Devastated

by MIA HEINTZELMAN

  Xander plopped back down on the pillows and raked his fingers through his hair. His voice came from somewhere far off. “What if we just skipped everything and ran away? I get away from my dad and you avoid Marshall.”

  The idea had crossed my mind a million in one and times, but I didn’t have money like these kids. No one was going to pay for my college tuition. I needed the riding program. The scholarship to Colorado State was contingent on my grades here and the experience I was getting by shadowing the farriers and vets. I couldn’t pass that up, and I refused to let Dad down.

  “That’s not an option. My scholarship is riding on this semester at Badlands.”

  My blood boiled. I hated how a handful of fucked-up kids could affect my future. The more I thought about it, the more the idea of letting them get away with it pissed me off.

  Xander’s slightly amused tone snapped me to. “Mind telling me why your face looks like you want to choke someone out?”

  I cut my eyes to him, and he slipped his thumb into my mouth, commanded me to suck it, and I didn’t object. Mostly because it was hot as fuck feeling any part of him moving on my tongue. He pulled out and pushed it back in. Over and again he did this. Each time, I was more turned on.

  With his free hand, he pressed his fingers between my thighs, rubbing the throbbing ache, slow at first. Then fast and hard until my back arched, and I shoved my pelvis hard against his hand. I was panting, moaning. Fire blazed all over my skin. In the moment there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t have done to get him to release me from my misery, but then he pulled away.

  “Why’d you stop?”

  “I want you to take your anger out on me.”

  The bad boys are always the kinkiest.

  I considered his request for a brief moment before I realized how hot hate-sex is. I arched an “are you sure you want me in control?” brow at him and he responded by stretching his long frame over the length of the bed.

  Now this I could get used to.

  “Oh, you are so in for it.”

  I climbed on top of him, drawing my shoulders back. His eyes darted to my mouth, then up to my eyes, and a wave of heat washed over me. My pulse and my breaths quickened at the idea of him lying beneath me, ready for whatever I wanted to do to him.

  His hazy eyes crinkled at the corners. “Is that it?”

  This made us both laugh because I was just sitting there, my mind going haywire, but my body was stiff as a rail, completely content to just stare at him. He was beautiful, and damaged, but I didn’t care. I found myself lost in the plans we were making, imagining a future together, and I realized as my heart tripped around in my chest, I was falling for him.

  A slow and sexy smile grew on Xander’s face and his blush deepened, but his warm eyes pinned me in place. He pushed up off his elbows and drew me into a sensual, hungry kiss. I was boneless, grappling with the weight of my heart.

  “Me too,” he rasped.

  I didn’t have to say it. He knew. By his longing expression, I could tell he felt it too.

  Gently, taking his time, he kissed down the curve of my cheek to my neck, letting the pads of his fingers swirl in circles on my bare back. When he reached my breasts, his tongue blazed over the sensitive skin and he lifted my hips and positioned his length for me to slide down onto it. We rocked to a steady rhythm, saying with our bodies the words I couldn’t. I rolled my hips, relishing the feel of him inside me. We were one, and my walls were coming down faster with every touch.

  “This probably sounds crazy, but I don’t want to be without you,” he said, and it pushed me over the edge, because the words were coming out of his mouth, but they were my thoughts.

  I rode the orgasm, releasing a sharp cry because it was too much too soon. How was it even possible to care this much about someone in less than a week?

  It can’t be real.

  But every inch of my aching body in his strong arms knew it was.

  Chapter Twelve

  XANDER

  The next morning, I woke before Izabelle. In the quiet sun, I slipped out into the hall and waited for the next elevator, headed for hotel registration to pay for the incidentals and request a noon checkout so she could sleep longer. We’d spent the rest of the night in a fog of sex and bliss. We never did say the words, but I knew we were on the same page—falling hard and fast.

  But as unromantic as it sounded, I just couldn’t help worrying that plummeting at that speed with so much force might leave us broken.

