Shadow Haven

by AJ Schippers

  She pressed the tip of the pen to the paper and started writing once more.

  Why I should not eat chocolate without explicit consent from my Domme.

  She took a deep breath and started writing again, slowly and deliberately. She was a PR agent, for crying out loud. She knew her way around words; this should be a piece of cake.

  When I first met the alluring and gorgeous Alexandra Ortega, I never thought my vacation would turn into a life-changing event. But it did. In the past couple of months, my life has been completely turned upside down, and while I do not want to change one moment of it, there is one thing I regret very much.

  Well, that wasn’t exactly true, but it looked good on paper, anyway.

  There are not a lot of rules I have to follow. This means that my Domme trusts me explicitly, and for that, I am grateful. Unfortunately, though, I broke one of the rules, and this has caused her great pain.

  Julia snorted. “Great pain, my ass.” Her gaze darted over to Alexandra who seemed to be completely immersed into her book.

  I am not allowed to eat chocolate without her permission. The chocolate was set in place as a reward system, and when I decided to eat some of it after dinner last night, I did this in a sneaky manner. While it tasted heavenly, a bitter aftertaste was left in my mouth, because I knew that my Domme had not given me permission to do so.

  She smiled to herself, and immediately let it die down. She supposed it really did taste a little bitter, as Alexandra hadn’t given her permission, and Julia had known she was breaking the rules by eating it. Damnit, she thought as she continued writing.

  Knowingly breaking the rules is not as much fun as people make it out to be. The fact that I broke the rules resulted in me having to write this essay, which has taken time away from things I truly enjoy doing: my Domme, for instance; swimming in the pool; or even being curled up with her on the couch as we both read our favorite books. Anyway, I digress.

  I should not break the rules, especially since I have to follow so few of them. I should not break the trust my Domme has in me. I should not perform an action without thinking of the consequences first. Because this is bad behavior on my part, and I feel guilty for it—especially since my Domme has been nothing but nice to me.

  Alexandra had been right. Writing this essay did make her feel guilty, but there was no way she was going to admit this to her. She didn’t need the gloating on top of the embarrassment of having to write the essay.

  I am sorry for my behavior, and I hope that my Domme can find it in her heart to forgive me.

  She looked up when the satellite phone rang, and Alexandra excused herself with a smile.

  I am sorry for eating the delicious chocolate without her permission.

  I am sorry for breaking the rules, despite fully knowing that it would lead to consequences that I would not like.

  She counted the words, sighing when she realized she still needed another 140 words.

  My Domme is the most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes on. It is my mission in life to make her happy, to comply with her rules, and to hear nothing but sweet words come out of her mouth. My Domme is kind, sweet, loving, and stern when she needs to be. She knows what’s best for me, and while there are times when I may not agree, I should always remember that everything she does comes from a deep place of love for me.

  My name is Julia Quinn, my Domme is Alexandra Ortega, and this is my essay. This is my official apology for breaking the rules.

  (I am truly sorry. Please forgive me? With a cherry on top? And puppy eyes? At this point I’m just adding in random comments to get to five hundred, but this was honestly way harder than I thought it would be.)

  Julia smiled. She went five words over, but she doubted that would be a problem. Oh, God, would it be? She tapped her fingers on the table as she waited for Alexandra to return, her eyes scanning over the words once more.

  Everything really had changed since she’d arrived. It was so easy to forget the number of days she’d spent here. She lost track of time, forgot about her responsibilities in the “real” world, and much preferred to be here.

  Being on the island meant Julia was happy. Happy as she could be. Being with Alexandra made her feel content and loved, so incredibly loved, and she had never experienced that before. Some days…it still overwhelmed her to think that she loved Alexandra with the intensity that she did.

  Julia’s eyes grew wide when Alexandra walked back into the room. Loving Alexandra wasn’t a revelation that she hadn’t come to before, but actually saying those words out loud terrified her, because once the words were spoken, she could never take them back again. They would forever be remembered, and if for some reason their relationship did not work out, Julia would have given away a piece of herself that she could never reclaim.

  Willing those thoughts from her mind, she got down to her knees before Alexandra and handed her the essay. With her bottom lip caught between her teeth, she waited for Alexandra to finish reading it.

  “Well done on the kissing-my-ass part… I like your creative use of words.” Alexandra placed the essay on the coffee table beside her. “You’re forgiven, mine.” She stroked Julia’s cheek with her thumb and invitingly patted her lap. When Julia quickly jumped into it, Alexandra was caught off guard and groaned, but still said, “I’m proud of you.”

  “Thank you,” Julia smiled. “Today was a good day, wasn’t it?”

  Alexandra nodded. “Not to worry, I will gladly reward you for your essay by giving you what you are undoubtedly very eager to get. But there’s something we need to discuss first.”

  “I don’t like that look on your face,” Julia said quietly. “So, who was it on the phone?”

  Alexandra took a deep breath. “Caroline called. She’s hosting her annual fundraiser, and our presence has been…requested.”

