Heart Doctor

by Melissa Silvey

  That is, until we pull up to the valet parking, and I see Alexander getting out of the car in front of us. “Turn it down!” I yell, and lean forward to adjust the volume.

  Ryan leans forward at the same time, and he kisses my cheek as we meet in the middle. I chuckle, and lean my head against his as the volume is lowered to nearly respectable. When I glance up, Alexander is escorting his mom out of the back of the limo they arrived in.

  Fucking great.

  I just get one glance at him, and I want to melt into the soft, warm, heated leather seats.

  Why are they here? Why am I here?

  I’m here because I work at the hospital, and one of my responsibilities, my duties, is to help the underprivileged, which is why patrons put on these charity benefits. The other reason is that they want an excuse to dress up and visit with their rich acquaintances.

  Lex glances over his shoulder at the car behind his, and our eyes meet. He still looks angry. But his mother speaks, and he turns his head to give her his full attention. Of course.

  “Can we go?” I ask Ryan, as he’s opening the door.

  “No, Olivia. You love these things. You live for finding creative ways to help others.” After he says it, he exits quickly to open the door for me. Ryan is a gentleman, in every sense of the word.

  I frown, and for one second I think about not getting out of the car. But he extends his hand to me, so I take it and exit the car. He escorts me into the restaurant, and we are led to a private dining area upstairs, which is big enough to fit at least fifty people.

  When Ryan and I enter the room, the CEO of the hospital is kissing Mrs. Astor’s cheek, and Lex is speaking to one of the wait staff. He’s standing a little too close to the young woman, and he leans his head toward her. I look away quickly, and find Ryan chatting with one of the ER doctors.

  I refuse to be jealous of the damn waitress. He has a fiancée. He’s engaged. He’s not mine anymore. Maybe he never really was.

  Great, now I get to just stand here and wait for the committee chair, a petite and perky psychiatrist, to get the meeting started. I glance around the room, and notice Vivienne Astor gazing at me. She’s still chatting with the CEO, and he looks over at me too.

  I wave toward a waiter, and as he’s approaching on my right, I see movement out of the corner of my eye toward my left. “I’d like a glass of white wine, please,” I say to the waiter, before I turn, and I’m stunned to see Lex and his mother standing less than yard away from me.

  “Liv, you remember my mother, Vivienne Astor,” he says in a voice that is the epitome of polite conversation. “Mother, Dr. Olivia Bell,” he says.

  I take the hand she offers me, and daintily shake it. She nods and says, “I’ve heard nothing but good things about you, dear. I hear that Alexander had a chat with you today. I look forward to seeing you again.”

  She called me dear. Really? As if we’re old friends. She looks different. The coldness I remember has been stripped away. She looks like most other older women who realize their mortality is near. She even smiles at me warmly.

  “Thank you, Mrs. Astor,” I manage to say.

  Just then Dr. Mariana moves toward the front of the room. I put on my brightest fake smile, and move closer to Ryan, and away from the Astors.

  “This year, we’ve decided to do something a little different with our fundraiser,” she says, with a huge smile. The CEO joins her then, and Mrs. Astor moves to stand near her son. I glance at them for a moment, and quickly look away. “This year, we’ve decided to do a bachelor auction!”

  They must think this is some really hot, hip, cool fundraiser, but I can’t see it as anything more than some sexist, anti-feminist old-fashioned trope. What about the homosexual doctors? This is really unacceptable. Whose stupid fucking idea is this?

  “Our CEO, Mr. Michael Walsh, was the brains behind the idea. And I for one think it’s fantastic!” Dr. Mariana gushes. I join Ryan just then, and touch his shoulder. He glances back at me, and I can see he’s thinking the same thing I am. I touch my cheek to his. “But here’s the thing that’s different this time. All of the single doctors are going to be asked, well encouraged, to sign up for the auction. And that includes you, Dr. Bell.”

  I again place the fake smile on my face, but I stop myself from shaking my head. No, that’s not happening. Not in this lifetime.

