Closed Off To You (Singing Star Trilogy #1)

by Rachel S. Rose

  “That was great, thank you,” Larry said into the headphones when we were finished. “You can go now.”

  The breath left my lungs. I didn’t even realise that I’d held it from the moment the last note had faded away.

  I shot glances over to the others as we took off the headphones. We acted calm as we left the booth, but inside, my mind was spinning. Had we pulled it off? Did it sound awful?

  “That was an enjoyable first audition of the day, girls,” Larry said as we waved goodbye.

  “We’re not girls, Larry, we’re women.” Ella couldn’t help herself. Her hands were clenched together as she quickly escaped without waiting for a reply. I smiled at Larry as he pretended to zip his lips. Shrugging, I followed the others out to the hallway.

  “What was that about?” Lizzie asked our friend.

  Ella huffed as we made our way back to the main room. “What? We’re women, not girls. I get rather offended at being called a girl when I’m in my thirties. Don’t you agree?”

  The assistant from earlier hurried down the hallway towards us. “Well done, girls. I’ll show you to the waiting area. I’m sorry, you’ve got a long day ahead of you. You’ll need to wait as the others do their auditions. The announcements will be made later this afternoon.”

  Biting back my groan was almost impossible. I wasn’t very good at waiting; patience was not my virtue. I wasn’t sure I had any virtues. Unless celibacy was a virtue, I had been pretty good at that. Until recently.

  My skin prickled at the thought of Nathan being in the same room as me. It wouldn’t be long until he had done his audition. Would he come and sit with us? A bolt of pleasure ran down my spine as I remembered our last encounter. He hadn’t gone easy on me, but I didn’t mind.

  “What are you thinking about? You’ve got a dreamy look on your face, which is unlike you.” Lizzie linked her arm through mine as we were shown into a room full of chairs. There was a table at the end with drinks and snacks. It would be a really long day.

  “Nothing…”

  “She’s thinking about Nathan,” Ella declared as we helped ourselves to a hot drink.

  Being the first people in the room was intimidating. It meant hours of sitting around. Hours of my friends trying to get the truth out of me. They had asked me about the night when Charlie had caught us. I had declined to go into detail. Not because I didn’t trust my friends, but because I didn’t trust myself.

  “Did you know Nathan was here?” Ella asked as we sat down and prepared ourselves for a day of waiting.

  Lizzie shook her head quickly. “No, she didn’t. I could tell by the look on her face.”

  Taking a sip of my drink, I cringed when the strong coffee hit my taste buds. If I wasn’t awake before, I would certainly wake up now.

  “I’ve not heard from him. Which is a good thing. Anyway, he doesn’t have my number.”

  Lizzie spurted her drink.

  “Are you okay?” I asked.

  Lizzie cleared her throat, refusing to look at me.

  “What is it?”

  Lizzie gave me one of those please don’t hate me smiles as she handed me a bar of chocolate that she’d picked up. “I may have given him your number. I wouldn’t have told you, but…” She tried to get me to take the chocolate by waving it in front of me. I ignored it.

  “How? When?” I snatched the chocolate, dropping it on the floor in my haste.

  A pair of trainers came into view as Nathan bent and picked up the chocolate, handing it back to me. It was as if the universe conspired against me when it came to him. My heart thumped in my chest when my gaze travelled up and met his.

  “Nathan. How did it go?” Ella kindly took the attention away from me.

  Nathan wandered over to the snack table. We had planted ourselves pretty near, deciding that we would need a lot of sustenance throughout the day.

  Nathan smiled at us as he poured himself a cup of tea. His arms were encased in a long sleeved tight dark grey top. His strong thighs peeked through the rips in his blue jeans. He’d had his hair cropped short since the last time I had seen him. My body hummed with the memory of his tongue against my pussy. He was one hot man. Boy, he was a boy. Well, not really, but I had to put myself off him somehow. Stupid age gap.

  “That was pretty epic. What an experience.” His deep voice travelled over to us.

