Tragic Renewal

by Marlina Williams

  “I remember Cara mentioning wanting to put a gazebo next to the pond.” He turned to face her before he continued. “How would you feel about me building one in her memory?”

  Harper’s mouth worked, but nothing came out. A gentle heat diffused her body at the generosity of a man she’d just met.

  He watched her try to expel words from her mouth, and a caring smile stretched across his face. “I want to do it in honor of her. I feel terrible for what happened and wanted to do something meaningful to remember her by. What better way than a gazebo overlooking her favorite spot on the farm?”

  Harper stared over the pond. The pond’s still surface reflected the fluffy clouds hanging in the bright blue sky and the tree’s skeleton painted along its shoreline. She struggled to quell the fresh tears that were waiting to be shed. A small gust of wind rippled the surface and shattered the sky’s reflection. A hint of wood smoke reached her nostrils, carried on the breeze.

  When she had control of her emotions she looked at Noah. “Cara would’ve loved knowing you built it for her. I will pay you for it of course.”

  A flicker of mixed emotions crossed his features before he settled on a disappointed frown. “Harper, I think you already know I won’t take money for it. I volunteered to do it. I wouldn’t accept money for it even if you snuck it in my wallet.”

  Harper tried again, ignoring his comment. “But I got some money from Cara’s life insurance and am supposed to get more after the car insurance claim is settled.”

  He turned fully toward her and grasped both her hands. “Harper, I can see you have a bit of a stubborn streak, but I will build it with no monetary donations from you.” A grin crept over his face. “You use that money to keep this farm going and make repairs. That’s what Cara would have wanted.”

  The warmth of his touch sent a quick thrill through Harper’s body. She enjoyed his touch, but shook her mind clear of any wanton thoughts. He was going on a date in a few days while she watched his kid. Besides, her experience with men consisted of a grand total of one rotten stinking mess of a human. Day by day she was realizing the full truth of how poorly Scott had treated her. Someday she hoped to start a relationship with a man who would treat her right.

  A tight chrysalis had formed around her heart and the person with the key to opening it was out there somewhere, maybe even in this small town waiting for her. A fleeting hope that it would be Noah flashed through her mind before she squashed it. She surprised herself when her mind frequented thoughts of Noah. In her previous life she’d never even considered another man. In her marriage she remained devoted even after she found out about Scott’s wandering ways. Though her love affair with food could have used some trimming, at least there hadn’t been a chance of her bringing home an STD along with a bag of fast food.

  Over the year since their separation and divorce Harper hadn’t allowed herself to entertain thoughts of another relationship. Being in a new place and meeting new people was doing something to her viewpoint that living cooped up in an apartment and overindulging on food, wine, and sleeping pills had prevented. Too many variables came into play and her depression put a damper on thoughts of love and happiness. Never having a truly healthy relationship with a man had made her damaged goods in her opinion.

  She couldn’t imagine a man that would be willing to carry her emotional luggage and come to like her as the person she knew was hiding deep within her psyche. The scars Scott left behind ran through every faucet of her being, no amount of vitamin E could hope to reduce her interior scar tissue. Years of petty belittlement, snarky comments, and outright personal attacks on her appearance had left her a shell of her younger self.

  She remembered the day she met Scott and how hard he pursued her when she didn’t immediately succumb to his charm and obvious good looks. Over time his looks faded, not in a physical way, but in a melting iceberg in the hot sun kind of way. Harper saw the man under the mask, the pensive belittling husband who enjoyed demoralizing her in the sanctity of their home. On the surface he portrayed a calm serious man with military bearing and a penchant for harmless flirting. Young male airman who dared to question his authority paid the price for their mistakes behind closed doors.

  On more than one occasion Scott boasted of how he had given official derogatory paperwork to enlisted members for questioning his authority in the slightest. He made fun of the tears they shed as he ruined their careers with a simple statement saying the members were not fit for military duty. His compatriots never saw that side of his masochistic personality, all they ever saw was the uber-professional officer in charge of their military futures. He convinced teary eyed young men that they were better off working the pickup window at a drive-through than wasting their time serving their country.

  Harper suspected he had more than one affair with subordinate female airman in his chain, but was never able to confirm her suspicions. The airmen conceded to his high-ranking status and never told of his despicable practices. She had buried her head and played dumb, to her detriment, for many years. It was easier to plead ignorance than share her shame with the world. Hindsight and distance from him cleared her mind and brought reality into sharp focus.

  Without some sort of serendipitous contact from someone he used his rank to manipulate she had no course of action. His retirement from the military removed his power over enlisted personnel, and his new job of contractor voided any influence he once had. Harper didn’t have any obligation to tell Isabella of Scott’s wandering ways. Isabella knew of his philandering propensities the day she chose to plaster herself on a married man and he reciprocated.

  She was lost in thought when something bumped her arm. “Hey, where’d you go? Feel like talking about it?” Noah asked with concern in his voice.

  She looked at him. “You must think I’m a real flake. I’m easily distracted and get lost in thought, sorry.”

  He frowned at her. “Harper, what I see is a woman going through emotional turmoil. Someone who could use a friend and confidant to get all the crap off her chest.” He reached to squeeze her hands again.

