by D. Kelly
I don’t break eye contact with her; I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I want this vision of her imprinted in my mind for eternity. I don’t ever want to forget how she looks in this moment. I begin to undress, first taking off my shirt. She’s told me many times her favorite thing to see is me without my shirt on. As her gaze flitters across my upper body, I pull my pants off, finally feeling slight relief. Her eyes grow bigger as she takes in my hard on under my boxer briefs. I lace my fingers in hers and lower us both to the bed.
My hands graze along her curvy thighs and across her stomach up to her beautiful breasts. I love the sounds that she makes as she absorbs all the pleasure. I want to be sure she feels how much I love her through my actions as I continue to explore her body with my hands and mouth. Her whimpers of pleasure are pushing me to continue. I gently slip off her panties and unclasp her bra. Before I remove my boxers, I want to make sure she’s absolutely ready for this. “Are you sure, baby? We can stop, just say the word.”
“Make love to me, Michael.”
That’s all I need to hear. I remove my boxers and lower myself between her legs. I’m trying so hard to be gentle. I don’t want to hurt her any more than I know it’s already going to. Although I’m taking it painstakingly slow, she still cries out in pain. Clenching her even closer to me, I kiss her deeply. Before I get a chance to pull out and save her even more pain, she pulls me in slowly until we’re fully connected. The feeling of being inside her is indescribable. I’m connected to her in a way I don’t want to be with anyone else. Ever. I’m so in love with this girl. I make a vow to myself to never be anything but tender with her.
After it’s over, we lay in each other’s arms for hours, talking. Her arms are my favorite place to be. Eventually, though, we get up, change the sheets, and take separate showers. While the water falls down on me, I actually shed a few tears. I don’t know why—maybe it’s happiness or relief that she’s completely mine after years of love and friendship. I just know that nothing will ever take her away from me. I will love this girl until the day I die.
Chapter 6
The Big Day
“HEY, KIDDO, I just wanted to check in on things and see if you need anything for tonight before I go to work.” My dad walks over to my nightstand and picks up the ring box, looking inside. “For what it’s worth, I think she’s going to love it and I can’t imagine her saying anything but yes. It’s hard to believe you two are heading off to college and getting engaged. You are both very blessed to be best friends and in love. I’m so proud of you both.”
I wipe the sleep from my eyes and sit up in bed. Looking at the clock, it’s only six a.m. “Thanks, Dad. I think I have everything, I’m just nervous.”
He takes a seat on the edge of my bed. “Michael, it’s natural to be nervous, but no one knows when the time is right but you. You’ve been hanging on to that ring for over a year and I fully agree that proposing in high school would have been the wrong idea. You’re heading off to college now; it seems like a natural progression to me. Have a long engagement, or hell, marry that girl tomorrow. She worships you and I know you worship her, too. I never imagined my son wouldn’t play the field before settling down, but seeing lots of women isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be, either.”
I shake my head at him, “Not the conversation I want to be having at six in the morning. But I don’t need to play the field to know that she’s the love of my life and that will never change.”
He ruffles my hair as if I’m a little kid again. “Okay, I get it. Tell me the plan again for this weekend.”
“Jessica packed her bag and we took it to the boat yesterday so Katherine will have clothes for the weekend. We’re spending the day at the beach, and after I propose I’m taking her straight to the boat. The captain is going to take us out for two uninterrupted days of fun.”
My dad clears his throat, “Well, just because you’re going to be getting married doesn’t mean you don’t need to be safe.”
I cut him off, “Dad, stop, please. We’ve had the sex talk many times. I’m not going to knock her up.”
He gets off the bed, “Alright, I know you’ve got it handled. Text me tonight when you get to the boat. Love you, son.”
“Love you, too, Dad, I will.”
I know he worries and probably rightfully so. He knows I wish I wasn’t going to college. What he doesn’t know is that I wish that Katherine and I were starting our family already instead of having to wait God knows how many more years to get to that point. Sometimes I wonder what’s wrong with me. Instead of thinking about getting pussy, I’m wishing for babies. Our friends seem to understand how in love we are and no one has ever really tried to come between us all these years. Riley has always given me subtle hints that she’s available as soon as we crash and burn and God only knows what Marc has planned for Katherine. Truth be told, I don’t even want another girl. As soon as I think about anyone else even touching Katherine, my temper flares to a scary level of rage. The sound of my phone ringing pulls me from my thoughts.
“Hey, Jessica. A little early, isn’t it?”
She laughs, “Yeah no, I’m on my way up the stairs so cover your ass up.”
Why is she here so early? So much for going back to sleep.
I lean up against the headboard and cover myself with my blanket just as she breezes through the door. “Why are you still in bed? Today is the biggest day of your life so far; don’t you have tons of stuff to do?” She hands me a coffee, which I take gratefully, and then she grabs the ring box and plops down on my bed.
“You are dressed, right?”
I smirk at her. “Yup, in my boxers.” She scoots to the other side of the bed.
“What, you can’t be next to me?”
