Closed Off To You (Singing Star Trilogy #1)

by Rachel S. Rose

  “I can tell that you’ve still not quite found a home here.”

  The audience booed as I ducked my head. When I heard their support, I looked directly into the judge’s eyes and smiled.

  “I think you were fine. A little bit shaky at first, due to nerves, which is to be expected. Otherwise, I think you’ve got great potential.” Another judge was kinder than the first.

  The last judge tilted his head to the side as he studied us. “You certainly look the part, but I’m not sure you’ve got the talent to pull through. You’re the oldest group in the whole competition. You’ve got a lot to prove.”

  We weren’t allowed to say anything. We had been told to stand there and take whatever criticism the judges offered. After that, a presenter would introduce our next song without speaking to us. He did exactly that, not elaborating on what any of the judges had said.

  We went back to our starting positions. I glanced at Lizzie over my shoulder. She offered me a beaming smile, apparently content with what she had just heard. She had forgotten our conversation in the excitement of being on stage. I was genuinely happy for my best friend. Being in the limelight suited her.

  Our next song was our favourite. It was loud and fun, unlike the first one, which was a little depressing. For the first time in the contest, I allowed myself to get as excited as my two best friends. We danced as well as we could. Our efforts were not exactly amazing, but I didn’t care. I shook my hips and let my voice carry to unite with my bandmates.

  When the song finished, the crowd went mad. They clapped and cheered, which made me smile. It was nice that they had enjoyed it.

  “That was better. You seemed much more comfortable. Still…there’s some really tough competition,” my nice judge told us.

  I bit my lip, even though I knew that what he said was true. I had known all along. We were the novelty act. The one that showed how good the others contestants were.

  “I’m surprised you did that song. It’s a bit dated,” the young female judge said.

  Time suspended and slowed down as I realised that I had made a huge mistake. The audience laughed along with the judges. I glanced at Lizzie and Ella, but they were oblivious. They had no idea what was happening.

  We were holding onto our youth. Refusing to be the women that we should be. The whole world laughed at us. Not in a nasty way, but they were laughing all the same.

  “I must admit, I’m surprised you got through.”

  The harsh comment was met with boos from the crowd. They didn’t appreciate what the judge had said. It didn’t matter, it made good TV. That was the whole point of it.

  The presenter thanked the judges for their feedback and asked us to leave the stage. I followed my friends, lagging behind as they walked down the steps and stopped at the bottom.

  “Melissa was right,” Ella muttered as she glared at the producers.

  One of them asked us to make our way to the green room. We would have to pretend to be happy as cameras milled around, filming our reaction to other contestants’ performances.

  “I’m sorry,” Ella said to me as our high heels clicked down the corridor and we went into the green room.

  I didn’t have a chance to reply before we were bombarded with producers. Glancing across the room, my gaze landed on Nathan. He chatted to the group of female contestants. It didn’t look as if he had seen our performance. Probably too engrossed in chatting up the girls.

  “That was tough,” one of the acts said as we passed the table.

  There was a big screen on the wall where we could watch the other performances. I smiled gratefully to the kind person. Another contestant grabbed my hand as I passed and squeezed before letting go.

  “Thank you,” I muttered as we reached our table.

  Sitting on the sofa, I ignored the pity stares around us.

  “That was the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me.” Lizzie’s pretty blue eyes shone with unshed tears.

  I held her fingers and looked at the big screen as the next contestant went on stage. I had suffered many embarrassments in my life. It was part of me, I was prone to doing silly things. “It’s not as bad as we think it is. I told you we were the novelty act, that’s just the way it is.”

  Lizzie looked over her shoulder, towards Nathan. My back stiffened as she grabbed my elbow and tugged. “Melissa, I want to tell you everything that was said between Nathan and me. It wasn’t a lot. We spoke about you the whole time. I promise. I know you think I like him…”

  I glanced in the same direction that Lizzie had just looked. Nathan waved when he noticed me watching. He was getting prepared for his performance. Producers talked to him, telling him what to expect.