  I watched the elevator floor numbers illuminate above the doors. We were on ten, but the car had been stuck on twelve for a while. I checked my watch. Nine forty-five. Checkout was at eleven. I peeked up at the glowing numbers again and decided the stairs wouldn’t be so bad. The faster I got this done, the faster I could get back to bed.

  When I exited the stairwell, I peeked over at the elevator and shook my head. It was finally on ten.

  Too little too late.

  The line was empty at hotel registration, so I got in and out in minutes, but as I looked up and saw the gift shop, something in the window caught my attention.

  “Good morning. Is there anything I can help you with, dear?” An older woman with short salt and pepper hair and tortoiseshell glasses beamed at me. She had kind brown eyes, and her smile seemed genuine. I was probably her first customer of the morning, considering the hotel wasn’t in a prime location near any landmarks or airports. Precisely why I picked it.

  “Hi. I saw a figurine in the window display. Should I get that one, or do you have any in the back?”

  “Which one was it? The heart, maybe?” She winked and a knowing grin tugged at the corners of her thin lips. Everything about her expression said I saw you with your lady friend.

  I assumed as much. When Izabelle and I came down to dinner last night, all eyes were on us. I guessed it’s what we got for setting foot into a small town where nothing ever happened. Anything and anyone new winded up being the hottest topic of conversation.

  “Actually…” I walked over to the window and grabbed the display. “This is the one I was talking about.”

  “Ah, the filly. She’s just adorable.” She gently pinched her thumb and forefinger together to take the small brown glass horse from my hand. “I have the whole set. A new one comes out every year, and my girls love horses, so I put two to the side for them as soon as they deliver ’em. You lucked out. This is one of the last two.”

  The store clerk went into a backroom and grabbed the one in its box and rang me up. I thanked her for her help and walked back toward the elevator with an extra spring in my step. It surprised me how I felt compelled to do something for Izabelle. I’d never wanted to give or buy anything for a girl. It was confirmation of my feelings for her.

  No surprise, the old elevator was still working its way to the lobby, but I decided to wait for it since it was on the second floor. When it pinged and the doors finally slid open, I corrected my posture and lifted my chin, steeling myself. I didn’t speak first.

  “Gale, what are you doing here?” Jorden asked.

  “Yeah, are you here by yourself?” Nic added.

  I tilted my head and surveyed their disheveled clothes, missed buttons, and the smear of Nic’s lipstick.

  Why get a room when there’s a perfectly good elevator?

  “Hey…who all’s here?” I asked, less concerned about these two than Marshall, Honoré, or Penny. Jorden was a Crow for sure, but he was subtler about his command tactics. And Nic? I never worried about her. The Harding twins were tight when they faced a common enemy, but when pitted against each other, the sharp claws came out, and Penny usually ended up on top. Nic was so hungry for any spotlight her sister wasn’t already basking in, she would do anything to win a Crow over.

  “Oh, it’s just us. We came to check out the…sights.” They both laughed, but the lip-bite Nic flashed Jorden as she said it was all the confirmation I needed. We both knew the sole selling point for this place was its obscurity.

 
“Here’s the thing,” I started...but for the life of me I couldn’t come up with a believable lie. “I came up here to get away for the weekend.” It was a shit attempt, but I glared at them. In other words, it’s none of your fucking business what I’m doing here. Don’t ask, and for damn sure, don’t fucking tell anyone.

  “Yeah, okay, cool. Well…it was good seeing you,” Nic fumbled over her words, her eyes flitting from me to Jorden, clearly unsure where her loyalties should lie at the moment.

  “All right, my dude. You good?” It was that throaty, underhanded tone. He could give a fuck if I was good, but it was a show of force—a veiled threat hidden behind social platitudes.

  I felt my jaw tighten from the pressure of my clenched teeth. “I’m good.”

  Jorden glanced at the box in my hands and nodded. The corners of his mouth pulled down, and his bottom lip pushed out as he swiped his finger under his nose. “Cool.” He scrutinized me from head to toe as I entered the elevator. “Come on, Nic. Let’s go watch Marshall’s video again.”

