Love Byte

by David Atkinson

  Your gorgeous wife

  Lindsay

  Xxxxxxxx

  I read the email twice more before I logged off. Her tone was certainly less upbeat and more circumspect, which as time went on (in her world) I could understand. I had tears in my eyes as I closed my iPad. I missed my wife so much, but I felt for her too. During her illness the focus had been on spending time together, trying to control her pain, especially at the end, and any talk about our feelings was put on the back-burner. I guessed that Lindsay was using her emails as some kind of release valve to vent her emotions, as well as a way of messing with me. I didn’t have such a luxury.

  I wondered what the ace was and how I’d ever find out about it, she could have told me a bit more about what she was up to. I was completely in the dark and that was obviously her intention.

  In the end I didn’t have to wait long. The ace turned out to be completely unexpected at first but logically, again, I should have been able to figure it out.

  At quarter past four, around two hours after I’d read Lindsay’s email, my phone rang. The volume was at maximum so Amy must have been playing with it again. ‘Firework’ belted out so loud that it filled the whole penthouse. I didn’t recognize the number on the readout so I answered it cautiously.

  ‘Hello?’

  ‘Andy?’

  I recognized the female voice but couldn’t quite place it.

  ‘Yeah, who is this?’

  ‘Hi Andy, it’s Molly.’

  I didn’t even know she had my number, though there were a hundred ways she could have got it, I suppose. ‘Hi Molly.’ I assumed she was calling me to talk either about Jamie or work.

  ‘It’s nice to hear from you. How’s PM getting along without me?’

  ‘It’s quieter, not so much because you’re no longer here, but mainly because they’ve laid off about another eighty or so since you left.’

  I hadn’t realized the axe was going to fall quite so soon or affect so many. ‘Is your job OK?’ I asked.

  I heard her sigh. ‘Oh yes, I’m fine for the time being, they need me to deal with the ones losing their jobs, and for the next wave after this one. The new bosses are sweeping the place clean.’

  ‘You mean there’s even more to come?’

  ‘Yes, another three hundred or so.’ I whistled down the phone.

  Molly sounded anxious. ‘Listen Andy, I don’t have a lot of time to chat – I just wanted you to know I got your email and I don’t really know what to think, to be honest.’

  Neither did I. What email? Then it dawned on me – God, I could be so dense at times – Lindsay had sent her an email pretending to be me. What the hell had she said? What should I say?

  This is where Lindsay’s strategy was seriously flawed. I was left swinging in the wind. My mind was spinning – Molly! Was my wife trying to set me up with Molly? The girlfriend of my best friend – or rather the recent, very recent, ex-girlfriend of my best friend.

  ‘Andy, are you still there?’

  I suddenly felt like hanging up and pretending I had just got cut off, but decided that would be very rude and I didn’t want to do that again. Molly had enough problems without me adding to them.

  ‘I’m still here, Molly. Sorry, I was thinking. . . .’ I didn’t know what else to say so I didn’t say anything.

  ‘I’m not surprised you are thinking. God, it was so unexpected. I don’t know what you want me to say.’

  Neither did I.

  Molly continued, ‘I’ve got a lot on in here today, so I haven’t really had time to think things through, so let me take a bit of time OK and I’ll text you this evening.’

  ‘OK, Molly, that sounds like a reasonable approach.’ I couldn’t believe I had just said that. ‘A reasonable approach?’ How very business-like – what a dick I could be at times. I tried to gain back some ground. ‘It was nice to hear from you Molly.’

  I could hear Molly chuckle. ‘Oh Andy, I think you expected to hear from me all right, so don’t act all surprised. Later, OK?’

  ‘OK, Molly.’

  The line went dead and I was left sitting on my couch in shock. Lindsay had certainly done it this time. I couldn’t wait to read her next email. I wondered when it would arrive and if she had any more surprises in store. I hoped not, I didn’t think my nerves would stand it.

  I wasn’t even sure what she had said to Molly, or rather what I had supposedly said to Molly. My life had suddenly got even more complicated.

