Fragile Love
Page 4
"So, you wanted to talk… let's talk," I said, my hands sweating from my nerves.
"About last night," she started.
"You realized it was a mistake," I finished.
"Would you just let me talk without interrupting me? Why don't you trust me now? You've always trusted me."
I sighed. "Look, if my past is any indication, I just can't trust women. You don't even know the half of it, Bella." And she didn't. I’d never told her about Charlotte, about what she did to my family.
Sure, she probably heard it on the news, but that was six years ago. She’d never asked me about it.
"Don't you get it James? I'm not those women. I've never let you down. You know why? Because you're the most important person in my life, right under my family. I said no all these years not because you were a nerd, or because you weren't good looking; I said no because I didn't want to lose what we have, and what we have is six years of friendship and trust. Just because I said yes now doesn't mean I'm going to hurt you, so stop assuming I'm some, what do you Americans call them? Eh…skitch." When anger fueled her, it turned me on way too much. She was just so damn beautiful.
Was this what Jace felt like when Nessa yelled at him? He always had that goofy smile on his face. Maybe it was because he felt for her the way I felt for Bella. And what the hell was a skitch?
"It's hard for me to trust women, okay? I didn’t even trust my own mom.” I paused, anger throbbing through my veins. “But not just her, after her came my psycho step mom, currently on death row awaiting execution. I’m sure you heard all about her on the news. If that doesn’t tell you why I have trust issues, how about we add all the women who only used me to gain something. So, tell me, Bella, would you trust anyone after all that?” I almost yelled the words, and she shied away from me, making me lower my voice. “I’m sorry. It’s just so damn hard, but I’m trying because I really like you.” Then I looked at the ground, afraid to meet her eyes. “Listen, I don’t want to fuck up before I even get a chance with you.”
She sighed, reaching over to pinch me. "Then stop acting like a dick."
I laughed, and soon we were both chuckling. To me it sounded like a love ballad, something I could get used to, and that made me realize I had a long way to go before I could call myself normal. "Can we just watch a movie or something?" I asked, not wanting to talk anymore.
"Sure," she said.
I flipped the TV on and moans filled the room. I’d forgotten to take out the porn last night, and to turn the DVD player off. I quickly shut it off, but my cheeks turned to molten lava from embarrassment.
"I guess I'm glad I made it all the way home before coming back for my phone, because that would have been awkward." She laughed. "Though that blonde was pretty hot."
Oh, how I wish the ground would swallow me.
"I think I’ll get some popcorn while you fix the DVD situation.” She stood and made her way into the kitchen, the sound of her laughter drifting to my ears.
Glad to be your entertainment.
Popping the DVD out, I stashed it in my room before putting in a cheesy, romantic comedy, sure she would love it. By the time she returned, I’d sat back down on the couch. She handed me the popcorn, then joined me, sitting so close our bodies smashed together.
"You have to tell me where you keep the porn stash. I never pegged you for a porn kinda guy," she said, her long lashes not able to hide the glimmer of amusement.
How could someone be so damn beautiful? And why did I just want to kiss the life out of her?
"You're never going to let me live that down, are you?" I groaned, already knowing the answer.
"Nope."
"Okay well if you must know, it's maybe, possibly under my bed." That was a lie, it was in a small chest that sat on a shelf at the top of my closet.
"Of course it is." She nudged me with her elbow and I just looked at her, wondering when it would finally be okay to just kiss her, but the last thing I wanted was to ruin the evening with another disastrous kiss.
I grabbed a handful of popcorn, brushing against her hand. The movie started, and snickers bubbled from her as soon as the title screen rolled.
"You want to watch Dear John?" She looked at me like I’d become an alien, visiting from another planet.
"Come on, it can't be that bad. It has that guy all you women like in it. Channing Tatum," I argued. I hadn't ever seen it, so I didn't know what it was about. Elise had left it over here.
The cover of the movie just looked cheesy and romantic. Win-win, if you asked me.
"You're going to eat those words, James Winters."
We watched the first thirty minutes before I was bored. Now would be a good time to make out.
"So, let me get this straight. She likes him, and he likes her, and they've been sending each other letters for years?" This movie was kind of complicated. I'd much rather be watching The Avengers or something.
"Ready to take it back yet?" She laughed.
"Nah."
A month had passed. In that time, I’d been planning our date—the perfect date for her while still showcasing who I was. If I went too over the top, she wouldn’t be impressed, and I’d end up losing my one chance. That was a risk I wouldn’t take. I’d waited too damn long to begin with.
We’d hung out almost every single night the past month. In that time, I’d blown off my family more times than I could count, even though she’d insisted we go see them together. That had felt too much like a date…and our first date had to be perfect. So, I told her no, insisting my family would see me next time. Blowing them off a few times wouldn’t hurt anything, right?
Movies were our go-to hang out device. We watched a ton, which meant we did a ton of cuddling. Only, I hadn’t tried to kiss her again—the last time had been an utter disaster. Part of me feared she’d run and never come back the next time I tried.