  His gaze skipped past me as he directed his answer to Ella. A few other acts filtered into the room, taking away the tension as they started to scream amongst themselves.

  “I think those girls enjoyed it,” he said in his gravelly voice as he took a seat next to Lizzie.

  I was in a daze. We had just recorded a song, yet, we sat around chatting normally. We’d had an experience of a lifetime. And…we drank coffee.

  “I can’t believe we just did that!” I exclaimed, grabbing Ella’s hand and clenching it in mine. She was on my left, so I turned my back away from the others. Call it a defence mechanism.

  Ella’s eyes widened. “I know! We just recorded a song. Do you think we’ll get a copy?”

  Shaking her, I opened my mouth wide without screaming. I wasn’t that far gone. The adrenaline that had been waiting to express itself poured through me. I jumped up and grabbed another chocolate bar from the table.

  “You’ve picked up! Finally realised what’s actually going on?” Lizzie grinned.

  My gaze clashed with Nathans as he gestured for me to throw him a snack. The corner of his lip lifted into his cheek when my cheeks flushed.

  “You didn’t mention that you were going to be here, too,” Lizzie said as I passed him what he wanted and sat back down. “That was a bit sneaky.”

  I watched a group of girls as they came over to stand around the snack table. They threw heated glances at Nathan. They were a bit younger than him, certainly more his age.

  “I didn’t tell anyone. I’ve always wanted to sing. It’s a dream that I never…” His sentence trailed off when he lifted his gaze from undoing the packet and looked directly into my eyes.

  He coughed as I looked away. “I’ve got a friend who works with the show. He told me about the auditions in the studio. I should have let you know, but I don’t want to tell anyone until I’m definitely on the tour. Just in case I don’t get through.” Nathan ducked his head. So he should. It was one thing sleeping with me, and then not contacting me, but it was quite another to not tell us about his place in the contest.

  “I get it. You don’t want competition from us.” I took a gulp of coffee as his eyes looked past Lizzie and made contact with mine.

  The fizz of excitement that spread over my body was quickly dampened down. I couldn’t let his gorgeous body distract me from our goal. Beating him was probably going to be impossible considering how good he was. However, when I finally settled on something, I did all I could to achieve it.

  Getting to my feet before he could reply, I made an excuse about needing the toilet.

  “I’ll come, too,” Ella said.

  We left Lizzie to talk to Nathan. As soon as we got up from our seats, the girls from the other group surrounded him. Clenching my hands into fists, I followed Ella out of the room and down the hallway.

  “It’s so obvious that something has happened between you two.”

  I ignored Ella as I went into the toilet cubicle. I was too nervous to go to the toilet, so I sat on the lid and crossed my legs. There was something about Nathan that made me need to cross my legs. My pussy pounded with need as I closed my eyes and remembered what had happened on my sofa. I had fantasised about it every night since.

  “Melissa, as much as I love you, I’m a little worried. I’ve never seen you act like this with a man before. Do you want to be with him?” Ella called.

  Her question instantly snapped me out of my turned on mode. I lowered my head into my hands and rested my elbows on my knees. Why did my friends have to know me so well? Why couldn’t they stop me from questioning myself?

  “I don’t know what it is about
him. I don’t even know him. And he’s a young man. Hardly father material.” I bit my tongue. That wasn’t fair. “Actually, I don’t know that.”

  Ella sighed so loudly I could hear it through the cubicle. Everything was so sombre. It was supposed to be one of the best adventures of our lives. Our nerves were probably getting the best of us. And the sexy Nathan was certainly getting under my skin.

  “If you’re supposed to be together, you will. Don’t worry about it.”

  My head shot up. I jumped up from my seat and opened the door. “You’re so right. Come on, let’s enjoy this. I refuse to let a man make me feel nervous. He is not God… Except in the bedroom, maybe.”

  Ella’s mouth dropped open as she hopped off the sink and fell into step beside me. She wrapped her arms around me and we might have squealed a little bit.

  “Don’t tell anyone we did that,” I muttered.

  Ella shook her head as she plastered a smile on her face. “We’ll get through. I have a good feeling.”