  “We expect to make more money at this auction than we have in years. And remember, it will all benefit the free clinic,” Dr. Walsh continues. He’s also glancing in my direction. What in the hell are they thinking?

  This is totally insane. It’s not 1980. This isn’t acceptable by any stretch of the imagination.

  And then my gaze meets Lex’s.

  His bright green eyes glitter. He looks upset. He looks absolutely furious. He looks almost as angry as he did that day fifteen years ago. I wonder why he’s so upset. He’s not the one who is going to be paraded around and sold to the highest bidder.

  “The doctor should have a date planned out, in case the person who wins their auction does not. Good luck to all of you. Who’s ready to eat?”

  The waiters and waitresses have been working on the tables while she spoke. Each seat has a plate, a salad, and a glass of water in front of it now.

  I don’t want to eat after that announcement. But Ryan grabs my hand and leads me toward one of the side tables. Ryan sits down, and I lean forward to whisper in his ear, “I need to…”

  “You’d better come back,” he murmurs. He must be reading my mind. The last thing I want is to spend another minute with these Neanderthals.

  I change my mind about bolting, and instead make my way to the bathroom. As I’m returning to the dining area, I feel a hand grab my wrist, and pull me into a dark corner.

  “Is your boyfriend going to let you go through with this antiquated ritual?” The voice is deeper, richer, and darker than it once was, but it is unmistakably Lex.

  I heard his voice every day for a year. I woke up to his voice every morning for nine months. And I’ve heard his voice in my dreams nearly every night for fifteen years, except for when I allowed myself to get drunk enough to pass out and remember nothing. Even those nights I sometimes heard his voice inside my subconscious, telling me that no matter what happened between us, I would always be his.

  “I’ve already told you, I don’t have a boyfriend,” I snap, and tip my head back to find his green eyes glittering back at me. His full lips are set into a frown, and his perfect jaw is clenched. Damn, he’s sexy.

  “I’ve seen you with two men in the same day. Every time I see you in public, you’re out with a different man.” His deep voice is accusatory. “So, you don’t have a boyfriend. You’re just fucking around with anyone who has a dick.”

  I could accuse him of sleeping around with anything with a pair of tits, but I don’t. If I said that I’d appear jealous. Instead I argue, “Speaking of antiquated rituals. I am a single adult woman. I don’t owe any explanations to anyone.”

  He releases my hand with enough force to push me back a step. “Of course you don’t. Yes, you’re a single woman. Good luck finding a man who will want to marry you with your…”

  I’ve heard more than enough. “Don’t you dare say another word, Alexander Astor! Trust me, when I want to get married, I will!”

  He looks furious at that statement. Did I mean it to come out that way? No. But it’s yet another reminder of our failed engagement. Fuck.

  “Olivia, is that you?” I hear from several feet away.

  It’s Ryan. “Coming,” I say, and move away from Lex. I take Ryan’s elbow, and allow him to escort me back into the dining room. Throughout dinner, I feel Lex’s angry glare on me. I don’t look up. I don’t owe him any explanations. I don’t owe him anything.

  Chapter Four

  May 12, 2001

  “I’m underdressed,” I complain, as we’re walking hand in hand toward Pen Park, for the annual barbecue.

  “You look amazing,” he coun
ters, and bends down to kiss the top of my head. At moments like this I’m reminded of exactly how much bigger than me he really is. And I love it. I squeeze his hand just a little tighter. “And when we’re finished eating, I’m going to take you back home, to our place, and I’m going to strip you out of that dress, and I’m going to fu...”

  “Hey, Astor!” a male voice calls out, and Lex immediately turns toward the sound.

  When he sees the guy approach, he extends his right hand for a shake. He almost always keeps me on his left side, so he doesn’t have to release my hand to greet people. He’s not ashamed to be with me, for some reason. He’s proud of me. He wouldn’t let me go for anything.

  “Hey! This is my fiancée, Olivia,” he says. “She’ll be graduating top of her class next week. She’s majoring in biology, with a minor in chemistry.”

  “That’s incredible,” the guy replies. “Congrats!”

  I don’t extend my hand, but I do nod politely and say, “Thank you.”