All the planning had paid off, though. I had the best date planned, and tonight I’d ask her to go on it with me. She’d probably thought I’d forgotten since I hadn’t brought it up since our little fight about her motives, but, I’d wanted to surprise her. I didn’t want her to feel like she had to dress up. The date would be simple, with a romantic element to it—not that I was much of a romantic.
I paced my apartment, waiting for her to come bouncing through the door any moment. Usually, she’d have been there by now. Worry gnawed at my gut. Now that I finally had it together, something was bound to go wrong. I just had that kind of luck.
My phone lit up in my pocket, her ringtone blaring through the room.
Running late. :) -Bella
I sighed, a little of my nervousness dying down because she was still coming.
My phone rang again. Still in my hand, I put it to my ear. "Hello?"
"Hey James. Do you want to come for dinner? I feel like I haven't seen you in forever," my sister said.
"It's only been a month." I laughed. "And not even, since you surprised me at work that one day. How's life?"
"Well I would like to tell you about it over dinner." She sounded excited, like she had news to spill. Hopefully she wasn't pregnant again.
"No can do, sis. I've got a date tonight," I replied, unable to keep the excitement from my voice.
"Oh really? With who?"
"You’ll know soon, as long as everything works out. I don't want to jinx it." I truly didn't. If I let myself talk about it, get excited, and then it didn’t work out…it would only end in heartache.
Who was I kidding? It would end in heartache whether I talked about it or not. It always did.
"Okay, I'll let you off the hook if you promise to come Sunday for lunch. I have some big news to share with you."
"Tell me it isn't another baby," I said, almost groaning.
She was quiet for several moments, and I heard an audible breath before she spoke again. "No, nothing that big."
"Okay I promise," I said. "I've got to go now."
"Bye James."
"Bye."
Bella stood in the hall wearing a yellow sun dress that barely brushed her knees. The low-cut top gave me just enough of a view to turn me on. She’d always been beautiful, but today, beautiful didn’t even come close. Something about the dress lit me up inside, made me want to rip it off her. It might be the virgin in me, but I had a hunch it would look damn good on my floor.
"Hey." She gave a small wave.
"You look amazing," I blurted.
"Yeah it's a new dress." She said.
"So, about that chance…I’m taking it. Right now.” As I grabbed her hand, she tried to speak, but I pushed her out the door as I slung the bag over my shoulder.
Down the hall, she finally caught her breath. "Now? You didn’t even warn me before hand."
"I know," I said. "That was the point."
She cut her eyes at me, and I smiled even wider, pulling her to the elevators.
"What's in the bag?" she questioned.
"You'll see." I said, a smirk sliding across my lips.
A look of wonder passed over her face as she sighed. I couldn’t tell if I’d intrigued her, but I sure hoped I had.
"As much as I would love to walk, I’m going to need to drive to this one," I said as we made it out to my truck. "And Bella, don't forget to buckle up."
She laughed again and climbed in, buckling herself. "Can you at least tell me if I’m dressed appropriately?" She glanced in my direction.
I looked at her from head to toe. "You look perfect."
We drove the rest of the way in silence. I kept peeking at her, trying to get a glimpse of what she might be feeling, but I couldn’t tell as she stared out the window. She did have a slight hum to her voice though, and that had to mean something, but she also didn’t meet my eyes once, which brought out the clawing worry again.
We drove up at the lake and I took her hand, leading her to the small shack where you could rent paddle boats. I paid cash for the boat, renting it for five hours, before we skipped over to it. I tossed my bag in the back and helped her in before climbing in myself. I almost tipped the damn boat over, but somehow, we stayed afloat. Thankfully, since the contents of my bag would cost more than I made in a month.
"Sorry about this, but we're going to have to put in a little footwork to get where we’re going," I said, looking down.
"I don't mind," she said. And she didn't seem to.
We paddled across the lake for a while before I directed us to the small cove on the other side of the lake. I jumped out of the boat and tugged it to land, then helped her out.
Lacing my fingers in hers, I lured her up the bank and towards the little clearing. I laid the bag on the ground and removed a small blanket, stretching it across the grass. We were positioned right in front of a small wooden shed. She sat down, crossing her legs.
I extracted the food I had packed, a chicken carbonara pasta I had looked up how to make on the Internet. She’d told me it was her favorite once, so I hoped I’d made it right. When I handed her a Tupperware container and a fork, she popped the top, her eyes lighting up.
"Chicken carbonara?" She lifted the dish to her nose to smell it.
"Yes." I heaved out a small bag with garlic toast in it and handed her a slice. Next came a bottle of wine, which I uncorked and poured into two plastic champagne flutes I’d had in the bag. The minute I handed her a cup, she brought it to her lips. A moan of satisfaction echoed around us.
The date was off to a great start, and it hadn’t even really begun yet.
"This is so good James," she said, finishing off the last of her pasta. "Where did you learn how to cook this?"
"Google," I said, laughing at how absurd it sounded.
"I should have known."
Once we finished dinner, I grabbed her hand again, hauling her up. "Let's look around the island," I said, even though it didn’t look like there was much to see. The island was small, but beautiful nonetheless.