  “What video?” I straight-armed the doors. My breath caught in my throat and my stomach hardened as I searched Jorden’s face. He was all crinkly eyes and wicked grin.

  “I thought you knew.”

  “Knew what?” At my temple I felt a vein throbbing as fire seared through me. I could’ve wrapped my bare hands around his throat and ended him right there, but I needed to know what he wasn’t telling me—what Marshall was up to.

  I stepped out of the elevator and stood between them. “Show me.” When they both stood there, neither one moving to take out their phones, I flexed. “Now.”

  Jorden was the one to jam his hand in his pocket and pull his out first. When he put his thumb on the button, the screen glowed to life and he pulled up his photos. The most recent one was dark, but in the middle of it, there was a triangle, indicating it was a video. I glowered at Jorden and pressed it.

  At first, I wasn’t sure what it was until I heard the horses in the background.

  What the fuck?

  My nerves felt raw beneath my tense muscles. My heart plummeted. “What is this? Marshall followed me?”

  On the screen, Izabelle and I were on the blanket beneath the stars, her legs wrapped around me as she bucked and pulled me tighter. The camera zoomed in so close I could see my dick plunging inside her. Then, “Fuck, you feel so good,” I heard myself say.

  I tried to look away. I didn’t know what to do. I was both humiliated and raging.

  “Don’t turn away yet, you’ll miss the best part,” Jorden said.

  I kept swallowing. My throat was dry from my rushed breathing as I watched us. I’d freed Izabelle’s breasts and I was sucking on her nipples, teasing them as I glided in and out of her, falling, when she said, “Don’t let them hurt me—”

  They heard everything.

  Jorden closed the video, and my eyes went wide, but despite my clouded vision I stared him down.

  “I have to tell you, man, that’s some cake shit, right there. Sweet. I wasn’t sure I wanted to fuck her before. Now that the trailer is out, though, I might be first in line.”

  “Fuck you.” I bared my teeth and barreled toward him with a guttural roar as I grabbed him by the throat. With both hands cuffed around his corded neck, my strength felt Herculean. I wasn’t thinking, I was reacting in the most visceral, feral way possible. Every muscle and vein strained against my skin. I was completely losing my shit. Spittle building up in the corners of my mouth. My body shaking as I dug my nails deeper, breaking skin along the back of his neck. I was on a ledge, twitching, adrenaline coursing through me.

  My lips were a whisper’s distance from his ear, but all I heard was my heart pounding in my ears and the feel of my pulse skyrocketing. “I. Will. Kill. You,” I growled.

  I felt the dozen or so pairs of eyes on me before the slaps on my back and the yanking of my arms pulling me off of Jorden. He wheezed and coughed, but the sinister glare and the smirk were still there. What’s worse, Jorden flitted a glance over my shoulder, and I didn’t have to look to know Izabelle was right behind me.

  Chapter Thirteen

  IZZY

  “What the hell was that all about?” I asked, the second we got into the car.

  He’d glared at me twice and apologized three times, but we’d agreed we wouldn’t talk about it until we got out of the hotel.

  “Okay, we’re out, now can you tell me what they were doing at the hotel and why you could’ve cut steel with the death stare you were giving Jorden?”

  Xander’s eyes were trained on the road, and he was going at least twenty over the speed limit, but he still didn’t look at me.

  “What did he say?” I pressed. My eyes darted out the windows on all sides of the car. Nothing but dusty desert sprawled around us, and I was none the wiser about where we were. Xander clearly had a destination in mind, but he didn’t share it with me. `“And where are we going? This isn’t the way back to Badlands.”

  “We’re not going back,” he said. Everything about his tone sounded dangerous.

  “You’re scaring me. Talk to me.”

  This caught his attention, and finally he glanced over at me, and it all made sense. I shifted on the seat to face him. I’d been studying his profile every second since we met, but I missed this facet of him.