  “You’re a very sensitive man aren’t you? Careful or I may start unloading, and when I start I can’t promise I’ll ever finish.”

  “And?”

  His willingness to listen to her problems flummoxed her. Her only comparison for how men were supposed to act was a poor example at best. Scott would have informed her with succinct degradation that she needed to get a handle on her overreaction and quit being weak. Though her dad was a good and gentle man during her childhood, living twenty years with Scott had clouded how a good man was supposed to act.

  She chose to give him a tidbit of what was on her mind, not willing to overwhelm her first friend in her new life. “I think Scott messed around with young female airman under his command when he was in the military. I chose the easier path of ignorance rather than verifying my suspicions.”

  Noah took a moment to respond while he considered the problem. “I don’t know you very well yet, but I suspect you were busy dealing with the crap he was piling on you during that time. Your suspicions wouldn’t have amounted to anything but denials and retribution if no-one came forward. He may have used his rank to manipulate them, but if they never admitted it what could you have done?”

  Harper puzzled over his new viewpoint, one she hadn’t considered. “Oh… well, I guess I never thought of it like that.”

  “One other thing, in those situations I think the wife is always last to know. It doesn’t make you ignorant that you wanted to trust your husband while he betrayed you.”

  Ziggie wandered up at that moment and plopped down on Harper’s foot. He looked up at her and whined low in his throat.

  “Guess it’s been too long since you got attention.” She scratched his head while his tail switched back and forth in its not quite wag.

  “I’m happy with the change in his attitude. I was getting worried about him.” Noah said then leaned over to pat Ziggie’s head.

/>   Ziggie enjoyed the double attention his tail flapping ever faster as a groan grumbled through his body.

  “Noah, I think it’s time we get on with the rest of our day.”

  “Yep, let’s get that trailer unhooked so I can return it for you. When you’re driving around town today you should stop at The Farm Store and buy some riding pants and boots. We can go out for a ride on Saturday if you’re up for it.”

  Harper hesitated. “I’ve only ridden trail rides with hack horses that follow one another. I wouldn’t even know how to steer.”

  “Don’t worry, I’ll help out… and Roxie will take care of you. Besides it’ll be a way to thank you for watching Grayson on Friday.”

  She warmed to the idea, imagining riding through the thick forest on a horse and with Noah held a certain sense of wonderment. “Wait, what about Grayson?”

  “Oh, I have a buddy saddle so he can ride with me on Penny. So do we have a date?”

  The word date bounced around inside her head on happy springs. “Yes, it’s a date.”

  Fifteen

  Scott watched Isabella make her slow pregnant way across the room. Her pendulous belly stuck out like a giant nose sniffing her crotch. A devious grin spread across his face marring his handsome features into an evil mask reflecting his true inner nature.

  “Woman, when are you going to have that kid already? I’m tired of watching you waddle around here like a duck with a stick up its ass.” His joking tone belayed the condescension of his words.

  A sexy laugh dribbled from her lips, the strain of extra weight pulled and stretched her vocal cords changing her high-pitched laugh into a husky come-on. “How about instead of sitting around on your lazy derriere you get that crib put together. You’ve been promising me for the last week you’d get it done.”

  He turned away so she couldn’t read the aggravation that crossed his face. “Yeah, Miss Duck Ass, I’ll get right on that.” His tone remained light and joking though his jaw tightened into a rock of contained aggression. Isabella had the rare ability to make him want to murder her. Women were his weakness and none had ever elicited his inner cave man the way she did. She made him want to lose control. His imagination conjured pictures of her hanging from a rope, a bullet hole piercing her flawless forehead, a bleeding grin slashed across her throat, and most recently a smothered princess lying under the pillow used to snuff the life from her soul.

  The baby she carried ensured he didn’t act on his malevolent fantasies. The unborn held his fascination as it moved like an alien under Isabella’s skin. Purple stretch marks marred the once beautiful skin of her belly and breasts. Her breasts were swollen and pendulous as they anticipated the imminent arrival of their unborn child. Purplish-blue veins streaked the white flesh as though a child had drawn wrong colored lightning bolts on her skin. The new blemishes turned his stomach and didn’t evoke tender feelings as would be expected from a normal father-to-be.

  Imperfection was unacceptable. He demanded order and perfection in every facet of his life, including his wife. He’d given up on trying to make Harper conform to his demand for infallibility. She got lost in food and sorrow and no amount of yelling and threatening would change her ways. The time he caught her with junk food stashed under the bed, he’d almost given into his need for retribution. He stayed his hand by pure force of will. That day he wanted to beat her bloody for daring to flaunt her weakness in a hidden manner. He chose to seethe in silence as she packed on the pounds, softening her once svelte frame and forcing him to accept that his wife wasn’t perfect.

  Scott’s mind flashed to Harper and her easy capitulation and weak mind. Over their twenty years of marriage she’d never figured out his dark side. Every time he’d cheated she’d forgiven his wandering ways, believing his fake sorrow and promises to get help. She’d turned a blind eye every time he came home smelling of fresh perfume and infidelity. Time after time he’d been able to convince her with a simple I’m sorry, and a few days of keeping his wandering member contained.