She looks me up and down. “I can be next to you just fine. It’s your morning wood I want to be a few feet away from.”
I laugh so hard I choke on my coffee. “You don’t need to worry about that, my morning wood is long gone. I don’t know why you’re here so early. I don’t have anything to do except pack the picnic. We took everything to the boat last night and I have nine hours before I’m meeting Katherine.”
She sighs deeply, “Whatever, Michael, I’m freaking out! My best friends are getting engaged, you’re getting freaking married! I’m nervous for you, I’m excited for you, and I’m seriously in love with this ring. She’s going to love it. Why aren’t you a freaking wreck right now? If it were me, I’d be a ball of nerves. Hell, it isn’t me and I’m still a ball of nerves.”
Even first thing in the morning she’s high strung. “How much coffee have you had?”
She gives me the evil eye. “None. I don’t need coffee, I’ve got a chai tea. I was being nice and brought coffee for you because I thought you would have had a sleepless night. But I guess I was wrong because you look very well rested.”
“Jessica, I have loved Katherine for as long as I can remember. The only thing that makes me excessively nervous is how nervous you are. Yes, I have some nerves, that makes me human. But I don’t see her turning me down, do you? Is there something I should know?”
“Oh god, no! I’m sorry if I gave you that impression. She loves you and you two are going to be so happy. You’re going to have beautiful babies with blonde hair and emerald green eyes and I’m going to be the best auntie/godmother around. I’m just excited for you both and thought I would come over and spend the day with you. It’s probably going to be one of the last ones we really get to spend together for a while.”
She’s so sensitive; I should’ve known this was going to affect her. “Jessica, I would love to spend the day with you. We’re all best friends. I know things are going to change, but I don’t think they’re going to change as much as you think. But if you start feeling alone or left out, speak up. I don’t want to hurt you, regardless of my marrying Katherine. You’re always going to be my best friend. If it weren’t for you running interference between us all these years, we wouldn’t even be here. You know
we don’t have the best track record when it comes to talking out our feelings to each other. I wish we did because maybe then she wouldn’t need Marc so much. I’m hoping now we’ll close that gap in our relationship.
She pats my hand, trying to reassure me. “Look, you’ve dealt with Marc for years. I know you’ll never be friends, but maybe you should start considering him an ally instead of an enemy. Regardless of how you feel about him, he always encourages her to follow her heart.”
“Oh, come on! He’s just waiting until the time is right and then he’s going to take advantage of her.”
“Really? Can you step out of the 1950’s for a minute and at least give her credit for being able to make her own decisions? Katherine is one of the strongest people I know. If Marc ever gets the chance to ‘take advantage of her’ I can guarantee you it would only happen if she was a willing participant. Honestly. Michael, you’ve got to get over this. Let it go. Stop trying to dominate her relationships. She’s about to be your wife for Christ’s sake. She would never, ever cheat on you. Now, we’re way off topic. Tell me what you have planned today, down to every last detail.”
I’m slowly nursing my coffee as I listen to Jessica rant at me. Maybe I am too overprotective, but I can’t help it. I’ve been that way since we were kids and I’m not stopping anytime soon. “Let’s just agree to disagree about Marc, okay? I hear what you’re saying, but my opinion of him will never change. Katherine is coming here to pick me up after her lunch with my dad. After that, we’re heading to the beach for some down time where we’ll have a picnic dinner and watch the sunset. I figure at some point while we’re stargazing I’ll pop the question. When she says yes we’ll head to the boat. I’ve got my IPod set up and all her favorite songs loaded. I’m sure we’ll do some dancing under the stars before I take her to my room where I plan to keep her for two days.”
Nodding, she replies, “Did you load that sappy sad song that she loves?” She’s talking about When She Danced, the theme song from the movie Stealing Home.“Absolutely. We’ve watched my parents dance to that song so many times. Katherine’s always been so in love with it and with the amount of love my parents have for each other. I knew that song should be first on the playlist.”
“Sounds like you have it all under control. So hit me with the proposal.”
I shoot her a dirty look, “No.”
“What do you mean no? You practiced it, right?”
“Yes.”
“Then let me hear it.”
“Jessica, it’s private.”
She isn’t going to take no for an answer, “Michael, you need a female opinion on this. You know how Katherine cries at everything. You want her happy tears tonight. Let’s make sure she gets them.”
I hate it when she’s right. I know if Jessica loves it, Katherine will, too.
I reluctantly give in, because even if I think it’s perfect, this is something I don’t want to screw up. “Fine.”
After taking a deep breath, I recite the proposal I’ve been working on for what seems like years.
