless, the sparkle lost. She stared at me.

  ‘I’m Josh’s friend,’ I said, ‘well a friend of his girlfriend, Tess, really.’

  ‘Whatever,’ she said, looking at me as if I was some sort of specimen, before going to the sink and pouring herself a glass of water. Then she went back upstairs, pulling the door shut behind her.

  I stood motionless, gazing at the closed door. I imagined calling her back, explaining, apologising for intruding into her life. I shook my head; I couldn’t do it. Clearly I meant nothing to her.

  Tess and I went to sit in the garden for a bit. A cool

  breeze was blowing through the trees.

  ‘You’ll have to go back home soon,’ I said. ‘Will you carry on going out with Josh?’

  She nodded. ‘I’ve only got one more year of school, then I’m definitely moving back here. Mum will be fine with it; she just wants me to finish my GCSE’s at the same school. I’d be going to a sixth form college anyway, so it doesn’t matter where it is. And she’s happy that I can stay with Mark, he’s very sensible. Talking of sensible, isn’t that just what you need?’

  ‘Get lost,’ I said. ‘I’ve got far too much to think about at the moment.’ I told her what had happened at the hotel.

  ‘So Michael’s in the clear?’ she asked. I nodded. ‘I think so, although I still don’t know why he would leave the scene of the crime like that and there’s still something he and Nora aren’t telling us, I’m sure of it. I’ve decided I’m just going to be upfront about it and ask him.’

  ‘At least that way you’ll know one way or another.’

  We were silent for a bit, listening to the sounds of murmured conversation and music coming from inside.

  ‘Tess,’ I said. She looked at me. ‘I’m glad you’re coming back. I lost it a bit when you left, you know? First Gran, then you,’ I held my can of coke against my forehead; it was cool, soothing the thoughts that were burning inside.

  ‘I know.’ I looked at her in surprise. ‘Your Mum rang my mum – don’t look at me like that Jas, she was really concerned about you. I was too, but they thought it would make it worse if I kept ringing you when you were trying to get used to me being away and made me stop calling for a bit.’

  I shook my head. ‘I can’t believe it,’ I said. ‘I thought you were turning against me too.’ I took a deep breath. ‘That’s when I did something stupid.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  I took a long swig of my drink before I spoke.

  ‘I latched onto Sadie.’

  She turned to look at me. ‘Sadie? Josh’s Sadie?’

  I nodded. ‘She just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and I thought it would be fun to find out about her, but I kind of got obsessed. I thought she was the answer to all my prayers. If I copied her, looked like her, I would feel better about myself and people would like me. It didn’t happen – no surprises there.’ It was hard to look at her. ‘This is so embarrassing.’

  Tess’s forehead was crinkled up in astonishment. ‘The red hair! You’re not still…’

  ‘No! But I wanted you to know. It’s funny but since I met Malika I started losing interest.’

  ‘You’re not getting obsessed with her are you?’

  ‘No!’

  ‘That’s a relief. I can’t imagine you in a headscarf.’

  ‘Idiot! Promise me you’ll never tell anyone, especially Josh.’

  She pulled an imaginary zip across her lips. ‘You can count on Tess.’

  She was right. I’d always known I could trust her. I could tell her everything. She’d know what to do about Sadie and Trevor and Khaled.

  ‘Talking of Sadie,’ I began, when Josh appeared at the back door.

  ‘Tess!’ he called.

  A smile lit up her face. ‘One minute,’ she yelled, ‘What is it?’ she asked, turning back to me.

  She looked radiant, the yellow light picking out the blonde of her hair.

  ‘It’s nothing,’ I said, ‘Go to lover boy.’

  She stuck her arm through mine and we made our way back to the house. I hesitated when I got to the back porch. Through the window I could see Malika engrossed in conversation with Khaled. He left the room as I made my way across to her.

  ‘What were you and Khaled talking about?’

  ‘About his foster family again. His Mum was in some sort of trouble and couldn’t look after him, but the family he is with now are good to him. I think he’s a bit spoilt, but in a good way.’

  ‘Maybe I should find myself a foster family,’ I said, ‘Mum would like that, I bet.’

  ‘Don’t talk like that,’ she said, ‘I thought you were starting to believe that Papa is innocent.’

  I sighed. ‘Yes, I am. But why would he run away from the police? I’m scared to ask him, in case I don’t like the answer. Then I would lose him all over again.’

  I looked into her eyes, Mic
hael’s eyes, eyes that looked like mine. I still couldn’t get used to it.

  ‘Well whatever happens,’ she said, ‘you’ve got me now, and I’m not letting you go anywhere.’