  Leaving the toilet, we skipped down the hallway. There was something about amazing opportunities that made a person skip.

  “Is he really that good?” Ella whispered as we came back into the room.

  The girls had retreated to the back, leaving Nathan and Lizzie to talk amongst themselves. I nudged Ella with my elbow as my cheeks burnt. Nathan glanced over at us, grinning when he saw how red my cheeks were.

  “Did you find someone you fancy?” Ella asked as we took our seats.

  What was wrong with her? I had just told her that I didn’t want the man to bring me down, and there she was, asking him about his love life in front of me. It was the last thing I needed.

  “Nah, they’re too young for me. I like a mature woman.”

  Was it possible to get third degree burns on my cheeks just from feeling embarrassed? Nathan’s eyes skimmed over me. He quickly looked away when he noticed that Ella watched. What was he playing at?

  We fell silent as the long day ahead loomed. I had no idea how I would be able to sit in the company of the hottest man in the room without keeping my legs crossed the whole time.

  “Good luck, by the way,” Nathan muttered, glancing at me sideways from under his eyelids.

  I looked at him, a smile coming to my face as my tongue flicked over my lips.

  We were no longer friends and lovers.

  We were competition.

  Chapter Eleven

  “I can’t believe we made it through!” Lizzie sang as we were escorted to the airport.

  Somehow, I had managed to wangle better deadlines on my writing assignments so I could go on tour. I hadn’t told my clients that I was going to be on Singing Star. Most of them didn’t know what I looked like, so hopefully they wouldn’t recognise me. Not that it mattered. I was convinced we wouldn’t get far. The talent on the show would be pretty amazing. We didn’t compare.

  Nathan had made it through, too. Charlie had been very supportive when he found out that Nathan had also auditioned for the show. He trusted his friend.

  My phone rang. When I saw the name on the screen, I laughed. I must have been psychic. My little brother rang me at the same moment I thought of him.

  “Hello, sis. You on the plane yet?”

  Our bags had already been checked in by staff. We were living in luxury, all paid for by the TV show.

  “Just going through now. Won’t be long.” I dawdled behind the other contestants as we made our way to the gate.

  Nathan’s head was noticeable as it towered above most of the others.

  “You don’t seem excited. Mother hasn’t shut up about it. She thinks it’s the best thing you’ve ever done in your life. She’s told all her friends that you’re going to be on TV.” Charlie chuckled.

  I rolled my eyes just as Nathan turned. He raised his eyebrows when he saw that I was on the phone. I mouthed Charlie to him and he quickly turned away. Did he feel guilty that we shared the same airport?

  We hadn’t seen Nathan since the day before. He had hugged us briefly when it was announced that we got through. He had then disappeared to his hotel room without saying a word. It was as if he was used to hiding something.

  “She’s so crazy, that woman. She would never say anything to my face. How are you doing?”

  My foot snagged on a bin, and I almost toppled over. A hand reached out and grabbed me, steadying me before I fell. I looked up into Nathan’s eyes. He squeezed my waist where he had caught me before he let go. My breath hitched at the intimate touch.

  “Are you okay? What’s going on?” Charlie asked down the phone.

  I smiled my thanks at Nathan as he fell into step beside me. “I almost fell, that’s all. I’m all right.”

  Charlie tutted down the phone. “Typical. Watch you don’t fall over on stage, will you? You’ll never live that down.”

  “I’ll make sure everyone knows I’m your sister if I do,” I muttered.

  Charlie whistled. “Don’t be so depressed. Come on. I’d give anything to be in your position. Be proud of yourself. Even Nathan keeps me more up-to-date than you do. Have you seen him much?”

  I glanced sideways at my brother’s hulking friend. Nathan looked straight ahead, his gaze fixed on the back of the other contestants, including Ella and Lizzie. He had treated me with indifference since the moment I had seen him. Until now. He was walking close by, heat radiating off his toned body.

  “Only once or twice. What about you? How’s Martin?”

