Closed Off To You (Singing Star Trilogy #1)

by Rachel S. Rose

  “Why would you do that? You just heard that whole conversation.” I took the phone, forcibly shoving it into the pocket of my jeans. My orgasmic high had been well and truly ruined.

  “Because I think it’s fair that you at least explain what just happened to her. It’s all well and good that I let her know things were all right, but she’s probably really worried.” Lizzie tucked her blonde hair behind her ear and looked up at me with her big blue eyes. She cared about her friend. I understood that.

  “I’m not a great person,” I muttered.

  Lizzie didn’t say anything. Instead, she linked her arm through mine. We walked in silence until we came to a house at the end of the street. Stopping, she faced me again.

  “What happened to you to make you...” She paused as she studied me. “…so scared of love?”

  My throat bobbed as I swallowed. Women were always probing. Always wanted to know what was going on inside a man.

  “Nothing that you need to know about.” I went to turn away.

  Lizzie grabbed my coat, forcing me to stop.

  “You don’t get away with it that easily. There’s something more to you. I wonder if Melissa knows. Please consider texting her.” She let me go and went into her house.

  I stood for a moment, pondering on what she’d said. No woman needed to know what had happened to me. No one needed to know what had happened. I was my own person now and there was no reason why I should let anyone get close. There was no point. It all ended badly anyway.

  Chapter Ten

  Charlie finally contacted me two days after he had caught me and Nathan together. He seemed to be okay. Seemed to have accepted what had happened. He had completely warned me off Nathan, though. Told me that Nathan was no good. Said that I was worth more.

  He was right. I was. No matter how much I dreamt about the gorgeous young man, I was better off without him in my life.

  “Have you packed?” Lizzie squealed as she opened the front door.

  The day had finally arrived for us to make our way into central London. We were going to be briefed on the whole process of the tour. As far as I was aware, the first stop would be Dublin. I had never been to the city, but I was looking forward to it.

  We would be flown to Ireland to do our first ever tour show. I didn’t quite understand how it would work. It wasn’t like we would put on an amazing arena performance, unlike the people who eventually won. We were amateurs. We only had a little time to practice, although the show wouldn’t be for a week. They would film us live, which petrified me. Why had I agreed to do it?

  “Of course I’m bloody packed,” I moaned.

  Lizzie waved away my aggressive tone. I bit my tongue as Ella came in the door and grabbed my suitcase. “Let’s go!”

  I followed them out of the door, believing that I was ready for what lay ahead. Truthfully, I wasn’t ready at all. Three women were about to make complete tits of themselves, and I was one of them. Apparently, it would be fun.

  “We need to make a promise,” Lizzie said as I clambered into the back seat. “Friends forever. Whatever happens on this show, cannot break us apart. What do you say?”

  Ella held out her hand facedown. I placed my hand on top of hers. Lizzie put hers on top of mine. We did that stupid thing where we lifted our hands into the air, but we forgot to actually say anything. We fell over giggling at our poor attempt at rousing our spirits.

  The others were more than excited. I was more than apprehensive.

  “Will you lighten up?” Lizzie said.

  The cab driver asked us where we were going and why we were so excited. Lizzie explained about Singing Star, getting a smile in the rear view mirror when he realised that we might become famous in the future.

  “You can have our autograph now if you want. That way when we’re famous, you can sell it, and get a bit of money. But, if I hear that you’ve got a better car, instead of taking your wife on a lovely holiday, I will do something about it,” I said, watching him in the rear view mirror.

  He chuckled as he watched me back. “I’m not married. How about you?”

  The driver was far too old for me. At least forty. I frowned when I looked at Lizzie, realising in my head that forty wasn’t that much older than me. I was no longer a young girl. In fact, forty was quite a good age. At least a man would be more likely to settle down. They just looked…so much older.

  “She’s not married, either. If you want a date with her, I promise she’ll go out with you if we get through the first round.” Ella reached forward and patted his shoulder.

