Closed Off To You (Singing Star Trilogy #1)

by Rachel S. Rose

  The chuckle that left Nathan’s mouth made me want to reach up and nibble on his lip.

  “Public humiliation is not going to make a difference. If you decide you want to start all over again, then you can. You can’t do that if you’re dead.”

  I chuckled as he lowered me into the wheelchair. He leant down and kissed my forehead. Something crossed his eyes as our gaze clashed. Looking away, he nodded at the ambulance man.

  “I’m going with her,” he said to the producer.

  I grabbed his forearm before he could start to push me out of the corridor. “No. This is your dream, I can tell. You never told me how much you loved singing, but I can see it in your face. Just go and enjoy it. You don’t need to worry about me.”

  He was torn. One foot faced in the direction of the green room, the other stayed by my side. It was his time. There was no way I was going to let him come to the hospital when all I had was concussion.

  “Seriously, it’s not that bad. If it was worse, you had better come, but it’s not. Go and enjoy it. You know you’ll come first tonight. Please?”

  He crouched next to me but didn’t reach forward. I smiled, trying to be brighter than I felt. My head pounded, and the cut throbbed, but I was okay. I would always be okay.

  “You know that you decided yesterday would be the last time?” he said quietly.

  The others had backed off, giving us some space to talk. I nodded, without looking away from him.

  “Well, I’m not sure I can agree.”

  My heart leapt into my throat as he licked his lips. Getting to his feet, he squeezed my shoulder and walked away.

  Was that it? Was he seriously going to leave after making a statement like that? I changed my mind. Nathan couldn’t enjoy the limelight. He had to come back and tell me right now what he meant.

  “Nathan!” I shouted.

  He turned to look at me, grinning as my mouth opened and closed.

  “What do you mean?”

  Ignoring my question, he raised an eyebrow and waved at me. Spinning, he disappeared into the green room. Bloody man.

  Chapter Sixteen

  “What the bloody hell is going on?”

  The door to the bar closed behind us. Lizzie and Ella grabbed my arms, wise enough to know that if they didn’t hold me steady, I would bolt straight back out the door.

  Charlie swaggered over to us, a big grin on his face. “Hello, girls, congratulations. We thought we’d celebrate your victory.”

  My brother was lucky that I didn’t raise my hand and poke his eyes out. Victory? What a piss take. Was he looking for a beating?

  “Did you really have to throw a party?” Ella asked.

  The people gathered were friends and family. They cheered as soon as we stepped forward, resigned to our fate. They had been persuaded, by Charlie, to celebrate our rather embarrassing exit from the show.

  “You made me laugh so much, I almost peed myself. You deserve a party for that,” Charlie joked with her.

  Lizzie punched his arm, glaring at him when he winked.

  “Thanks, Charlie. Not only did we have the most embarrassing night of our lives, you’ve decided to expand upon it. Don’t ever expect me to be your friend.” Lizzie sneered.

  The twinkle in her eye was the only thing that betrayed her pretend anger. Charlie put his hands on either side of her face and kissed her full on the mouth. She pushed him away and exclaimed, “You little sod!”

  My brother skipped backwards, beckoning us to join the others. My mother sat with members of our family, not deigning to get up from her seat to greet me. When we got to the bar, Charlie placed one of his arms over my shoulder, and the other over Lizzie’s. He slowly turned us towards the wall. Where they had conveniently hung a huge projector screen.

  “We thought we’d celebrate your… accomplishment… by re-watching it.”

  I couldn’t resist it. My clenched fist drove straight into his ribs. He had given me clear access by putting his arm over my shoulder. He cringed, removing his arm and grasping his side. “No need for that.”

  “One day, brother, one day,” I promised.

  Ella wandered off to speak to her family as Lizzie and Charlie chatted between them. Waiting patiently to get my drink, I wondered if my mother would actually make the effort to speak to me. Wiping my sweaty palms on my jacket, I avoided eye contact with everyone.

