Falling Into Us

by Selene Chardou

  Of the two bands, Scarlet Fever had been around much longer but Seth and company had paid their dues. Talia had definitely paid hers as a hired writer bitch for Introspect Records. She’d written tons of songs for artists not nearly as talented as she was and her songs were catchy and always made the top forty pop playlists.

  Kaz smiled at everyone, both his own bandmates, including Jaden who looked like he had forgone the coke and decided to do a Ritalin or Adderall and OxyContin cocktail. He was there yet he seemed distracted. Seth looked the same way but his skin was pale and he had begun to sweat. Perhaps he was trying to detox on his own which was never a good idea when an opiate drug was involved.

  Coming off OxyContin had a nearly identical effect to trying to kick heroin without methadone. Night sweats, vomiting, massive headaches and diarrhea were common, not to mention a user would always crave the drug like a heroin addict would. There was no getting over the drug and that is what made the situation that much more disheartening for Kaz.

  The last person he wanted to see creep down that road of pain and misery was his best pal yet he had and the thought made Kaz’s heart hurt. His life had been tough enough and now that he was in a safe environment, he still couldn’t erase his childhood from his mind and being fucked up all the time allowed him to face life.

  “Everyone knows about the shows coming up before we officially launch our tour but the performance at the Staples Center could make or break us. I need everyone on their ‘A’ game, is that clear?” Kaz stated in an authoritative voice.

  “Meaning no drugs, right?” Grant inquired. “Does that include chronic?”

  “No, it doesn’t because the issues in both bands right now go way beyond marijuana.”

  Everyone was surprisingly quiet as Kaz looked around. His eyes connected with Talia who was the only one looking up and finally, she cleared her throat.

  “I think what Kaz is talking about…the cocaine and the Oxy we know is being abused by Seth and Jaden. You two have anything to say to these charges?” she stated in an authoritative manner.

  He breathed a sigh of relief because at least he had someone with balls on his side and ironically, the person in question happened to be a woman but she was tough and it was obvious she wasn’t intimidated by any of them.

  Then again, why should she be? She’d worked as a song writer for almost twenty months at Introspect Records and had met plenty of vacuous stars in her time. Their star power was no different than anyone else’s.

  “If this gets back to Faith then I will know who told her and you’re so fuckin’ dead, bitch,” Jaden growled with intense anger.

  “Watch your mouth, Cocky…that’s my girlfriend you’re addressing,” Seth responded in a cold tone.

  “Then keep that cunt on a leash and tell her that whores should only open their mouth when they are giving head.”

  “What the hell did you just say to me?” Talia questioned as she stood and threw her can of Red Bull at Jaden. It hit him in the shoulder, which is where she aimed it but it was a bit over the top. “I’m not a whore, bitch, cunt, skank, slut or ‘piece of pussy’. Yeah, I know what you say behind my back. What makes me so much less than you? Because I have a vagina? Well excuse fucking me but I am not going to apologize for my sex.

  “Listen, I know about you growing up poor white trash disguised by an MC that sold coke, crack, heroin, crystal meth and illegal firearms to get by but don’t you ever think it is all right to disrespect me. Yeah, I get it, most of you in this room are pissed there’s a girl around because the only thing we’re good for is getting on our knees or having our skirts hitched up around our waists but don’t you ever mistaken me for some kind of groupie.”

  “Seth, shut your girlfriend up before I backhand the stupid whore.”

  “Jaden, that is enough!” Kaz exclaimed in a cold voice. “This is what I am talking about. We can’t even have a band meeting without you blowing up. Listen, I understand you’re under a lot of pressure but every band member is to be treated with respect.”

  “Fuck her, Kaz—I don’t have to respect her. She fucked her way into Winter’s Regret and we are all supposed to think she is some badass chick? Look at the way she’s dressed? She even looks like a fucking groupie.”

  “I don’t have to sit here and take this shit.” Talia stood, grabbed her black, leather Hermès Birkin bag and began to walk out. “Kaz, call me tonight and let me know what I missed from the meeting.”

  Kaz waited until she left the room and closed the double doors behind her. “Are you happy now? You just chased her away.”

  “So what? She doesn’t belong anyway and what the hell were you thinkin’, Seth? Adding your girlfriend in your band? You couldn’t find a man to do the job she does?”

  “Talia is a great singer-songwriter and she also happens to play the piano so I thought she would be perfect as our keyboardist. It really isn’t any of your concern since you’re not a part of our band so I really don’t understand why you’re sweatin’ decisions I make about my band.”

  “Did you run this by Kris, Linx and Niko before you decided to just sign her ass up or because you were fuckin’ her, you got carte blanche to do what ever the fuck you wanted to do?”

  “He consulted us,” Kris said in an even tone. “I was all for it though Niko and Linx were a bit reluctant—”

  “How’d you break the stalemate?” Grant inquired out of genuine curiosity.

