‘Thanks,’ I laugh a little. Only Leanna can cheer me up when things are really bad.
‘Do you want me to come back to yours so we can talk about things?’ she asks.
‘That’s really sweet of you but you have an important date with Matt tonight and you can’t miss it.’
‘I don’t mind, he’ll understand,’ Leanna insists. We start making our way to our cars.
‘I’ll be fine, I need some time on my own to think things through. I might give Auntie Jo a call. It would be good to get her perspective on things.’
‘You know I’m here for you too,’ Leanna says as she squeezes my hand.
‘I know, and I love you for it. But listen, I have been so involved with this Caspar thing. I haven’t been asking how things are going with you and Matt. It’s been all about me these past few weeks, I’ve been such a crap friend.’
‘Don’t be stupid,’ Leanna reaches over to hug me. ‘I know how hard things have been for you lately so don’t start beating yourself up about things. You have always been there for me.’
‘You’re going to make me cry,’ I can feel myself getting all emotional.
‘No tears,’ Leanna orders. ‘Besides I can now see why you are so conflicted about Casper. The guy is looking even hotter than ever.’
‘Stop,’ I giggle. ‘Have a great time with Matt tonight. I want to hear all about it tomorrow.’
‘Sure thing,’ Leanna jumps in her car and drives off.
I get into my car and turn on the engine. Auntie Jo’s apartment is on the way to my house. I decide to drop by on the way so I can have a chat. I dial her number to see if she is in.
‘Hi sweetheart,’ my aunt answers the phone.
‘Hey Auntie Jo, I’m just on my way home from the park and I was just calling to see if it would be okay to stop by for a bit.’
‘That should be fine,’ she says. ‘Dan and I are off out to the cinema later but I’ve got an hour or so.’
‘Perfect, see you in a bit.’ A few minutes later, I am sitting in her living room with a cup of tea.
‘Hi Sammi how are you?’ Dan has just got back from his squash game.
‘Good thanks Dan, how was your squash game?’ I ask.
‘Hard work but I won. I’m feeling a bit sore though so I’m going in for a long hot shower to ease my poor muscles off. Must be getting old,’ he laughs.
‘So how are things?’ Auntie Jo plonks herself down on the sofa next to me.
‘I need your advice,’ I look at her. ‘There’s been a new development in the whole Caspar situation.’
‘Go on,’ she says.
I tell her about what Shana had told me, the stuff I had found out on Facebook and about our meeting at the coffee shop where I had told him how I felt. I can see she is taken aback with everything I have told her.
‘Good for you, you have been really strong,’ she says encouragingly.
‘Well I’ve just found out that Caspar is not the father of Alice’s baby.’
‘No way,’ she says in surprise.
‘Yes, I was at the park today and saw him in the play area with Ellie,’ I start explaining.
When I finish my story, I see that Dan is in the living room. He must have heard some of the story but I don’t mind that he knows. Jo looks at Dan and we both wait to see if he has anything to say. He stays silent as I think he doesn’t want to interfere.
‘How do you feel about that?’ Auntie Jo asks me.
‘I don’t know yet, I shrug, I haven’t had a chance to process the news yet.’
‘It’s a really tough one, because the goal posts have changed a bit now that you know he is not the father.’
‘I know, I totally got things wrong.’
‘He’s still at fault Sammi. Don’t forget, he disappeared for 8 years without a word. You don’t have to speak to him if you don’t want to. Don’t let him guilt you into it.’
‘I feel that maybe I should speak to him to get the full story, once and for all,’ I say.
‘Dan?’ Auntie Jo turns to him. ‘What do you think about all this? Let’s get a man’s view on this.’
‘Oh umm I don’t know,’ he looks uncomfortable at being put on the spot like this. Dan is a really successful businessman and commands attention in boardrooms all over the world. It’s quite funny to see him look so out of his depth when he is involved in relationship talk.
‘Yes, please Dan,’ I try to encourage him. ‘I would love to have your opinion on this.’
‘Well of course what he did was really bad, but I also know that you have been finding things tough since he’s been back.’
‘Yeah,’ I agree.
‘I think you need to hear him out, not so much to ease his guilt but for your own sake. There is obviously a reason for what he did. I don’t think you will ever move on from this until you find out what that the reason was.’
‘That makes sense,’ I nod my head.
‘Guys are very different you know,’ Dan opens another bottle of beer. ‘We don’t deal with emotional things the same as girls do.’
‘We all know that,’ Auntie Jo rolls her eyes.
‘I am not sticking up for him when I say this. He was a lot younger when this happened. He probably couldn’t deal with the emotional backlash that would come his way. He took the easy route and ran away,’ Dan takes another sip of beer.
‘It’s still a crappy thing to do,’ I say.
‘Yes it was, but I don’t think his intentions were ever to hurt you. He freaked out and ran away. He obviously regrets what he did but too much time passed and he was probably scared to contact you.’
‘Dan’s right,’ my aunt agrees. ‘I am not condoning what he did. But I agree, you need to hear him out.’