  That evening it got more complicated still when Molly texted me.

  Hi Andy. Molly here. I’ve spent the day thinking about ur email – it put me off my work I have 2 tell u – but I’ve decided we should meet up as u suggest.

  I wondered where we were to meet – hopefully she would give me a hint or she’d end up there on her own.

  I started 2 think of all the downsides 2 u and me getting together and then decided ‘fuck it’ nothing might come of it anyway and it spares me sitting in all weekend on my own. So C U Friday at 7. I think of all the venues u suggested that Pizza Express in Leith is best – I like pizza.

  Love Molly

  Xxx

  I couldn’t help smiling at the ‘I like pizza’ comment. It also hinted that she was playing down the meeting which was good. We could maybe just keep it along the lines of friends or work colleagues – nice, safe and not any kind of date. Definitely not a date I told myself, that way I was less likely to do anything daft. Before I could think too much about it my phone pinged again and I read the text.

  Hi sweetie. I hope u liked my ace. Of course Molly and Jamie might still be together and all I’ve done is stir up a hornet’s nest but either way you are better off without Jamie Reitano as a friend anyway. . . .

  Your gorgeous wife

  Linz xxx

  I had two texts sent within seconds of each other. The timing was uncanny, scary even. Lindsay was definitely playing me – I genuinely believed she was well-meaning with her meddling, but I wondered if she was really trying to set me up with Molly, or trying to get rid of Jamie whom I knew she disliked intensely.

  The way she had organized it was probably a win-win from her point of view. I’m not sure what it was for me.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  September was nearing its end, but the evening was unseasonably warm when I arrived at the Pizza Express in Leith. The sun had been smiling all day and a few of the locals appeared to have over-indulged in both sun and beer. I arrived before Molly. I always seemed to turn up early for these things. Maybe I should have altered my strategy and left the girl waiting, but I was too nice to do that and also scared in case she thought she’d been stood up and buggered off. Besides, this wasn’t a date, it was me simply meeting an old friend for pizza. I hadn’t told Pauline I was meeting Molly when I had dropped Amy off earlier that evening, but I had told myself that didn’t mean anything.

  The waitress showed me to a quiet table outside overlooking the water, and asked what I wanted to drink. I smiled and ordered a Diet Coke. I decided to avoid any alcohol until I found out what Molly wanted to do. I had finished my course of antibiotics – that was at least one good thing. I had a little time to think while I waited for the waitress to return. The previous evening I had consulted Men Like Women and Women Like Shoes to see what they had to say about meeting up with your best friend’s ex-girlfriend.

  First of all they quoted the Bible about ‘coveting thy neighbour’s wife’. Molly wasn’t my neighbour (neither was Jamie) so I decided that didn’t apply and ignored that section. Then they came slightly more up-to-date and discussed the Chelsea footballer John Terry and his clandestine affair with Wayne Bridge’s ex-girlfriend. As I was not a professional footballer I disregarded that too. Finally they quoted an incident with an obscure South American gangster whose ex-girlfriend had gone on to date his brother. It didn’t end well for
the brother who was kidnapped, drugged and then had his penis surgically removed and re-attached to his left hand, between his forefinger and thumb. It gave a whole new perspective on having a ‘hand-job’ but wasn’t terribly helpful for me in my predicament.

  Overall I took from the website that they did not recommend my current situation. However, I doubted Jamie would go to the same lengths as the South American gangster, at least I hoped not. Besides, it wasn’t a date anyway.

  Despite the useless advice from the website, I was relaxed about meeting up with Molly. After all, I knew her reasonably well so it would be different from my previous dates (even though it wasn’t a date) which had that air of mystery about them. Also in the plus column, I didn’t think she was likely to run off crying after ten seconds, she didn’t have a sister and I didn’t expect her to want to whisk me back to her apartment to demonstrate her masturbation technique. So for those reasons I was calmer this time and hopefully there would be little I could do to offend Molly. However, knowing me, I would find something.