  Nathan’s shoulders squared as he glared down at me. How did he know I was talking about him?

  “Martin’s fine. He’s been acting a little strange recently. Since we started hanging out with you lot. You must’ve rubbed off on him. All that strangeness.” Charlie laughed.

  My brother was a comedian. “Very funny. Just because I’m really cool, little bro,” I said. No matter how old I got, I would always banter with my favourite boy.

  The number of our gate came into view. My heartbeat picked up when I spotted the word Dublin flashing on the screen. We were really going to be on stage.

  Nathan stuck by my side as we followed the others into the area and took a seat.

  “I’ve got to go. We’ll be boarding soon. Wish me luck.”

  Ella and Lizzie joined us, sitting on either side of me and Nathan.

  “Good luck, Melissa. I know I joke around, but I’m really proud of you,” Charlie said.

  My throat closed as my little brother expressed a rare show of solidarity.

  “I didn’t know you could be so nice.” I cleared my throat as it got tight.

  Charlie laughed. “Don’t get used to it, sis.”

  I said a warm goodbye to my bro. Things had changed since we had started hanging out. It had only been a couple of times, but somehow, it had brought us closer together.

  “How’s Charlie doing?” Nathan spoke to me directly for the first time that day.

  “I think he must be ill. He was actually quite nice to me. Wished me luck and everything.” I smiled as I looked up at him from under my eyelashes.

  I didn’t mean the look to be flirtatious. One corner of his lips sunk into his cheek, revealing a small dimple.

  “He must be really unwell. Probably on death’s door if he’s being nice to you.” Nathan’s deep voice ran over me.

  Wringing my hands together, I tried to stifle the shudder that threatened to come. I wasn’t able to hide it completely. His pupils dilated as I licked my lips. I couldn’t help it. He was just too sexy.

  “Apparently we’re staying in a house in Dublin, instead of a hotel,” Ella interrupted.

  She looked pointedly at me, obviously interrupting on purpose. Were we that obvious?

  Sitting back in my seat, I looked around at the other contestants. Each of them had formed their own little group. Most of the girls glanced over at Nathan, glaring at us because we had managed to get him in our group.

  “Really?” Nathan said. “That’s very trusting. I suppose we have to share ro
oms.”

  My gaze flicked to his. I quickly looked away when he raised his eyebrows. Was Nathan flirting with me? He was so confusing.

  “Girls and boys are separate, I’m afraid.” Lizzie smirked and grabbed Nathan’s arm, letting him know that she had caught onto his jibe.

  “What? I only asked the question. They would be crazy to let boys and girls sleep in the same room. We’re all adults, after all. We should never be alone together.”

  I laughed along with Nathan as he showed a rare sense of humour. It was nice to be easy around him, instead of constantly trying to ignore the sexual energy that vibrated between us.

  Our seat numbers were suddenly called. We made our way onto the plane, our hilarity forgotten. Drumming my fingers against the side of my bag, I held back. Ella and Lizzie found their places. I hadn’t bothered to check the number of my seat before I got on the plane. I assumed that I would sit next to someone else, but no, the universe had conspired against me, once again. My seat was in the opposite aisle to the girls. Right where Nathan stood.

  “Ella. Will you tell your universe to stop pissing around?” I bent down and hissed into her ear.

  She reached out to stop me from moving forward. “The universe is in control, but it can’t make you do anything. Only you can make the choices you want to make.”

  I stuck my tongue out at her as I moved away. Bloody universe.

  “You’re not sitting here, are you?” Nathan asked. “I mean…”

  I threw my head back and laughed. He was just as surprised as me. Who was this universe anyway?

  “I didn’t mean it like that.” He grinned sheepishly. “And for that, I’m going to let you have the window seat, if you like.”

  I couldn’t help but smile at him. The window seat was my favourite. Why did he have to be so nice? I was trying not to get attached to the man.

  “Why, thank you.” I shuffled into the seat and looked out at the airport. Nathan lowered himself next to me, his thigh accidentally brushing against mine, yet again. It was accidental this time. That much I could tell.