  “I think he cares for you much more than he’s letting on. Don’t push him away.”

  My gaze snapped to her. Push him away? He didn’t want me. How could I push someone away when they didn’t want me?

  I fought the urge to bite my lip, aware that I would smudge my lipstick. A cheer went up in the room when the next contestant finished their first song. The judges liked them much more than they had liked us.

  “Let’s talk about it later. When this is over.” I couldn’t concentrate with all the noise.

  Ella leant forward, looking around Lizzie. “The universe wanted us to do this for some reason. Whatever that reason, it will be great in the end.”

  We snorted, all three of us at the same time. The sound of talking drowned out our hysterical laughter. We had to be careful that the camera didn’t catch us. The live filming didn’t stop on stage. A link to the green room was shown to the judges and audience every once in a while.

  “I’ve got a new name for our group,” I said.

  The others waited expectantly as I paused for effect. No matter what happened, they would always be my best friends. It wasn’t worth worrying about men when it came to the two most important people in my life. They knew me better than I knew myself. They accepted me more than anyone ever had.

  “The Three Spinsters,” I said. “You’re included this time, Lizzie.”

  Our laughter continued, and when the camera came to us, we didn’t stop. I looked up at the screen, cringing when I saw how unattractive I looked when I laughed. My lips pulled back from my teeth, and my stomach rolls showed where I slouched. It didn’t matter. It made me laugh even harder.

  “Stop it!” Lizzie said suddenly.

  I wouldn’t. No matter what happened during the rest of the show, at least I could say that I had finally seen who I was. And that person was living in the past.

  “I thought you were good. I don’t know why they’re making such a fuss.” Nathan appeared next to me.

  His shoulders were back, his head held high. He was ready to fight. He seemed to want it more than we did. His passion for singing was obviously stronger than we were aware. That was the problem. I didn’t know him. He hadn’t even mentioned anything when we had joked about our own audition.

  “We were awful. There’s no need to pretend,” I muttered without looking at him.

  I kept my gaze on the big screen as the other contestants left the stage. Nathan’s hand brushed the small of my back when I sat forward. My breath hitched as the contact sent a thrill straight down my spine.

  “Will you wish me luck?” he whispered into my ear.

  Others must have been watching us. They must have seen how close he was to me. It wasn’t good for him.

  “You don’t need luck, you’re amazing.” I finally looked at him. His gaze softened, the intensity made me take a deep breath. “But good luck, anyway.”

  A smile lit his face as he got to his feet. He turned and followed the producer to the corridor that led to the stage. It was his turn next. Why had he come to see me? Everything about him was baffling.

  “I told you he likes you,” Lizzie said, linking her fingers through mine and resting our hands on her thigh. She had done the same with Ella. A show of solidarity.

  “I think he likes you lot
s, and lots, and lots,” Ella piped up.

  Staying quiet, I frowned to myself. I hadn’t even told them about our last sexy encounter. Something in me didn’t want them to know how easily I had given in. It wasn’t like they wouldn’t understand, but I was slightly ashamed that I had gone against my own counsel and slept with him again.

  “I think you’re both mad. Once this is over, we’ll go back to the way we were. I miss writing.”

  The corner of my lips lifted as I realised how true my words were. Writing was my passion, my life purpose. Not singing, like the majority of the other contestants competing on Singing Star. I had a long way to go until I was doing my dream job, but I would get there.

  “Things are never going to be the same. This adventure has brought up a lot of stuff we need to think about.” Ella stared pointedly at us.

  Processing her words, I contemplated all that had happened in such a short space of time. Whenever Ella talked about soul growth and the universe, I tuned out. Her most recent statement was valid. Our adventure on the stage had opened my eyes. Life was too short to be stuck in a place where you no longer fitted in.

  “I’m ready to have more adventures…as an adult. I don’t want to pretend we’re still young.” Lizzie looked at me from under her eyelids and stuck out her bottom lip.