I thank both of them and leave them to their evening out. On my drive back home I think over what Dan and Auntie Jo said. They are right, I need to bite the bullet and actually let Caspar tell me his side of things. No matter how painful it might be.
I have a quick shower and change into some jogging bottoms and a comfy hoodie. I make myself a couple of slices of toast and a mug of peppermint tea.
Back in my bedroom, I find my new diary and begin putting down my thoughts.
April 2nd
Leanna made me go to a ‘Yoga in the Park ‘event I really didn’t have the energy after working a wedding today but I went. It was actually quite good and I felt a bit more energised afterwards. We got some smoothies and went and sat down under some trees on our yoga mats. We are so new age lol!
We were having a really nice chilled time and spent some time people watching. This big group of loud posh mums turned up with their little darlings at the play area. Then I saw Caspar walking in with Ellie. I couldn’t believe it. The mums were practically drooling when they saw him. What’s hotter than a good looking guy looking after his little girl? We were sitting quite far away under a bunch of trees, so he couldn’t see us. Thank goodness.
Anyway, Leanna gets a phone call from Matt and goes off to speak to him. My heart almost skipped when I saw him with Ellie. I knew he was always good with kids because he used to coach them at the tennis club. But seeing him being so sweet and playful with this little girl showed me a different side to him. She was having so much fun with him and you could tell she totally adored him.
Watching him with her almost made me forget how horrible he was to me. Then Ellie kicked her ball over in my direction. I quickly passed it back to her and he didn’t notice because he was checking his phone. Phew!! I watched them kick a ball around. He is such a natural with kids. Ellie kicked the ball near me again and this time Caspar saw me.
He came over and because Ellie was there, I had to be polite and speak to him. Leanna came back from her phone call and started giving him hell. She told him to leave me alone. That’s when he told me that Ellie wasn’t his. She is his cousin’s daughter!! He seemed quite annoyed and he told me to contact him if I actually want to know the real story.
Wow –
it’s a total bombshell. Auntie Jo and Dan both agree that I need to talk to him once and for all. I do feel a lot better now that I know Ellie isn’t his.
But was he still seeing Alice when he was with me? Why did he disappear on my 21st? Why would Alice getting pregnant by his cousin be the reason he never showed up for my birthday?
Was he jealous or angry that Alice was sleeping with his cousin? Does he still love Alice?
I suppose I won’t really find out the answers to these questions unless I see him and ask him all his.
I can’t stop thinking about how good he was with Ellie. It should have been us …..getting married and having a daughter. How fantastic would it have been?
And to have a husband that is so good looking?
And who totally gets you and you have great banter with?
I am so sad when I see glimpses of what could have been a really happy future for us.
Except that Caspar didn’t want that for us.
Chapter 18
I wake up after a night of broken sleep. I had some vivid dreams of Caspar and I at our wedding which was held in a park where all the guests were doing yoga. Right my brain is definitely scrambled from yesterday. I need to sort this out.
I pick up my phone which is charging on the bedside table and I type out a text.
Hi Caspar
I’ve been thinking about
what you said yesterday and
I’m ready to hear what you have to say.
Let me know when is a
convenient time for you
next week.
Sammi
I press send and take a deep breath. I get up and stretch. I am feeling a bit achy after that yoga session so I run a bath to soak my muscles. I choose a jasmine bath foam and chill in the heavenly scented bubbles.
I hear my phone ping. I forgot to bring my phone into the bathroom so I can’t check my texts. I wonder if it’s Caspar. I am way too comfortable in my bath to get out and look. After about 10 minutes, curiosity gets the better of me and I run out to get my phone.
The text is from Caspar.
Hi Sammi
I’ve got quite a busy week
next week with work
so won’t be able to
make a lunchtime.
How about today?
I notice his text is a bit more formal and he hasn’t signed off with a kiss as he normally does. I am a bit disappointed.
I don’t want to seem to keen so I dry off and get dressed before replying.
Yes, I can do today.
Are you free to meet
at 1pm?
A few minutes later, my phone pings through with a text again.
Yeah sure, at
The Coffee House?
I reply with:
Yes see you then
Caspar texts again:
You will turn up this time?
I smile as I reply:
Yes!
I spend the rest of the morning sorting through my room and giving it a good tidy up. It helps take my mind off of things and at least I am doing something productive.
The time rolls round to 12:00pm. I spend a long time straightening my hair until it is super sleek. I add a bit of anti-frizz serum to keep it that way. I take my time to create a healthy glowing complexion with foundation and highlighter. I fill in my eyebrows and add some mascara until my eyes pop. Not bad.
I put on my favourite jeans, a flowery blouse and some heels. Right, you can do this, I tell myself before leaving the house.
I park up in town and walk over to The Coffee House. It is popular with the hipsters as it serves coffee beans sourced from the deepest rainforests somewhere in South America. It also has an organic tea bar with hundreds of different flavours. I love the hot chocolate there but I will be good and stick to a peppermint tea.
The décor consists of highly polished black wooden floor beams, large leafy green plants and loads of funky bespoke seating areas.
