Next to Forever (Never Letting Go)

by Moose, S

  I put down one magazine and pick up the latest US Weekly. I touch my stomach, “Oh, baby, look,” I say to my baby bump as I’m reading an article about Fifty Shades of Grey, and giggling. “Who do you think will make a good Christian Grey?” Being home on the couch with my baby is one of the best feelings. I love talking to my bump, and I can’t help but wonder if he or she can hear me. “I wish you were here with me now,” I say, rubbing my stomach. It’s getting a little easier, and I feel better. Sophia’s been keeping me busy with shopping online for both our babies and doing very light yoga on the exercise ball. Both doctors said it’s okay as long as I take it easy and don’t push myself. I’m always thinking about my baby and what’ll be best.

  It’s almost six in the evening, and Connor’s not home yet.

  Me: Coming home soon?

  Connor: In a few hours, baby. You okay?

  Me: Yeah, just miss you. Okay, talk soon. I love you.

  Connor: Always, my baby girl.

  A cheesy smile spreads on my face. I love the way he makes me feel. Even after all this time, Connor still knows how to make me blush and feel... wanted and needed. Connor’s the reason why I’m happy and living my life the way I am. He’s the center of it all, and I know he’ll always do anything to make me happy. I wrap my arms around my knees, smiling, because it’s funny how our lives throw us for twists and turns.

  Deciding to finally do something, I get up from the couch and pull out Chinese and pizza menus. Before I make the orders, the doorbell rings. Huh, who is this? When I open the door, Vander’s on the other side with a smile on his face. “Hey!”

  He comes inside and gives me a hug. “I had this feeling that someone needs a friend?”

  We walk to the kitchen and I pass him the menus. “Well, you’re right. Connor’s working, and I’m so hungry! Help me pick out what to get for dinner tonight.”

  Vander looks through the menu and writes down what he wants. I look over and see his list. “Oh my God! Are we feeding an army?”

  “Oh, baby girl. You, me, and the little princess are starving so it’s time to feast!” Vander pulls out his cell phone and calls both restaurants and places the orders.

  “Little princess?” I laugh.

  “You’re so having a girl! I have a sixth sense about these things.” Vander puts his arm around me and brings me close to him. Kissing the side of my head, we look at the menu and make sure we have everything we want. It’s great having Vander here to keep me company. I’m glad he’s gay or else Connor would go ape shit. Vander orders me to go to the living room and sit down while he gets everything ready and ordered. I take out my phone and text Sophia to see what she’s up to.

  Me: Hungry?

  Sophia: No, I just ate. I’m with my dad now doing some shopping. He insists on buying everything for his first grandchild and I am NOT complaining LOL

  Me: Haha that’s awesome! Vander’s here and I was wondering if you wanted to come over and hang.

  Sophia: Aww =( I wish I could but dad really wants to spend some time with me. Rain check?

  Me: Of course! Text me later, k?

  Sophia: Sure thing! Love you!

  Me: Love you too!

  There’s a slight pain on my left hip. I draw in a deep breath and close my eyes. “Baby,” I whisper as I rub my stomach. “You alright?” Suddenly the pain eases, and I feel a little better. “Looks like you just wanted to hear mommy’s voice, huh?”

  Moments later, Vander comes to the living room and sits down next to me. “How are you and Curtis doing?”

  “Girl, let me tell you,” Vander starts, “He’s so amazing! I’m really happy with him.” I cuddle next to Vander and he plays with my hair. “This is nice. I’m glad I have you as my friend. Things suck sometimes, you know?”

  I raise an eyebrow. “Oh, please do tell!”

  Vander giggles and tells me about their first time and how they’ve been. He blushes, and we both start laughing. “I’m really happy, Erin.”

  “Good, Vander.” Moments later, the food arrives and we eat in the living room, laughing and watching ‘The Hangover.’ Vander puts all the plates and food away, and I get comfortable on the couch. When he comes back, he sits next to me, puts my legs over his, and starts massaging my feet.