  “They have something on you, don’t they?” I asked. “Marshall knows you’ve been helping me. He knows we’ve been together all weekend, and he sent Jorden to do his dirty work.”

  Xander didn’t confirm or deny. He just glanced at me, and for a second I got a glimpse of a lost boy who so badly wanted to do the right thing by people, but somehow got dragged into the hurt and came out damaged on the other end.

  “I’m right.” I shook my head and let my chin rest on my chest, my shoulders slumped at my sides. I’d been reading the signs all wrong. They weren’t about me. Yes, Marshall was targeting me and using me, but to get to Xander. It was all a game. Two kings fighting for a throne.

  When I lifted my eyes again, he looked defeated, devastated.

  “What happened between you and Marshall—”

  “They have a video.” He cut me off as he veered into the curve of the road, and I turned back to him. His jaw was tight, and there was a slight twitch that let on he was clenching his teeth.

  I felt my brows knot. “I know. I told you I saw it. The Emily Sutton one, right?”

  He tightened his grip on the steering wheel and the same expression he aimed at Jorden was back. “Of. Us,” he said sharply, his voice thundering through the car. “They followed us. Last night under the stars, they recorded us.”

  “I’m sure he’s lying. They just hate us being together. And anyway, it was super-dark, and I didn’t see anyone.”

  He laughed at this. “I saw the video. I saw us making…” He blinked and inhaled, shaking his head. “Marshall Landers does not make veiled threats. He’s going to use the video to get whatever the fuck he wants.”

  No words came out of my mouth. I considered the anger in Xander’s tone and the chances of Jorden and Nic showing up in the same deserted hotel. All over again, I felt Marshall’s hand squeezing my thigh in the dark lecture hall, his demand that I be at the party. Then there was Xander, showing up randomly in the stables. I scooted back against the seat, laid my head on the crossbody seatbelt, and stared unseeing out the window for the rest of the drive.

  With every bend of the road, my eyes welled, and tears streamed down my cheeks.

  I’m so stupid.

  This…this whole charade with Xander, it was a setup. The dinner at his parents’, his help avoiding The Crows, this entire weekend getaway. They were small glints of light in the darkness and I’d walked right into the fire. From the beginning, Abbie and Owen had warned me about Xander, about The Crows. With my own eyes I saw the hierarchy, and I should’ve known my place, but I was too eager to find some sort of silver lining.

  It was all a trap to get me to the party by any means
necessary.

  From the shadows of the car, I watched him. The sharp lines of his jaw, the piercing blue-green eyes, and the almost sculpted, regal way he held his head, chin up, throat bare. He was the irresistibly handsome king of The Crows, and Marshall might be bad, but he was only challenging Xander for the throne.

  Xander glanced over at me, and he must have registered my thoughts by the expression on my face, or the way my chest rose and fell rapidly, because his eyes softened. He reached his free hand out to take mine, but I jerked it away.

  “No.”

  My tears kept coming as I slowly shook my head and swallowed. “Don’t. I can’t believe I trusted you.”

  “What are you talking about? Don’t do this, Izzy.”

  I gasped because he never called me by my nickname. “See? I knew it. You’ve never called me Izzy. In fact, I specifically remember you telling me you didn’t care for it, and now you’re… You’re just like them. Or, should I say they’re just like you?”

  “I didn’t have anything to do with this. I promise. Please, you have to believe.” His voice was shaky, and he kept looking from me back to the road. “I would never do this to you. I care about you. I wanted to protect you from them.” He paused. “I’m falling for you.”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  Silence fell over both of us, because as much I was afraid to believe him, I heard the hitch in his voice. I wasn’t expecting “I’m falling for you.” I wasn’t expecting his heart to be out there on his sleeve. I thought maybe we’d yell for a few minutes and I’d tell him to take me back to my dorm, but this? I couldn’t keep tiptoeing around it.

  I felt my eyes go wide and I must’ve been breathing, but I couldn’t hear anything over the sound of my heartbeat knocking in my ears.

  “I—“

  “Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.”