  For the first few years of their marriage he’d stayed faithful, fully satisfied by Harper’s insatiable sexual appetite. After the loss of their first son she lost interest in anything remotely related to bedroom activities. Once he had an excuse to screw around he couldn’t stop. He remembered the first time he’d crossed the line from faithful husband to satisfying his dark desires.

  Her title was Airman First Class Stephanie Briggs, and he was her commanding officer when she was sent to his office for repeated speeding tickets on base.

  After a soft knock on the heavy wooden door she entered and stood at attention, hand raised in a salute. Her saluting hand shook with terror and a small bead of sweat made its slow way down her magazine worthy face. It dripped from her chin and settled into the baby blue threads of her dress blues shirt. Her hat clutched in her left fist holding rigid attention.

  “At ease Airman,” he said, after returning her salute. “You don’t have to salute in my office, save that for outside.”

  Her whole body relaxed as her hands snaked behind her back and her feet moved into rest pose. “Yes, sir.”

  “Take a seat and relax. You look like you’re ready to pass out.”

  She let out a strained chuckle before sitting on the dark blue fabric chair in front of his desk. Her clear blue eyes met his then skittered away to rest on the photo of him and Harper that sat on the corner of his oversized oak desk.

  He leaned back. Black leather squeaked as he settled more fully into his seat. His eyes watched her with curiosity as she studied the photo. A photo taken before the pregnancy and before his mind had chosen a path of hidden evil. Harper glowed with happiness. Her trim, fit body clothed in tight jeans and a mauve cable knit sweater that deepened the dark brown of her eyes. Her Indian heritage glowed from the shiny long locks of black hair, olive-toned skin, and deep dark eyes so like her Cherokee grandmothers.

  “That’s my wife and me on our first wedding anniversary.”

  “She’s beautiful and you both look so happy. You’re a lucky man.” A1C Briggs said, relaxing from her earlier tension.

  He shook his head with sadness and closed his eyes. “We’re not so happy anymore. After we lost our son she’s stuck in a depression I can’t pull her out of.” He watched her, gauging her reaction to his words.

  A quick cry of sympathy escaped her throat. “I’m so sorry, that must have been terrible.”

  “It was, and now I’m like a man without a wife. It’s like taking care of a child. And definitely no action… if you know what I mean. We don’t even sleep in the same room, she makes me sleep on the couch. She says touching may lead to other things.” He cringed at his own boldness unsure how she would take him.

  Her eyes widened as she comprehended what he was saying. “I’m sorry to hear that. It must be awful to be a married man and not be sleeping with your own wife.” Her tone belied a current of passion running under its calm surface.

  His brows drew together as he chewed his inner lip, a habit from childhood when something excited him. He stretched and rolled his chair backward. “Sorry I’m getting off topic. So would you like to tell me about all the speeding tickets?”

  A sheepish grin plastered onto her face. Dimples appeared deep in her cheeks giving her a cuteness he hadn’t noticed before. “Uh, I have no excuse really. I like to drive fast.”

  Her dimples were close to unseating him. Months of going without while Harper wept and ate her life away had driven him crazy with need. Nightly showers didn’t satiate the need to be with a woman, it was temporary relief at best. He rolled his chair forward before she noticed the bulge tightening his pants. When he was tucked neatly under the desk he spoke.

  “Well, what do you think your punishment should be for breaking the rules of the road?” He smiled, showing off his perfect teeth and highlighting the strength of overcoming sadness.

  “I’m a broke airman, so I can’t afford to pay a fee. I doubt you’ll try to kick me out of the Air For
ce for a few tickets. So what are my other options?” She was unaware of the power she wielded over a man that could destroy her career with a few words.

  “Let’s see, I can suggest they remove your base driving privileges, but I’m guessing that would make it very difficult for you to get back and forth to work. I can recommend counseling and cancellation of any charges. Or I can recommend they drop the tickets and leave you alone. My only problem is I think you may be a habitual offender, so if I did the last one I’d look pretty silly. What do you think I should do?”

  A smirk played across her face, and her eyes narrowed as she considered the implication behind his words. “Is there something I could do that would make you feel better about having the tickets dropped?”

  “Well. Give me a minute and let me think.” He let the silence stretch as he pretended to be mulling over possibilities. “I have a few ideas. How about you tell me what you’re willing to do?” He winked and nodded.

  She stood from her chair and turned to lock the door.

  He watched her movements. His breath baited with expectation.

  When she turned back, the top buttons of her shirt were unbuttoned and her hands worked on the remaining ones with heated energy. Her eyes caught his. “I think I can do something for you. You know with your wife being indisposed and all.”

  He nodded encouragement as he reached down to unzip his pants. With barely contained excitement he moved to the small blue vinyl couch that rested under his bragging wall covered in commendations and certificates. He gestured for her to come closer.

  She obliged with a smoky look of passion.

  Afterward Scott lay back with a deep groan of satisfaction. “Well, I guess you earned those tickets disappearing. I recommend you get a few more, so you can earn more rewards.”