  “Oh. My. God. Vander! This feels so good.” For the first time in weeks, my body relaxes, and I feel so much better. The stress of worrying about the baby and Connor slowly disappears. Lying back against the couch, I turn my head toward the TV as Vander continues to massage my feet.

  When the movie is over, my heavy eyes start to close. “Alright, princess. Time for bed.”

  Vander helps me up from the couch and picks me up. “Put me down,” I laugh.

  He shakes his head and walks toward the stairs. Suddenly, the door opens and Connor looks at the both of us. “Erin?”

  I lift my arm and wave. “Hi babe. I’m exhausted and Vander’s helping me upstairs because I’m sore,” just as my lower back starts aching and I wince in pain. The look on Connor’s face makes me feel guilty, and I know he’s upset. “Vander, it’s okay. I got it now.” When Vander puts me down, he gives Connor a small smile and gives me a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks for tonight,” I tell him.

  “No problem. Have a nice night, guys.” Vander turns around and walks out the door. Connor closes it and locks the door before turning back to me. The look in his eyes lets me know he’s not happy, and the expression on his face isn’t pretty.

  I walk up to him and loop my arm around his waist. “I missed you tonight. Vander brought dinner, and we ordered your favorite-garlic pizza, fried rice, and shrimp with vegetables. Are you hungry?” I point toward the kitchen.

  “Baby,” he starts to say, pushing back his hair and closing his eyes. “It’s almost one in the morning, and I come home to find another guy in the house with you. Carrying you upstairs. I know, Vander’s just a friend, but think about how I feel sometimes, please.” Connor kisses my forehead and pulls out of my grasp. He doesn’t look at me again and makes his way upstairs.

  “Connor!” I yell. He turns around and looks at me. “Are you serious right now? There’s nothing going on between Vander and me. He’s a good friend who came over to check up on me and make sure I’m okay. Hello?” I point at my stomach. “I’m pregnant with your baby and,” I point at my left hand. “We’re engaged!” Fuming with anger, I look at him and make my way upstairs, pushing him to the side. “Freaking idiot,” I mutter under my breath.

  “Erin,” he starts to say, grabbing my arm. “It’s been a long day, and I was just surprised when I saw Vander carrying you. Thoughts went through my head.”

  I turn around and am about to rip his head off. “I don’t know why you’d think that. I love you, Connor. Unconditionally. You know this. When have I ever given you any reason to have doubts about me? About us? Look at me, Connor.” I’m so mad right now and I can’t believe him! “Maybe if you didn’t work so much, Vander wouldn’t be over! You keep telling me that you’re going to cut back on your hours but you’re not! How is this fair to me, huh?”

  “You have Sophia to hang out with though.”

  “Not the point, Connor! Plus, she’s been spending time with her dad and Sarah, too. I don’t have the luxury of my parents here, so yeah, I have a guy friend who is nice and helps me out!” I walk closer to him and shove my finger in his chest. “Stop being an idiot and realize that I’m not doing anything wrong. And if you’re so scared, then stop fucking working all the time!” I storm away from him and head to the bedroom. He calls out my name but I don’t listen. I lock the bedroom door and head to the bathroom. “Freaking asshole,” I mutter. Pulling out my lavender bath set, I turn on the water and make myself a nice little bubble bath.

  Connor’s yelling for me to open the door. Blah blah blah. Finally, it stops and I hear the front door slam shut.

  “Ugh,” I huff.

  A few hours pass and Connor’s still not home. I try calling him, but he doesn’t answer. Jus
t as I’m about to get out of bed and go over to Sophia’s, I hear the front door open and Adam’s voice. Quickly, I throw on my robe and go downstairs.

  “Adam?”

  “In here, Erin.” I walk down the hallway and to the living room. Adam puts Connor down on the couch and looks at me. “It’s not that bad. He got a little drunk at the bar, and they called me to come get him.”

  “What. An. Idiot,” I seethe.

  Adam comes over and places his arm around me. “Don’t be too hard on him. I know that we’re both working a lot and you miss him, but try putting yourself in his shoes, you know? He’s trying to work hard to build this future for you and your family. Don’t use Vander as your way to hurt him.”