  Seth stared at no one in particular. “I can play bass as well as electric and acoustic guitar.”

  “Oh, snap,” Will murmured under his breath before he snickered.

  “Listen, we’ll just have to finish this up some other time because it’s obvious we’re not going to get much done right now.” Kaz turned toward both Seth and Jaden who sat next to one another and observed the empty chair between Seth and Kris. “Listen, just take it easy, you two. We don’t need any busts, arrests or overdoses on this tour. I’m not going to tell you how to live your life because you are grown men but if you truly care about your loved ones, when this is all over and done with, you’ll seek out help. If not a facility than a good drug counselor to get yourself off all the hardcore pharmaceuticals and drugs you’re taking. Is that understood?”

  “Yes, Massa,” Jaden drawled in an exaggerated southern slave accent. “Any thing else, Massa? Should we wash your clothes and suck your dick too?”

  “Don’t act like you’re so good you’re irreplaceable, Jaden.” Kaz grabbed the keys to his Hummer H3 and strolled out of the meeting feeling just as pissed off as Talia.

  He’d reached his car when Kris caught up to him. The Winter’s Regret guitarist looked flushed and slightly uncomfortable.

  Despite the man boning his ex-wife and recently engaged to her, he’d always liked the good natured guy. He had a good head on his shoulders and he didn’t use drugs of any kind. He barely drank and that was on a rare occasion. In fact, he was so strait-laced, it was ironic he’d ended up being in a rock and roll band.

  “Listen, I just wanted to let you know Damira finished her Masters in journalism. She would like to go on tour and film the whole experience. I told her I would need to get your permission first.”

  Kaz stared at Kris and scrunched up his face involuntarily. He couldn’t exactly say no since all the guys in his group were bringing their significant others.

  “Sure, I guess she can come and film us but it has to be professional. Meaning, nothing back stage with groupies and what not. Just the concerts and tour bus action but absolutely not a word about what’s going on internally in the bands. I don’t want anyone to know about Seth and Jaden, are we clear?”

  Kris’ blue eyes lit up. “Crystal. I’ll let her know.”

  “She already knows…or did you forget she was married to me first?”

  The lead guitarist smiled slightly before he turned away without saying anything else and walked to his own SUV, a custom-built black Chevy Tahoe.

  Kaz breathed deeply before he u
nlocked the door with the key fob and stepped into his vehicle. He knew regardless what happened, this was going to be a long fucking tour, and he hated those more than anything in the world.

  Chapter Four

  Reach Out & Touch Faith

  It was a call I dreaded more than anything in the world but I finally picked up my Ulysse Nardin and voice-dialed one of my best friends.

  Her phone rang with some little dirty ditty by Scarlet Fever before the annoying, female mechanical voice of her phone carrier explained the caller was not available. I waited for the interminable beep before I said, “Faith, stop acting like a child and take my calls for God’s sake. I’m going on tour so what exactly is the issue between us? You know my number…use it.”

  I ended the call and decided to take a shower since I’d spent most of the morning and afternoon next to the pool after a quick dip.

  Yes, I should have been used to all this luxury but some part of me thought perhaps I should think about getting my own place out here in L.A. I loved spending time with Kaz and I knew he preferred I stay at his home but some part of me thought it might be a touch inappropriate. Was I really his girlfriend or just a temporarily kept fan-girl/groupie? The whole thought turned my stomach but since I couldn’t be too sure what my status was in his life, it started to do my head in at times.

  I finished my shower in record timing and walked into the bedroom nude before I quickly moisturized with my favorite scent by Versace. After I slipped on a pair of cut off jean short-shorts and a black tube top that ended shortly before my tattoo began. I sat at the vanity mirror and combed out my damp hair before I allowed it to dry on its own. It would be bone straight, not exactly a good look, but I didn’t feel like blow drying and curling it either to add waves and depth.

  My phone began to ring with Laurel’s ring tone, “Please Don’t Stop the Music” by Rihanna. I didn’t change the ring tone despite the song being ancient because I thought it was a perfect way to describe her.

  I picked up mid-chorus and sang, “Hello!”

  “Oh my goodness, girl, thank our lucky stars you never decided to try your hand in the music business. You sound like a poor woman’s version of Avril Lavigne.”

  “Fuck you very much,” I replied in a teasing voice. “What’s goin’ on, sweetie?”

  “You’ll never guess who I just got off the phone with and honey, it’s not good.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Cut the shit and spit it out, Laurel. I don’t have time to play guessing games.”

  “Jeez, bitchy much? Listen, Faith called me to tell you to leave her the fuck alone and as far as she is concerned, when she’s ready, she’ll contact you.”

  “Great.” I sighed out loud. “So now she’s using you to play interference? That sure is shitty because she could have just called me and told me herself.”

  “You know how Faith is…she’s angry at the world right now and I guess Jaden isn’t making it much better,” Laurel finally replied after a tense silence between the two of us.