  Mother had explicitly expressed how ashamed she was as soon as I had returned home. It didn’t matter that I had suffered concussion, I was alive, wasn’t I? All that mattered was that her friends had watched her daughter embarrass herself. And her.

  “Let’s watch the episode,” Charlie shouted.

  Everyone fell silent as they turned towards the biggest projector screen I had seen in my life. Charlie and Lizzie moved forward, leaving me to stand by the bar on my own. I didn’t need to get closer to my humiliation. Smiling at Ella as she shook her head, I rolled my eyes and flicked my hair over my shoulder.

  Sudden heat radiated from someone who moved to stand next to me.

  “What a lovely way for your brother to help you get over your mishap,” a deep voice whispered in my ear.

  A thrill went down my spine as the scent of his aftershave filtered up my nose. My gaze met his as the muttering of our gathered family and friends fell away into the background.

  “What are you doing here?” I didn’t dare reach out.

  I hadn’t heard from Nathan since I had seen him in the corridor. That had been four days ago. Every time I thought of him, my heart did a stupid skip. The kind that let you know that you were in trouble.

  “I couldn’t miss this.”

  I raised my eyebrows as he quickly shook his head. “No, I didn’t mean that. I meant, I couldn’t miss an opportunity to support you when everyone else wants to laugh at you.”

  My gaze roamed over his face as he studied me in return. Laughter started in the background, announcing our wonderful performance on stage. I still didn’t turn to look. The man in front of me was much more consuming.

  “What did you mean…?”

  Nathan shook his head, shutting me up instantly. The tap on my shoulder made me freeze.

  “Melissa, don’t you think it’s a bit rude that you’re ignoring everyone here?”

  My mother.

  Nathan smiled at her as I turned away from him and faced the woman that had never believed in me.

  “I’m sorry, Mum, forgive me for not wanting to relive my embarrassment. Especially in front of everyone I love,” I muttered.

  She grabbed my arm, squeezing the skin between her fingers. I frowned, but didn’t say anything, or move my arm. Nathan stepped forward, took her upper arm and guided her away, chatting to keep her occupied.

  I leant against the bar, rubbing the sore spot on my arm. He carried on talking as he sat with her at the table. Had he just distracted my mother so she would stop hurting me?

  My gaze travelled to the big projector screen as the nasty judge gave us criticism and the audience laughed. It was the end of our last performance, not long until we would be voted off.

  “I’m not sure this is a memory I want to relive,” Lizzie said as she approached me.

  Picking up my glass of wine, I took a big swig. I was in total agreement with her.

  Ella wandered over, glancing over her shoulder when her family tried to get her back. She ignored them as we huddled together, watching our exit from the stage.

  “You’ve got to admit, it was an adventure.” Ella patted my back.

  I put my head to the side, wondering if she was mad.

  “It was definitely one of the most fun experiences I’ve ever had. Certainly in the house, anyway. At least we can say we had fun then,” Lizzie said.

  They were right. Being on the show had certainly taken us out of our comfort zone. Pushed us to new levels we had never reached before. Learning to sing and rehearsing all week was not an easy task. But, I had learnt a lot. Especially since I didn’t have an amazing
voice naturally.

  The image on the projector cut to the scene where the votes were being counted. The camera kept swinging to Lizzie and Ella as we literally got no votes. The presenter’s face was all sympathy when he told the audience that I’d had an accident and had to be rushed to hospital. As if they would believe him.

  “I don’t know why you’re embarrassed,” Lizzie said. “You weren’t even there.”

  I bit my lip to stop my smile. The others had not taken my concussion as a good enough excuse.

  “No. I don’t know anyone who falls over on purpose just to get out of being voted off. You did a good job there.” Ella winked.

  We laughed together, I would never live it down. Ever since we had been back, the girls had blamed me for falling over on purpose. Part of me wondered if I had.

  “I can’t believe you think I would do that. It was a complete accident,” I said.

  The crowd booed when it was revealed on screen that we hadn’t even got one vote from the whole of the world. It was humiliating. Why hadn’t my family voted for me?

