Tales From a Second Hand Wand Shop- Book 1: They Were the Best of Gnomes. They Were the Worst of Gnomes.

by Robert P. Wills

(more of) Chapter Thirty

  Wherein Julie Continues to Give the

  Gnomes (and Rat) a Tour of the School

  Julie led the Gnomes behind the Gristmill to a cluster of buildings. As they walked out the doors, Drimblerod looked over his shoulder. The Gargoyles were now both looking in opposite directions. The entire area was paved with large blocks of sandstone; even in a downpour no student was in danger of tracking mud inside. All of the buildings were different sizes, but were painted the same traditional farmer-green with white trim. “We’ll eat in there” she pointed at the one that was, at one point a barn, “so we’ll do a loop around to it. Don’t worry, Rat” she looked at the rodent and smiled, “the food is really worth the wait. The bottom floor is a full-service Cafeteria with four of the best cooks within a week’s walk. The top floor has a couple of dozen classrooms in it. We won’t go upstairs because by then you will be classroomed-out.” She pointed to the building they were approaching. “This used to be a stable so we knocked out the stall walls, added some seating in the hay loft and it’s now the sparring ring.”

  They entered the building through a small door that was installed in one of the large stable doors. “The big doors still work and when we have a dance, we open them up. We can put the minstrels on the inside and tables to eat on out here. It’s really nice.” She smiled as she thought back to the last dance- it was a rousing success. Hopefully at the next dance, she mused, she would actually find a partner to swing her around the flagstones. The building was completely open on the inside and fresh straw was spread on the floor. A cluster of students- all around 12 years of age- were in the far corner while a gangly Human stood on a box and gave instructions.

  “... so disarmin’s better som’times when duelin’ ‘cause the law can’t git you then.” He finished as Julie approached. He lowered his wand. “Big Julie. Hey.” He said amicably. He was a man of little words. The less said, the less chance something incriminating would come out. ‘No convictions’ was a record he was proud of. He was only one of three of professors who called her ‘Big Julie’- they were part of her Syndicate that also believed that a change of pace was in order when Raul was done in. One didn’t take the poisoning of a nearly immortal, impeccably dressed Elf lightly. At least three of her close associates didn’t.

  When she told them of the long since established ‘exit strategy’, they all asked when they were leaving.

  “How are things going, Vera?” Julie asked.

  Grimbledung, who had been looking about the sparring room appraised the man, “Vera? Isn’t that a girl’s name?” He said casually.

  Veratus “Killer” Bosconius -wanted in a dozen kingdoms for murder, mayhem, mischief28 -and worse- slowly turned his head to meet Grimbledung’s appraising eyes. “Radish,” he said simply. As he did, he barely even flicked the wand at Grimbledung from his waist. If no one were looking directly at the wand, the move wouldn’t even be noticed. In a flash Grimbledung became a plump red radish. Clothes and all. Rat dropped to the ground beside GrimbledungRadish. They were about the same size.

  “What in all the lands!” Exclaimed Rat as he backed away from GrimbledungRadish.

  Grimbledung was aware that something was amiss. He had no arms, no legs, no body that he could ascertain, yet he wasn’t gone. There was no need for breathing in the darkness that was his existence, so he was pleased about that; however, in general, he was aware that he was, all in all, nothing substantial anymore. A wisp of a thought. It was disconcerting being in that state, and even more so not knowing if he would ever come out of it. He wanted to cry, but since he lacked eyes, all he could do was whimper to himself in the darkness. It wasn’t nearly as comforting.

  Drimblerod staggered back and sat down roughly. His eyes were trained on the radish that was once his partner. He was in shock. “Grim?”

  “Vera!” Scolded Julie, “that’s a new business partner of ours. Please change him back!”

  Vera nodded at Julie, “S’alright Boss.” Once again, without raising his wand he flicked it discretely. Suddenly Grimbledung was back.

  Grimbledung sniffed. “What happened?”

  “YOU WERE A RADISH!” Rat sniffed Grimbledung’s foot. There was, to his amazement, a mild radishy smell to him.

  Grimbledung glanced down at Rat. “What? I think I was here, I think. But I wasn’t really here. Not really, anyway. Actually, I’m not sure ...” He looked at Drimblerod for support. All he got was a wide-eyed look in return, “what just happened.”

  “Well, why don’t we just move on and leave Professor Vera to his lessons,” suggested Julie as she tried to usher the two Gnomes out the door.

  “Vera?” Began Grimbledung, “isn’t that... OWW! Rat! Why did you bite me?” He winced as he grabbed his foot and hopped about.

  “Let’s keep the tour moving, like Julie said,” said Drimblerod has he steadied his partner and led him to the door.

  “Well, you were right about one thing, Julie,” commented Rat looking up at Julie. There seemed to be a grin on his face.

  “What’s that?”

  “That definitely was up close and personal.”

  “That it was. Let’s get moving before something else happens.” She ushered the Gnomes to the door.

  As they left, they heard the professor continue with his lesson, “An’ a salad later, y’got no body. No body. No murder.” He nodded. “An’ no trial. And what’s no trial mean?” He asked his students.

  “No convictions,” they all replied in unison.

  Hastily Julie closed the door. “Sorry about that. He’s an old business partner of mine and he’s...” She smiled. “Unpredictable.”