  “I’m not mad at you but I wish she would call me. I have to tell her something about her loverboy.”

  “Oh shit, is it the drug thing?”

  “Great, why didn’t you tell me Will has such a big fucking mouth?”

  “He doesn’t…I caught him and Seth doing lines of coke when we were in Miami.”

  I had absolutely nothing to say about this because I didn’t want to know how she’d “caught” them.

  Though none of my friends or I had ever struggled with substance abuse problems, we were still young and stupid. We’d all did our fair share of cocaine and marijuana during our “gap” year in Europe.

  “Why? Did you have a snort with them?”

  “Well, they were hogging the bathroom and it would have been rude if I said no. I just had a line but the way they were both snorting it like their noses were freakin’ vacuum cleaners, neither party is using on just a ‘recreational’ basis. I’m not stupid and I know a drug addict when I see one,” Laurel explained knowingly.

  “Listen, not that it is any of my business but…why are you so adamant Faith not know?”

  My best friend sighed dramatically over the phone. I was so annoyed, I put her on speaker and set the phone down next to me on the bed as I sat down.

  “Do you truly and honestly believe Faith wants to hear about how her boyfriend has a major addiction issue when she swore she would leave him if and when he started up again? Don’t you get it? Faith hates her real father because he’s white trash from Belfast. What the fuck does she do? She falls in love with white trash whose parents both came from the Belfast chapter of the MC he was born and raised in. However, Jaden grew up in the MC’s Reno chapter.”

  “Wait a minute—Lucifer’s Saints have a Belfast chapter?”

  “Where do you think the illegal arms they bring in come from? One of the founding members of Lucifer’s Saints was a former IRA member and proud Catholic. He wanted the Brits out of Northern Ireland and participated in the famous pub bombing that movie with Daniel Day-Lewis was based upon…what the hell was it called? Oh yeah, In the Name of the Father. I thought you knew Jaden was first-generation Irish-American? His birth name was Kaelan but he legally changed it to Jaden because he thought it sounded cooler.

  “In terms of those two, if you were smart, you would just leave it alone. Faith knows he’s using again but she has no intention of leaving him because she loves him. He knows she knows but he still hides it from her and would never use in front of her. They have this really weird dysfunctional relationship I don’t even understand so just forget you know anything at all about the situation, Syd.”

  I didn’t have a sarcastic retort for this one and besides, Kaz had just entered the double doors of our bedroom suite. I heard him tinkering around in the sitting room, obviously making himself a drink.

  “Listen, the rocker who holds me is home so I gotta go. We’ll meet up for lunch tomorrow. Is Calienté, okay?”

  “Works for me. See you tomorrow, take care and hugs, sweetie.”

  “Right back at you.” I pressed end and left the phone on the bed as I walked into the sitting room.

  Kaz sat on the sofa and nursed a straight scotch. I saw the open bottle of Macallan 30, which set precariously on the bar, and knew instinctively it hadn’t been a good meeting. I strolled over and sat next to him though I didn’t cuddle him because I wanted to gage his mood first.

  “You want a drink?” he inquired before he stood and began to prepare me a taste of what he was drinking though he poured only about a shot full in crystal glass.

  “What’s going on, honey? You know you can tell me anything.”

  One of the lessons I learned living with Kaz over these weeks was he liked to be babied and I didn’t mind doing it. He satisfied me in bed and out and my most precious moments had become spending time with him.

  He walked over and handed me my glass. I swigged from the strong scotch and it was smooth and had subtle notes of vanilla and orange peel. It was delicious and I sighed out loud.

  Kaz sat next to me and downed his in a couple of swigs. “Today was complete and absolute bullshit, Syd. I swear to fucking God, if you weren’t going on tour, I wouldn’t want to do this. You’re my rock, you know that, right?”

  Perhaps it was the feel of a nine hundred dollar bottle of scotch was giving me or the conversation I’d had with Laurel but I slipped my arms around his neck and kissed the side of his face.

  “I feel the same way about you. Sometimes…I feel so goddamn useless and perhaps that is why I shopped all the time and did stupid, vacuous things with my friends but you saying I give you strength…that is one of the most beautiful statements I have ever heard.”

  He set the glass down on the art deco coffee table before he stared into my eyes, those aquamarine irises both mesmerized and seduced me at the same time. “You don’t have to do anything but be you. I know how unsure you feel about this—what we have—and let me just reassure you this isn’t
a plaything. You aren’t some groupie I am keeping around for a while. When I see you, no matter how shitty my day has been, you brighten it up for me. I promise you with all my heart that when I love you, I’ll tell you…until then, know you are working your way into my soul, my very being. Everything about you and I just works and I can’t be more grateful for that.”

  I bit my lower lip before I said, “Love takes time, Kaz, don’t feel bad. I don’t love you either…not yet but what we have goes well beyond lust or infatuation and I am very fond of you. I would have to be to get your name tattooed on my back, wouldn’t I?”