  I dug my nails into her thigh. How dare she offer me out as a reward? She was prostituting me. She was being my pimp.

  “Sounds good to me. Make sure you get through, then,” he said, winking at me in the mirror.

  Ella grinned as Lizzie giggled in the corner. She couldn’t stop laughing, especially when I looked at her and gave her a pleading expression. Which she completely ignored.

  “She will get through. Don’t you worry,” Ella said.

  Things were getting out of hand. It wasn’t like she even pimped me out for money. I nudged her in the side as she leant forward. She cringed but didn’t make a sound as the driver watched us.

  “I can see that your friend isn’t very enthusiastic about that proposal. Don’t panic, I won’t make her go on a date with me. However, maybe you would like to go out with me?”

  It was my turn to giggle as Ella’s face turned tomato red. I had never seen her look so embarrassed in her whole life. Served her right.

  “Well…”

  She was speechless. I laughed along with Lizzie, holding my stomach as he stared at her. Lizzie got the giggles so badly, she couldn’t actually stop. Which made me even worse. Her laugh was high-pitched and went straight through our heads.

  “Please excuse them.” Ella tried to subtly hit us but failed as we dodged her. “No one would think that we’re in our thirties, would they?” Ella laughed uncomfortably as the taxi driver raised his eyebrows.

  We soon quietened down when the studios came into view. The taxi driver carried on talking, but we ignored him as we looked at each other, not sure if we were ready for what was about to unfold.

  It was a strange feeling. A part of me felt guilty for taking the spot of someone who wanted to sing for a living. I felt like some kind of fraud. It wasn’t like it had been any of our lifelong dreams to be famous singers. If I hadn’t put us down for an audition, someone who was passionate about singing could have had an amazing opportunity. I wrung my hands together as my stomach flip flopped. It was too late, I had to shake myself off and get on with it.

  “We can do this,” Lizzie said, grasping our hands in hers.

  Waving goodbye to the taxi man, we made our way inside. The building was corporate. Metal and glass welcomed us as we were shown to a room full of other contestants.

  All of them were in different phases of excitement. Some were happy, jumping up and down. Some looked like they were going to puke at any minute. And others sat dazed, ready for the journey to begin. I was a mix between yelling in excitement or bending over a bucket and chucking my guts up.

  “Okay, everyone, we didn’t let you know this before, but you have one last audition before you go on the tour. Today, we’ll be losing ten acts, so I hope you’ve been rehearsing,” a man called from the entrance of the room.

  Lizzie groaned along with the others. Ella’s eyes were wide. Instead of panicking, I took their hands and dragged them to a corner of the room. We had been practising, but not as much as we probably should have. If they wanted a great performance, we would need to practice some more.

  “What are we going to sing?” I asked.

  It was all a little surreal. We had never been a group. I’d made up a stupid name on the night I’d applied for the auditions.

  Something had changed, though. The negativity and self-doubt ebbed. All of a sudden there was a shift within me; this was more important to me than anything. It wasn’t just
about helping my friends; it was about having a new adventure. About doing something that we never thought possible. All three of us loved to sing. Why shouldn’t we be on the show? Why did I keep telling myself that we didn’t deserve it, when clearly we enjoyed what we were doing?

  “Our favourite, always.” Ella, being sensible, knew exactly what the best song would be.

  She had sat down and worked out our whole playlist. When we had seen it, we didn’t need to disagree. Ella had done a perfect job.

  “Come on then. Let’s rehearse.” I shook them when they watched a nearby group instead of focusing on me.

  “What, here?” Lizzie asked, showing a rare flash of insecurity.

  It was unusual for the blonde haired beauty to worry about singing in public. My palms started to sweat. We had to leave our fears behind, even if they were daunting.

  “We’re going to have to sing in front of a lot more people than this. But, we’ve got to get through first.”

  Lizzie visibly shook herself and stood in her classic singing pose. Her legs slightly apart, one hand in front of her, and her eyes fixed on the wall behind my head. She opened her mouth and let the words fly. I glanced at Ella, not quite ready for Lizzie’s outburst. We quickly fell in, only just able to catch up with our friend.

