Breaking Alexandria

by K. A. Robinson

  “Landon?” I called softly, not wanting to wake up his dad.

  Landon appeared around the corner and motioned for me to follow him. We walked into his bedroom. I tried not to stare at him when I noticed that his jeans and shirt were gone. Other than a pair of shorts, he had nothing on. I couldn’t help but glance up at his naked chest, taking in just how fit he was.

  “I’m going to go shower. Make yourself at home in here, but don’t go through the rest of the house. If my dad sees you like this, he’ll flip.”

  I nodded as I sat down on the end of his bed. “Got it.”

  He turned and walked out of the room without another word. I stared around his room as I waited for him to come back. Looking at his country music posters and the pictures of him and his friends in football uniforms, I realized that we were two totally different people. He was the golden boy while I was the problem child.

  I lay back across the foot of the bed and stared up at the ceiling. I had no idea what I was doing when it came to Landon. If I were smart, I’d sneak out of the house while he was in the shower. Of course, I rarely did the smart thing. Part of me wanted to tackle him to the bed the minute he walked back into the room while the other part wanted to curl up in a ball and hide from him. I wasn’t sure which part would win.

  Landon returned to his room a few minutes later, looking relieved when he saw that I was still on his bed. “I figured you would sneak out.”

  “Nah. I’m tired, and it’s a long-ass walk back to the main house.”

  He laughed as he sat down next to me. “Lazy ass.”

  “Always.” My eyes closed as I felt exhaustion take over.

  The next thing I knew, he was lifting me and placing me back down on his bed, so I wasn’t lying across it anymore. I snuggled down into the blankets after he covered me up. I needed to go home, and I would—right after I took a nap.

  I was too hot. I tried to move to throw off the covers, but an arm wrapped around me had me trapped. I glanced behind me to see Landon sound asleep. He was pressed up tight against me, and I could feel his thickness pressed against my ass. I wiggled, trying to free myself, and he moaned. I sucked in a breath as he pushed his hips tighter into me.

  His hand drifted up and started rubbing circles across my hip. My shirt had come up sometime during the night, and the feeling of his fingers against my bare skin made me snuggle back into him further. Despite how good it felt, I needed to move off this bed. I still had no idea whether or not I was ready to be something more with Landon, and waking up in bed with him was not how I’d wanted to start our relationship.

  I tried to squirm away, but his arm wrapped completely around me again. I shivered as he ran his fingers up and down my stomach. If his breathing wasn’t still even, I would have sworn he was trying to get a free pass to feel me up. His hand crept higher until it was cupping one of my breasts. My breathing became shallow as his thumb ran across my nipple. I shoved him away roughly and jumped out of the bed.

  His eyes sprang open, and he stared up at me. “City, what’s wrong?”

  “I…nothing. I just didn’t know where I was and got scared,” I lied.

  If it were any other guy but Landon, I would have let him have it. But I knew Landon better. I knew he wouldn’t push me like that. I turned and walked out of the room and to the bathroom. I stood with my hands on the sink and stared at myself in the mirror. I wasn’t ready for sex with anyone. I wasn’t sure if I would ever be ready again. But damn it, my body was humming, and there was an ache between my legs from where he’d touched my body.

  My head was a mess. Why can’t I just let Joel go and take a chance with Landon? I knew he was nothing like Joel, but I was still terrified to let myself feel again. Joel had completely destroyed my trust in men, and I hated him for that. He’d ruined me and left Landon with someone who was terrified of him when it came to something more than friendship.

  I smacked the sink before opening the door and returning to Landon’s room. He was sitting on his bed, running his hands through his hair. I watched him silently as I waited for him to look up and notice me. He stood and pulled off his shorts, leaving him in only his boxers. My eyes widened in surprise, but I didn’t utter a word. I stared at his body and wondered what the hell was wrong with me.

  He grabbed a shirt off the bed and pulled it over his head before grabbing a pair of jeans and putting them on as well. He turned to face me and stopped dead when he noticed me. A grin tilted up the corners of his mouth as we stared at each other.

  “How long have you been standing there?” he asked.

  I felt my cheeks warm. “Uh…just for a few minutes.”

  He laughed. “Were you hoping to see me naked?”

  “What? No! I just—”

  “I’m only kidding, City. Don’t freak out on me.” He walked across the room and took my hand to lead me back to the bed. “Come sit down with me. I want to talk to you.”

  “About what?” I asked as we sat down.

  “Look, I know we talked last night, but you’re still acting so damn skittish around me. I want you to understand that I’m not trying to pressure you into anything. You know me better than that. Do I want you? Hell yes. But I know everything that has happened to you with Joel, and I would never expect you to jump right into a relationship with me, no questions asked.”

  “I don’t want you to think that I’m just leading you on. I’m not. I’m just afraid to start a new relationship with someone. I care a lot about you.”

  “Then, give me a chance, please. We’ll go slow.”

  I studied him closely. I could see the truth in his eyes. This man won’t hurt me. He won’t use me like Joel did.

  “We’ll go slow,” I said. My stomach felt like it was going to fall out as I said those words, but I meant them.