  The waitress returned with my Diet Coke and a small plate of crusty bread and olive oil. I absent-mindedly dipped the bread into the oil a few times before popping small pieces into my mouth. I watched some wading birds as they searched for insects and small fishes amongst the rocks and mud of the harbour.

  Molly caught me by surprise and sat down at the table whilst I was bird-watching. I jumped visibly and she laughed out loud. She looked stunning – an over-used term I know, but in this case I couldn’t think of a better description. She was clad in a red dress with a swooping neck line that revealed the pale globes of her breasts. (Helped I think by a push-up bra.) Her long dark hair was pinned up and this accentuated her neck. Her sparkling brown eyes caught the sunlight as it bounced off the water. Her lipstick matched the red of her dress exactly. She looked marvellous and reminiscent of a glammed-up version of a Special K advert. Jamie would not have been pleased.

  What a contrast to the last time I’d seen her sitting in her tiny work pod, sobbing and snivelling on her chips. I’d obviously known Molly for years but it suddenly struck me that she was a real hottie.

  She waved at the waitress who sauntered over. Without even looking at the menu she said, ‘A bottle of Hermitage Shiraz please.’ She eyed my Diet Coke and shook her head disapprovingly. ‘And two glasses. Oh, and can you bring some ice as well.’ She turned to me. ‘I know I’m a philistine but I like my red wine chilled.’

  She broke off some bread, stuffed it into her mouth and mumbled, ‘I’m starving. I’ve hardly eaten anything all day.’

  The wine arrived and Molly poured two large glasses and dumped some ice in both glasses. Some of it spilled onto her fingers and she provocatively licked it off, running her tongue slowly and sensuously over her lips. She enjoyed my rapt attention, laughed her dirty laugh and kicked me under the table. I burst out laughing too and any tension instantly evaporated.

  We opted to have pepperoni pizzas with a side salad and garlic bread to share. We talked shop for a while, and once that was out of the way I asked about Jamie.

  Her face turned serious and she poured the remains of the wine into our glasses, and ordered another bottle while she thought about what to say.

  She casually touched my hand before drawing back. ‘Jamie seems to be doing fine, he’s got himself a one-bedroom flat in Gorgie, near the Hearts football ground. I bumped into his mate Alan in the Snuggle Bar last Saturday and he said he and Jamie had been out on the pull on the Friday.’

  I reached out and held her hand. She didn’t pull it away. ‘He’s probably only saying that to get you going. You know what guys are like.’

  She smiled. ‘Oh I know what blokes are like. I actually don’t care about what he’s up to – well that’s not true, I do a bit because we were together for years and I still have feelings for him. But it’s not that he’s out looking for a new woman that bothers me so much. It’s more that I’m stuck with all the debt and, just as I predicted, he’s just wandered off and doesn’t care. I’m stuck with the mortgage, the car loan, all the bills and so on. I’m lucky if I can afford to go out once or twice a month.’

  ‘Has he signed everything over to you?’

  She shook her head. ‘Not yet. He will do, I just have to organize it. There was a bit of an issue about the car, he said he wanted to use it when I didn’t need it and said he would pay me some money monthly, but I didn’t see how that could work so I’m just going to take that on as well. Besides, I’d never see any of the money, I know him too well.’

  I squeezed her hand gently. ‘How are you feeling now? Are you still bingeing on fish and chips?’

  She laughed. ‘Nah, I’ve moved onto chocolate Häagen-Dazs. No really I’m OK. It’s always sad when you split up. It feels like I’ve failed, you know? Like somewhere down the line I fucked up. I know ultimately it’s for the best. He doesn’t want what I want, he’s not ready and maybe never will be – everyone’s different.’

  ‘So did you end up snogging some creep on Saturday night?’

  She almost choked on her wine. ‘God, you’ve got some memory, haven’t you? No I went home alone, and to be honest I really didn’t want to go out in the first place. Jen, my friend – I don’t think you know Jen, I have her on Facebook so you can have a look at her, she’s very pretty but a bit of a tart – she insisted we go out. As usual she ended up disappearing with someone about midnight and I was left alone. Which was OK, I wasn’t great company anyway so I can’t blame her. I went home and watched Dirty Dancing until I fell asleep, what a cliché eh?’