  CHAPTER 37

  It was about ten o’clock when we got home. The hall light was on – I hoped Mum was awake and not passed out on the sofa again. I put my key in the door and as I did so I heard the sound of voices. I stood on the doorstep for a moment, preparing myself. I wasn’t in the mood for one of her friends. Mum’s voice was raised and a deep masculine voice murmured in response.

  ‘Papa,’ shouted Malika, and pushed past me. I was horrified. What was he doing here? I took a deep breath, thankful that I’d stuck to the coke, and went into the room.

  Mum was perched on the edge of the sofa, the inevitable glass of wine in her hand. Michael was standing by the window, leaning against the wall. The atmosphere was strained. Malika ran over to him and threw herself into his arms for a big bear hug. I looked away.

  ‘Hello Jasmine,’ he said.

  I turned to Mum.

  ‘Why is he here? You always said you would kill him if he ever came near you again and he looks pretty much alive to me.’

  ‘Jasmine!’ she tutted. I went into the kitchen and opened the fridge. I gazed at the bottle of vodka, just for a second, but I went for the coke instead and took my time adding three large ice cubes to the glass. It was cool to the touch. A little calmer, I headed back to the parental war zone.

  ‘So what’s going on?’ I asked.

  ‘You explain,’ said Mum to Michael.

  ‘I thought it was about time your mother and I had a talk.’

  ‘It’s a bit late for that isn’t it? Like about fourteen years late?’ The words twisted out of my mouth.

  Mum sighed dramatically. ‘Let him speak, for goodness’ sake. I’ve had enough of all this arguing.’

  I glared at Mum. Michael cleared his throat.

  ‘As I was saying, I phoned Caroline and she suggested coming over. It was great getting to know you in Paris, not just for me but Malika and Sara too. Now that we’re going to be living in the same country I wanted to check with Caroline how she felt about us all staying in touch. I know I’ve behaved terribly in the past and I didn’t want to repeat the same mistakes again.’

  I looked at Mum, she was composed, and she didn’t look angry.

  ‘So, is this alright with you Mum?’ I asked. Malika had been standing over by the window during this exchange. She crossed the room and sat down next to Mum. She leant over and squeezed my arm.

  ‘If you’d phoned me a week ago Michael, suggesting you came over I would have told you where to go in no uncertain terms. But now that I’ve met Malika,’ she broke off to pat her on the arm, ‘I can see how well you girls get on and I don’t want to stand in your way. It doesn’t mean your Dad and I are now best friends again, God forbid,’ she added, grimacing at Michael. ‘But if you want to go and stay in Buckinghamshire that’s fine by me and Malika is always welcome here.’

  ‘She might not be coming to see me,’ I said. ‘Malika’s got herself a boyfriend here.’

  ‘No I haven’t,’ said Malika, frowning.

  ‘Is this true?’ asked Michael.

  ‘Don’t be shy,’ I said, ‘they don’t stop talking every time they see each other. He’s in Mark’s band. You met him once Mum, remember, he came here when I was in France. Khaled.’

  Mum and Michael were staring at one another. A strange silence settled into the room. Michael had gone very pale. ‘Did you say Khaled?’ he asked.

  ‘Yes, Khaled Hussein. You can’t possibly know him.’

  Mum stood up and went out of the room. She came back with a full glass of wine. She wobbled a little as she sat back down on the sofa.

  ‘You’ll have to tell them Michael, this can’t be allowed to happen.’

  ‘Papa, what is it?’ Malika asked.

  Michael slumped down in the armchair and put his head in his hands.

  ‘For God’s sake, Michael, just spit it out,’ Mum said. She swivelled on the sofa to make eye contact with Malika. ‘You can’t go out with Khaled, Malika, because he’s your cousin.’

  Malika gasped, speechless.

  ‘He’s Nora’s child,’ Michael said, his voice sounding grave. ‘The child she was telling you about. That’s why she got in touch with me and asked me to come up to see her. Khaled had got himself into trouble and she needed help. She placed him in foster care because she couldn’t cope with him on her own, but he’s still in touch with her.’

  As he spoke, more fragments turned into pieces, clunking loudly as they fell one by one into place.

  ‘I know why you had to come over,’ I said. ‘Nora knew he was going out with Miriam. She asked for your advice, and then her body was found. You thought Khaled had killed her.’

  The four of us looked at one another. It felt like a scene from a play, only I wasn’t quite sure of my lines. Mum picked up the cue.

  ‘What are you talking about?’

