Tales From a Second Hand Wand Shop- Book 1: They Were the Best of Gnomes. They Were the Worst of Gnomes.

by Robert P. Wills

  Drimblerod slapped Grimbledung’s ear. Finally, the smile left his face. “I apologize for my partner, Miss Julie. He doesn’t get out much.” That brought the smile back to Grimbledung’s face. Drimblerod pressed on, “I am Drimblerod. Drimblerod Axebreath. This is my partner Grimbledung Sixtoes.”

  “Esquire,” Grimbledung said as his mouth caught up with his head.

  Drimblerod continued: “We run Second Hand Sorcery, a well- established wand shop in Aution.” He waited to let that sink in. He had practiced his pitch several times in the wagon- not only to make sure that the deal went well, but also to block out Grimbledung’s cloud-describing antics. “We have been expanding our business and thought that your school could benefit from our wide selection of wands.” He glanced at the chair beside him. Julie had not offered them seats and did not look like she would. The pitch was not going well. “We would be willing to offer wands at bulk prices for your students to practice with and would also be willing to buy back any the students do not keep or break at the end of the year. Your outlay of money would be held at the bank in Aution to assure you that your deposit is safe. At the end of the year, we settle the account and...”

  “Who keeps the interest?” Julie interrupted.

  Drimblerod was prepared for the question. “We do as part of our fee, and to offset wand costs to keep prices as low as possible,” he answered smoothly. “That way your parents won’t feel like they are being gouged. If their kids break a wand, then of course, they will be expected to buy another one, but unless a student is a chronic wand breaker, we will give them a deep discount on their replacement wand.”

  “What’s the buy back on the wands?” Julie asked again. As she did, she glanced at the chair beside Drimblerod.

  Inside, Drimblerod did a little flip. Julie’s glance meant that she was considering offering them a seat. Things were looking up! “We buy back at fifty percent sale price which is well above industry standard.” This was true; many wand salesmen treated wands like beasts of burden and depreciated them accordingly. However, the dirty secret with wands was that usually, they improved in quality with age because they became more stable, or in some cases were actually improved by owners with new spells being imbued on them. Of course, sometimes conflicting spells were imbued on a wand which usually rendered them highly unstable. A Levitation Dispel! Wand was a combination that did not work well at all. “And, as I said, if a student loses or breaks a wand, we will replace it at a steeply discounted price. Sixty percent off.”

  “Have a seat,” said Julie. The two Gnomes sat in their chairs. It was only then that she noticed they had a rat with them. It sat on the floor between them. “Oh! I am so sorry; would you like a chair too?” She asked the rodent.

  Rat shook his head. “I’m fine right here. Go ahead with the business part of this expedition. I’m waiting for the lunch part.”

  Big Julie smiled. “Don’t worry, you don’t get to be my size by skipping or scrimping on meals.” She looked at Grimbledung, He was still ogling her. Sighing, she turned to Drimblerod, “To be frank with you Drimblerod, we’ve been telling students to bring their own wands with them but that has led to some issues with standardization of wands, as well as some who show up with none at all. It has been bugging me because I don’t think that’s very professional or good for our accreditation. I’d love a display of wands that we can offer the students depending on what year they are in.”

  Drimblerod did another flip on the inside. He was expecting to have to bargain more to get the deal done. “Then it’s a good thing we passed by this way, Miss Julie.” He was staying formal with the woman to ensure he didn’t accidentally insult her and ruin the deal. It was already an uphill battle with Grimbledung’s antics. Thinking back, Grimbledung’s comments to Nulu now made sense. He leaned back in his chair. “You’ll have to forgive my partner here. I think… he’s just overwhelmed.”

  “Overwhelmed?”

  “Well, to be honest with you, when I heard the school was run by a ‘Big Julie’, I expected it to be a rough and tumble, edge-of-the-law looking male. Then when I heard you were a female. I expected someone ...” He was now in dangerous territory. Middle of Orcistan covered in brown gravy dangerous. Bumping an Orc so he spills his drink at the Impaled Minstrel Tavern (located just a little to the left of the center of Orcistan but close enough) while covered in brown gravy. “Much, much more rough looking,” he finished.

  “Well said.” Julie sat back in her chair. “You were half right. I did run a pretty profitable Organized.” She considered her choice of words- thanks to her previous line of work, she was always mindful of incriminating statements- especially in front of strangers. “Business endeavor,” she finished in a manner she felt her Troll Lawyers would approve of.

  “Yeah. Really stacked nicely” said Grimbledung. Pixies tended to speak their mind so at times, Grimbledung could not tell when his inner monologue became his outside voice. His eyes got huge as he realized he was speaking out loud. “The business arrangement that is.” He said quickly, “It’s well put together.” He looked at Drimblerod hopefully. “Right?”

  Drimblerod ignored him, as he hoped Julie did. “Hey, Miss Julie, do you think we can get a tour of your school?” Drimblerod asked, much to the relief of his partner who was now sweating at the thought of a serious ear whacking.

  Julie stood. “Sure thing.” Anything to get Grimbledung’s mind out of the gutter. “Do you want to come too?” She looked down at the rat and was at a loss of what to call him, “ahhh ...”

  “Rat. Just Rat.”

  “Want to come along, Rat?”

  “If there’s a meal at the end of the tour, count me in.” Rat shook his fur. “I’m famished.”

  “You’re always hungry,” commented Grimbledung as he reached down and picked up Rat. “I’ll tote you along so you can save your strength.” He sat Rat on his shoulder. “Ready when you are Julie.” He said. He was deliberately avoiding looking at her.

  “I’ll direct you from back here so I’m not blocking your view,” she suggested (mercifully) to Grimbledung as she offered them the door ahead of her.

  Grimbledung exhaled. He did not realize he was holding his breath. “Sounds great! Being at your behind would really make this tour hard for me.” He blushed deeply. “Err, what I meant was it would be really hard being behi ...” He stopped. That wasn’t going to work either. Grimbledung decided to just look at the floor quietly. “Nice floors.” He said safely.

  “We’ll start here on the ground level” said Julie ignoring the strange Gnome’s volley of entendres across her bow -metaphorically speaking. She pulled the door closed behind her. “This is a pretty good operation we have going here. ”