  I shrugged, not sure what to say. We both gazed out over the water for a few moments. It was a pleasant silence, not uncomfortable.

  The waitress returned with another bottle and Molly topped up our glasses. I didn’t need to worry about getting drunk this time as Molly would be there long before me at this rate.

  Molly played with a loose curl of hair that had escaped from her clip. ‘So what about this email you sent me? What’s that all about?’

  I obviously hadn’t a clue what it was all about because I hadn’t written a word of it. I bit my lip trying to think of an answer. ‘Which part of it specifically?’

  She shook her head and smiled. ‘OK, I know you’ve always quite liked me – I’ve seen you looking at me sometimes, back in the days when we all used to go out together – but I never thought anything of it as you were with Lindsay and you were just another bloke who stared at me. This email though, that took me by surprise, especially as you’ve been talking to me at work and stuff. I didn’t really get the vibe from you.’

  ‘Vibe?’

  ‘Yeah, you know, that you were interested.’

  I shrugged and decided to be open with her. ‘I don’t know what I want, to be honest, Molly, but I have to say that you look absolutely gorgeous tonight.’

  She blushed and laughed. ‘No more wine for you, Mr Hunter. No seriously, Andy, stop trying to change the subject. That email was lovely, right from the heart. You made it sound like I was your last chance at happiness, which obviously isn’t true. There are thousands of single girls out there looking for someone just like you.’

  I decided to come clean – well sort of. ‘I’ve actually been on an Internet dating site, Love Bitz, and it hasn’t been great I have to admit.’

  ‘Andy Hunter, I am shocked.’

  I could tell by her broad smile that she wasn’t shocked at all.

  ‘So maybe I am your last chance after all,’ she said laughing at my discomfort.

  I told her about some of my dates, including ‘vibrator girl’. I intentionally avoided any mention of Amanda as she was still kind of in the picture. She absolutely loved my stories and was practically falling about laughing by the end.

  ‘God, no wonder you sent me an email, you must think I am the only normal single girl left in the universe after that experience. Very
lucky for you that I split up with Jamie then, and very clever of you to wait a little before asking me out . . . you did ask me out on a date, didn’t you?’

  That was the problem of not knowing what Lindsay had said, it had left me in the dark. I would say that if she was ever to do that again she should copy me in on the emails.

  ‘Well. . . .’ it was decision time. Was this a date? If I decided it was a date would I suddenly turn into an arse? Would Molly become a nutcase? ‘I think I’d like it to be a date,’ I decided, probably because I had half a bottle of wine sloshing about inside of me.

  ‘OK. It’s just that your language was vague, you know, “meet up”, “have a drink”, “chat”. It was very non-committal.’

  Damn, I could have got away without it being a date. Never mind. ‘Well I wanted to keep it low key, just in case you were . . . well, not that keen. You know, having just broken up with Jamie and that.’ That was a nice manoeuvre.

  ‘Yeah, that’s another thing. You never mentioned Jamie once.’

  ‘Yes, well I didn’t want to in case it upset you. Besides, this has nothing to do with him, he’s away out looking for someone else. I think he’s completely bonkers for that. He’ll never find anyone as nice as you.’

  I hoped she wouldn’t see through my compliments. She shouldn’t as I meant every word, which surprised me.

  She blushed again. ‘I like you, Andy, I always have.’

  This was news to me, but nice news, like ‘you’ve won the lottery’ or ‘here, have an extra two weeks’ holiday’.

  ‘But, I am not exactly sure what I’m doing at the moment. You know, with Jamie and stuff. I’ve only been away from him for a few weeks and I need to sort out my head.’

  ‘Your head looks great to me.’

  ‘Yeah, stop it. That’s too much now.’

  I knew I would do something wrong.

  ‘Can’t we just have a nice time and not look too far ahead?’