  “Nathan would say anything for you. He’s crazy about you.” Lizzie nudged my ribs with her elbow.

  Not again. Lizzie and Ella hadn’t stopped going on about how much Nathan cared about me. I hadn’t seen any evidence. He hadn’t contacted me once since we had been voted off the show. He was having too much fun celebrating his victory.

  His face came on screen as he was voted the top act of the week. Ella and Lizzie had to make their way to the stage alongside Nathan to accept the trophy of condolence. The first act to be voted off Singing Star got a trophy in the shape of a face covered by hands.

  “Which one of you got to keep the trophy?” Charlie shouted.

  We looked between ourselves, trying our hardest not to burst out laughing. Some of the things we had done with the trophy could not be repeated. Dancing around my living room with it, snogging its pretend face to try and persuade it to take its hand away. And more drunken unmentionable memories of the trophy of shame.

  “We’re going to have shared custody,” I shouted loud enough for everyone to hear.

  They all laughed as Lizzie and Ella came on screen. When they were handed the trophy, the whole of the audience booed. Not because they didn’t like Lizzie and Ella, but because they didn’t like the style of the show. In fact, the whole trophy incident had come under scrutiny in newspapers in the following days.

  “I see. You’re sharing him? A pretend man for the three single ladies.”

  Charlie groaned as my uncle’s hand slapped him over the head. It was good to see one of my family members berating him.

  “That’s exactly it. He’s our new boyfriend. We’re taken, everybody,” Lizzie said at the top of her voice.

  “Finally!” her dad muttered.

  As the laughter resonated around the room, my shoulders released. There was a good number of people around us that obviously cared. It made it less embarrassing. At least my face wasn’t as bright red as Ella and Lizzie’s on the projector as they rushed off the stage.

  The camera turned to Nathan just as my eyes moved away from the screen and looked directly at him. He watched me, his gaze as intense as ever.

  “You’ve got to admit. He’s bloody hot when he sings,” Ella said.

  My gaze snapped to my friend. She wasn’t one to admire young men in such a forward fashion. She was usually much more subtle.

  “He’s right there,” I said.

  I pointed towards Nathan, not thinking. Lizzie grabbed my arm and pushed it down before anyone else noticed.

  “You’re not very subtle, are you?” she said.

  Watching Ella, I was surprised by how she stared at the projector screen. Nathan was mesmerising when he sang.

  “She’s never been subtle,” Nathan said.

  He stood behind us, somehow getting up from his seat and moving around without me noticing. We turned to look at him, Ella’s eyes becoming gooey. Great. Someone else to contend with.

  “The first time I met her was when she streaked in the changing rooms.”

  My mouth dropped open in mock outrage. I couldn’t believe he was bringing up the bra incident again. After everything. It was the last thing I needed to remember.

  “Well… What can I say? I was practising my supermodel moves. The wardrobe malfunction may have hindered me slightly, but I will walk the runway again.”

  Nathan’s smile made me go all fuzzy inside. The type of fuzzy that teenagers felt when they realised that someone looked at you as if they wanted to be with you. It felt odd. It felt foreign.

  “I’d like to watch you walk the runway. I’m more than happy to help you with your bra change again,” Nathan muttered.

  I quickly looked at Ella and Lizzie. They both bit their lips, trying not to laugh too hard.

  “You lot are missing the best part,” Charlie shouted.

  We turned towards my brother. He gestured towards the projector. The show had ended. Instead of a handsome Nathan, there was a big ugly arse picture of me, Lizzie, and Ella, drunk out of our faces. Ella’s tongue hung out of her mouth and her eyes were half closed. Lizzie was winking, her lips pulled back so far, all you could see were her gums. And me. My mouth was wide open. I had never regretted having silver fillings as a child until now.

  “Get him!” Lizzie shouted.

  We rushed forward, all three of us. Funnily enough, our family members cleared a nice easy path, directly to our brother. Charlie’s eyes widened as he saw the Beautiful Brunettes flying for him.

  “Help!”