  Julia’s smile faltered. Alexandra brought her finger up to Julia’s chin. “Are you ready for this?” she asked.

  “I’m not entirely sure.” Julia’s words were followed by a deep sigh. She lay stretched out on the couch, silently enjoying the way Alexandra’s fingers played with her hair. “I don’t want things to change.”

  “Why would they change? Talk to me.”

  “I mean… We have a dynamic, right? What happens to that dynamic when I go home?”

  “When we go home,” Alexandra corrected. “I’ve told you that we are in this together, and I meant it. Going home doesn’t have to change anything.” She paused for a moment before adding, “Unless you want something to change.”

  “No. I like what we have. I just… I don’t know. How am I supposed to act? I’m not used to this dynamic out there in the real world. So far, it’s just been you and me. I don’t know how I feel about asking you for permission to do things in public.”

  “Maybe you need to look at it from a different point of view.”

  “Like how?”

  “I wear the pants in this relationship.” Alexandra tugged on Julia’s hair. “There are so many relationships out there that have a power dynamic. I don’t expect you to call me Miss or Mistress in public. That can stay private. I want you to be comfortable.”

  “What if I want chocolate?”

  Alexandra rolled her eyes. “You and your chocolate. Tell you what… You don’t have to ask permission for anything.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Mhm. Unless you want to, that is. I know going back home will be quite an adjustment. You and I both have to adjust to being back among people again. It means we have to find a new balance of what works and what we are comfortable with.”

  “Also known as ‘everything will change.’”

  “I disagree. The core of our relationship stays the same.”

  “Which means…?”

  Alexandra smiled. “You are mine, and I am yours.”

  “Simple as that, hmm?”

  “Simple as that. Julia, I love you, whether we are here or on the mainland. Nothing will ever change that. Nothin
g can change what we have. Now, this fundraiser is important to Caroline, You know that.”

  Julia nodded. She had only been with Caroline for a short while when she had been tasked with promoting the fundraiser three years ago. It had been immensely popular, and Caroline always chose the best charities.

  “I think,” Alexandra said slowly, “I would quite like to see your world. Because no matter what, I’m not letting you go home alone.”

  Julia swallowed thickly at hearing those words and couldn’t help but huff. “I’m not going home, not really. It doesn’t really feel that way anymore.”

  Alexandra smiled and pulled Julia into a tight hug. “Then let’s get this fundraiser over with. You can show me your world, and we’ll have a long talk about what you do consider home and where we’re going from here.”

  “Okay.”

  “Julia?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I am with you every step of the way. You won’t ever be alone. I am not abandoning you. I am not running, and I am not letting you run either. We are doing this together. We are in this together.”

  Julia smiled and pressed herself tighter against Alexandra. “Okay. Does that mean I get my reward now?”

  Alexandra grinned. “Absolutely.”

  Chapter 25

  “This is ridiculous,” Julia said as she held on to the door handle of the car.

  “What is?”

  “We are driving a car, on a private island, to a private plane that will take us out of here.” Julia shook her head when Alexandra shrugged as if it was the most normal thing on earth. She supposed that for Alexandra this was normal. Unlike her, though, Julia was still getting used to it all. There seemed to be a certain amount of ridiculousness to it all that she couldn’t shake off. Not that it mattered anymore.

  In a couple of hours, her vacation would officially come to an end. Well, her vacation at Shadow Haven would come to an end. Caroline had sent her an e-mail saying that they needed to talk before she returned to work, but she wasn’t too worried about that conversation. Part of her was worried about seeing Caroline again. No doubt her boss would ask a million questions, questions Julia wasn’t quite sure she knew how to answer. They had kept in contact over the last couple of weeks, with Caroline often reassuring Julia that it was perfectly fine that she stayed longer than the three weeks she was supposed to stay. But, even in those e-mails, Caroline often asked her how things were going with Alexandra, and Julia was never quite sure how to answer them, so she kept her replies short. Not that Caroline was bothered by that, but Julia was still quite annoyed with her.

  “That thing is supposed to fly us home?” Julia asked as her eyes widened. The plane looked like it had seen better days, and it definitely was not something that was up to Alexandra’s usual standard. For some reason, Julia had thought the plane would be more like a presidential jet, rather than the worn-down hunk of metal that waited for them.

  “Oh, shush.” Alexandra laughed. “That plane is as trustworthy as they come.” She parked the car and grinned when Julia frowned at her leaving the key in the ignition. “It’s not like anyone is going to steal it.”

  “Madness, I tell you,” Julia whispered. “Total madness.” With a loud groan, she strapped on her backpack on and retrieved Alexandra’s suitcase from the trunk.

  “See? We will be just fine. You’re grabbing my luggage without me having to ask you.”

  As quick as she could, Julia poked her tongue out of her mouth and quickly put it back in when she saw the playful look on Alexandra’s face. “I just want my chocolate reward.”

  Alexandra snickered and said, “Give me a minute,” before walking over to the pilot.