Caspar is there and he is sitting in a House Pod which is basically looks like a larger more open version of those glamping pods. It is made from sustainable wood and is surrounded by lush green tropical plants
He waves over to me and I walk over. Is it wrong that my I have an overwhelming urge to run into his arms so I can just feel him holding me close? My heart aches for him as it does every time I see him. My head takes over my heart and I push those thoughts away quickly.
‘You came this time,’ Caspar stands up to greet me.
‘I don’t think you’re one to talk after standing me up on my 21st’, I answer back.
‘I also didn’t disappear for 8 years,’ I can’t help throwing in another dig. I need to stop bringing this up every time I see him as I don’t want to look like bitter and twisted.
‘Fair enough Sammi, I deserve that,’ he sits back down and looks at me. ‘What are you having?’
‘I’ll have the Mega Mint Tea,’ I say after reading through the organic blends tea menu.
‘Is that all you ever drink these days?’ he laughs at me.
‘I like it and it’s healthy’.
He reads through the menu and orders for both of us when the waiter comes over.
‘Can I please have one Mega Mint tea and a cortado for me,’ he orders for both of us.
‘Is that Morrocan or classic style for the mint tea?’ the waiter asks in all seriousness. I can see Caspar suppressing the urge to laugh. I have no idea what the difference is so I just ask for a classic mint to keep things simple.
‘Thanks for coming,’ Caspar says to me once the waiter has left.
‘I realise I do need to hear your version of events,’ I tell him. ‘Since you’ve been back I‘ve been hearing all sorts of things and my head is all over the place. If you could clear things up once and for all, then we can all move on.’
‘Okay that’s all I ever wanted,’ he says.
‘So maybe start from the beginning, my birthday would be a good starting point.’
Caspar starts talking. ‘My parents were down for the night staying at my aunt and uncles. I just wanted a quick catch up with them before I went out with you. We were having drinks and I get a phone call from Alice. You were right, she told me she was pregnant on the night of your birthday.’
‘Okay but if the baby wasn’t yours why did she ring you?’ I want to know.
‘She told me the baby was mine that night.’
‘Yours? But I thought you said that your cousin was Ellie’s dad,’ I frown as I don’t understand.
‘He is but she never told me that at the time,’ he explains.
‘So you thought the baby could be yours?’
‘Yes,’ Caspar hesitates for a bit before answering.
‘Right, so if you thought the baby could be yours that means that you were sleeping with her around that time,’ I look straight at him.
The waiter literally chooses that moment to appear with our drinks. Do they have some sort of radar which makes them turn up at the most inappropriate times? We wait until he sets our drinks down. You could cut the tension between us with a knife. The waiter senses it and makes a quick retreat.
I wait for Caspar to answer my question.
‘Technically no,’ he finally replies.
‘What does’ technically no’ even mean?’ I lay into him. ‘You either were or weren’t sleeping with her Caspar. It’s simple.’
‘I know what you’re thinking Sammi.’
I stay quiet and stir my mint infusion which actually smells pretty good.
‘I never slept with her when we were together,’ he says.
‘So when was it?’
‘She came and picked me up from the airport when I got back from Oz. My cousin was meant to pick me up but something came up and he couldn’t. I was tired and jet lagged. She said I could crash at her place.’
‘Convenient.’
‘Anyway, it happened that night. I regretted it immediately.’
Thinking of him with Alice makes me
feel sick. ‘Why didn’t you keep in touch with me when you went away?’
‘Sammi it wouldn’t have been fair to commit to you when I was living on the other side of the world. You had your college course and it wouldn’t have been fair to tie you down.’
‘‘You should have discussed all this with me,’ I tell him.
‘Believe me I thought long and hard about it, but then I came to the conclusion that if we were meant to be, things would work out in the end.’
‘I still think you should have asked how I felt about everything.’
‘I was young back then Sammi. I needed the freedom to travel and see where that took me.’
‘I never had a problem with that.’
‘And that’s what was always great about you Sammi, you understood me and you never put pressure on me.’
‘I came back and realised that I missed you. Sleeping with Alice was a really bad judgement call and I told her that things would go no further. I told her I didn’t love her and there was no way we were ever going to get back together,’ Caspar continues.
‘How did she take it?’
‘Not well, she knew that I had been seeing you before I left for Oz and she asked me if there was anything going on between us.’
‘She was jealous?’ I am secretly pleased to hear that.
‘Yes, we didn’t see each other after that. I tried finding you but I lost your mobile number.’
‘You knew I worked at Sheridan’s,’ I remind him.
‘I went in there and bumped into Shana. She told me you didn’t work there anymore and everyone had lost touch with you.’
What a bitch, I think to myself. That definitely proves she was trying to sabotage things between us.
‘I was still working there.’
‘I know, luckily Mum went shopping there and that’s when she got your number. I was buzzing when I rung you and you agreed to go to the pub.’
I smile at the memory but quickly snap back to the present. I don’t want Caspar to think I have forgiven him.
‘You know the rest. I asked you out and we were really happy,’ Caspar also smiles as he says it.
Ghosted: Wicked Wedding Planners Series Page 17