Falling Into Us

by Selene Chardou

  The guys didn’t mind touring, this much I knew to be true, but their real passion was being in the studio creating new music and they looked forward to returning to their normal lives, which didn’t consist of different hotels and cities for months at a time.

  I honestly didn’t know how the band had done it like this for so very long. It was a hard life to live and I hadn’t seen anything yet. That was the biggest issue and I wondered, not for the first time, if I had bitten off more than I could chew.

  I stepped out of bed and slid on a short, black silk robe before I grabbed a Camel and walked out onto the balcony. The hotel was expensive and suited my former tastes perfectly but what had once been an expected luxury was now something I enjoyed and experienced with new eyes.

  Kaz was starting to change me and mold me. He had transformed me from being the rich “stupid girl” into a young woman with depth and who was starting to understood that life wasn’t all about shopping and chit-chatting with the girls. I loved that about him and couldn’t wait until we truly knew each other inside and out.

  It bothered me he hadn’t said the “L” word yet but perhaps I was expecting too much too soon. We still needed time to discover one another and although he knew a great deal about my body—as I did his—we hadn’t really glimpsed into the abyss of one another’s souls yet.

  I considered our sexual interactions fucking because that is what we did. We had yet to make love to one another because how could he when he didn’t love me? I knew his feelings for me ran deep but as he told me, love and lust were two entirely different emotions and apparently, he wasn’t an insta-love guy.

  Come to think about it, I wasn’t an insta-love woman either.

  We were both guarded about everything and our hearts more than anything else. Was it even possible for me to love a man like Kaz and could he ever fall in love with me after what his ex-wife had done to him?

  “What are you doing up?” a male voice inquired.

  I turned and smiled but it wasn’t anything I could help. He just had a way with me and my emotions. I loved the mischievousness hidden in those gorgeous blue-green eyes and when they looked at me like that, I turned to mush and my sex, sore from our previous encounter, dampened again on its own.

  I could get turned on by just listening to his voice.

  How sad was I?

  I finished my cigarette before I pulled my hair back with my left hand. “I couldn’t sleep. Did I wake you?”

  “You’re in a strange new environment but you’ll get used to it eventually. We all do. Although we will be staying in some fabulous hotels all around the world, they will never be home and I can understand that better than anyone,” he explained with a slight bitterness in his tone.

  I strolled over to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. “I can handle it, Kaz. I’m not china and I’m not going to break.”

  His hands wandered around my waist before they traced the tattoo, which could finally be shown off in all its splendid glory, on my back.

  I could feel the warmth of his fingers through my thin silk robe and despite the hot, sticky Miami air, I only breathed in Kaz. His scent, his words, his very essence were starting to consume my soul.

  I liked what he did for me and I loved the way he made me feel. My skin tingled in a good way and as I leaned into him and rested my face in the crux of his neck, I could smell Ed Hardy's Love & Luck as I inhaled and my breath felt hot against his neck as I exhaled.

  “Listen, I don’t know what is going to happen when we get on tour. There are quite a few issues that probably won’t be ironed out by the time we have to start and we’ll all just have to roll with the punches, if you know what I mean.”

  “I’m a bit confused. What are you talking about? What issues? Is this about me and you?”

  He stepped back and grabbed my hand as he led me back inside. It felt nice and cool in the suite as opposed to the heavy humidity that surrounded us night and day when ever we ventured outside. I’d been to south Florida plenty of times and never remembered the weather being so offensively oppressive. I couldn’t wait until our flight took off the next day. We had a slight reprieve in California and the band had a few private club gigs planned in Los Angeles and San Diego before they officially hit the road and began their God’s of Rock World Tour.

  Their biggest gig in L.A. would be at the Staples Center two days before we left for Vegas. Why this wasn’t considered the start of the official tour was beyond me since it fit as a venue that was larger than some of the arenas they were playing on tour and tickets had sold out in less than twenty minutes when they’d gone on sale. However Introspect wanted to be flashy and they wanted to bill this as the “couldn’t miss rock tour of the year” so the Las Vegas date was made as the start of what would be months on the road.

  Even Kaz and the guys didn’t refer to the Staples Center gig as the start because they knew they could go home after the concert, sleep in their own beds and generally rest for a couple of days before the madness really began.

  Now he scared me with talk of “issues” and how everything wasn’t “okay”. Was he talking about us or something else? It didn’t help my self-esteem the band was surrounded by beautiful women and Kaz made it no secret he still loved his ex-wife despite her being a mega-bitch from hell. I knew I didn’t have to measure up to her but until I gained his trust and he learned to love me, I would always feel like I was on the outside looking in.

  I walked to the mini bar and grabbed a miniature Jack Daniels. I didn’t even bother with a glass as I strolled to the sofa. I just sat down, opened it and drank directly from the bottle. The strong liquor burned going down my esophagus and settled nice and warm in my stomach.

