Thrust

by Sybil Bartel

  I’d never had a dog but I got the fucking gist. Slow, so I didn’t wake her, I untangled myself from Olivia and rolled out of bed. I pulled shorts on and glanced at my bedside clock, but the power was still off.

  I pulled my T-shirt over my head and realized the sound of the wind had diminished to gusts. “Come on,” I quietly told the dog.

  I grabbed a flashlight from the crate in the kitchen and glanced at the other two dogs, but both were sleeping. Scooping Merry up, I left the front door cracked and jogged down the twenty flights. We hit the lobby, and while it was still dark out, I could tell the hurricane was on its way out. I picked the closest patch of green and set the little dog down.

  She immediately peed. Then she jumped up on my leg with her front paws.

  “You done? You need to take a shit or something, do it now. I’m not coming back down in an hour.” Jesus Christ, I was talking to a fucking dog.

  She wagged her tail, and I swore to God she fucking smiled at me.

  I shook my head and scooped her up. A few minutes later, we were back in the penthouse and I set her down. “Now go to bed.” I pointed to her blanket.

  She trotted over and flopped down then curled into a ball.

  I chugged a water, grabbed one for Olivia, then made my way back to bed and pulled her back into my arms.

  “Alex?”

  God, I loved the sound of her voice. “Right here, beautiful. Go back to sleep.”

  She turned into me and her breathing evened out.

  Peace settled in my heart and I was out in minutes.

  The second time I was woken up, it was my cell phone vibrating on the nightstand.

  My clock blinking, the power back on, I glanced at the caller ID and sighed as I answered. “Hold up.” I looked reluctantly at lush curves and smooth skin as I got out of bed. I didn’t have shit to hide from Olivia, but I also didn’t want to have this conversation in front of her. I quietly closed the door behind me and made my way toward the kitchen. “You fucking asshole, you did that on purpose.”

  Jared laughed. “You’re right. I had to see what woman you were giving it up for.”

  I wanted to hate him, but I wasn’t a fucking pussy. I owned who I was. “I’m not giving up shit.” Olivia wasn’t a sacrifice.

  He smirked. “So you’re taking clients again?”

  Not a chance in hell. “No, you are.” I used the remote to open all the shutters except the ones in the master bedroom.

  He laughed again. “I’m taking the day off, bro. After last night, I’m gonna need Astroglide for a week.”

  Christ. “Learn to pace yourself.” I stepped out onto the balcony and opened the accordion shutters.

  “I did pace myself, for eight hours straight through a damn hurricane.”

  I could practically see his smug smile. Fucking idiot. “I’m sending you my schedule and contact list. Don’t wait to make contact with all of the clients. Confirm the dates and let them know you’re—”

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa, bro. I got my own clients.”

  “Now you have twenty more.” If he kept them all, which he wouldn’t. “They all pay bank, so weed your shit out.”

  Silence.

  Debris covered the beach, but shockingly none of the palm trees around the pool area were down. “Jared?”

  “Are you fucking serious?” he scoffed. “You’re throwing your shit away for what? Love?”

  The single word, ground out like it was the holy grail of sins, hit me.

  Jared didn’t wait for me to answer. “You think that shit’s gonna last? Two weeks, tops, and the honeymoon’s over.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about. Shut the fuck up.” Impotent rage piled on top of self-doubt. The second Olivia and I were out somewhere and we ran into another one of my former clients, would she fucking bolt? I strode back into the kitchen. Three pairs of eyes watched me from their beds in the living room like they knew to stay away.

  “I know exactly what I’m talking about. If you pulled your head out of your ass, you would too. Take a week, fuck, take two, ride the fucking wave, but don’t drown in it.”

  Anger, sharp and focused, took direct aim. “I’m not you. Two weeks is nothing.”

  The laugh he snorted out was bitter and well earned. “Doesn’t mean the piece of ass in your bed gives a fuck about you long-term.” He hung up.

  My fist connected with the wall.

  My forehead followed and pain throbbed in my knuckles.