We walked along the shore of the lake, kicking rocks into the water and talking about all the things we’d been through in the six years we’d been best friends.
Once darkness set in, I lead her back to the blanket and reached into the bag. "Close your eyes," I said.
She closed them, and I drew out the projector along with my laptop. I hooked everything up and turned it on, starting a movie on the side of the wooden building. Then I took a seat beside her, reaching over to smooth the hair out of her face and tuck it behind her ear.
"You can open them now."
She opened her eyes and glanced at the side of the building. The title rolled across the screen and a laugh fell from her lips. Spider-Man was one of my favorite action movies.
"It's like our own private drive in." She scooted closer and rested her head on my shoulder.
"Complete with popcorn and your favorite peach wine cooler," I said, pulling the coolers from the bag.
I handed one to her and popped the top on mine. Settling back into the tree, I pulled her closer and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
As the movie played, her hand slipped to my thigh, and my stomach felt like a carbonated drink, all light and airy and fizzy. Like it might bubble up at any moment.
A while later, I packed everything and headed back for the paddle boat. She walked behind me, not saying anything. Tossing the bag into the back of the boat, I took her hand again and helped her into it.
We still had about an hour left on the boat rental, so we paddled around the lake in silence for a little while. The quiet wore on me, though, and soon I needed to break it up.
"To make it fair, and to make sure you give me proper consideration for a second date, I think I should kiss you. You know, make sure you know all I have to offer.” I wore a cheeky look on my face.
"You do, do you?" She laughed. "I could consider that."
So, not a yes. But not a no, either.
"Hmm," I said.
"And when would you want to kiss me?" she asked, looking everywhere but at me.
I’d stopped paddling now to stare into her beautiful features, shining in the pale moonlight casting over the lake. Her brown hair almost glowed in the yellow light while her lips puckered in thought.
"Right now," I whispered, angling my head and inching a little closer.
She turned, looking straight at me as she said, "Okay. Go for it."
My hand rested against her cheek and my fingers stroked her skin as I looked deep into her eyes. I had to be sure before I kissed her. She nodded—a silent yes.
My hands ran up the back of her neck and her eyes fluttered closed as I leaned in, pressing our lips together. With my tongue, I grazed her bottom lip and she parted them for me. The kiss started slow, but desire built inside me, thrusting me into an all-out war to control the kiss. Fireworks exploded behind my eyelids and it felt like the ending of a cheesy romantic comedy where the couple lived happily ever after. I lost myself in her, the moment taking over. I didn’t know how much time passed, or where we even were. It was only us, kissing under the pale moonlight.
It felt perfect. It felt right. It felt like home.
Her arms came around my neck, pulling me closer to her and deepening the kiss. Desire took over. I wanted to take it further, so much further, but I didn’t. Everything was too new, and I didn’t want to screw it up.
Then her fingers gripped my hair and jerked me back.
When I looked down at her, my heart warmed. Her lips were pink and swollen from our kiss, which meant I’d finally given her a real, proper kiss, and I wanted more.
"That was..." she trailed off, looking out at the lake. Her cheeks were rose-colored. What if she hated it? What if she felt nothing while I felt everything?
"Incredible," I said. "I want to do it again."
She turned towards me then, a grin on her face. Before I knew it, she pounced at me. I wasn’t prepared.
The side of the boat tipped and we fell into the lake. I bobbed up to the surface, and she was already there, cackling.
"I'm so sorry, James. I forgot we were on a boat."
After I climbed back into the boat, I yanked her up, praying the equipment didn’t get knocked in as well. The night air chilled me, and I shivered against the cool breeze licking my skin. The contents in the pockets of my jeans were a goner, and I said a silent curse as I realized my phone had been in there.
My phone didn’t really matter, though. Not when I’d gotten to kiss her. It had been more than worth the loss.
My wallet was dripping wet, and all the bills had stuck together. Bella shivered when a gust of wind shot over us, so I tugged her close. Not like that would help since I was just as wet as her.
"Come on. Let's go back to my place. I’ll get you some dry clothes,” I said as I paddled the boat towards the shore.
I kept my arm around her shoulder, which made paddling awkward, but I offered her what little body heat I had.
When I turned the boat in, the man grinned, gesturing at our wet clothing. "Go for a dip?"
"Actually, we kind of fell in," Bella said, clinging to me.
"It happens to the best of them," he said. "You two have a good night now."
With a little wave, I lead us to my truck, cranking up the heat as soon as the engine started. "So, besides falling into the lake, did you have a good time?" I asked, my eyes trained on the road.
"I did," she said, her teeth chattering around her voice. I reached into the bag beside me and tossed the blanket to her. "Thanks."
The rest of the ride was quiet, and when we pulled up to my apartment, I grabbed my bag and headed around to open her door for her. I helped her out, lacing my fingers with hers as we walked inside, then into the elevator.
A split second went by as she gazed at me, then her lips crashed against mine. For a minute, I didn’t know how to respond, but it only took a second for me to catch up.
When the elevator dinged, she moved away and smoothed out her dress and hair before walking ahead of me to my door. I watched her butt the entire way, smiling to myself at how well our date had gone.