  I had to let go of Joel and move on. I was pretty sure that I wasn’t going to find anyone that was as sweet and caring as Landon.

  Landon pulled me into his arms and hugged me tightly. I snuggled down into his arms. It felt right to be in them, and like always, I felt safe as he held me. I decided right there that I would stop worrying and let things go wherever they were supposed to go.

  “I’d like to start going slow by taking you somewhere today.”

  I pulled away to look up at him. “Where?”

  “You’ll see. Go get dressed. Your clothes are in the dryer.”

  “Okay…” I stood and walked into the hallway.

  I’d seen the washer and dryer in a small room next to the bathroom last night. I walked in and pulled my clothes out before continuing on to the bathroom. I changed quickly and dug through the cabinet until I found a brush. I brushed my hair and tied it back into a ponytail before grabbing the toothbrush Landon had obviously left for me out of the package.

  A few minutes later, I reemerged from the bathroom to see Landon standing in the hallway by the front door. The armor around my heart shattered when he gave me the biggest smile ever. This boy was crazy about me. There was no hiding it. I just hoped that he wouldn’t hurt me or that I wouldn’t push him away.

  “Let me brush my teeth, and then we’ll head out. Don’t look in the bag by the door,” he said as he walked past me and into the bathroom.

  I stared at the bag he’d mentioned, trying not to cheat. He came back a minute later and picked it up before I could.

  “All right, let’s go.”

  We walked out onto the porch, and he waited as I slipped on my mud boots. I giggled as I stared at the mud covering every inch of them. He held my hand as we walked to the four-wheeler. He picked me up and sat me on it before climbing on himself. He threw the bag on the front and then started the four-wheeler. I wrapped my arms around him as he drove up a hill next to his house. I’d never been this far out on this side of the farm, so I had no idea where we were going.

  I rested my forehead against his back as we climbed the hill and started down the other side.

  God, he smells good. I inhaled deeply, bre
athing him in.

  Neither of us spoke until we came to a stop. I looked over his shoulder, and my mouth dropped open.

  “I never even knew this was here,” I told him as I stared out at the pond.

  Truthfully, it was much larger than an average pond. It was roughly a quarter of a mile wide and long. Ducks and even a few geese swam around on the pretty blue water.

  “We use these fields in late fall once the cattle eat everything in the other two. Then, once winter hits, we take them back to the fields closer to the house, so we can feed them hay.”

  “You’re so good at all of this. I mean, I do my chores and stuff, but I have no real knowledge of this stuff. You live and breathe it.”

  He jumped off the four-wheeler and grabbed the bag off the front. I followed him as he walked to a spot next to the water. He set the bag down and opened it. I watched as he pulled out a thin blanket and spread it out on the ground.

  “Most folks laugh at people like me for being too backwoods. But you know what? I like it. No, we don’t have crazy fast Internet or cell service, but we all know each other around here, and I couldn’t tell you the last time someone got in trouble with the law around here. Plus, I’d probably go nuts if all I had to look at was concrete all day. Farming isn’t easy, but it’s a way of life. If the world came crashing down around us, I know I could survive off the land and take care of myself.”

  “If the world ever ends, you can bet your ass I’ll be hiding out here with you,” I joked before glancing at the blanket on the ground. “Are we having a picnic?”

  He grinned. “We are. I thought it would be nice to just get away for a few hours.”

  “I probably should have called Gram to let her know where I am. She’s worried, I’m sure.”

  “I called her earlier this morning while you were sleeping. She knows you’re with me.”

  “Oh, okay.”

  Only Landon would be able to call my gram early in the morning to let her know that I was with him and not get in trouble. I guessed that was just another sign that he really was trustworthy.

  “Come sit down. I brought food,” Landon said as he dropped down onto the blanket.

  I stepped forward and sat down next to him. I started laughing as he pulled our food out of the bag.

  “Really? I don’t think snack cakes and Reese’s Cups classify as actual food.”

  “I can’t cook to save my life, so deal with it. Besides, I love this stuff.”

  “You have a sweet tooth? I never would have guessed that by looking at you,” I said, not thinking about my words until it was too late.

  “Why? How do I look?” he asked.

  I could see laughter in his eyes as I squirmed under his stare.

  “We’ve already had this conversation once. You’re hot, Cowboy, and you know it.”

  He chuckled as he handed me a snack cake. “That’s probably the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

  I ate my cake while watching the ducks play in the water only a few feet away from us. The wind blew softly, causing the surface of the water to ripple gently. This was peace right here. This entire farm was peace.

  Dread filled me as I realized that my time here would be over soon. I had no idea how I would deal with leaving the farm and Landon behind to go back to the only home I’d ever known. I didn’t want to leave this place. I didn’t want to go anywhere near where Joel was. Home would be a reminder of him.

  I looked over at Landon as he shoved two Reese’s Cups in his mouth at once. I wanted to stay with him. We were just starting to trust each other, and I wasn’t ready to let him go.

  I looked back to the water as I tried to clear my mind. Maybe I could come here on the weekends or something. Yeah, that would work. Even if nothing came of Landon and me, I still wanted to stay at the farm sometimes. This place just made me happy. Even Grandpa wasn’t as bad as I’d thought he was. We weren’t going to hold hands and sing songs together anytime soon, but we’d been decent to each other since my epic screw-up.