  Real wasn’t this. It wasn’t a fucking pipe dream of a tight cunt and a smart mouth twenty-four seven. What did I think would happen the second we walked outside these walls and my cock wasn’t front and center in her universe? That she’d want a fucking hustler by her side, raising money for her charity?

  “Hey.” Soft and hesitant, it was the voice that’d said my name in the middle of the night.

  I sucked in a breath and ignored my fucking knuckles. “Coffee?” I threw a mug under the machine.

  “What’s wrong?” The two smaller dogs trotted up beside her.

  “Nothing.” I briskly kissed her forehead and went to the fridge. The power had only been off twelve hours, shit was still cold. “Milk?”

  She didn’t answer.

  I grabbed the carton. “I don’t have cream, I have milk.”

  She stared at me.

  I held the carton up. “Liv?”

  The second her face paled I knew why.

  Goddamn it. Two weeks was a fucking pipe dream. I hated Jared. I hated myself for letting him get in my head. “It’s a nickname.” Pissed at myself, there wasn’t an ounce of apology in my tone.

  “I’m going to shower.” Her quiet, small voice said exactly what her words didn’t.

  Self-destructive, testing her, I drove it home. “I can’t call you that?”

  She paused long enough to look at me with hurt in her eyes. “It’s not that you can’t call me that. It’s that you don’t call me that.” She walked away.

  I picked up my phone and sent Jared my schedule and contacts—for the next two weeks.

  I wanted to cry.

  Water cascaded down my sore body and all the words that had tumbled from his lips last night played in a loop in my mind to torture me. You’re so goddamn beautiful. I wanna be inside you forever.

  Using his soap and his shampoo, I couldn’t even wash the scent of him off me. The more I scrubbed, the more I smelled like him. I was a fool. I never should’ve let myself believe this would work out.

  I didn’t know who’d called, but it’d changed everything. Our hurricane bubble wasn’t going to last forever, I knew that, but I didn’t think a single phone call would turn everything around before the outer bands of the storm had even passed.

  And that’s why I was a fool. What did I think would happen when one of his clients called? That he’d ignore them because I was enough to satisfy him?

  My heart crushed in on itself and I told myself I deserved it. I wasn’t the girl who got to fall in love and live happily ever after. I was the girl who let her brother die and who shit all over her best friend. Miserable, I shut off the water and stepped out of the shower, but then I froze.

  His arms crossed, his fitted boxers showing off exactly what he was made of, Alex leaned against the vanity. “I didn’t know how you took your coffee.” He nodded at the mug on the counter. “I put milk in it.”

  Self-conscious, I wrapped a towel around myself. “So that made you angry and distant?”

  He watched my movements with the same hunger in his eyes as last night, but now there was something else. Sadness, regret, resolve, I didn’t know what it was.

  He pushed off the counter and took two strides. His knuckle tipped my chin and his lips met mine once. “No distance.” His chaste kiss covered my lips one more time. “No anger.”

  I didn’t want to ask what happened. I wanted to undo that phone call and live in our bubble forever. “Okay.”

  Merry nudged the bathroom door open wider and pu
shed her way in. She danced around Alex’s feet until he glanced down at her and shook his head.

  A tension-filled giggle escaped. “I’ll get dressed and take her out.”

  Alex sighed. “She just wants my attention. I took her out a few hours ago.”

  “You did?” I didn’t even hear him get up.

  “Yeah, the little bitch jumped on the bed and licked at my face until I caved.”

  I laughed. I couldn’t help it. The vision of a ten-pound terrier getting the best of a man Alex’s size was priceless. “Well, she thinks she’s your bitch now.”

  He bent and picked her up with one hand. Frowning, he chided her. “You’re a pain in the ass, you know that?”

  She kissed him.

  Alex looked at me like he was totally put out. “She in fucking heat or something?”

  I smiled. “She’s claimed you.”

  Merry wiggled her tail in confirmation. Alex cursed. “Get dressed. We’ll get food for the dogs then go check out your place.”

  My smile faltered, but I told myself he wasn’t trying to get rid of me. “You don’t happen to have a hair dryer, do you?”