  “I’m not! We’re just friends. Ugh.” I sit down next to Connor and take his hand. “I miss him, Adam. It’s not fair that he’s constantly working, and I’m home by myself. He said he was going to cut back on hours.”

  He kneels down beside me. I feel bad that he’s here helping us, but it’s partly his fault, too. Connor doesn’t know how to say no to his brother. “I know, Erin, and I’m sorry. This deal is huge for us, and we’re trying hard to get it done. It’ll be all right. Just give him some time, okay?”

  “Adam, you don’t get it. You know Connor will never say no to you.” I get up from the couch and let out a frustrated sigh. “I just miss him, alright?”

  “I get it,” Adam says, making his way over to me. “Just be strong.”

  “Yeah, strong.” Adam squeezes my hand and gives me a hug before heading home.

  “Oh, Connor.” I grab a blanket from the closet and bring it over him. “I hope Adam’s right and everything will be okay.” There’s no way I can sleep now, and I don’t want to leave him down here by himself. I sit down on the couch and take Connor’s hand. “I love you baby.”

  Connor wakes up the next morning, groaning and repeating how he’s never going to drink that much again. I bring him over some medicine and water.

  “I’m sorry, sweetheart.

  “I know, and I’m sorry, too. We have to be better than this, Connor.”

  He sighs and takes my hand. “I agree.” Connor gets up from the couch and tells me to get ready. In about an hour, we’re both out of the house and in the car. It’s a beautiful day out, and when I ask Connor what he’s up to, he smiles and tells me to trust him. We drive for an hour and things are fun between Connor and me. We’re laughing, and he holds my hand throughout the entire car ride.

  I’m not sure where we are, but the town is cute, and there are a lot of shops nearby. Suddenly, he pulls into a bed and breakfast, and I start jumping up and down in my seat. “Connor! Oh my gosh!”

  He parks the car and comes over to my side to open the door for me. “Come on, sweetheart.” I take his hand and we head inside.

  It’s cute in here and feels homey. There’s an older lady at the counter, and she greets us with a smile. “How can I help you?”

  “Are there any rooms available?”

  “Certainly.” She gives us some information about the bed and breakfast, and Connor tells her we’ll take a room for the night. “Enjoy, you two,” she winks.

  We walk up the stairs and toward our room. When we get inside, I start squealing. There’s a large bed with rose petals on the bed and a balcony overlooking the park. It’s beautiful inside, and I’m so excited to be here with him. Connor comes behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. He rests his chin on top of my head, and I lean back into him.

  “It’s just us tonight. I’m sorry that I’ve been away from you, but I promise that I’ll try. I don’t want to lose you, Erin. You’re my world—you and our baby.”

  Hearing the words coming from his mouth makes me realize how much I love him and how silly I’ve been acting. “We’ll make it through everything. Now let me show you how much I miss you.”

  * * * * *

  Today is my first day back after being on bed rest. Doctor Benson wants me to take it slow and if I start feeling crappy again, to come see her. By the time I’m up, Connor’s already gone. He left me a note saying how he didn’t want to wake me up and to have a great day.

  So far, I’m feeling great and there’s no sign of being dizzy or sick. I get ready, make breakfast smoothie, and I’m out the door. I walk into the office with a smile on my face. Today, I meet with Albert to go over how I’m doing and some other little things. I’m ready to tell him I want to do more and that I’m ready. I pass by Stacey and Alisha, waving to the girls. They’re so nice and I love working with them. When I get to my cubicle, I turn on my computer and place my purse on the side. After a few minutes of preparing for my day, Albert messages me to come to his office so we can talk.

  “Good morning, Ms. Costella. How are you on this fine Monday morning? Are you feeling okay?”

  “Peachy, Mr. Stanley, and yourself?” I love talking to him. He’s so easy going and laid back. Everyone loves working for Albert. He’s fair and doesn’t bullshit with you, which I love. I hate people that beat around the bush. So annoying.

  “Well, I’m glad to hear you’re doing well. If you need anything, Erin, please just ask. We want you healthy.”