  I’m sure my cheeks are still bright pink from his comment earlier, and his compliment just makes the blush even darker. Lex is perfect. He’s proud of me. He’s flirty, and obviously attracted to me. He’s a gentleman when we’re out, but when we’re alone in our apartment, he’s different. He’s sexy, and sensual, and not at all gentle. I glance up at him and smile brightly, and he leans into my body. I have no doubt about what’s going to happen when we’re back at his apartment, and my muscles clench tightly to remind me of how much I’m going to enjoy it.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow,” Lex says, and moves toward a group of other students sitting on blankets. Then he leans forward and says, “I cannot for the life of me remember his name.”

  “You’re so forgetful,” I say lightly.

  “No, I’m not. I remember this time last year I was visiting the library every damn day just to look at you. And, of course, you weren’t there every day. So I drove to the library for nothing.” He walks until we’re at the end of the sea of students and their families. He chooses a spot beside a young couple with a baby, and we spread out our blanket near theirs. He says hello to the man, who in turn introduces his wife and baby. Lex proudly introduces me the same way he did to his other fellow student earlier.

  And when we sit down on our blanket, he murmurs, “Let’s have a baby.”

  My eyes grow wide when he says it. “Really?”

  He nods, and his bright green eyes move over my body, taking in my plain, cheap, baby blue sundress with the lightweight white sweater over it. I refuse to allow him to buy my clothes, or anything else really. He wanted to buy me a car, and I told him no several times. I think that’s why he’s in such a hurry to get married, so he can buy me whatever he wants me to have.

  He did tell me the dress matches my eyes when he saw me in it. Then he picked me up, tossed me onto the bed, and bent down on his knees to shove his head under the dress. After he brought me to orgasm, he made love to me slowly and kissed my neck and my cheek until he made me come again. Then he fucked me hard and fast, until he got himself off. Not that I have a lot of experience, but I think Lex is probably a very considerate lover. He always makes sure to give me orgasms before he has one himself. Always.

  “I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it,” he begins. He looks thoughtful. I know he’s intelligent, but there are moments when, maybe it’s his broad face and strong jaw, he just looks sensitive, and romantic. He looks like the Byronic main character in a gothic romance novel, or a brooding reluctant super hero. He’s so handsome it’s almost unreal. And he’s mine. And he wants to marry me and start a family.

  But I’m not sure I’m ready for that. “Lex…” I groan. “Med school.”

  “Hear me out,” he says, and takes my hand. He places his other hand on my knee, where I’m tugging at the hem of my dress. I thought it was long enough, until I sat down on the blanket. “Liv, listen.” He says as he places his hand over mine, and stops my fidgeting. I glance up at him, and realize again just how gorgeous he is, and how lucky I am to have him. Every time I look at him, my breath catches for a moment. “If you wait until after medical school, then you’ll have to wait for your residency, and then you’ll be thirty.”

  “Yes,” I agree.

  “But if we have babies now, while you’re in med school, then they will be ready for elementary school when you begin your residency,” he points out.

  “And there will be childhood illnesses, and missed school plays,” I argue.

  “But I’ll be there,” he assures me. “I’m always going to be there, Liv.”

  I stare into his eyes, and he’s giving me a wicked grin. “You want a baby.”

  “I want to see you pregnant with my baby, Liv. I want to hold our baby in my arms.” I gasp loudly. The baby on the next blanket giggles just then, and both of us turn to look. “I want you to have my baby, Liv. Just you. I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.”

  I tip my head toward him, and he kisses my lips gently.

  “Alexander,” I hear from behind me.

  I jump, but Lex places his hand in my hair and lingers on the kiss for a few seconds longer. Then he pulls away and says, “Hello, Mother.”

  I stand up immediately, and Lex takes my right hand. I’ve met Vivienne Astor before, when Lex took me home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. She was a true beauty when she was younger, a debutante and socialite from one of the country’s oldest families. She of course married into money, the Astor fortune. Her life has turned out exactly the way her parents planned, probably from the time she was born. She’s reserved, cultured, and down-right stiff, which Lex says is a natural state for his mother.