  “I know what you mean. I got one of them too.” He jerked his thumb at Grimbledung who was skipping stone to stone toward the next building as if nothing had happened.

  The group continued to a pair of three-story buildings that were side by side. They were connected by a covered walkway in the middle and both ends. “That one was the old homestead for the Gristmill, and that one was used as a hostel,” explained Julie. “We kept the Homestead pretty much like it was, but we completely refurbished it. A few of the professors use the rooms to stay here during the week and then they go back to their hometowns on the weekend. It works out well because they have a well-equipped kitchen they can share. The other rooms are used when we have sporting events or competitions for visiting schools. I’m hoping that as things get better around here, we can have some houses built and maybe a store or two opened up.” She smiled proudly, “We could establish a whole new town here, if things work out.” She stopped and looked around the grounds. “Julesville” she said reverently. Lost in thought, she scanned the area, seeing a boom town around her.

  “What’s the other building for?” Asked Drimblerod.

  “Ohhh! A headless Orc riding a unicorn!” exclaimed Grimbledung, who was also looking about, but more up than anything else. “Through a field of cotton!” He added.

  Broken from her daydream, Julie looked at Grimbledung. She looked up at the blob that was a cloud and saw nothing even remotely as he had just described. She began to say something but Drimblerod interrupted her.

  “You’d be wasting your breath, Julie. Believe me. So, what’s the other building?”

  Still looking up in an attempt to discern a form from the cloud she answered, “That’s the old hostel. We combined the rooms to make them bigger and ended up with twenty-five classrooms. There’re five per side on the first two floors and then on the top floor, we have five really big rooms that we can use for combined classes or meetings.”

  “That’s a lot of classrooms” said Rat, “How many students do you have here?”

  “Well, about one hundred live here on the grounds and they go home for holidays and class breaks. About another hundred or so live in the general area and commute in.”

  “That many kids live in the area?” Asked Rat, “I’d never have imagined. That’s a lot of kids. What, was there a war and follow-on baby
boom that I didn’t hear about?”

  Definitely the brains of the operation. “Well it used to be just a couple dozen kids, but since the Teleportal service opened up, we have about a hundred students coming in every day. We definitely aren’t using all our classroom space so there’s plenty of room to expand into.”

  “If I weren’t just a rat, with only the food that temporarily resides in my belly as my only asset, I’d buy into your racket.”

  “I appreciate the endorsement, Rat” said Julie. “OK, that building over there,” she said pointing, “is the Dormitory.” The building, nearly half again as long as the others and three stories tall, was the newest looking building on the campus.

  “When I had it built, I figured all the students would stay here on campus. I never imagined a Teleportal service opening up.” She frowned, “I should have started one of those as well.”

  Drimblerod shook his head. “I don’t know if that would have been a good idea.” He thought back to his days as a miner, before the Great Riot of 681. “Folks may work for a Company for a bit, but after a while, the Company Houses, Company Store, Company School, and Company everything else rubs them the wrong way. Then there’s picketing, rioting, and general mayhem.” He stuck out his tongue. “It’s better to let the money get spread around so there’s no one person to be the focus of the ... general mayhem,” he finished politely.

  “General mayhem?” Asked Julie.

  “That’s polite for lynching’s above bonfires that also may include some disemboweling for good measure,” said Grimbledung. He remembered the riots of 681 as well. Mainly because he was a chief instigator of them.

  Julie blanched. “Wow.” Was all she could say. “On that note, I say the tour’s over.”

  “That’s it?” Asked Rat. “I was just starting to enjoy myself.”

  “Well, how about we finish the tour over at the Cafeteria then?” Julie smiled at Rat. “I must say; you have been pretty patient.”

  “Lead the way, Mistress Julie. I have some serious eating to do!” Declared Rat.

  With Rat leading the way, the group moved quickly (because they were trying to keep up with Rat) towards the Cafeteria.

  After a few moments, Grimbledung was breathing heavily. “Is it much farther? I’m all tired out from carrying Rat all day, you know.”

  “Well, no one’s going to carry you,” said Drimblerod, “I can guarantee that.”

  “Don’t even think of me doing it. You’d have a stroke if I picked you up, the way you’ve been acting.”

  “Why did you put it on the other side of the entire place?” Whined Grimbledung, “couldn’t you have put it on the closer side.

  Big Julie looked down at Grimbledung and smiled. “It is on the closer side, you silly Gnome. We just started the tour on the wrong end.”

  Grimbledung frowned but kept his comments to himself. For a moment, at least. “That doesn’t even make sense. Why would we start the tour on the far end of the campus when we arrived at the near end of it?”

  “That’s because it’s Springtime, and the sun comes up earlier, so it’s hotter on the east side of campus.”

  “But ....” tried Grimbledung

  “So we started the tour on the opposite side to stay cool, of course.”

  “Keep it up, Julie” coaxed Drimblerod, “at least you’re keeping him walking.”

  “Now wait a minute, Big Julie. That doesn’t make sense. Why does Spring....” Grimbledung considered that for a moment, “Hey! It’s Fall anyhow!”

  “Then we must have started at the near side after all,” suggested Julie.

  “But ...”

  Now Julie interrupted Grimbledung, “Ahhh, we’re here!”