  “What’s going on and what are these issues you speak of? Do any of them have to do with us?”

  Kaz laughed as he sat beside me. He wore a pair of black boxer-briefs, which made him look sexy as hell. His tattoo sleeve didn’t look menacing at all; instead it made him appear to be sexy as hell and as he wrapped that arm around my waist and pulled me close, I realized “we” were going to be fine.

  “Why do you always assume there is something wrong with us?”

  “Well, for one, you don’t love me and all we’re having is a good time. I suppose I could be dispatched of at any moment once you get bored with me. And two, your ex-wife appears like she’s going to make it her life’s mission to make life miserable for me the whole tour.”

  He took the JD from my hand and swallowed what was rest in the bottle. “Listen, don’t worry about Damira. She isn’t going to be around long enough to become an issue. She only attended these pre-shows because we are ushered around in comfort. Once we get on those tour buses, she’ll be gone with the wind and safely back in L.A. Kris will be alone and he’ll only have Talia to confide in most of the time.

  “I’m not saying she won’t show up out of the blue like Five-Oh to do surprise checks on her fiancé but she isn’t going to be on tour because she hates it with a passion. She can’t stand the different hotels—no matter how luxurious—or the traveling on the road. Sometimes I feel like the only reason why she latched on to rock stars is because our lifestyles make it damn near impossible for us to be home all the time.”

  “Wow…and this is the woman you claim to love so much. You sound awfully bitter when you talk of the ‘great love of your life’,” I responded as the Jack Daniels began to take effect and I felt slightly light headed yet suddenly exhausted at the same time.

  Kaz’s eyes were so incredibly blue as he glared at me, all the green striations seemed to have disappeared. “I do love Damira…in my own way…but I couldn’t be married to her. You can love someone and know you aren’t compatible. That is how it is with us two. She drove me crazy jealous and we were never a good match.”

  He sighed as his right hand drifted through his tousled brown hair. “The problem with…us is perhaps I cling to this so-called love I have for her because she is the mother of my only child. My
own dad hated my mother with a burning passion because they were not a love match. The powerful Clayton family needed the Gillians because a family that owned some of the biggest steel mills in Pennsylvania liked the idea of attaching itself to a family who had made their money from construction. It was the perfect match.”

  I looked down at his stiff member and realized he had no wish to talk about family any longer—his own or his parents. The idea thrilled me a bit and I wrapped my arms around his waist as we cuddled.

  “If the problem isn’t with me then what is the issue, exactly?” I finally inquired after several minutes of comfortable silence.

  Kaz turned away from me but it had more to do with what he was thinking about rather than avoiding my gaze. “We have two well-known druggies on tour. They have relapsed after very expensive rehab stays and this could pose as an issue.”

  “Don’t drugs and rock stars usually go together?” I tried to make a joke out of it but the way he looked at me when our eyes met told me loud and clear he wasn’t buying what I was selling.

  “It’s a little 80s and 90s of a concept yes but at one time, most rockers and hip hop stars used drugs and didn’t even hide their addictions. Just so you know, I am not some health freak, and I have no problem with drugs—I’d rather not use them because I have a fairly straight forward personality. I loved getting high when we first made it but it got old and it was no longer fun. I stopped using cold turkey.

  “I might have the odd hit off a joint every now and then because I have a weakness for well-grown marijuana but I don’t do anything harder than that. It’s my policy—not Introspect Records. They couldn’t give a fuck what we did as long as we performed our jobs to the best of our abilities and didn’t go on stage noticeably high where people might make comments and the rumor mills would start.”

  I played with several strands of my hair. “I take it these members you are talking about aren’t recreational users, then?”

  “No. I mean, they pretty much have addiction issues. They do coke to function and then they take hillbilly heroin to come down. The worst part is the OxyContin is prescribed by our tour physician so if they are caught with it, they won’t get busted. They aren’t stupid enough to carry coke on them, especially when the physician gives them Adderall or Ritalin. It’s not as good as cocaine but it will do in a pinch and it’s legal. Plus Jaden has a lifetime prescription since he was diagnosed with ADHD when he was ten.”

  I suddenly stood and began to pace. “Fuck. Does Faith know?”

  “Well, let’s just put it this way, Talia is well aware her boyfriend has an issue. That would be Seth, the lead singer of Winter’s Regret. She would rather we wait until the tour is over and get them into rehab then. Faith would have to be blinder than Stevie Wonder not to see her boyfriend is back on drugs…unless she doesn’t want to see.”

  I licked my dry lips. “She did say it would be the final straw if he was using again but I can talk to her and see what she knows.”

  Kaz stood and picked me up in his strong arms. “Let’s go back to bed, honey. We can deal with this in the morning.”

  “Okay,” I responded before our lips touched and the kiss was sweet and passionate but we both knew we were too tired to do anything about it.