  “Do you really intend to eat on a blanket, on the ground?” Mrs. Astor asks, with a expression on her face like she’s getting a whiff of something that smells really bad.

  “Yes, Mother. It’s tradition. Everyone else is doing it,” he points out, and moves his right hand toward the other families. Everyone is smiling, laughing, eating, and enjoying the moment. Everyone except Vivienne Astor.

  She looks around, with a frown affixed squarely on her thin lips. “I’ll have my driver take me to a restaurant. I’ll see you at your apartment later.” Her voice is as chilly as her cold grey eyes.

  “Call before you stop by,” Lex warns her, and reaches down to kiss me again. Her eyes grow wide, and she turns away to stomp off.

  May 12, 2016

  “Your ten thirty appointment is ready.” Ella’s pleasant voice wafts through the intercom. I’ve been shaking all day, since I woke up alone. I’ve been so nervous about this damn appointment I couldn’t even take my new fuck buddy to bed last night.

  The single lawyer from the law firm who handles the hospital’s legal issues has been sending out vibes since we met, but for some reason I’ve been hesitant. He’s a good looking guy, sure. I mean, he’s tall, built, and has gorgeous brown skin and light hazel eyes. But there’s something about him that makes me nervous. It’s the fact that he’s younger, I think, and he’s never been married. I don’t normally hook up with men who I think might be looking for a relationship. But damn, he’s beautiful. And he’s just as good in bed as I expected he would be.

  I stand, and make my way to exam room one, where a file is tucked into the metal holder beside the door. It reads Astor, Vivienne. Ryan has already taken all of her vitals. Her blood pressure is one hundred over seventy. Her pulse is sixty-five, which is excellent. Her weight, though, is one hundred and ten. I remember her being a few inches taller than me, so her weight is a little low. But then again, as women age they tend to lose body fat.

  Also included in the folder is her medical history over the last year. She’s had an EKG, an Echo, and a Holter test done. Each test has come back negative for any signs of heart disease. Her blood tests are all good. She seems as healthy as a woman half her age. Still, she claims to have chest pains.

  I tap on the door lightly, and open it to find Mrs. Astor sitting ramrod straight on the exam table, wi
th her only son lounging in a chair in the corner, staring at his phone. They are both impeccably dressed, as if they were attending a formal function and not a doctor’s appointment. I’m sure her skirt suit is Chanel, not the trendy stuff the models wear down the runway, but the button down, conservative stuff that old money women wear. His suit is…

  His eyes catch mine, and I shiver a little. He always looks like he’s brooding. Or maybe he really is this time. He’s still angry at me. It’s the set of his strong jaw, and the almond shape of his green eyes, that contrast his dark eyebrows. I don’t give a fuck if he’s not happy with my life choices. I’m an adult, damn it. I can do what I want.

  But lord, he is gorgeous in his dark suit, with his dark hair styled perfectly. The curls from his youth have been tamed somehow, maybe with styling product. He doesn’t have a single gray hair yet. He must dye it. He has to.

  “Hello, Mrs. Astor,” I manage to say in my perfectly unemotional doctor voice. “How are you feeling today?”

  “Hello, dear,” she says, with a warm smile, and extends her hand as if we’re meeting at a dinner party. “I’m feeling in fairly poor health today, I’m afraid.” I take her hand, which is warm, and her grip is nice and firm.

  She says the words almost confidently, even though there is evidence to the contrary. Even her tone of voice is vibrant and lively, not weak or weary.

  “May I, Mrs. Astor,” I ask. She nods as I turn her wrist over and place two of my fingers on her pulse. It’s strong, and as I begin to count, I can see that Ryan’s report was correct. “Do you mind if I listen to your heart?” I continue, and remove my stethoscope from around my neck.

  “Please,” she says, and unbuttons the expensive blazer and removes it. Under it, she’s wearing a silk blouse that is probably just as expensive as the blazer.

  I lean toward her, and place the diaphragm against her chest. Her heartbeat is strong, and steady. I don’t hear even a slight murmur. I take a few steps, and place it on her back. I try not to frown.