  He shook his head again, but he kissed my temple. “Bachelor pad, babe.”

  “Babe?”

  “Christ.” He growled. “Get dressed, woman, before I decide to spank you into submission.”

  My nipples hardened and my pussy tingled. “You wish,” I teased.

  His gaze dropped to my tits then between my legs. “You’re right.”

  Instant heat that had nothing to do with the shower I’d just taken filled the bathroom. I was wondering exactly what spanking me into submission would entail when my phone buzzed. We both glanced at the display. Jesse.

  I tightened the towel around me as it buzzed again.

  “You gonna get that?”

  I didn’t want to answer it. “My hands are wet,” I lied.

  Alex picked my phone up and answered. “What’s up?”

  I bit my lip.

  “It’s Vega. She’s indisposed…. She’s fine. The dogs and her rode it out…. How bad?… Anything salvageable?… I’ll handle it.” His eyes trained on some distant point past me, Alex scowled. “I told you, I’ll handle it…. You wanna know why I’m not gonna have this conversation with you? Because you fucked up.”

  I reached for my phone.

  Alex leaned back. “That’s the difference between you and me. I wouldn’t have left her.”

  I heard Jesse yell through the line. “Put her on the phone right now.”

  Alex handed the phone to me.

  “Jesse.”

  His voice immediately softened. “You okay?”

  “Fine. How’d your place do?” This didn’t feel right. Niceties with my best friend in front of my… what? I didn’t even know what Alex was.

  “I’m good, but Liv, your place didn’t do well.”

  My breath caught and my heart sank. “What do you mean? You’ve seen it?”

  “I’ve been out checking on the buildings. I drove past your place. Liv, you’re not going to be able to stay there.”

  I gripped the edge of the vanity. “What happened?”

  “The roof’s half gone. I already talked to your landlord. He’ll reimburse your last rent payment, and he’s gonna get it fixed, but until then….” He paused. “You can stay at my place.”

  I wanted to vomit. “What about all my stuff?”

  “Everything except the furniture should be fine.”

  Oh God. I couldn’t look at Alex. Tears welled.

  As if Jesse knew I was falling apart, his voice softened. “Do you need me to come get you?”

  Despair hovered. Like it’d hovered since the moment Alex’s touch had bent everything I’d ever believed in. “Like you came to get me last night?”

  Jesse exhaled. “I have a job to do, Liv. You know that.”

  I didn’t know why I was lashing out at him. I wasn’t even pissed about that. I could find a new apartment. I could wash my clothes. I hated my couch anyway. I strung all the reasons together and sucked in a breath. I wasn’t going to fall apart. I was in one piece and the dogs were fine, that was all that mattered. That and not falling apart in front of Alex.

  I toed a grout line on the cold tile floor and felt Alex’s eyes on me like I felt the first chill of winter. The air was charged with coldness but tempered by humidity as it crawled across my skin and left my nerves tight.

  “I’ll come get you right now and we can get your stuff out of your place. If you don’t want to stay with me, you can take one of the NC condos until you figure it out.”

  It struck me with such clarity, I was shocked I’d never seen it before. Jesse didn’t want me, not really. He was driven by guilt because of my brother. “I don’t blame you,” I blurted.

  Silence.

  “Jesse?”

  “Thank you.” Simple and clean, he said it as if he’d been waiting for it.

  I’d been waiting for it. “I never told you that. I thought I should—”

  “Liv, it’s okay. I get it.”

  “Thanks.” Nothing moved, but my world shifted, and I felt Jesse slip away as surely as the hand that reached out and grasped my fingers gave me warmth. “Thanks for the offer of help, but I’m good. I’ll figure out the apartment thing. I have to go.”

  “Liv, wait.”

  I hung up. I wasn’t sad. I could breathe. My lungs filled, my shoulders rose, the hurricane passed. Was this what forgiveness felt like?

  I set my phone down.

  Alex tightened his grip on my hand. “You okay?”