  As soon as he laid me down in bed and I curled underneath him, I fell asleep within a matter of minutes.

  Chapter Three

  Back in L.A.

  Although Los Angeles was his adopted home, Kaz was happy when the flight touched ground at LAX. The weather was warm but not overwhelmingly muggy like Florida and he thought yet again how he could never live there and wondered how the residents managed to handle it.

  The gig had been an unmitigated success and they also had acquired a new Financial Advisor in the form of Paul Branson who would be replacing their current one. He planned to make Las Vegas his home base with his fiancée, Jerrica, which was fine with Kaz. It was still close enough he could see him when he wanted to and it gave him an excuse to go to Vegas more often since gambling was a favorite yet decadent past time of his.

  He and Syd disembarked together and walked to his chauffeur-driven black Escalade. Ronnell, his personal driver, held the door open as they climbed into the back and closed it as soon as they were comfortably situated.

  “What? No Hummer limo today?” Syd wise-cracked and he found himself smiling despite how quiet she’d been on the flight home.

  “There’s my baby. I thought I’d lost her for a moment.

  She turned his way and those stunning blue-gray eyes looked magnetic in the dark interior of the vehicle. “It’s not you. I have been trying to figure out how to tell Faith about Jaden. It’s hard because since that night when she threw me out, our relationship has been strained to say the least.”

  That was the understatement of the year, he thought to himself.

  Faith could barely look in Sydney’s direction without shooting daggers with those expressive yet cold gray-green eyes of hers. She was a cold-hearted bitch who’d made a play for Kaz before she started dating Jaden but he’d blown her off so fast, it made the Airbus seem slow. That’s not to say they didn’t have some sexual fun but it never went past that. He knew her type all too well and despite not looking anything like Damira physically, the young woman immediately reminded him of his ex-wife. He already had one bitch in his life who held his balls in a noose and he refused to be trapped by another.

  “Did it ever occur to you perhaps it’s not your place to tell her what’s going on? I mean, if she doesn’t know, she’ll figure it out soon enough,” Kaz finally replied as he looked at the long stretch of L.A. traffic.

  The 405 freeway was a goddamn parking lot and it was going to take at least an hour to get home. They might as well sit back and enjoy the ride home because they weren’t going anywhere fast.

  “I suppose you’re right. It’s not like we’re that close anymore but…how would she know? She informed me before everything went to hell in a handbasket between the two of us they don’t live together. She sees him when she wants to but she refuses to give up her grand home in Calabasas and he enjoys his mansion in the Hollywood Hills. They live such different lives. I just don’t see how she would find out if he doesn’t want her to know.”

  He sighed out loud and pulled her into his arms where he held her tight and breathed in her fresh scent. “Listen, you will find out rather quickly that butting into your friend’s relationship is never a good thing especially if they are dating a celebrity of some kind. You’re in a tough situation because unfortunately, all your close friends are dating members of Scarlet Fever—how the fuck that happened is beyond me and seems to be some sort of deranged setup.

  “Sometimes, the best friend you can manage to become is one who is supportive and tries to understand where they are coming from when they approach you with issues and problems. Learn to listen more and talk less. Advise but don’t ever suggest something drastic. Try to err on the side of caution because if something does happen and it was based on your advice, you might find yourself with more than one friend who is pissed off at you. Are you feelin’ me?”

  Syd nodded her head. “Yeah, I’m feelin’ you.”

  “Good, now let’s just enjoy this interminable ride to our house while I think of ways to sexually torment you when we finally get there.”

  Kaz looked at Syd and she smiled before they both laughed out loud.

  “This meeting will come to order.”

  Kaz’s strong voice interrupted various conversations as all talk ceased and everyone in the room looked at him.

  No one had ever told him but he knew being in a rock and roll band was a lot like being in a Motorcycle club. Everyone was inked and wore their symbols of individuality with pride. The only difference was they had a woman who was now part of the team and anyone with half a brain knew women were not allowed to become full-fledged members of MCs.

  Talia seemed to handle her status as the only female with ease. She never complained
and usually kept her mouth shut but she was achingly beautiful and her looks were disarming to all the men in both Scarlet Fever and Winter’s Regret. Unlike a lot of beautiful women, she didn’t try to get over on her looks or sexuality. She purely used her natural gifts of musical talent.

  It wasn’t unheard of to have a woman front a band or be part of one. Evanescence, Trilogy, The Pretty Reckless, and Within Temptation had female singers lead all male bands while others like the now-defunct White Zombie and The Smashing Pumpkins had a female band member. However, both Scarlet Fever and Winter’s Regret were hard rocking bands who didn’t do emo music for the depressed teenager. They sang rock anthems and got down and dirty a la Deftones and Marilyn Manson. They certainly weren’t teenager friendly and never tried to be and that is why their tour together as the Gods of Rock was a perfect idea.