  Her expression was pathetic, but funny at the same time. I put my arm around her and guided her head to my shoulder. Patting her back, I cooed at her.

  “Seriously. I’m not a bloody baby,” Lizzie exclaimed, pushing me away as she laughed.

  Ella pointed at the screen as Nathan came on stage. “You can be a baby sometimes.”

  Ella’s serious expression made Lizzie pout even more. Our friend sulked sometimes. There was nothing wrong with that. We accepted her as she was.

  “The crowd are going mad for him. I wouldn’t be surprised if he goes quite far,” Lizzie said.

  The cheer of the audience in the arena sounded around us. The other contestants fell silent when Nathan opened his mouth. He started to sing the same song he’d sang in my flat only weeks before. It was a song about heartbreak. And loss. It almost felt like he sang it to me.

  I tried to dismiss the romantic notion, but when the camera zoomed in on his face, it felt like he looked directly at me, too. His intense gaze was the exact same gaze that he had used on me many times. Did he look at others the same?

  “He’s a natural. Maybe it’s not worth getting involved with him…” Ella’s sentence trailed off.

  I looked at her, wondering about her change of heart.

  “Why do you say that?” I couldn’t help but ask.

  I tried to hide my true feelings, even when it came to my friends. They knew me too well, though. They could read me with just a look. Apparently, I wasn’t that good at hiding how I really felt.

  “It looks like he might become famous. Do you really want to try and get with someone who’s going to be famous? Someone who’s going to have a lot of women after him?”

  My stomach sank as Lizzie nudged Ella in the ribs. Ella grunted but straightened her frown when Lizzie glared at her.

  “I’m sorry. You shouldn’t listen to me. If Nathan wants to be with you, then you-”

  “Why do you have it in your heads that Nathan wants to be with me? I’m telling you now, he’s let me know quite clearly, that he doesn’t. In fact, he let me know very recently.”

  The others tore their gaze away from the screen as Nathan finished his first song. They stared at me, both blinking as the words sunk in.

  “But, the way he looks at you,” Ella muttered.

  Lizzie shook her head. “I spoke to him yesterday. He said the same to me, but I could see it in his eyes. I don’t want to get your hopes up. That’s not fair. But, I had to tell you what I saw.”

  My heartbeat increased as the judges praised Nathan. They loved him. They adored him. Just like most people, including me. The confession to myself caused my skin to sweat. I adored him. When had that happened? How had that happened? How was it possible to feel so much for someone when you didn’t even really know them?

  “It will unfold as it should. There’s no point in questioning it all the time. Just enjoy yourself. We’re probably not going to be here much longer,” Ella stated, pointing at the screen as Nathan picked up a guitar.

  I had no idea that Nathan played the guitar. It made him even more attractive than he already was. The whole country would fall at his feet, but he had been at mine yesterday. I grinned as the memory sent a buzz of warmth through me.

  “Go, Nathan!” the girl group behind me screamed.

  Looking at them, I smiled when they winked at me. Had they noticed the tension between us, too?

  “I need the toilet,” I said quickly, moving off the seat before the others could stop me.

  I couldn’t watch the world adore Nathan anymore. Soon enough, he would find a glamorous girlfriend, and be out of my life forever. At least that way, I could get on with it.

  The producers frowned at me as I went out of the room and down the corridor.

  It was silent in the toilets as I stared into the mirror. The makeup plastered on my face made me feel like a drag queen. It brought out my features, but it was foreign to see myself so done up.

  The music died down from the stage as Nathan finished. I couldn’t hear what the judges were saying, no doubt it would be great feedback. The applause was the loudest it had been all night. I wouldn’t be surprised if Nathan won the whole show. My reflection smiled at me. I was genuinely happy for him. He would get to live his dream if he won Singing Star.

  It suddenly hit me that even though there had been ups and downs, I’d had an amazing experience. It wasn’t what I had planned, or what I wanted to do, but it was an experience nonetheless.