  It struck me that there wasn’t much of a difference between forgiveness and acceptance. One meant you let go and one meant you lived with the hand you were dealt. I stared at Alex and the pieces clicked into place. “The women, it wasn’t really about the money, was it?” He’d come home from war changed but he’d accepted that difference and found a way to deal until he didn’t need that anymore. He’d said he wasn’t giving up his clients for me. He’d said he didn’t need them anymore.

  His gaze steady, he didn’t blink. “Getting paid to have sex is its own kind of high.”

  My heart sank. “Do you need it, that high?”

  He didn’t hesitate. “No.”

  How was I supposed to trust that? “Why?”

  His chest rose and fell twice, then his expression shut down. “It was also about distance.”

  “From what?” I asked, but I thought I already knew the answer. My brother had wanted distance.

  “I didn’t want to feel.” Measured and guarded, the words were spoken without emotion. “The lifestyle, the women, I could control it.” He searched my face. “I didn’t have to feel.”

  “And now?” I barely whispered.

  “It’s different.”

  Air filled my lungs and a crushing weight lifted off my chest as hope filled my heart. “Because of me?”

  Clipped, he nodded once. “Because of you.”

  “Will you always tell me the truth?

  “Yes.” He glanced at my phone. “You done with him?”

  “I was never with him.”

  “Not what I asked.”

  I was crazy. He was crazy. This conversation was crazy, and I didn’t care. My world fit better with him in it, so I leapt. “He doesn’t have my heart.”

  “No one’s ever had mine.” He stepped closer and the expressionless mask dropped as the corner of his mouth tipped up. “Until a smart-mouthed brunette threw a bottle of vodka at me.”

  “I was aiming for your head,” I admitted.

  “Your aim sucks.”

  I fake sighed. “I know.”

  He turned serious again. “You’re staying with me.”

  I opened my mouth to protest and his lips landed on mine.

  It was the best two weeks of my life.

  We fucked.

  We laughed.

  She gave me her trust.

  I smiled at her as Charlie limped into the elevator b
ehind me. The leash still in one hand, I took her into my arms and caged her in. My breath in her ear, my words coming from a place I never knew existed, I whispered, “Do you know what I’m going to do to you the second we get upstairs?”

  Charlie’s tail thumped against our legs.

  She giggled. “Nothing if you don’t remember to push the button.”

  I’d been so distracted by her sexy ass, I’d forgotten. With a cocky grin, I hit the penthouse key. “You like it when I push your buttons.”

  “You’re right.”

  She smiled like she was happy, and it made me fucking happy. I cupped her face, but when I leaned in for a kiss, Charlie nudged me, hard.

  Olivia fought a laugh. “Charlie, sit.”

  I stoked her cheek. “You really think he’s gonna be someone else’s service dog?” She’d started training him the second he was back on his feet. She was gentle but firm with him and he responded to her. Just like me, he was a total goner for her. “He’s got eyes for only one owner, sweetness.”

  She scratched his head. “He’ll adapt.”

  “Why not keep him?” The three dogs had become more of a family than I’d ever had.

  A half smile tipped her lips, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “The roof is almost fixed at my apartment. I can’t have dogs there.”

  The elevator doors opened and I silently let us into the penthouse. Even though I’d given her the code, she’d never used it. She still acted like a guest in my place. She didn’t leave anything out on the counter in the bathroom. She kept her clothes neatly folded in her one suitcase. She never left a dish in the sink or so much as a sock in the dryer. It was as if she was waiting to leave.

  And I was waiting to tell her what I’d done.

  I exhaled as we stepped into the entry hall. “Olivia.”

  Sparks and Merry bounded up to us and demanded attention.

  “Go lie down,” I commanded.

  All three dogs went to their beds as Olivia looked up at me in surprise. “They just wanted to say hi.”

  I took her arm and led her to the couch. Then I pulled her onto my lap. “I bought something.”

  She stiffened. “What kind of something.”

  I spit it out. “Land.”

  Air whooshed out of her lungs. “Okay.”

  My eyes narrowed. “What would have been the wrong answer?” I knew exactly what it would have been.