  Everyone ignored my brother as he climbed over a chair and headed round the back of the bar. We ran after him, knocking tables and chairs out of the way. They laughed when we finally got hold of him. I managed to grab the back of his T-shirt. The others grabbed hold of his arms, dragging him to the floor. It was a big pile up, with Charlie underneath us.

  “You’re so going to pay,” I said, tickling him on the ribs. He giggled like a girl.

  When I climbed off him, I looked over to our mum. She was putting her coat on, obviously too embarrassed to stay. Not that it bothered me, it would be better if she left.

  “And that’s how you get your brother back,” I announced to the crowd.

  My mother tutted and shook her head as she put her bag over her shoulder. My uncle tried to persuade her to stay, but she shrugged him off and went over to her friend. I glanced down as Lizzie and Ella finished getting my brother back for our humiliation.

  “Charlie, Mum’s leaving. You should say goodbye.”

  He lay on the floor, pretending not to have heard what I’d said. With his head to the side, he looked straight up at me. His fringe was in his eyes, almost hiding the pain that flashed through them before it disappeared. Did my mum’s indifference to me cause him to hurt?

  “I’m sorry, sis,” he muttered, pushing himself up to a sit.

  He glanced at our mother as she tried to get his attention. She beckoned for him to go over, but he glared instead. It was the first time I had ever seen Charlie not pander to my mother’s needs. It made a nice change.

  “Can I say something?” Ella spoke up.

  Everyone turned to look at her as she waved her hands in the air. Ella wasn’t one to like attention. She usually shrunk to the background as Lizzie took over. It was nice to see her standing tall and proud.

  “I know you laugh at what happened, but I just want to thank Melissa for making me step outside my comfort zone. It may not have turned out as planned, but then, we didn’t really have any plans. For the first time in my life, I just went along, and had a blast. If it wasn’t for Melissa, I would never have done that.”

  Lizzie got to her feet, using Charlie as leverage. “I agree!” she shouted.

  They started to clap and point at me. I laughed nervously, clapping myself. Why were they drawing attention to me? I hadn’t done anything.

  “To Melissa,” Charlie shouted.

  He got to his feet and held a b
eer in the air. Everyone cheered as they watched me, standing awkwardly in front of them. I had nothing to say. When it fell silent, that stupid nervous laugh came out again.

  “Thank you?” I muttered.

  “Not like you to be tongue-tied,” my uncle shouted. “You were the one who told the judges that you were from outer space. Why are you all of a sudden embarrassed?”

  He was right. I had a habit of blurting stupid things. It was never real, though. It was a show. I had no idea how to be myself around everyone.

  “Because I didn’t do anything. I was completely drunk when I signed us up. Who makes up the name Beautiful Brunettes?”

  Laughter filled the pub again as people turned back to their little groups and started to talk. I let my breath out as the attention was taken off me.

  “I need to talk to you,” a deep voice hissed into my ear.

  An involuntary shudder went all the way over my body when Nathan’s fingers brushed the small of my back.

  My gaze connected with Charlie’s. His eyebrows rose when he spotted Nathan by my side. He shook his head and shrugged at the same time. The small grin that came to his face made me realise that he was okay with whatever was going on between Nathan and me. Not that anything had happened since the week before. And not that anything was going on between us now, either.

  “Can we get out of here?”

  I raised my eyebrows at Charlie. Nathan had no idea that we were having a whole conversation with facial expressions. He nodded once and then turned away to talk to Lizzie and Ella. They winked at me as I turned to Nathan and murmured my agreement.

  He took my hand, not caring if anyone saw, and led me out of the pub. I followed him like a good girl. No, a good woman.

  I watched his back as the door closed behind us. His black jeans were ripped at the front and his white shirt was unbuttoned to the top of his chest. He looked like a man-god.

  Holding my fingers loosely, he led me towards the small park opposite the pub.

  “Where are we going?” I asked.

  He didn’t speak, just looked over his shoulder at me. There was no smile on his face and his eyes were even darker under the street lamp. The beat of my heart increased at the tension that fizzled between us.