  My smile spread as my gut feeling told me that I would be going home. I was ready for that. Another week being trapped in the house with Nathan and the other contestants didn’t appeal. The whole rock star lifestyle was not my idea of fun. Fame and fortune were for the young.

  I left the toilet with a spring in my step. A new chapter awaited me. The end of my current world was there, in Ireland. The old Melissa was gone; the new Melissa was going to start acting her age.

  As the door closed behind me, I collided with a rock solid body. I swore loudly as the force of the impact sent us sprawling to the floor. I hit my head on the ground, crying out as pain vibrated through my skull.

  “Are you okay, Melissa?”

  His scent filtered up my nose as I squeezed my eyes shut. My head pounded, but I was conscious. Conscious that I had just barrel rolled into Nathan and sent him flying. He was over 6-foot, and I had managed to send him to the floor.

  “I told you I needed to lose a bit of weight,” I muttered.

  He shifted. I hadn’t realised he was laying on top of me. The producer talked into his headset in the background.

  “I heard your head hit the floor. Are you sure you’re okay?” Nathan sounded worried.

  The pain started to subside. My handsome man… Not that he was mine…laying on top of me, made it a lot better.

  “Just your smell makes the pain go away,” I whispered.

  He chuckled, the movement pressing his chest against my boobs. I grinned and arched my back towards him. My eyes were still closed, unable to break the spell. If I opened them, reality would spoil the moment.

  “Nathan, Melissa, we need to get you up. What are you doing?” the producer harassed us.

  “It’s okay. If we just stay here, they might forget about us.” I was talking bollocks.

  Nathan’s hand went into my hair and stroked the back of my head. If he kissed me, it would be the ending to a beautiful day. Not that it had been that beautiful. In fact, it had sucked. Sucked big arse.

  “She needs an ambulance. Her head is bleeding.” Nathan climbed off me.

  I felt a bit woozy, but my acting stupid was an excuse. Nathan probably wouldn’t let me get close to him again. It was
nice that he cared enough to look after me.

  Pulling myself into a sitting position, I blinked to clear my vision. The corridor spun around me so fast, I had to put my hands on the cool floor to steady myself. “Ouch.”

  The producer had obviously requested help through the headset. A paramedic rushed through the entrance and straight over to us. Nathan crouched next to me as I was examined.

  “How do you feel?” His deep voice filtered into my ear.

  I shivered as I turned to look at him. The paramedic asked me to stay still as he inspected the cut on my scalp.

  “Numb.” Tears sprang to my eyes as sadness crept over his face.

  He took my hand and brought it to his lips, placing them gently on my knuckles. “I’m sorry.”

  I went to shake my head, but stopped when I was berated by the man tending to me.

  “No need to say sorry. You’re going to be famous now. You can have anyone you want,” I declared.

  My eyes screwed closed when the paramedic poked the lump on my head.

  “That hurts her,” Nathan said. “I’ve hurt you, too, haven’t I?”

  I squeezed his fingers before letting go. He went to reach out again, but I clambered to my feet. The paramedic grabbed my arm before I could fall back down. Nathan took the other one.

  “She has concussion. We’ll have to take her to the hospital. Just to be on the safe side.”

  A groan escaped me at the news. I wanted to see what happened. It wasn’t fair to leave Ella and Lizzie to their fate. We would be voted off. And I wouldn’t be there to support them.

  “I can’t. I need to be here for the results.” I looked at Nathan, knowing that he would understand.

  Nathan lifted his hand to my face. My eyes widened at the blood on his fingers. They cupped my cheek, stroking softly.

  He should be in the green room, revelling in his success. Not tending to my clumsiness.

  “Your health is more important than the show. Your friends will understand. You need to go to the hospital.” Nathan tried to guide me to the wheelchair that another paramedic had brought in.

  My feet planted firmly on the ground, refusing to move forward. “But this is the end of my youth. I’ve decided that when we get voted off, I can start all over again.”