  Others around us stared. We ignored them, concentrating fully on the song. They slowly started to realise that they also needed to practice, so gathered together to rehearse. The whole room filled with the sound of songs that didn’t mesh well.

  After a few minutes, an announcement came over the tannoy to say that the auditions would start immediately.

  “I can’t believe they’re doing this.” Ella dug around in her bag and pulled out the contract.

  They had asked us to read through it and keep hold of it until the first stage. We had wondered why they hadn’t made us return it straight away. There was no point signing it until we were certain that we would be on the tour.

  “It does say that they have the right to request additional auditions. I didn’t know that this was how they would do it, though,” Ella muttered, thumbing through the contract.

  Lizzie held up her hands, palms out towards us. “It’s okay, girls. Ella, you’re an advocate for the universe. What’s your guidance for the day?”

  I smiled at my friends, glad that I was having such an incredible experience with them. I would rather be there, singing my heart out with them, than anywhere else. I had finally got to that place.

  “Well, as you know, the universe always brings you to the right place, at the right time. If we weren’t supposed to be here, we would still be at home. We wouldn’t have got through on the first audition. So, it’s the same with the next one. If we’re not supposed to go on tour, we won’t get through. It really is as simple as that.” Ella gestured with her hands the whole time she spoke. My giggle made her frown.

  “I believe you, I believe you.” I put my hands up, mimicking her hand gestures.

  She growled at me, flicked her hair, and looked away.

  “First up, Beautiful Brunettes,” an assistant called across the room with a loud speaker.

  I clenched my teeth as I realised that was us. Lizzie glared at me, reminding me how annoyed she was that I had decided to name us after the colour of mine and Ella’s hair. Even though Lizzie was the lead singer, two against one made it final.

  Lizzie had repeatedly asked me if we could change the name, but I told her that since we were so raving drunk that night, it was obviously meant to be.

  “Beautiful Brunettes… It’s so lame…” Lizzie tugged on my hand as I held back. My stomach flip flopped. If I wasn’t careful, I would puke. My belly squirmed and my palms were slick on Lizzie’s.

  She loved me really. Even if I had left her out of the equation when it came to our group name.

  “We can’t exactly change it to Beautiful Brunettes and the Blonde,” I muttered as we pushed through the other contestants. “Maybe you should have dyed your hair.”

  My heart started to beat rapidly. I tried to take a deep breath to steady myself. I managed to squeeze past someone when Lizzie’s shoulder, accidentally on purpose, bashed into me. Falling sideways, I lost my footing. My body landed against a rock solid form.

  “I’m so sorry,” I apologised as I flicked my hair out of my face and looked up into deep blue eyes. “Nathan!”

  His cheeks flared red as a small smile crossed his lips. “Melissa,” he greeted in his deep husky voice.

  “Melissa, we need to go.” Lizzie wrapped her fingers around my forearm and dragged me away. “Hi, Nathan.”

  She actually paused to say hello before pushing me towards the exit. We had taken our time to get to the poor man that waited by the door.

  I looked over my shoulder, but Nathan had disappeared into the crowd. What was he doing there? Had he auditioned and not told anyone?

  “That was Nathan!” Lizzie looked at me with the sort of expression on her face that made me question why we were friends.

  “Of course it was Nathan. I did see him.”

  “Hi, we’re Beautiful Brunettes.” Ella introduced us to the man who tapped a pencil against his clipboard.

  “Okay,” he said, eyeing Lizzie’s not so brunette hair.

  Opening the door, he led us out of the room and down the corridor. The carpeted floor absorbed the sound of footfalls as we gazed around us. None of us could talk, too aware of what was coming next. I clenched my hands into fists, cringing when I had to wipe them on my top.

  We passed a door marked Studio. And then another one. Were we heading into a studio?