  “I know, Albert, and I appreciate it so much.”

  He laughs. “Alright, enough of that mushy crap.” He pulls out a file and looks through the papers. “I’m really impressed with you, Erin. Everything looks great, and you’re making the agency look good. I like that.” He looks at me, and smiles. “I have no worries about you. Now, go back out there and see what appointments you have.”

  “Thanks, Albert!” I leave his office with a smile on my face. I’m glad that he’s noticing all of my hard work and dedication. When I get back to my computer, I check my emails and set up a few more appointments.

  My phone rings, and I see that it’s Stacey calling. “Hey girl, what’s up?”

  “You have a visitor! It’s Sophia, and she said she wants to get food and for you to hurry up.”

  I laugh into the phone. “Okay! Tell her I’ll be there in three minutes.” I lock my computer, grab my purse, and head out to lunch with Sophia. When I get to the lobby, my bubbly best friend is standing there with her black stilettos and a knee length black dress with a pink cardigan. “You and your cardigans,” I giggle.

  “Don’t hate, Costella. Come on! I’m so hungry!”

  We walk a few blocks to Zedd’s and once we make it inside, the hostess leads us to a booth. She gives us a few menus and tells us that someone will be with us soon.

  “What have you been doing, girl?”

  Sophia rolls her eyes. “Really nothing. I’ve been with my dad and Sarah a lot because I hate staying home.” Adam doesn’t want Sophia working, so she’s been home since graduating. I know she hates it, but Adam won’t budge. “Sometimes I get so bored, but Adam doesn’t want me working. I tell him I can be his PA, and he laughed. He said I need to focus on me and the baby,” she states, touching her stomach and smiling.

  “I couldn’t do it. I’d be so bored. If it weren’t for you and Vander coming over and keeping me company, I would die!”

  Sophia grabs my hand. “That’s why we’re best friends! Always here for each other.”

  Our waitress comes and takes our order. We both order a salad and soup with water. I know it sounds crazy, but I’m not getting crazy cravings like you read in the magazines or books. My cravings are under control, but sometimes I’ll want ice cream with tons of chocolate syrup. Connor laughs when I told him we have to always have Ben and Jerry’s in the freezer or there’ll be hell to pay.

  Sophia and I spend the hour talking and eating. It’s so fun to be around her and vent. Connor’s been pretty anal about me being safe and taking care of myself. I know that he means well but sometimes, I just want to strangle him and tell him to fuck off. After we pay for lunch, Sophia walks me back to the office, and we plan a dinner date for the next night.

  When I get back to my computer, there are two notifications about meetings at two
and four. I throw my head back and groan! These meetings are so boring and tedious, but I have to be thankful that I have this amazing job. I finish calling some of my clients and faxing some contracts over. The day goes by a little faster, and I’m glad that my day is almost over.

  Chapter Nine

  Connor

  I glance over at Erin and watch her as she peacefully sleeps. Today’s her first day back at work, and I wish she’d just stay home, but she wants to go back to work. She said she’s ready. It’s been great working from home and spending time with her. She’s being more open with her feelings and telling me that I’m working too much. To be honest, I never thought she felt that way. I thought she was okay with me working and understood. I’m glad she can tell me how she feels now. Sometimes Erin puts on this strong front, but deep down inside she’s not so sure of herself. I need to make her remember how much I’m willing to do for her to make sure forever comes for us.

  Just looking at her makes me realize how lucky I am to have her. There’s no guarantee that everything will be happy for us. I’m no angel but I love her and she’s my life. I’ll do anything to make her happy and keep her safe.

  “Stop worrying.” Her eyes flutter open and a slight smile forms on her face.

  “No matter what you say, I’ll never stop worrying about you.”

  Erin jumps out of bed and starts to get ready for work. “Well, my amazingly sweet fiancé, as you can see,” she points to herself, smiling, “I’m okay!”

  “Alright, alright. I believe you.” Looking at the clock, I notice it’s almost seven in the morning. “Well, looks like you better hurry and get ready.”