“Katherine, when I was seven years old and my dad brought me to meet you for the first time, I never would have imagined that moment changing my life forever. From that first day, we had an unbreakable connection, and although I didn’t know what it was back then, I knew that I liked it. Over the years, that connection has grown stronger, we’ve grown stronger, and our love has grown stronger. There’s not a doubt in my mind that I was brought here for you and only you. I know I can be overprotective and demanding but it’s part of how I show my love. You’re my everything, forever and always, mine to catch when you fall, mine to love and cherish until the day I die. There’s never been anyone else and there never will be. You’re it for me, Katherine. You’re the keeper of my heart until the end of time. Marry me, love me, and only me, have babies with me, spend your life with me, and I promise I’ll spend my entire life worshipping every single bit of your love. Katherine Grace Moore, will you please do me the absolute honor of becoming my wife?”
I look up at Jessica just as she punches me in the shoulder. “You fucker, you made me cry and mess up my makeup. That was…there are no words. Michael, that was the most perfect proposal I’ve ever heard. I should have never doubted you for a minute. You guys got this. You and Katie Grace are going to have the happily ever after we all dream of.”
Chapter 7
Freefalling
IT’S BEEN AN entire day since my dad died and every second that has passed has felt like an eternity. I keep hoping I’ll wake up from this nightmare and everything will be okay. Yet, deep down inside, I know that this is my new normal. I have to get up and at least piece myself together enough to go make funeral arrangements. Since my last argument with my mom, we haven’t spoken. But I did tell her I would take care of it because I know she can’t. The doctor sedated her yesterday after our fight—that was probably a good thing. She was being such a rapacious bitch.
I’ve got the housekeeper running interference on the phone and the door. I swear, people don’t have any decency. You want to pay your condolences, fine, but do it after the funeral and give us time to grieve. Between the food and the flowers, the whole fucking house smells like a cross between a florist and a buffet. I get it, people are sorry and they want to help, but they can help more by leaving me the fuck alone.
I glance over at my phone on the charger, knowing I can’t ignore it forever and finally pick it up. Between Jessica and Katherine, both my text messages and voicemails are at capacity. I draw in the deepest breath I can and begin listening to and reading them all. It takes me an hour to get through them but I can’t respond. I don’t even know what to say, or if I want to say anything at all.
I turn the shower on high and let the water wash over me, hoping for relief that never comes. My hands begin to tremble and my body starts shaking. Before I realize what’s happening, I’m down on the tile floor, crying harder than I ever have in my life. I’m filled with so much rage and have no clue where or who to direct it at. What I do know is that I really need a fucking drink.
Eventually, I get out, go through the motions of getting ready, and head out to the funeral home. When I walk outside, Jessica is propped against her car at the curb. I can tell she’s upset and I just don’t have it in me to deal with her at the moment.
“Leave, Jessica, I’m not in the mood.”
She flinches so hard it’s as if I’d hit her, but she doesn’t leave. “Where are you going?”
“Out.”
“Stop it, Michael. Talk to me. I want to help you. Out where?”
I pause for a minute, taking a deep breath and willing myself to say the words out loud. “To the funeral home, to make… the arrangements.”
Nodding, she answers, “I’m coming with you.”
“No.”
She laughs a crazy fucking laugh and I wonder if I’m not the only one losing my shit. “You don’t get a say in this, Matthews. You’re my best friend and you’re not doing this alone. I’M COMING WITH YOU AND THAT’S FINAL. We’re taking my car, too. You’re in no condition to drive.”
I can’t really argue with that, but as I close the door, I need to make one thing perfectly fucking clear to her. “Jessica, don’t talk to me about her, not now, okay? I can’t deal with that and this at the same time.”
She nods but doesn’t look me in the eye, whispering “Okay” as she pulls away from the curb.
Once we pull into the mortuary parking lot, my legs feel like rubber. I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. Jessica reaches for my hand and only let’s go of it long enough to get out of the car. Thankfully, my parents have already pre-purchased their plots. It’s just a matter of the casket, headstone, service details, and of course payment. Just a matter of… Like this isn’t the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my entire life.
As we go through the motions, Jessica prompts me and helps answer most of the questions. It’s decided it’ll be a closed casket for obvious reasons.
Bob, the funeral director, has a few more questions. I can’t help but think how creepy his fucking job is. Walking around dead people all day, talking about dead people all day, planning goodbyes for dead people all day—it gives me the creeps. At the same time, I’m grateful that people like Bob are around because you really have to want to help people to do his job. I feel like maybe I should give him a big tip for doing it all. Do you tip funeral directors? I have no fucking clue but it seems like it should be a highly tippable industry.
“Mr. Matthews, will there be a photo montage for your father?”
Suddenly, it hits me. I’m now Mr. Matthews. The only Mr. Matthews. I blink back the tears. I will not break here.
“No.”
“Okay, no problem. I understand. I think we’ve worked out all the details except the music. Your mother said on the phone she had some specific requests. Do you have them?”
Can’t forget the fucking music, as if we’ll even be paying attention to it. I know I plan on blocking the day permanently from my memories. “Yes, Amazing Grace. Any church version will do. Bridge Over Troubled Water, the Michael Smith version. Also, Eric Clapton’s Tears in Heaven and You Raise Me Up by Josh Groban. I’m sorry to be abrupt but are we done here now? I really need to be getting back to my mother.”