  “This is your room.” The man ushered us in. “There’s a producer in there. He’ll explain what he wants you to do.”

  The door closed behind us as we shuffled into a small room. My gaze instantly went to the glass that separated one side of the studio from the other. A couple of microphones were in the professional booth. A young man sat at a desk that was covered in buttons and sliding levers.

  “My name is Larry. I’m your producer for today. I just need a couple of things from you. Go into the booth, put the headphones on, and sing your soul out. We like to record the contestants first to see what they sound like. The prize is a recording contract, so we like to hear whose voices sound best on track.” Larry didn’t look at us the whole time he spoke. In fact, he hardly looked away from his recording deck.

  I rolled my shoulders, refusing to get on my high horse. It was just a churning machine. We were just passing through. It was a much bigger picture to them. They had a lot of acts to see and they had to get rid of some of us.

  “Go for it.” Larry pointed to the little door that led to the booth.

  We looked at each other.

  “How do you know what song we’re going to sing?” Lizzie blurted.

  Larry looked up at her, blinking when he saw her big blue eyes. “We asked for your top three songs before you came. You’ll sing the first one on that list.”

  Larry actually smiled. Lizzie was a pretty girl; I could see why he all of a sudden paid attention. His gaze travelled to Ella before landing on me. His smile grew wider. Did people really see us that way?

  “If you need anything, just ask.” Larry winked before he looked back down at the paper in his hand.

  I followed the others into the booth, my heart pounding. I had never imagined myself to be in a recording studio. I had never imagined being judged on a recorded song.

  “This is certainly something to be ticked off our bucket list,” Ella said, picking up the big headphones and placing them on her head confidently.

  Lizzie followed suit, smiling in the direction of the glass that separated the booth from Larry. She was going to flirt with him to get him onside.

  “Larry, you do know that I’m from outer space?” I asked him when I put on my own headphones.

  The sound vibrated in my ear before Larry’s voice came over the speakers. “Ah, you’re the one. They told me to look out for you. Said
you were an alien. That doesn’t mean you get special treatment, by the way.”

  “Oh, Larry, I don’t need special treatment. I’ll just probe you when you’re asleep.”

  I couldn’t help it. My nerves were getting the better of me, and I turned stupid when that happened. I giggled, my cheeks heating when the shake in my voice was obvious. Ella and Lizzie glared at me. If looks could bring me to my knees, they were doing a good job.

  “Well, I must say I’m not often speechless in this business, but I think you may have just achieved that,” Larry said.

  He grinned at me through the glass. I stopped my banter and became serious as the girls waved their hands at me.

  “Are you ready?” Larry asked.

  We gave him a thumbs up after clearing our throats. This was it. It was all or nothing. I hoped my stupidity hadn’t jeopardised the girls.

  The music filtered through the headphones. I wet my lips, trying not to panic as Lizzie started to sing. I could hear her in my ears, which was new. When I opened my mouth to back her up, a screech came out. I clamped my hand over my lips, forcing myself not to rip the headphones off and run out of the room.

  “I’m so sorry,” I said to Larry.

  He smiled gently. “Don’t worry, it’s quite common. Just take a deep breath and we’ll start again.”

  I had underestimated Larry. He was kinder than I had first thought.

  How had my voice turned into Darth Vader the moment my mouth had opened?

  “I’m sorry,” I mouthed to Lizzie and Ella.

  Ella was trying her hardest not to laugh, while Lizzie wiped sweat from her forehead. They were probably just as nervous as me, but fortunately they didn’t turn into a man when they sang.

  “You haven’t taken that deep breath, girls,” Larry said.

  We looked at each other and nodded as we took his advice. Breathing in deep, I held my thumb up to Larry again. He counted down and the music started to play. I looked at the floor instead of at my friends. It was much easier to concentrate without making eye contact with them. Many groups had been performing together for years. They knew each other so well when it came to singing, they could concentrate on everything they were doing. We were so new to being a serious group, it was hard not to laugh when we looked at each other.