  I picked up my bag and extricated the newspaper cutting I’d kept in there since I’d first read it. I handed it over to Michael. His face went white when he recognized himself in the photofit. His eyes scanned the article and he collapsed onto a chair.

  ‘Did you think I was guilty?’ I bit down hard on my lip. ‘How could you possibly think I was a murderer?’ he asked, his face creased into a picture of disbelief, his eyes boring into me. I looked directly back at him.

  ‘How would I know otherwise?’ I said quietly.

  Malika spoke in my defence. ‘Papa, I have known you all my life and I couldn’t understand why you would have left the scene of a crime. Then I discovered that you had been in touch with Aunt Nora who had also disappeared…’

  ‘OK, OK,’ Michael said, ‘I see.’

  ‘So tell us why you didn’t stay and wait for the police. Was it because you thought Khaled had done it?’

  ‘I had never met the boy at that point and I had no idea whether he was guilty or not, but your aunt was in a terrible state. She knew Khaled had been going out with Miriam and she was worried that Miriam was so young. She wanted me to have a chat with him. Then when Miriam was killed,’ he paused, running his hands through his hair, ‘Yes I was afraid that Khaled was involved. I hadn’t even met him, remember. I thought that if the police looked into my family they would link me to Nora and find Khaled and I panicked. I couldn’t put Nora through that.’

  ‘But it would have been wrong, Dad, if he was guilty.’

  ‘I know, I know.’

  ‘So how do you know Khaled isn’t guilty?’ asked Mum.

  Michael put his head in his hands. ‘I don’t,’ he said, his words sounding strangled.

  ‘What I want to know,’ Mum said suddenly, ‘is how did I miss all this? How did I not see Michael on Crimewatch, or in the newspapers?’

  ‘Because you’re always working, Mum,’ I said. ‘You never have time to do anything else. When did you last watch TV? You make it easy for me to keep things secret.’

  Michael yawned and rubbed his eyes. ‘Look, it’s getting late. I need to get off.’

  He looked different now that I knew he was innocent; vulnerable, human, a person who could make mistakes.

  ‘Can’t he stay here Mum?’ The words surprised me as they tumbled out of my mouth.

  ‘You’ll have to sleep on the sofa,’ she said, ‘Malika’s in the spare room.’

  ‘A sofa sounds heavenly right at this minute,’ he said, ‘especially when my oldest daughter has offered it to me.’

  ‘Yeah, well, don’t get too excited,’ I said, embarrassed, ‘it’s only a sofa.’

  We all went to bed after that. I had just snuggled under my duvet when there was a light tap at the door. Malika came in and lay down next to me on the bed.

  ‘Are you alright?’ I asked, ‘finding out about Khaled Imean?’

  ‘Of course I am,’ she said. ‘Who told you about me and Khaled?’

  ‘
Fiona,’ I said.

  ‘Exactly. Fiona exaggerates everything and she is jealous. Khaled and I get on really well, just like you and I do. I reckon it must be a family thing. I knew there was something familiar about him. I’m glad he’s my cousin – family is the most important thing to me.’

  ‘Good job,’ I said, ‘it seems to be getting bigger every day!’

  ‘I’m going to go and see him tomorrow, tell him I know everything. No wonder he’s in such a state.’

  She went to bed after that but I was awake for ages, not sleeping, thoughts going round and round in my head. At about two in the morning I logged onto my computer and deleted all the folders I had compiled. I didn’t need her anymore; I was finally starting to work out who I was.

  CHAPTER 38

  Michael was up when I went downstairs the next morning. He was finishing a call on his mobile when I went into the room.

  ‘The police,’ he said, ‘I’m going in to see them this morning. I want to get myself removed from Britain’s most wanted top ten. How about while I make some coffee you log on to this Crimewatch site?’ He shook his head. ‘I still can’t believe that. I want to see the evidence for myself.’

  I sat down at Mum’s desk and booted up her computer. The aroma of fresh coffee soon wafted into the room, waking me up. Michael put a cup down in front of me.

  ‘Thanks,’ I said. It felt good, drinking coffee together, just me and him, the rest of the house asleep.

  I opened the Crimewatch gallery. Michael gasped aloud when he saw his picture.

  ‘It is me!’ he said, ‘I didn’t quite believe it would be, but…yeah, that’s when I was waiting for the policeman to come, just before I changed my mind. I can’t believe you recognised me after all this time.’ He shook his head in disbelief.

  ‘I used to look at your pictures every day. I wanted to memorise your face in case I ever saw you one day. I didn’t realise it would be quite like this.’

  We were both quiet with our thoughts for a moment. Michael broke the silence. ‘Let’s look at the rest of the case report; I want to read the whole thing.’