  Landon reached over and pulled me tight against him. I snuggled into his chest as I stared out across the water. We spent the next hour just talking and getting to know each other better. Now that we weren’t both trying to ignore what was between us, things were easier. There was no tension.

  Every few minutes, he would tilt my chin up, so he could kiss me softly. I melted into him each time, unable to stop myself. Things hadn’t felt this right in a while. I was going to cherish it while I could.

  Even when we ran out of words, our lips never stopped moving. Our kisses grew deeper as we lay on the blanket. Landon balanced his weight on his elbows, so he wouldn’t crush me. He kissed a trail from my mouth to my neck and then up to my ear. My heart was pounding so loud that I was sure he could hear it. His hands roamed across my stomach but never went higher or lower. He respected me enough not to try for something more.

  When it was almost dark, he took me back to my grandparents’ house. After a long kiss good night, I walked inside as he drove away. I felt light and happy as I nearly skipped through the house and up to my room. I grabbed pajamas and walked into the bathroom. I sang loudly as I showered, not caring if anyone heard me. I’d spent the entire day with Landon and I couldn’t be happier if I’d tried.

  Gram was sitting on the end of my bed when I walked back into my room. She smiled as soon as she saw me.

  “Hey, Gram. What’s up?” I asked.

  “Oh, nothing. I was just curious about why you’re in such a good mood. I heard you singing clear downstairs.”

  I grinned at her. “Nothing in particular. I’m just happy today.”

  “So, it had nothing to do with the fact that you spent the entire day with Landon or the fact that I happened to look out of the kitchen window right as he kissed you?”

  I blushed at the thought of my grandma watching me kiss a boy. “It might have something to do with that.”

  “Oh, Alexandria, you don’t have to hide anything from me. I’ve known this was coming for a while.”

  “How did you know that?”

  “I watch people. It was hard to miss the way you two looked at each other when you thought no one was looking.”

  “We’re taking things slow. I’m terrified that I’ll get hurt again.”

  “I’ve known Landon since he was just a baby. He’s a good boy, Alexandria. You’re both so different from each other, too. I think that you’ll help even out each other. Just go with your gut, and see what happens.”

  “What about when I leave at the end of the summer?”

  She smiled at me. “We’ll figure that out when the time comes. For now, just enjoy each other. I want to see you happy again, and this is the happiest I’ve seen you since you got here.”

  I hugged Gram tightly. “Thank you.”

  “For what?” she asked, confused.

  “For not giving up on me. I know I was a mess when I got here, but you treated me the way you always have.”

  “Like I said before, you’re a good girl. You just got confused.” She stood and walked to my door. “Good night.”

  “Night, Gram,” I called out before she shut the door.

  I tossed and turned for a few minutes, missing the feel of Landon next to me, before finally falling asleep.

  July passed quickly, and before I knew it, it was the second week of August. The past few weeks had been the happiest time that I could remember in a long time. After spending so much time with Landon, I realized that I’d never been truly happy with Joel. My happiness had always been darkened with fear over whether or not he would cheat on me with one of the junkies and that he would get arrested and I’d never see him again.

  Being with Landon was completely different. The only fear I felt was over the fact that I’d be leaving him in only two-and-a-half weeks. Other than that, things were perfect between us. We would spend most of the day working, and then we’d do something fun in the evenings. A lot of the time, we’d go swimming in Gram’s pool,
or we’d watch a movie at his house. I loved snuggling up with him on the couch.

  My grandpa and Landon’s dad knew we were together, but they never mentioned it. Gram said that his dad was happy about it. My grandpa was just relieved that I was acting like a normal human being again. I ignored that when she told me. I was too happy to let my grandfather’s sarcasm bring me down.

  Landon and I kissed a lot, but he never pushed for more. I knew he was being respectful of me, but it’d been over two months since I had sex, and our kisses were starting to drive me mad. I wanted more. I was ready. I just wasn’t sure how to ask for it. I was afraid that Landon would turn me down.

  I finally decided to take a chance and see what happened.

  On Saturday evening, we went to New Martinsville. We watched a movie and had dinner together. I claimed that I needed something from the local drugstore, so I had an excuse to go in and buy condoms. I seriously doubted if Landon had any, and even though I was on the pill, I didn’t want to take any chances. I’d had unprotected sex with Joel more times than I could count, and now, I was worried that I might have caught something since it had been obvious that he hadn’t been one-hundred percent faithful to me. I wouldn’t feel safe until I saw my family doctor after I made it home.

  I’d dressed extra sexy, hoping to get Landon in the mood. I wore my favorite miniskirt and a plain black tank top that showed off both my stomach and a fair amount of cleavage. On my feet were my favorite knee-high black leather boots. I received more than one dirty look while we were in New Martinsville, but I ignored them. Landon couldn’t keep his eyes off of me the entire night, so I figured the stares were worth it.

  Landon seemed like he could barely control himself around me tonight. He would help me into the truck every chance he got, and his hands would linger on my bare legs longer than necessary.