  Julia turned around, taking in her surroundings for what felt like the very last time. The island didn’t look nearly as daunting as it had when she had first arrived. The sky was an almost perfect shade of blue, which made the hills look greener than they ever had before. A sadness settled deep in the pit of her stomach. Going home was…scary. Part of her wished she could stay here forever, yet part of her was excited to see how they’d manage back in the real world.

  But for now, she wasn’t going to worry about that. For now, she would remember the way Alexandra had angrily stalked up to her that first day, demanding to know who she was; the way Julia had been utterly terrified to admit how she definitely was interested in the lifestyle; and, finally, how they had gone from perfect strangers to the lovers they were now.

  Lovers wasn’t a title she had felt comfortable using before, but that was what they were, wasn’t it? Two women, in love. Nothing more, nothing less.

  A hand grabbed hold of her own. “I’m going to miss Shadow Haven,” she admitted.

  “It will be here, patiently waiting for us to return.”

  Julia turned around and cursed the tears that filled her eyes. “Will we?”

  “Absolutely. I don’t know when, and I don’t know for how long, but rest assured, one day, I’m bringing you home.” Alexandra took a step closer and cradled Julia in her arms. “Shadow Haven will forever be a part of you, like I am a part of you. Never forget that.”

  “Why does this feel like a good-bye?” Julia croaked out.

  “Because in a way it is. Good-byes aren’t forever, though. I will never let go of Shadow Haven for as long as I live, and I have no plans whatsoever to let go of you, either. So, for as long as you will have me, you will also have the island.”

  Julia nodded and pressed her lips against Alexandra’s. Her eyes closed when she felt a warmth spread throughout her body. It had taken her a while to identity what that feeling was, but she knew now without a doubt…that feeling was safety. Home. Alexandra. Hers.

  Being back on the mainland was…weird. After the charter plane had dropped them off, they had to take another flight to get back to Julia’s city, and this time it was a commercial flight. She’d been spoiled by the solitude of the island—the hundreds of people who were now around her, all trying to grab their luggage, were nearly suffocating her. The slight panic in the pit of her stomach immediately settled when Alexandra intertwined their fingers, and she threw her a thankful smile.

  They had talked extensively about where they would be staying and had eventually decided on Julia’s apartment. Alexandra wanted to see Julia’s world, and being in her home would be the best way to achieve that. Julia tried not to focus on the embarrassment she felt at having to take Alexandra to her place. There was such a world of difference between her tiny apartment and the luxury “hotel” that they had resided in over the last couple of months.

  She eyed the luggage carousel suspiciously—as if their bags would be stolen by some shady onlooker. Her cheeks turned bright red when Alexandra whispered in her ear, “Maybe they’ve put my luggage aside because they saw what was in it.”

  “You wouldn’t…” Julia hissed softly.

  “Oh, but I would.” She grinned and spun Julia around when she eyed her baggage. “Off you go, Miss Quinn.”

  Julia muttered a silent, “Thank fuck,” when Alexandra’s suitcase was one of the first to appear on the belt. With their luggage in hand, they hailed a cab to Julia’s home.

  “It… It’s been broken for quite some time now,” Julia muttered apologetically as she nodded at the out-of-order sign on the elevator.

  “I’m not some delicate flower who can’t carry a suitcase.” Alexandra headed to the stairs. She changed her tune when they reached the top, though. “If I had known I would be walking up fifteen flights, I would have left some of my implements at home,” she panted, slumping against the wall.

  “I’m really sorry.” Julia tried to catch her own breath and fumbled with her keys. She looked back at Alexandra. “Remember when you asked me not to judge your playroom?”

  Alexandra nodded.

  “Don’t judge me for my house, okay? It’s not…” Her hands flailed about before she continued. “It’s not fancy.”

  “Honestly, Julia. Do you have a shower?”

 
This time, Julia nodded.

  “A couch?”

  Another nod.

  “A bed?”

  Julia rolled her eyes. “Of course.”

  “That’s all I need, plus you by my side. Now open the door, please. My feet are killing me. I never looked for fancy. I wasn’t even looking for you, but I found you, or you found me. Either way, I wanted to see your world. Now open that door and show me.”

  “Okay, okay.” Julia turned the key and opened the door for Alexandra to enter. She immediately grimaced at the slew of clothing left carelessly on the floor. “Let me get that really quick.” She hurried past Alexandra and picked up the sweaters and jeans as quickly as she could. She stood around helplessly with them all in her arms as she looked around for a place to put them down.

  “Laundry basket?” Alexandra grinned. Julia walked to the bathroom, made some noise, and immediately came back to the living room.

  Her apartment had never really felt like a home. To her, it was a place to sleep at night, and the only personal things were the pictures on the white walls.

  “Did you take these?” Alexandra pointed to them.

  “I did, but it’s nothing. I liked them, so I put them up, but they’re nothing special.”

  Alexandra frowned. “Nothing special? These are absolutely amazing! They’re raw…they’re, well…you. I like this one.” She pointed to a picture of a seagull. “Reminds me of my grandfather.”